Vantas

By The Glowing Light

Ben just kept shaking his head, no, Arvo wouldn't be fine and neither would Ben. It was so obvious in both of their voices that neither of them would be fine. He just stood still and listened to Arvo continue to ramble on and on, about how Ben would be fine and how if he stayed behind Ben wouldn't have to worry about "this whole soul-mate thing," as if that was a good thing. And then Arvo said that he was done, and that sent a lurching feeling in his gut, stabbing him like a knife.

Ben was still frozen, and everyone was quiet for a few minutes.
Then Kenny interrupted the silence, "stay or go, you have ten minutes to sort this out and then we're leavin', with or without you." Kenny said, irritation in his voice. Then he walked out and slowly everyone else followed.

When everyone left Ben suddenly found his voice again.
"I'm not leaving without you." He reconfirmed, then he reached down and grabbed one of Arvo's hands, staring at it because he couldn't look at Arvo in the eye.
"L-Listen, you're...you're the only good thing to happen since this whole mess started, and I'm not going to....I'm not going to leave you. No one deserves to be alone." He said, his was was tense and full of worry because he didn't know how to handle a situation like this.
"You s-said earlier that if you left I wouldn't have to worry about this soul-mate thing...But I'm not worried about 'this soul-mate thing', I'm worried about you."
He continued to only look at his hand that was holding Arvo's. This felt nice, slightly calming in a way, but he was too afraid to think about the feeling of Arvo's hands right now.

By The Glowing Light

Ben blinked at Arvo in stunned silence, he had thought Arvo would say something like this; but he had hoped he wouldn't have. Kenny was of course happy to grant Arvo's wish of letting him stay behind, then he left, then Jane left, soon Mike and Bonnie left and Ben guessed Clem and AJ were already outside. But he hadn't moved, other than when he had stood up to stand next to Arvo.
"No." He said quietly, unable to think of anything else to say. His throat was tight and his voice was quivering with anxiety.

The room felt small, was it always this small? The walls seemed to be shrinking. Even though there was no one else in the house but Arvo he felt a million eyes on him. His mouth was dry and he couldn't focus on anything besides his shaking legs. Of course this would set of an anxiety attack.

He felt dizzy, and the only thing that was bringing him back to reality was that Kenny, Mike, and Bonnie walked back into the house.
"Hey Ben, you comin'?" Bonnie asked tentatively.
"No." Ben repeated, a little louder.
The group was quiet, then Kenny spoke up.
"Come on Kid, you're wasting gas, the truck up an' ready to go."
"I'm not going."
"What?"
"If...If Arvo isn't going then I'm not going."
He had decided this earlier, if Arvo had to stay behind he would too.
Other than Clem, he had no ties to the group. None of them cared about him or what happened to him.
He always felt so alone in that group, and Arvo made him feel not so alone. He wouldn't leave him behind.

By The Glowing Light

Ben felt his heart beat a little quicker when Arvo had told him he was a sweet person. It was nice to be praised by someone. All he usually got in the ways of acknowledgment for what he had done was Kenny yelling at him while the rest of the group gave him a slight cold shoulder, and Clementine comforted him afterwards. Never once had someone called him a sweet person. So, this was different, and not unwelcome.

After a while, Ben had just sat with Arvo, saying nothing. Then Clementine had come back in the house with an excited Kenny and he wondered what was happening because he hadn't seen Kenny actually excited since they had gotten that train to work what seemed like a million years ago.
Apparently, Kenny had gotten a truck to start and he said they would be going to a town (Welington? If Ben had heard correctly) soon, then the subject of Arvo came up.

Kenny, of course wanted to leave him and Mike and Bonnie were arguing for him to come with them. Kenny wasn't hearing it. It seemed that they were going to start fighting and Ben wanted to start in. Of course Arvo was coming with them, he thought, Ben knew on some level that being separated from Arvo would destroy him.
He had already lost so much, he didn't want to lose Arvo too, and then he silently made the decision that if Arvo had to stay behind, he would stay with him. He had no ties to this group, other than Clementine.
That's when Arvo had spoken up, asking if he had a say in any of this. Ben held his breath.

