Avatar of Vilageidiotx
  • Last Seen: 2 yrs ago
  • Joined: 11 yrs ago
  • Posts: 4839 (1.24 / day)
  • VMs: 2
  • Username history
    1. Vilageidiotx 11 yrs ago
  • Latest 10 profile visitors:

Status

Recent Statuses

7 yrs ago
Current I RP for the ladies
4 likes
7 yrs ago
#Diapergate #Hugs2018
2 likes
7 yrs ago
I fucking love catfishing
2 likes
7 yrs ago
Every time I insult a certain coworker, i'll take money from their jar. Saving for beer would never be easier!
4 likes
7 yrs ago
The Jungle Book is good.
3 likes

Bio







Most Recent Posts



Putin has been killed, David Bowie was murdered by an identity-confused Rodrigo Duterte, and the Chapatrap has no clothes. We start today's round of games with 13 living tributes. By the end of this post, only six will still draw breath.



Bowser, his e-mail compromised, spends the fifth night whittling javelins and planning his revenge.

Chapa, naked and afraid, proves no match for Rodrigo Duterte with his gun and sword. Still, Rodrigo stays his weapons and instead resorts to cucking Chapa. I honestly don't know what that word means anymore, so I certainly don't know what it means in this context.

A Waifu, having thus far spent the games chasing love and sneaking peeps at bathing men, comes out swinging and kills Birdie Sanders. Birdie spent the early game perpetually wounding himself, but he become impressive in the mid-game where he burned Trump to death and received an official Dicks Out.

Shoryu seemed to be doing well when he conquered the Cornucopia, but his behavior since the conquest has been uneventful. First he caught fish he didn't need, now he fails to climb a tree, not only breaking his neck, but Leonardo's too. The last thing Leonardo was thinking about before he was smashed by a falling Shoryu was no doubt Clocktower Echoes.

Shifty, having explored the arena, finds a place overrun with bats. He fights them off though, claiming a previously unexplored place in the arena as his own.

Jill Stein, after seeing the Basket of Deplorables kill Putin and shout a fearsome battle cry, falls in love, and convinces the Deplorables to reciprocate the relationship.

Prince follows Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton into the drowning lake. You'd think a man capable of seeing into the future would know how to avoid such a simple death. But maybe he had not reason to avoid it at all, and seeing into 2017 he chose to take his own life in the most comfortable way he could think.

CNN, having sued Kellog, gets cornered by the government for tax fraud. Is this revenge, or did the lawsuit show discrepancies worthy of an audit?

Clocktower Echoes receives food from an unknown sponsor. Probably the now dead Leonardo DiCaprio doing his version of that movie where Patrick Swayze is a ghost trying to use Whoopie Goldberg to bang a Demi Moore.



Clocktower Echoes avenges David Bowie and Chapatrap by killing Rodrigo Duterte. Clocktower is getting brutal, having just killed Betty White the day before. What would Leonardo DiCaprio say about this?

Bowser, a hand full of javelins, joins the class-action suit against Kellog.

A Waifu, the little birdie blood of Birdie Sanders dripping from her sickle, builds a shack to store Birdie as a trophy and prepare for the late game, where he newfound capacity for violence makes her a serious candidate.

"Dicks our for Jill Stein" is the new battlecry of the Basket of Deplorables.

Shifty shows us how he fought off the bats, with his shifty bow and shifty arrows.

Maybe not all was good in paradise. After cuddling with Jill Stein for one night, the Deplorables make a sudden desperate attempt to climb out of the arena. They fail and die.

CNN goes looking for corners of the arena where the IRS are not.



We lose a few potential power players today. Though it shouldn't be a surprise that Chapa died after he burned all his clothes and had all his weapons stolen, there are some impressive names here. Rodrigo, despite being delusional, was well armed and on a succesful war path. The Deplorables, having killed Putin of all people, looked like a real contender right up until the moment they kill themselves escaping the tender grasp of Jill Stein. Shoryu conquered the Cornucopia, only to die in an accident falling out of a tree, meaning the Cornucopia itself, having first been held by Hitler, then by Boris Johnson, then by Shoryu, now lays abandoned. And Prince? He could see into the future, but he's still dead all the same.