"No, you don't cus' you ain't comin'." Kenny said with irritation in his voice, he seemed to be a bit more calmed down now, now that he had eaten and gotten a truck working and all didn't seem completely hopeless.
Bonnie sighed then and looked at him, "of course you do." She said, giving him a look that said 'go on,' even though Kenny made an exasperated groaning sound.

By The Glowing Light

Ben let out a shaky breath as Arvo mumbled out his response.
"Yeah, it...it looked like it." Ben said softly, "I'm sorry, I should have done something." He said, blaming himself for this whole situation.
He felt like he was going to shut down again, go back into autopilot, he was just so fucking tired. Every single time he moved or did something it felt like a crushing weight on his shoulders. His eye's always felt so heavy, and even when he was happy- he was scared because he knew in a few seconds the happiness would be gone and he'd be sad again, so he never let himself get too happy, or too hopeful.

"Just a second." He said, he stood up and started walking around the house until he found a t-shirt laying on the ground. It had probably belonged to someone in Arvo's group, he sighed as he walked around. All he could think is- maybe if he had let Arvo go when they first met this would all be different, maybe everyone would still be alive, Rebecca, Luke, all of Arvo's group...He sighed again thinking about it. He was so used to people dying now, it was unbearable. Eventually he found some water bottles, he grabbed two of them and walked back to where Arvo was tied up (the fire had been started and Clementine was looking a lot better, that calmed Ben down slightly) and sat down next to him and poured a little bit of water on the t-shirt.

"You're covered in blood." He muttered as he began to gently rub away the slightly dried blood off Arvo's cheek. When did he become to immune to this? If anyone had shown up like this last year, he probably would have thrown up, blood and gut's used to make him sick. Now he just felt kind of- empty.

By The Glowing Light

Ben took a deep breath and nodded, "y-yeah, let's get going." He said, standing up.

---

Hour's of walking in mostly quiet, Kenny decided to break the silence. He rounded on Arvo and Ben who were walking together, leading the group.
"How much further?" He demanded, looking at Arvo.
"Close, very close." Arvo said with defeat in his voice.
"You've been saying that every time I ask."
"Please. Come."
I'm really starting to think you're full of-"
"Kenny! Look out!" Clementine shouted as a walker jumped up from behind a turned-over row boat.
"What the fuck!" Kenny yelped, and he began to wrestle with the angry walker. Clementine pulled out her gun and shot it, causing it to become limp and fall on Kenny, who quickly pushed it off him.
"Jesus Christ." He whispered as AJ began to cry because of the loud noise of the gun.
"That was close." Mike said quietly, trying to hush AJ.
"Fucker came outta' nowhere!" Kenny shouted.
"That was real loud, hopefully there aren't more of 'em." Bonnie said with concern in her voice.
"Yeah well, let's move. We don't want to be around to find out." Jane said, hurrying forward.
"Is very close. Come." Arvo said, nudging his head to show the other's they needed to keep moving.

Ben stood by Arvo with baited breath, he had been holding his breath as that whole ordeal went down, and now his breathing was shallow and loud, his mouth was dry and he felt sick. Every time any small thing happened he always felt like this, he was just so afraid all the time that something bad was going to happen.
He wanted to just sit down, to sit down and never move again.

When the other's began moving, he moved as well, but it felt more like he was on auto-pilot now. He wasn't thinking about what he was doing. He wasn't focusing on where he was walking. He just felt empty now. He hated when he got like this, it was a moment of pure fear, and then he shut down, he didn't feel anything. This could last for minutes, or a month. The group had been with him when it had been at one of his worst moment's, for a week or two he just refused to move until they were chased away by zombies.

He didn't want to think about it, thinking about it made it worse. He just hoped the sudden mood he was in now would pass soon, he didn't want Arvo or any of the other's to see him when he was like this. The group already knew about his "moods", but not Arvo. He had lost a friend or two because of this before, even if Arvo was his soul-mate, it didn't mean he would like to be around him when he was like this.

Suddenly Arvo's voice pulled him out of auto-pilot.
"There." Arvo muttered.
They all looked forward, there was a small falling apart house on the other side of a frozen over river.
"That piece of shit??" Kenny said angrily. "It's half built!"
"We're here for the supplies, not the house." Jane said evenly.
"Is warm. Fireplace. Very warm." Arvo insisted.
"Id just like a place to sit if I'm honest." Luke said, though he was very much serious you could tell he was trying to lighten the mood.
"As long as there's food, who cares what it looks like?" Clementine interjected.
"You're not gonna' think that when you wake up with a couple inches of snow coverin' you."
Everyone was silent for a moment.

"So...Are we just gonna' walk over?" Mike questioned.
Everyone took a few steps over to the river so they were at the brink of the frozen water.
"Maybe there's a way around?" Bonnie offered.
"I don't see any." Luke mumbled.
It seemed everyone was at a loss, no one wanted to walk across the lake, but no one wanted to turn back now.
Arvo began speaking in Russian, which of course pissed Kenny off.
"Say it in American, asshole."
"Is...Is ok! Walk. Ice."
"No shit "ice", that's the problem!"
"I go first. I can be front." Arvo suggested. This gave Ben a little twinge of anxiety. He didn't know how he felt about this, he could lose everything, including his own life, and everyone, in less then 10 minutes.

"We need to spread out, just to be safe." Jane ordered. "Less weight the better."
"Let the ruskie go first, since he's so confident."
This made Ben mad, he wished Kenny would stop saying racist stuff like that, but he crossed his arm's and kept to himself, giving Arvo a "sorry" expression.
"Is okay!" Arvo assured as he turned around to face the water once again. Then he began walking forward, Kenny close behind, and slowly, one by one, all of them went on the water and began to spread out.

Arvo and Kenny were at the front, Jane and Mike in the Middle, with Bonnie and Ben heading the back, and Clem and Luke at the very end.

Everyone was quiet, too nervous to speak to each other. That was until a cracking was heard.
Clem let out a small gasp and Luke spoke to reassure her, "We're okay. Don't worry."
Then the groaning and moaning was heard.
"We got some walkers behind us." Jane said with a command to move forward in her voice.
"It's only a few of 'em, we should be alright." Mike, but worry was evident in his tone.
"Let's just get to the house!" Bonnie said, the panic in her tone more obvious than anyone else's.

Then the attention was on Arvo, as he had began walking quicker than the others to the house, trying to leave the other's behind.
"Hey! Stay with us!" Kenny said angrily.
"Fuck!" Luke yelled as a group of zombies that had been following them broke the ice and fell through weakening it.
It seemed that Arvo saw this as his chance to get away, as he began to run (or, more shuffle, because he couldn't run with the weight of his leg bringing him down) away from the group it seemed he would have kept running but the ice broke and Arvo fell through to his waist before pulling himself up, and Kenny grabbed onto him, pulling him by his collar as he had done earlier.
"Fuck, he's gonna kill him!" Mike shouted, this is when he and Ben ran forward to stop Kenny.
"Don't hurt him!" Clem shouted at Kenny.
Kenny pushed Arvo forward and pushed him onto the ground on the shore.

Everyone was running to land now and after a few moments: Mike, Ben, Arvo, and Kenny, were all on solid ground. Which only left Bonnie, Jane, Luke, and Clem on the water. Slowly, the group of water-walkers carefully walked across the lake. The group of people on land headed into the house.
As soon as they got in Kenny began shouting.
"You shit-head! What the fuck is wrong with you! You just had to run off like that!" Kenny screamed at Arvo.
"L-Leave him alone!" Ben said, his voice shaky and breaking.
"L-L-Leave him alone." Kenny said in a huge mocking tone of Ben's voice.
"I've had it up to you and you're f*g boyfriend over there!" Kenny shouted, then a horrified look crossed him face.
"Ben I-" His apology was cut off as suddenly Jane came rushing into the house carrying Clem who was soaked in water and shivering.
"How the fuck did that happen!?!" Kenny shouted, forgetting all about Ben and Arvo.
"There's a fireplace!" Jane said, rushing to set Clementine beside it. "We have to get her warm, she's going to freeze to death!" She shouted.
"H-He's gone, Luke's fucking gone." Mike said, his usually calm voice riddled with sadness. "We should have gone around."