That leaves us with Jill Stein, Shifty Kebab Seller, CNN, Clocktower Echoes, A Waifu, and Bowser still in the running. One of those six will be the Champion of 2016. Next time, we will find out who takes the crown and goes home.
when a cute girl talks to me, i pop a zit.


Here we go again! Night four, with only nineteen of our forty eight alive. Who will the winner be? Birdie Sanders, who burned Trump alive despite being a little bitty song bird? Putin, who has become death after killing Stefan? Or maybe Prince can use his prescience, or Shoryu use the fact that he conquered Britain.



She just can't understand it. Bernie died, Trump died, and she herself killed Obama, but she still hasn't won this thing. Is it too much to ask that she win something for once? She screams out into the night, hoping that somebody might come to her assistance.

Jill Stein and Pokemon go move to Britain with Shoryu, and they share guard duty with him.

CNN questions his sanity. He has discovered that it doesn't matter Broby killed Fake News, because the Fake News is inside all of us.

Birdie Sanders, on a roll after killing Trump, hacks into Bowser's e-mails. How much of a scandal will it cause when his minions discover exactly why he keeps kidnapping the princess? Probably won't be a game-changer for us, since e-mails aren't a prime worry of Hunger Games.

Betty White, living in Shoryu's old hut all alone now, rests her weary head.

Fire-starting has been difficult for Chapa in these games, but he comes up with a solution. His clothes burn quick enough, but since he has no clothes, he can't play that trick again.

Putin and the Phantom of the Opera teamed up last time, but even together and with Putin's powers, they meet their match in the Basket of Deplorables. Putin and The Phantom forgot that a few days ago Keyguyperson sent the Deplorables a Mosin-Nagant with five shots. It only took two to defend himself this time, with three bullets left for later.

Duterte has had an interesting time. He did good early on, collecting weapons, preparing himself for war. But his mind slipped and he began to wonder why he wasn't David Bowie. This question drove him insane, leading up to exactly this moment when he kills the real David Bowie in an attempt to become him. Also, for his supplies I guess.

Prince woos the Waifu. All she ever needed is somebody weird enough to accept her kinks, and she might have found it in this man with a symbol for a name.

Leo goes to sleep and dreams about Clocktower Echoes. They never ran into each other, and Clocktower Echoes has done little else notable than lose a hand, but he is still at the center of Leo's thoughts.

Shifty, having been wounded by David Bowie during the day, nurses his wounds and revels in the fact that David Bowie himself met a cruel fate at the hands of Rodrigo Duterte.



With the blood of Putin and the Phantom of the Opera still dripping from his wickerwork, the Basket of Deplorables shouts his battle cry.

Shifty, feeling better today, takes a walk.

Dicks out for Birdie Sanders. Come on guys, lets do it. He's earned this.

Pokemon GO pleads for his life, but to no avail. Leo dedicates this kill to Clocktower Echoes.

CNN sues Kellog for something. Kellog must wonder why tributes in the 2016 championship games are so eager to sue them.

One-handed Clocktower Echoes hasn't done much in these games until now. Bolstered by Leo's thoughts, Clocktower stabs Betty White in the back.

Hillary, an unoriginal politician to her dying day, copies Bernie Sanders and dies exactly as he did.

Chapa, completely naked, owns nothing in this world but a slingshot, some honey, and some fresh water. Jill Stein steals these from him, leaving him with absolutely nothing but himself.

A Waifu joins CNN in what is becoming a class action suit.

Rodrigo, perhaps still in his Bowie delusion, goes on the warpath.

Shoryu catches some fish but doesn't eat it. He didn't conquer Britain for the cod.

Prince moves straight from kissing A Waifu and makes love to Bowser. Prince is only two S's away from Princess, which is close enough for Bowser.



The only surprising one here is Putin. I thought he had a shot. But like so many mid-game front runners before, he hit bad luck like a brick wall. That's six dead, leaving 13 still living.
<Snipped quote by Vilageidiotx>

This is what I get for no longer proofreading.

I'll have to fix that I guess... Sometime.


You know what they say, it's no use crying over spilled come milk.
Washington, Capital of the United States of America

Isabella Sumner looked at herself in the mirror, examining the lacy blue dress, fretting how it lay. It took her an hour to do her hair before she decided on a braid, put up like a crown over the brown locks that flowed loose to her shoulders. She didn't have that much time to spend on her dress. The party, she knew, was already starting.

"Do I look like a child?" she said, looking down at herself.

"No, Izzy. You look grown up." her middle sister said. Amelia, at twelve, was three years younger than Isabella, which was old enough to have an opinion that counted for something. She was laying next to their youngest sister, Dolly, an eight year old, a child, who couldn't understand what Izzy was worried about. The two rested like planks on the old four-posted canopy bed, a dark wood old thing draped in a floral pattern a granny might love, having been here in the Queen's Room of the White House since forever as far as Isabella or her sisters knew. As the eldest girl, her father allowed her to claim this room as her own.

"Grown up? Do I?" Izzy played with the dress, trying to make it lay a way that pleased her, but no matter what she did she felt like a little girl dressing up to go to church.

"They make your boobs look grown up!" little Dolly said, giggling.

"Dolly! Don't talk like that" Izzy turned around and did her best to look offended, though she was ashamed to admit to herself that she was worried about exactly that part of her too, among all the rest.

"You're fine." Amelia stood up and looked in the mirror from behind Izzy. As she grew, the middle sister's blonde hair and crystal blue eyes were joined by a strong chin, making her look like the reborn likeness of their great grandmother, Amanda Hexad, who had been the first woman President.

Izzy took one last dissatisfied look at herself, but her middle sister grabbed her by the shoulders. "You're the 'Infanta', people love you, you're just nervous."

"I know I am, but I can't stop." Izzy replied.

"They'll be paying attention to the dumb boat anyway. Don't worry. You get to go out on your own! I'm so jealous."

"Oh, I wish you could go too, Amelia."

"Don't worry about us." the middle sister said. "Just go out there and have fun. We'll find our own fun, maybe bring the Ouija board to Lincoln's room for the gajillionth time and see if we can talk to him."

Izzy smiled softly. "I have your thoughts?" she asked.

"You have our thoughts." Amelia replied. "Now go out their and knock them dead!"

Izzy's stomach fluttered as she went down the stairs, through the entrance, and to the front of the White House where a carriage was waiting. It had once been an automobile until petroleum fuel was all used up in the world, well before Izzy was born. They gutted it, put a box seat where the engine once had been, and rigged it to be pulled by horses. The inside had been changed as well, made so two long seats faced inward toward the center. She climbed into the leather interior, careful with her dress. The driver closed her door, climbed into the box seat, and set the horses to motion. Izzy looked back, and as the White House receded from her she felt lonelier than she'd ever been in her entire life.

Washington passed by. Here, in the center of the city, all was pristine. Electricity still flowed here, provided by the USS George Washington. The top floors in the canyons of old brick offices had been turned into apartments, but otherwise they had been maintained to look the same as they did before the country fell apart. Traffic was on foot, or bicycles. Horses and horse-drawn carriages were rarer, most of the later made of old automobiles. Izzy's carriage turned south, the setting sun eclipsed by the White House. Traffic was light, letting them move quickly across the mall, the marble sight of the capital building on one side, and the dreaded Washington monument on the other, the latter with its steel tip bright orange in the dying light of evening.

It was only minutes away now. What would she say? She ran through all the worst scenarios. She could trip, or offend an important person. How would she handle the fall-out of something like that? The City Wall was coming closer, a long steel bulwark held in place by girders like ribs on an ancient metal snake. The closer it came, the closer she came to the moment of truth, because the gala was exactly on the other side.