Ben went and sat next to Clem.
"Y-you're going to be alright, I-I promise." He said, out of everyone in the group, Clem was the only one he trusted with his life. If she died- no, he wouldn't think about that.

"Goddammit!" Kenny screamed.
"You could have- you could have helped him." Bonnie muttered to Clementine.
"Don't listen to her Clem', this isn't on you." Kenny snarled, turning and glaring gaze on Arvo.
"You. Son of a bitch!" He said, yelling at Arvo now, obviously needed someone to vent his anger onto. "This is your fucking fault!"
"Kenny! Don't, man!" Mike said, stepping in between them.

Ben fault himself pause, he wanted to stand up, he wanted to stand up for Arvo and help him, but he was just so tired.
They just lost Luke, they might lose Clem, he was just so- so tired. And he didn't want to fight anymore. He just watched it happen, anxiety and guilt and grief piercing his stomach and making his head fuzzy.

"Don't what!" Kenny shouted.
"It's nobodies damn fault." Mike shouted in return.
"The hell it ain't!"
"Look at this place, just a stack of fuckin' toothpicks. Bet those magical supplies are bullshit too?! What?" He pushed Arvo, "no speaka de english?!?" Kenny said, being racist again.
"Fuck you." Arvo said, the anger in his voice was obvious.
"You fuckin' commie piece of shit!" Kenny shouted, then raised his arm and punched Arvo square in the jaw, knocking him to the ground.
Ben stood up then, his eye's wide and his whole frame shaking with anxiety and anger, but he didn't move from where he had stood, he *couldn't* move.
"Kenny!" Mike shouted, but Kenny was already on Arvo, punching him multiple times as hard as he possibly could.

"Kenny! Stop!" Clementine screamed, this gave Kenny pause. "J-Just stop." Clemetine stuttered.
Kenny got up then, reviling that Arvo's face was now covered in blood.
Jane walked in then, shock on her face. "What did you do to him?" She said, horror in her tone. She threw a bag at Kenny and it opened at his feet, in it was a bag full of food.
"There's another just like it, he wasn't lying."
Kenny reached down and grabbed a can.
"Would you like to tell me, how a can of fucking chili, is going to help the baby?"
"How is beating a kid to death going to help anybody?!" Jane said angrily as she tried to start a fire.
"This is your fault, and you damn well know it." Bonnie said.

Kenny gave Bonnie and Clem a final look before turning to Arvo again. "I'm tyin' him up." He said, then pulled him up only to push him to the stair case where he then tied him to the railing.
"Mike, help me start this fire."
"Do you *need* help? He's hurt real' bad." Mike said, concern for Arvo in his voice.
"Mike." Jane demanded.

Ben was still standing where he had stood, still shaking, fists still clenched, Kenny had walked off to be by himself and Ben walked over to Arvo shakily, leaning down to where he sat as the other's started a fire.
"I-I'm so sorry, are you okay? Jesus..." He said, his voice as shaky as his body was.

By The Glowing Light

When Arvo had woken up and began to snuggle into Ben's chest and practically sit in his lap, Ben's face had turned red and he felt himself relaxing a bit. Momentarily forgetting the anxiety in his mind, he let himself relax and he found himself smiling a little.
Then Mike had called over to them, breaking this moment of peace.
"Hey you two- you awake?"
Ben opened his eyes again, noticing that Bonnie, Mike, and Clem were all looking at him and Arvo, this made him blush.
"Y-Yeah." Ben croaked out in response, his voice was weak and his throat hurt.

Ben gave Arvo a small nervous smile in return, "morning."

"I'll give you a while to wake up but we gotta get moving." Mike said, ushering Clementine away as he walked off, and Bonnie followed.

Ben nodded in agreement as Arvo suggested they go sit by the fire.
"The other's won't mind," he assured "yeah, let's go." He said, slowly sitting up. His back hurt from sleeping propped up on a fence but other than that he was fantastic right now.