Her carriage passed silently through the gate on Ohio Drive. In the water on the east side were the cement remnants of older bridges, now just their supports lonely in the water. She stuck out her head, catching a glimpse of the Jefferson Memorial covered in stringed lights, the field glowing underneath them as if illuminated by fireflies. In that field were the tents, the food, and well-bred people mingling all over, wearing their best clothes and their best smiles. When her carriage pulled up, people took note of the Presidential seal on the door. All attention was on her, like a Queen arriving for her coronation. Her driver opened her door. When she stepped out, somebody announced her.

"Ladies and gentleman, the Infanta: Isabella Sumner."

She stood there, smiling, paralyzed. The people wore elegant gowns and recreations of fine old clothes. They applauded, and she waved in the genteel way she had been taught. When they went back to their mingling, she felt the loneliness again.

"May I escort you?" she heard a young male voice, and when she turned to look she saw it came from Declan Estes. He was only a few years younger than her, meticulously groomed, and to her relief, very openly gay. She smiled, but felt self-conscious about looking manic, so made an attempt to control her expression. "Virginians are gentlemen!" she cooed.

"That's what they say." he said, taking her coolly by the arm. "Pardon me, but I do not know what to call you. Is Infanta a title?"

"No." she giggled. "It's a nickname, some guy used it in an article and it stuck."

"Isabella will do?" he asked.

"Yes." she replied with one affirmative nod. "How are you and yours finding the capital?"

"This is a place of opportunities." Declan said. "Wait." He stopped a waiter in his path and lifted a small treat from his tray. It was a twinkie: an manufactured food from before the war, so full of complicated chemicals that those still around were edible fifty years after production had ceased. They were cut into slivers and dipped in cream. She took a sliver and tried to eat it as cleanly as she could. He smiled watching her struggle, and she had to try not to laugh.

"Someday I should get you to try ribs." he said. She giggled and said nothing. Their conversation was cut short when another announcement was shouted to the crowd. Everybody went quiet at once.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Vice President of the United States, John Sumner."

A smattering of applause, as polite as what Izzy had received, now greeter her half-brother as he stepped up to a podium, dressed in a gilded blue uniform with an old-timey naval hat complete with a feather, the glittering waters of the Tidal Basin at his back. This was the first time she saw the ship in the middle of the basin, a wooden sailing vessel with holes for guns, now bathed in the harsh beams of spotlights.

"Friends, neighbors, relatives." her half-brother said. "On this beautiful summer night, we come together to celebrate that our government is still going strong. The insurgencies in this country are can't last forever. Two days ago, not far out from Norfolk, a patrol I had the honor of leading discovered two such insurgent groups fighting on wooden ships, pretending to be pirates." he paused, and the crowd politely laughed. "We intervened, and with the justice of our constitutional government on my side, I personally adjudicated the issue. One of the vessels it turned out belonged to actual pirates, caught in US waters. That is their ship you see in the harbor, built by insurgents to steal the hard work of fellow Americans. We have no need for it, so we thought we'd put on a little show for you to remind you that we are still here, fighting the good fight. Enjoy!"

He stepped down. The people politely applauded. The lights dimmed, and slowly rising from speakers all around came the swelling sound of a classical piece. It built up toward a crescendo, bells rang, the spotlights danced on the Basin's surface, and she expected it to reach a climax in voice or horn.

Instead came a cannon. A shore battery, usually posted facing the Chesapeake, had been moved where it could fire on the pirate ship. The explosion was the harshest sound she knew, and its echo carried on long into the night. It startled her, and she let out a high-pitched squeak. Declan didn't notice. He just watched the ship, his face focused and stoic.

A second went off. She saw its shot splash into the lake. The music was still going, excited and fluttering, but it was easy to forget behind the sound of guns firing and fading away.

A third shot! A fourth! On the fourth, the shot hit its target, and the front of the tiny ship was smashed into splinters. The bow fell off, leaving the center of the ship mangled and gaping, the water swallowing it quickly. There was no more taking turns. The artillerists fired at the sinking ship as quickly as they could, pelting it and the water around it with iron as the people applauded from the shore. Just like that, the main event was over and the music faded to silent.

People went back to the party, but Declan looked on, watching the spot where the ship went down. Izzy feared she might have to leave him thoughts, and she dreaded doing that and putting herself at the mercy of the event.

"The capital is a beautiful place." he said.

"I've heard good things about Richmond."

"Yes." he looked behind them, toward the Jefferson Memorial festooned in lights. "You've done a better job of keeping the important parts of your city intact. Look at that! Other places would've fortified it, or pillaged it for the stone, or used it to house a water purifier for the Potomac. But you kept it a monument to an old American hero."

"I haven't seen that many cities." she said. "Though I would like to someday take a tour of the country."

"That wouldn't take long." Declan said.

"No, the whole country! I've read about places like San Francisco and Los Angelas. But even if I couldn't go that far, maybe see the civilized places, like Richmond, and Boston."

"New York?"

"Those old men? My father says they are no better than slavers..." she paused, horrified by what she said. "I'm sorry..."

There was a pause. "Don't worry." Declan said, smiling politely. "There hasn't been a slave in Richmond for ten years."

"We are one country." she said, still blushing. "We should host your family at the White House some time."

"That would be lovely." Declan said.

He already lost feeling in his rifle...
Dinh AaronMk


o bby

He regarded it with come milk curiosity.
Dinh AaronMk


what... do i even want to know what that means?


Welcome back! It's night three now. Trumps love quest has been detoured by him shitting in a hole, Boris Johnson's Britain has welcomed the Shifty Kebab Seller with open arms, and Shoryu is shacking up with Betty White. Like Mr Rogers with his javelins, we are whittling down our contestants (while muttering), and the competition is growing thinner.



Dat Boi eats berries, but berries are poisonous to frogs. We consign this beloved meme to 2016 now, forever and ever.

MSNBC sees Boris Johnson and tries to kill him, most likely mistaking him for Donald Trump who has been stalking MSNBC. But Boris Johnson manages to correct that error, and MSNBC halts its attack. It is at that moment, when MSNBC is blushing and saying its apologies, that Boris Johnson lashes out and kills the cable news network. Now only CNN remains to tell us the news (god help us all).

Carrie Fisher mocks Alec Baldwin, but Alec Baldwin doesn't believe that famous people should mock other famous people, and he shoots Carrie Fisher in cold blood.

David Bowie cooks his food. The Basket of Deplorables gazes longingly at the night sky. But the world isn't so serene elsewhere. Putin continues his killing spree and kills Stefan Karl Stefansson. It appears that, by killing death, Stefan Karl Stefansson has merely let Putin ascend to the role, and as the new Death, Putin settles the score for his old predecessor.

Rodrigo, armed to the teeth, screams up at the night "WHY AM I NOT DAVID BOWIE!?!"

The Phantom of the Opera and the Waifu have no interest in violence. He has spent the games having a pleasant time, and she has spent them staring at naked men. They retire for the night together, where he may bathe in perfumed water, and she may watch from the closet.

Pokemon GO uses fire, but it failed.

Betty White screams for help. Which is worrisome since she is with Shoryu. Perhaps she is simply unaccustomed to civilized life after her two days on that hill?

Somebody gives Jill Stein vaccines, much to her annoyance.



Okay, I think we can safely say that Shoryu and Mrs White's relationship is breaking down. She is screaming for help in one room while he whittles sticks and mutters in another.

Birdie Sanders, who has spent the games mostly hanging out and injuring himself, commits a stunning upset when he takes Trump and burns him for warmth. Trump, having spent the whole day with dysentery, is probably dried out enough to burn easily.