He walked over to the fire, grabbing Arvo's hand to pull him along with him. They sat down near the fire, sitting quiet for a long while until Kenny came back.
Kenny walked over to the two of them.
"No one thought to tie him back up?" Kenny said, pointing at Arvo.
"Come on, man." Ben said, tiredness in every word he said.
"Don't 'man' me," Kenny said, mocking Ben's voice when he said 'man'.
Ben opened his mouth to argue with Kenny again when Bonnie interjected.
"We need to get goin', but we're not going to get anywhere be fightin' like this! They're just two kid, we don't need to tie em' up we can just keep an eye on em'." She tried to reason with Kenny.
All eye's were on Kenny, and deciding not to start anything Kenny just let out an angry noise and began walking away.
"Fine, let's just get goin'." He said angrily.

Ben gave Arvo a sad look.
"He's....He's not always like this." He tried to reassure. Ben should have said, he didn't used to be like this, but it was too late to correct himself now.

Mike walked over.
"Come on guy's, we're heading off....you two alright?"
Ben just nodded.

By The Glowing Light

Ben's face became a little warmer as Arvo requested to continue cuddling. This wasn't what he had expected really, but god he was happy it was happening.
"Yeah, yeah...sound's good." Ben said, his face a lot hotter now. He would have been flustered but really he was just too tired (physically and emotionally and mentally) to do anything but keep his arms around Arvo.
His felt himself calm down, his breathing calmed as he breathed in rhythm with Arvo's.
"I won't let anything bad happen to you." He said, his voice half gone because of how tired he was. He just wanted to give Arvo this final bit of comfort before leaning back against the fence and closing his eyes, letting himself slowly fall asleep.

---

When he woke up the world seemed too still, too quiet. This was the first time in months he had gotten a full night's sleep, not woken by fighting, or zombies chasing them from their camp. It took him a few minutes before he decided to open his eyes, he wanted to keep the world as quiet as it was for as long as possible.
When he opened his eyes he blinked slowly, blinking away the tiredness in them. When he realized Arvo was still on him, laying right where he had fallen asleep, arms wrapped around him and head in his chest, he smiled, a small smile but a real one.

Could it be possible that he and Arvo could actually be happy like this? Actually like each other, be happy together- before this all started, zombies and people dying every day, this would have made Ben so happy. But now, now this terrified him. He didn't want to be happy just to loose Arvo.
On top of that, Kenny's words from the previous night rung in his ears.
"He's using you to get free!"
That couldn't be? He didn't know Arvo very well yet but he didn't think he would be able to fake this kind of affection.
Unless he could.

The peace Ben had felt earlier was completely gone now and anxiety and terror filled him once more.
Welcome back, he guessed.

He registered that a few of the others were already awake, Mike and Bonnie were awake, talking to each other around the half burning fire. And Luke and Clementine were walking around. Kenny and Jane were nowhere to be seen, which made Ben both anxious and relived.
But, he just closed his eye's again, deciding not to move until Arvo woke up.

By The Glowing Light

"N-No, it's not you're fault." He said, his whole being becoming less shaky after a few moment.
"I'm just- I'm glad you're okay." Ben said.
His breathing was heavy but aside from that he was fine. Shaken, but fine. He was mostly just worried about Arvo and he didn't want Arvo to blame himself.
He felt like shit, he was so tired, he was so scared. He didn't feel safe here, he hadn't for a long time. Then again he never felt safe anymore.
He had felt safe when he had Arvo in his arms-

He reached out then and pulled Arvo into a hug, he needed this, he needed to feel safe for just a second longer; and from the way Arvo had been falling asleep on his earlier he guessed Arvo felt safe with him too.
"I'm sorry- for the way Kenny's treating you. I'm sorry for everything." Ben said shakily.
He was so tired.

By The Glowing Light

Ben took Arvo's word when he said it was just a knot in his neck that had, while he doubted that was the real cause of the cuddling he had done, he decided not to question it and just trust Arvo, he was tired, today had been a long- long day.
Everything was quiet for a while and when he shifted his gaze to see Arvo was closing his eyes and about to fall asleep, he let out a deep breath and closed his eyes himself.

That's when a loud booming voice crashed Ben's unrealistic moment of peace.
Kenny was screaming at them causing Arvo to become panicked and pull away, and it drew everyone's attention to them.
Kenny was running at the now, he rushed forward and first went for Arvo, grabbing at the collar of Arvo's hoodie and pulling him up so he was now on his knees instead of curled into Ben's jacket.
Then, still holding onto Arvo's shirt he turned to Ben.