Chapa, suffering from performance anxiety after seeing what Birdie did, fails to start a fire.

CNN admires Shifty Kebab Seller. Boris let Shifty into Britain, now CNN is admiring Shifty... Everybody loves Shifty!

Prince has yet another vision pertaining to 2017 and is again frightened by it. If Prince truly is clairvoyant, we are in trouble.

Gary Johnson spends every night in conversation, and tonight is no different.

HaleytheRandom had a reason to be scared of Bowser when she ran away from him earlier. He finds her again, and this time she doesn't escape. Bowser, having conquered her little personal village, now ends her life.

Hillary fails to start a fire too. Seems like she made one hell of a fire out of Obama earlier in the games, but in his death she seems to have shot her wad.



Putin, a man so brutal he replaced death, takes the gentlest of all the tributes and makes him his hunting partner.

A Waifu, saddened by the loss to Putin of a man who actually volunteered to spend time with her, injures herself.

Prince, having seen the evil 2017 shall bring, starts righting those wrongs. He starts by killing Gary Johnson and Alec Baldwin. What those two will do in the future is known only to Prince.

Shoryu takes his javelins from the night before (and maybe Obama's Chu-Ko-Nu) and invades Britain. The flag of Shoryu Magami now flies over the Cornucopia, this being the second time it has changed hands in the game.

Clocktower, having had just one conversation with Gary Johnson the night before, wakes up to find he no longer can find Aleppo.

Bowser, blood still dripping from the sword he used to slay Haley, runs terrified from Leonardo DiCaprio, so much so that he sprains his ankle in the flight.

Jill Stein receives an explosive from somebody, perhaps the same person that sent her medical supplies. They sit in a pile inside her mud hut waiting for use.

Something like a quarter of our survivors form a temporary team.

David Bowie almost kills Shifty Kebab Seller, but the love that Shifty compels in all living beings stays the hands of his would-be killer, allowing Shifty to survive another day.

Chapa might not be able to make fire, but he is able to make a slingshot.

Betty White tries to find Aleppo. Is Gary Johnson contagious? His condition prior to death seems to be spreading.

The Basket of Deplorables prepares for the next night's fire. That one is pretty anti-climactic.



This is a pretty sad list. It begins with the death of a legend, and ends with the conquest of Britain. With only thirteen still alive, the games are about to speed up toward their finish.



The second day is over, and the second night begins. And though we've lost many; Broby to the blade-master Carrie Fisher, Obama to the vengeful mind of his 2008 primary opponent, Lincoln to a complex assassination plot, and Bernie to a lake, there are plenty of other tributes on the ground ready to fight for their lives.



Broby gets revenge beyond the grave? A trap of unidentified make ensnares CNN and leaves that network dangling helpless above the forest.

Leonardo DiCaprio stops feeling sorry for himself, puts home out of his mind, and arms himself with memes to take down Shifty. But Shifty knows memes, and he absorbs the attack, becoming a powerful meme unto himself. 2017 will be the year of the Shifty Kebab Seller.

The first night, Mr Rogers cheerfully sung songs with PokemonGO and Bowser. Night two however sees Mr Rogers drunk on the Schnapps he received from KnightShade, putting him in an angrier mood and inspiring him to make weapons.

HaleytheRandom receives clean water. Hopefully this will put her back on her feet after her breakdown on Betty White's piss mound.

Rodrigo Duterte wishes he was Bowie. Was this a revelation fed to him by the memes he received from Aaron? Or is Duterte jealous that a big strong man like Trump would chose David Bowie for his experiments with man-pussy?

Birdie Sanders, suffering from a sprained leg and another separate injury, tries to keep calm and sing himself to sleep. He is a bird, so the singing shouldn't be that difficult.

Bowser, sleeping next to his newly discovered Bowser River, has nightmares. He hasn't done much this time around to warrant those nightmares. The first thing he did upon entering the arena was find a canteen full of water. And just now he has found a river... maybe that's it. Maybe all this water is keeping him up. I bet he's having those pee nightmares, where he has to go in his dream but he just doesn't for whatever reason.