"Ben, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"
"L-Let go of him!" Ben said, his voice shaky, he didn't know what he was saying or thinking at this point, fear and adrenaline and fatigue was all he could feel.
"Let him go? Are you serious?" Kenny said, pulling at Arvo's collar tighter now, nearly strangling him. "After what he's done- I don't give a fuck if he's you're god damn Soul-mate."
Ben walked forward and grabbed Kenny's hand, weakly trying to pull him away from Arvo.
"This is my f-fault, get away from him- leave him alone I was the one who-"
"-Who untied him?" Kenny said, letting go of Arvo so he fell to the ground. "Yeah I figured-. He's in you're head boy! I know you're dumb but I didn't think you were that dumb- Can't you see he's using you just to get away."

Some of the other's rushed over now. Mike and Bonnie at the lead of the group, and Jane was right behind them. Luke looked on from the fire, obviously in too much pain to walk right now, even if he wanted to.
"Leave them alone Kenny, the poor boy's have been through enough." Bonnie said, walking forward to push Kenny away from the two boy's.

Ben was kneeling next to the panicking Arvo, muttering reassurances, but in the back of his insecure mind Kenny's words dug like nails in his brain- no, Arvo wasn't using him, was he-? Fuck.

"Leave them alone?" Kenny interjected, "like hell I will! I'm just looking out for the group and you're all treating me like the bad guy."
"You are beating up two kids." Jane said with a tone of indifference, but slight disgust.
"Jesus Christ- Can't you see what's happening- you're all so wrapped up in-"
"Kenny, leave them alone!" Clementine was there now, holding AJ in her arm's the look of worry plain on her face.
"He's not doing anything! Just- leave them alone." She said, her voice stern.

That was it, Clementine was the only one who could ever get to Kenny.
"Fine, but we're tying the asshole back up in the morning...Don't say I didn't warn you guys." He said angrily before walking away.
Clementine followed and soon the other's left, all but Mike. Who walked over to Ben who was comforting the panicked Arvo.
"Are you guy's alright?"

Ben was shaking, his arm's trembling and his word's too quick as he tried to help Arvo.
"F-Fine- w-we-we're fine we just-- just need space."
Mike walked away with a nod.

Ben put a hand on Arvo's shoulder.
"A-Arvo a-are you alright- crap- I'm so s-s-so sorry."

By The Glowing Light

Ben watched as Arvo pulled his legs up and curled up into the warmth of the jacket, and now his heart was beating extremely quickly and when Arvo smiled a little Ben felt extremely light headed and he could feel his stomach fluttering with butterflies.
Jesus Christ this couldn't be happening, he wasn't even attracted to boys, or girls for that matter?
He wasn't attracted to anyone now that he thought about it, and he had never had a crush before. He didn't know what this all meant.

He could see himself being in a relationship, kissing someone, cuddling with them- but, having sex? Making out with someone? Touching them?- all of that seemed so weird and disgusting to him. Even if Arvo was his soul-mate, and even if he did like him back, and even if they did start dating, this would raise a huge issue, because most people- well they wanted that kind of stuff, didn't they?

He had asked him mom about this before, and his dad. His mom had said that she had plenty of crushes before she met his dad, and his dad had said he had been with plenty of girls before his mom and that Ben was probably just too young and that's why he didn't have any crushes on people or want to sleep with them. Ben had taken their words on it but he was 19 now and he still didn't feel that way, he had never had a crush on anyone before Arvo (if this even was a crush, he didn't know.) And the thought of sex still appalled and scared him.

God what was wrong with him-

Then Arvo pulled him out of his thought.

Was Arvo asking to cuddle with him?
The thought made the butterflies in Ben's stomach even stronger and his face continued to burn red.
"Y-Yeah, sure, sounds like a good idea." Ben said as he scooted closer to Arvo, they were practically on top of each other at this point, but it was warm and it felt nice.
Without thinking he lifted his arm and put it around Arvo's shoulder, pulling closer to him so they were nearly cheek to cheek.
"...F-...for warmth."