Pokemon GO doesn't have Mr Rogers and Bowser to sing with, so he quietly hums his theme song and tries to get some sleep.

The Phantom of the Opera looks up. Somebody gives Britain a Weapon of Minor Destruction. Shoryu, both his roommate and his circuit dead, has had a bad day, and he cries himself to sleep.



Putin kills Trump Pepe in a stunning upset. The two worked together to kill Lincoln, but even with the emancipator's blood still warm on both their hands, Putin turns around and brutally kills the Pepe. The last thing Trump Pepe sees is Putin's smiling face, a knife in his hand, Pepe's blood splattered all over him.

Alec Baldwin received fresh food last time. Now he eats a worm. I guess the worm must have been the fresh food he received? Or maybe he's just really hungry. Fighting with Jill Stein might have taken a lot out of him calorically speaking.

Meanwhile, Trump is in love. MSNBC, the one that got away, having literally ran away, now has Trump's heart. He spends the night scratching "MSNBC" into a tree.

Somebody rewards Carrie Fisher for killing Broby by giving her bombs.

Many of our tributes form temporary truces and spend the night in conversation, but not Betty White. She sits alone on her hill and bitches about the Waifu on the internet. This isn't the first time the Waifu has been shit on like this; Birdie Sanders scared her right out of the gate, and Bernie Sanders followed it up by flipping her off unprovoked. The only victory she can really claim this season is an extended viewing of a naked Boris Johnson, if we are going to consider that a win.

Somebody sends Dat Boi first aid. Dat Boi is just dat cool. He had a really bad ass intro, he made Gene Wilder blush, and he killed the bully Arnie because bullies are not cool. Of course people are going to give him things! He deserves those things!

Stefan Karl Stefansson is cornered by Martin Luther King JR and Death himself, but in an amazing twist, he kills them both. This means that, in 2016 when death was taking celebrities left and right, Stefan Karl Stefansson fought back and killed death.

Hillary finds out how everybody has been tweeting all this time. Clocktower Echoes looks at the stars, but Prince looks into the void, seeing what the world will be like in 2017, and it scares him.



The loser at the beginning of day three is the bees. Hillary and Chapa take off with their honey and leave them destitute.

Alec Baldwin fishes. Seems like he could have saved that worm and used it for this? We'll give him a pass, there is no reason to think he'd have this survival stuff down before our games started.

A Waifu is starting to get creepier than Donald Trump now. Yesterday she spent all day watching Boris Johnson bathe, today she spends all day watching Dat Boi do the same. Maybe all the hate she was receiving is justified.

Trump gets the same disease that killed Ted Cruz. This is where the joke about Republicans being full of shit comes in. For Trump though, I think this is simply what happens when you spend precious survival time chasing after men.

David Bowie flips off Gary Johnson. Don't know what Gary Johnson did to provoke Bowie, but it could have been worse since Bowie is also armed with explosives.

Leonardo gets away from Jill Stein by jumping from tree to tree. It's a brilliant get away plan because Jill Stein will stop and hug each and every tree along the way, and Leo will get away quickly.

A Basket of Deplorables and Pokemon GO are together I guess, but then they stop being together and search for resources.

Keyguyperson, having given a rifle to the Basket earlier on, now arms Rodrigo Duterte. Duterte has done pretty well for himself. Though he failed to be Bowie, he did manage to retrieve a sword, some honey, some memes from Aaron, and now a Mosin-Nagant from Keyguyperson.

Putin, his desire to kill not sated by the murder of the Pepe, drags a fish onto shore just to watch it drown in the open air.

Shifty Kebab is surprisingly allowed into Boris Johnson's Britain, and they join up with Stefan Karl Stefansson to hunt for other tributes.



MSNBC constructs a place to hide from Trump's exploratory probing.

Haley, just calming down after her emotional breakdown on night one, is scared witless by Bowser and forced to run away. Bowser now has the run of Haleytown, the area where she did her earlier construction projects.

CNN joins up with Prince to kill Gene Wilder and Mr Rogers. Turns out Mr Rogers drunkenly carved spears weren't enough.

Clocktower Echoes, having spent all night staring at the sky, spends the day sleeping.

Birdie Sanders recovers enough to help Carrie Fisher search for resources.

The Phantom of the Opera is having a nice time. So far he has shared resources with Leonardo DiCaprio and Alec Baldwin, just stood there and admired Jill Stein, went hunting, watched the night sky, and now he picks flowers. He's having something of a vacation here.

Betty White leaves her hill on the third day and joins a romantic liaison with Shoryu.



Some of these are surprising, other ones not as much. The death of death seems like a proper send-up for 2016. I will mess the "Death does X" statements though.


Pat yourselves on the backs, ladies and gents, you've survived to see 2017. As we all recover from the partying we did last night celebrating the new number we have to memorize for signing paperwork, lets look back with pity on the surviving tributes of our Hunger Games still trapped behind us in the iron jaws of 2016. Only one of them will have the privilege of joining us in this brand new year. Today we'll see a fresh list of people who won't be that lucky one.



Hillary benghazis Obama. Sure it was Trump who beat her this year, but he's from the other party, that's what they are supposed to do. But Hillary didn't forget eight years ago, and she settles the score now.

Birdie Sanders, still suffering from a sprained leg, injures himself yet again. Nobody has done anything to Birdie Sanders mind you, he keeps doing this to himself. Lets hope the Phantom of the Opera isn't hunting for squab.

Bernie isn't doing too well either, and he just sort of falls in a frozen lake and dies while Jill Stein looks on from her Clinton style mud shelter. What's worse, CNN dregs his corpse out of the cold water and tea-bags poor Bernie one last time.

Pokemon Go, Trump-pepe, Putin, and Stefan Karl Stefansson team up to take out Lincoln. Honest Abe still has it. It took a pretty powerful team (and PokemonGO) to take him out despite his handicapped fear of the woods.

Gary Johnson goes exploring, trying to find any other places he may not be aware of.



HaleytheRandom takes time out of her busy construction schedule to go visit Betty White drinking urine on a hill and ask her for the sweet release of death. Betty White refuses, and HaleytheRandom is forced to look for another DIY to keep her occupied.

Bowser discovers a river, showing himself a better explorer than Gary Johnson. He then secretly gives some of this newly found water to Chapa.

Dat Boi doesn't abide bullies, and he kills Arnie in the back, killing him.

KnightShade collects left over schnapps from last night's festivities and gives them to his two favorite people in the world: Mr Rogers and Clocktower Echoes.

The circuit is dead in Shoryu Magami's trail mix house, possibly damaged in the blast that killed his roommate, Obama. Hopefully he gets that fixed. I'm also going to assume that he has inherited Obama's Chu-Ko-Nu.

Trump Chases MSNBC, probably trying to get himself some Joe Scarborough ass.

Rodrigo Duterte, leaving the United Kingdom of Great Britain, Ireland, and Cornucopia, is blessed from on high by AaronMK with life-giving memes.

A Waifu, illegally immigrating into the Cornucopia, accidentally catches a glimpse of it's leader bathing in a stream. The Waifu stays, captivated by the pudgy frame, the middle aged skin covered in hair and discolorations, and she spends the afternoon watching.

An unknown sponsor heals the Prince, feeds the Baldwin, and arms Ziggy Stardust.

"Death shouts his battle cry." I should be writing down all these death events for later book titles.

The Deplorables look for water, not knowing of the Bowser River. Gene Wilder also goes looking for something. But for Leonardo DiCaprio, it is the matters of the heart that mean the most. He wants a thing he cannot find by exploring; he wants home.



Fifteen lay slain on the field of hunger games. Thirty three still live.

© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet