So you wish to hear the story do you? The story of how the world had come to an end?



Well of course the world didn't really end, that's the curse of humanity isn't it? To hold on until the bitter end. That's why we still have water, still have a sky, still have a home we can return to. Unlike before, where soot had covered the air and man went to great lengths to kill their God. The end of the world...what a laugh. Our cities had fallen but we still hold onto some semblance of the world of old, how does that signify any great end to our way of life-

Right, I apologize. Excuse the ramblings of an old woman, it's been too long since the great fires had come to our world. But...you did come to me, a forgetful hag, to learn of an art that abandoned us long ago at our worst. Our best depending on how you look at it [Omit Laughter]

This knowledge was never forgotten, you greedily paw for information that you have had access to for dozens of years! How could you even possibly forget, the fuel of our world that had ironically destroyed what it had come to build? It had brought the Great Fires, what had (so to speak) ended the world [Omit Laughter]

A hurry, a rush?

You look at my bandages in pity, or disgust, but you have no idea what these wrappings really mean do you? You've never seen The Great Fires, you've never experienced the Shattering when civil order had died. You live in this perfect world of grass and blue skies, of rain that always comes and brings life to this last bastion of humanity. You never have experience the weight that my generation has experienced, vicariously knowing that a gun kills even though you've never fired one. But...

You wish to learn of magic do you?

-

I was but a girl so I could hardly remember much, it wasn't as if they gave children the right to be gods. But they might as well, the way the people would play with a new power as a child might play with a new toy. We never change. The date or weapon we hold might change, but it was just as well to learn that we never could. When the day had come that magic had come into our world, everyone proclaimed the start of a golden era. How funny it was...to literally ignore the gun we were placing to our heads.

We all lost purpose, we had nothing to strive for when we were granted everything. We are destructive creatures, mere children in bodies that wither with age. There was anger and frustration when nothing was left to distract us, when we turned on our neighbors and destroyed everything in one big temper tantrum. But there was nothing I could do...there was nothing anyone could do. How do you find a power greater than magic? How do suppress the force of billions of gods?

This is where you leave disappointed. I can tell you stories from my childhood when magic had yet to come to our "perfect" world. I can relate to you the atrocities that happened in the streets with no accountability. I can share with you my story from the Shattering, how a man had come to make me bleed simply because he could. Or how my mother bled for differing reasons. How my father burned alive, how my friends killed themselves in agony or my bullies left in the migrations out of fear.

I can share with you how the Great Fires fell from the sky and melted the land, cleansing our sin in a rain that would last a lifetime. I know many things, but you already know what I do not know.

Why has this magic returned?

[Omit Laughter]

You think I waste your time do you, storming out that door now? I can assure you I do know something. This entire situation is ironic.

You fear the very thing that potentially could save you.

***















RULES

Yup, time for the boring and not very interesting part. But I need to include this in here somewhere after all.

1. READ THE RULES! For the love of everything that you care about I'd appreciate it if you gave these puppies some sense of consideration.

2. Quality over Quantity. I make this mistake sometimes, but sometimes less really is more.

*You're here based on your writing ability, while I may frown upon your two paragraph post I would rather see words that count rather than some disgusting word count.

3. Keep active please. A lot of RP's I've been in have died because of inactivity. So I'm making a rule here.

If you are absent for longer than a week without posting you will receive a warning. If this persists without warning or a valid excuse beforehand I kill off your character.

*If you are experiencing internet difficulty and rage at me for doing so here's the easy part: Just make a new character.

4. I'm not a Nazi, nor some all powering dictator with an unhealthy love towards his RP. If you have lore, a character, or any sort of element you wish to include into my RP do NOT hesitate to say so. I encourage creative freedom, and whether that be a direction of plot or a new location I encourage you to speak up and have your voice heard! I hope to make this RP a group collaborative effort.

5. Don't be dumb. I imagine you've all RP'd before, you know the general rules of how things works.

Anyway that's about it, feel free to continue on if you wish to continue.



RECAP

What has happened thus far?







***Feel free to ask any questions, voice any concerns, offer up any ideas, express interest, post up meme pictures- etc. etc.***

Name:

Maya Tersan

Gender:

Female

Age:

21

Appearance:



Maya her blue hair is quite long, it is something she is proud of, she has a normal body build and her lenght is average like any other girl.
She always tries to wear as les clothes as possible so that she can move more freely in them, as her clothes also give enough room for her to move quite fast if she has to.

Magic(If applicable):

Telekinese

Tier 1: Maya is able to move an object within 5 meters away.

Tier 2: Maya is able to move an object within 15 meters away.

Tier 3: Maya is able to move two objects at the same time.

Tier 4: Maya is able to move objects within 35 meters away.

Tier 5: Maya is able to move objects within 45 meters away.

Tier 6: Maya is able to move three objects at the same time.

Tier 7: Maya is able to move objects within 55 meters away.

Tier 8: Maya is able to move objects within 65 meters away.

Tier 9: Maya is able to move four objects at the same time.

Tier 10: Maya is able to move objects within 75 meters away.

Etc Etc....

Personality:

Maya is a girl who is quite sweet and nice, or thats just how she seems to be on the outside.
Maya actually is one who wants to purge the world of evil, thinking of any possible way to do so, aldo justice is done by the police as most people say, Maya thinks that justice can come in different ways.
There for she holds her secret hidden away, for her darkness that dwelms within her will come out eventually once the time is right.
Maya also sometimes feels lost, aldo she barelly makes it seeable, for she feels like her life is meaningless and doesn't has a purpose for anyone.

Background:

Maya comes from a family who barelly came around, aldo she didn't care much for money. Aslong as they had a roof above their heads and food to feed them, she was fine with it. She didn't had any siblings, for the one who would have been her sibling died with birth.
Her father works as a plumber, aldo its not the best job, it feeded them and gave them their house. Her mother worked in a shop for clothes, it was something she did few times a week, just so that they had some extra money.
Once Maya got out of the house, she started to find her own place and started to work in the library, books always fascinated her for so she found it suitable to work with them.
After she got accepted with her work, she found a small house just outside of the rich district, where she started to life her small but certain life.
Day in day out she goes to the library, read the books as she looks at the customers coming in to give their rented books back or take books with them.

Theme:

Click for music video

Yay! The OOC is up :D

So, I have a question. For magic, how far are we allowed to branch out? In the example, it seems to be something like here's one ability, and it begins to get stronger with each tier. But are we allowed to have a general overarching power, with little sub-abilities for each tier? For example, if there was a power to control all elements (Pretty OP and broad I know, but this was the first example I could think of. I'm not necessarily considering this) could the first tier be to control fire, then the next tier be controlling water?

The magic I'm considering has to do with voice. For the first tier, could I have something to do with a persuasive voice, and the next tier could be something to do with more of a combative side like a deafening screech? Or do they all have to be somewhere along the lines of "Tier 1: ability to scream loudly. Tier 2: ability to scream loud enough to damage ear drums" etc?

I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense x_x and I realize this is kinda repetitive.

ShadowRaeper said

Name:Maya Tersan

Gender:FemaleAge:21

Appearance: Maya her blue hair is quite long, it is something she is proud of, she has a normal body build and her lenght is average like any other girl.She always tries to wear as les clothes as possible so that she can move more freely in them, as her clothes also give enough room for her to move quite fast if she has to.

Magic(If applicable):Telekinese

Tier 1: Maya is able to move an object within 5 meters away.

Tier 2: Maya is able to move an object within 15 meters away.

Tier 3: Maya is able to move two objects at the same time.

Tier 4: Maya is able to move objects within 35 meters away.

Tier 5: Maya is able to move objects within 45 meters away.

Tier 6: Maya is able to move three objects at the same time.

Tier 7: Maya is able to move objects within 55 meters away.

Tier 8: Maya is able to move objects within 65 meters away.

Tier 9: Maya is able to move four objects at the same time.

Tier 10: Maya is able to move objects within 75 meters away.Etc Etc....

Personality:Maya is a girl who is quite sweet and nice, or thats just how she seems to be on the outside.Maya actually is one who wants to purge the world of evil, thinking of any possible way to do so, aldo justice is done by the police as most people say, Maya thinks that justice can come in different ways.There for she holds her secret hidden away, for her darkness that dwelms within her will come out eventually once the time is right.Maya also sometimes feels lost, aldo she barelly makes it seeable, for she feels like her life is meaningless and doesn't has a purpose for anyone.

Background:Maya comes from a family who barelly came around, aldo she didn't care much for money. Aslong as they had a roof above their heads and food to feed them, she was fine with it. She didn't had any siblings, for the one who would have been her sibling died with birth.Her father works as a plumber, aldo its not the best job, it feeded them and gave them their house. Her mother worked in a shop for clothes, it was something she did few times a week, just so that they had some extra money.Once Maya got out of the house, she started to find her own place and started to work in the library, books always fascinated her for so she found it suitable to work with them.After she got accepted with her work, she found a small house just outside of the rich district, where she started to life her small but certain life.Day in day out she goes to the library, read the books as she looks at the customers coming in to give their rented books back or take books with them.

Theme:

ShadowRaeper...I can't accept this. If this was a casual OOC you could probably get away with a sheet like this, but this is just bad. Many words are misspelled, her personality and background are way too vague, and you don't even include all of the bullets I wanted you to in my Character Template. Other things I would like you to address are your powers, while fine by itself the tiers are a little TOO specific than I'd like. How do you judge what's 75 feet away and what's 25 feet away in text. I would like to see more of how powerful her magic is, not necessarily how far away she can lift things. Rather than give a specific number, simply allude to the fact that her range has increased. Another issue you need to address is how powerful this magic is, multiple objects are good but what of the weight of the object, the duration of the lift, etc, etc.

I also don't really understand the less clothes comment, does she wear armor or is the difference between clothing that covers her body THAT much related to her speed? I would address the spelling errors, reevaluate her magic, be a bit more specific with her personality(You vaguely hint at a darkness inside her, but to me that feels too much like "Main Character Syndrome"), and MUCH more specific with her background. In a city that assigns roles, how did she become a librarian, her reaction to magic, etc. etc.

Mizuho said
Yay! The OOC is up :DSo, I have a question. For magic, how far are we allowed to branch out? In the example, it seems to be something like here's one ability, and it begins to get stronger with each tier. But are we allowed to have a general overarching power, with little sub-abilities for each tier? For example, if there was a power to control all elements (Pretty OP and broad I know, but this was the first example I could think of. I'm not necessarily considering this) could the first tier be to control fire, then the next tier be controlling water?The magic I'm considering has to do with voice. For the first tier, could I have something to do with a persuasive voice, and the next tier could be something to do with more of a combative side like a deafening screech? Or do they all have to be somewhere along the lines of "Tier 1: ability to scream loudly. Tier 2: ability to scream loud enough to damage ear drums" etc?I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense x_x and I realize this is kinda repetitive.

Ohoh seems like our scholar friend (Alright me) has a little more research to do. That is actually really cool, I didn't think of combining magical abilities. In fact I think I could make that work, but under certain circumstances. A person who controls all elements for example would be less proficient with them say if they just specialized in water, however they would be more suitable to wider variety of circumstances. If that's the case then the tier system would still apply, however the users powers would increase at a slower amount to others(Having to adapt a bit more to the current situation rather than rely solely on their power).

In your situation I don't think anything would have to be changed, and in fact I rather like the sort of "Push" aspect you're going with the voice magic. That would work, you could focus on differing levels of persuasion as well as well combative magic as it falls under the same category as "Voice", aside from water vs. fire magic which generally have differing styles of attack. Since you have a sort of persuasion power, that would be a good tier 1 ability, however very limited in amounts, You could for instance make the person your talking to feel a certain way(I hate to make this example, but a Jasper from Twilight sort of power) but you couldn't directly influence their decisions. Then for instance your tier 2 power could be that scream attack, however perhaps focus more on disorientation rather than shattering the ear drum. Because you are somewhat limited with your abilities, your persuasion and scream attacks would level sides by side. Say for instance your tier 3 power would be the ability to influence weak willed individuals, while your tier 4 power could potentially shatter eardums. In fact why stop there? Experiment a bit on how you view a good tier leveling system for your powers to be, however eventually I have the image of you shooting rays of death from your mouth or even using your voice to project yourself into the air.

...Anyway I'm being a bit hard to understand as well. My point is I welcome creative freedom, and part of the fun of this RP is the ability to design your own forms of magic. Balancing it compared to others might be a bit difficult, however I'm looking forward to see character designs and where this RP could go.

Don't think you'll have access to say you tier 5 powers immediately, however the leveling system is a way to spice up the combat just a bit when it comes down to it.

Anyway I appreciate the question, let me know if I answered it well enough or if you have any more concerns.

Windreda said
Ohoh seems like our scholar friend (Alright me) has a little more research to do. That is actually really cool, I didn't think of combining magical abilities. In fact I think I could make that work, but under certain circumstances. A person who controls all elements for example would be less proficient with them say if they just specialized in water, however they would be more suitable to wider variety of circumstances. If that's the case then the tier system would still apply, however the users powers would increase at a slower amount to others(Having to adapt a bit more to the current situation rather than rely solely on their power).

In your situation I don't think anything would have to be changed, and in fact I rather like the sort of "Push" aspect you're going with the voice magic. That would work, you could focus on differing levels of persuasion as well as well combative magic as it falls under the same category as "Voice", aside from water vs. fire magic which generally have differing styles of attack. Since you have a sort of persuasion power, that would be a good tier 1 ability, however very limited in amounts, You could for instance make the person your talking to feel a certain way(I hate to make this example, but a Jasper from Twilight sort of power) but you couldn't directly influence their decisions. Then for instance your tier 2 power could be that scream attack, however perhaps focus more on disorientation rather than shattering the ear drum. Because you are somewhat limited with your abilities, your persuasion and scream attacks would level sides by side. Say for instance your tier 3 power would be the ability to influence weak willed individuals, while your tier 4 power could potentially shatter eardums. In fact why stop there? Experiment a bit on how you view a good tier leveling system for your powers to be, however eventually I have the image of you shooting rays of death from your mouth or even using your voice to project yourself into the air.

...Anyway I'm being a bit hard to understand as well. My point is I welcome creative freedom, and part of the fun of this RP is the ability to design your own forms of magic. Balancing it compared to others might be a bit difficult, however I'm looking forward to see character designs and where this RP could go.

Don't think you'll have access to say you tier 5 powers immediately, however the leveling system is a way to spice up the combat just a bit when it comes down to it.

Anyway I appreciate the question, let me know if I answered it well enough or if you have any more concerns.

So, how far would I be able to broaden my character's magic? What I personally had in mind was I'd begin with the weaker powers, and with each tier, I would introduce an ability that it different, yet a bit more powerful.

Would something like:

be acceptable?

Or would you rather have me focus on a few abilities and work on making them stronger as my character progresses?

Windreda said
ShadowRaeper...I can't accept this. If this was a casual OOC you could probably get away with a sheet like this, but this is just bad. Many words are misspelled, her personality and background are way too vague, and you don't even include all of the bullets I wanted you to in my Character Template. Other things I would like you to address are your powers, while fine by itself the tiers are a little TOO specific than I'd like. How do you judge what's 75 feet away and what's 25 feet away in text. I would like to see more of how powerful her magic is, not necessarily how far away she can lift things. Rather than give a specific number, simply allude to the fact that her range has increased. Another issue you need to address is how powerful this magic is, multiple objects are good but what of the weight of the object, the duration of the lift, etc, etc.I also don't really understand the less clothes comment, does she wear armor or is the difference between clothing that covers her body THAT much related to her speed? I would address the spelling errors, reevaluate her magic, be a bit more specific with her personality(You vaguely hint at a darkness inside her, but to me that feels too much like "Main Character Syndrome"), and MUCH more specific with her background. In a city that assigns roles, how did she become a librarian, her reaction to magic, etc. etc.

Thanks for the tip :) I didn't really knew how you truelly wanted it, so now i can create it into a CS you wanted :)
For my english... sorry... It isn't my main languedge...

Mizuho said
So, how far would I be able to broaden my character's magic? What I personally had in mind was I'd begin with the weaker powers, and with each tier, I would introduce an ability that it different, yet a bit more powerful.

Would something like: ...

be acceptable?Or would you rather have me focus on a few abilities and work on making them stronger as my character progresses?

See those powers are fine, just scrunch them together and judge your abilities based off of their power.

With multiple powers like that you aren't necessarily focusing on one specific ability, so I think it would be alright for your tier to be like this:

Tier 1: Minor persuasion and healing abilities. Influence minor emotions and heal small cuts.
Tier 2: Distortion screaming, throws enemies off guard. (This will be your "Fight" tier)
Tier 3: Improved screaming, more painful to hostile beings. Weaker enemies are stunned.
Tier 4: More advanced persuasion and healing techniques. Influence lesser minds with decision making, even convince them to fight along side you. Heal open wounds.

An ability like Hallucinations, might be placed higher on the list, however I'm not sure where I want the cap to be. I'm debating making it ten, yet I'm still unsure how I would want the leveling system to work in the first place. Please bear with me here ^_^' !

ShadowRaeper said
Thanks for the tip :) I didn't really knew how you truelly wanted it, so now i can create it into a CS you wanted :)For my english... sorry... It isn't my main languedge...

No problem, sorry for being a bit harsh there are just a stricter set of standards for me in an advanced RP. I can look past the misspellings if they are minor, however please address more specifically on some of the elements I went into. I look forward to seeing an updated character sheet from you :)

Windreda said
See those powers are fine, just scrunch them together and judge your abilities based off of their power.With multiple powers like that you aren't necessarily focusing on one specific ability, so I think it would be alright for your tier to be like this:Tier 1: Minor persuasion and healing abilities. Influence minor emotions and heal small cuts.Tier 2: Distortion screaming, throws enemies off guard. (This will be your "Fight" tier) Tier 3: Improved screaming, more painful to hostile beings. Weaker enemies are stunned.Tier 4: More advanced persuasion and healing techniques. Influence lesser minds with decision making, even convince them to fight along side you. Heal open wounds.An ability like Hallucinations, might be placed higher on the list, however I'm not sure where I want the cap to be. I'm debating making it ten, yet I'm still unsure how I would want the leveling system to work in the first place. Please bear with me here ^_^' !

Okay, I think I understand. Thanks for clarifying! I'll have my CS up shortly, she's almost done.

Name: Dale Haight
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Appearance:
Image
Magic: Dale's brand of magic is a tricky beast to tame. He draws a little rune, sygil, diagram, or drawing onto a surface, which can then be turned on by impact, vocal command, or other stimuli. The level of control and fine-tuning is dependent on the tier they occupy. Higher-tier spells take longer to draw, where tier 1 can be drawn with a finger in the dirt, tier 5 needs a chalk and tier ten, penmanship.
Personality: Dale is a good-hearted soul. Some would call him a rough diamond, but he's much more like a carbuncle in that he's synonymous with a skin disease. Jeremy looks out for himself first, his friends second, and his enemies last. He considers himself learned and knowledgeable in most practical respects, although very rusty on the theoretical aspects of most fields. Dale has a stubborn streak, and to this day, calls AMA "Matteran' ". Dale acts very territorial, and will defend his hearth to the last scrap of flesh in his body. Dale has a tendency not to see social lines or barriers, such as how flipping of a Sky Brigadier could net him a severe beating. Dale looks down on scholars, members of Heaven's Hand, yet feels at ease around Marked Ones. While he respects the ideals of the Sky brigade, he prefers that they wouldn't infringe on his personal freedoms.
Background: (Unfinished and VEY Sketchy.) Dale was born to small, not-well off family in a small tribal community called Teeterlands, so named because of being almost outside of Atlas Sky brigade protection, and halfway encroached on Outlands territory. Dale grew up making law with his own fists, fighting other street kinds for fun.As hew grew older, he took up odd-jobs down the pits to earn a livable wage, like most kids in Teetertown do.
Theme:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIis9Y40rB4

I've got an idea for a character, we'll call him Jack for now, but you're gonna need to OK his backstory and ability as they are both potentially issues.

For backstory, I wanted Jack to be someone who was recruited into those scientific fields you mention as a child. When the story starts, he would be at an age range that would be this universes equivalent of one's early twenties. I would like for him to be working as a researcher apart of a team that is trying to learn the secrets of AMA (one of many research groups headed by various Noble leaders). His team in particular would work out of the AMA storage facility that is destroyed. The team would be a group of six people around the same age as Jack, and one supervisor. I would like for one of the team members to make a small discovery that would allow the research team to get a glimpse of how AMA works. The entire group is told about this discovery, but the physical information is destroyed in the explosion, and most of the team members are killed.

Now, depending on how getting magical powers works and whether or not you'll let Jack's ability fly, I would like for four or five members of the team to survive the explosion, but for most of them to be assassinated (if this doesn't fly, then just two survivors other than Jack) by the people who destroyed the facility. Jack will be killed during the actual explosion, but the ability that Jack gains is for his consciousness to flee to another host after the body it resides in dies. Tier 1 would make it so this process is completely random, allowing his consciousness to take over animals and people at random and anywhere within a multi-mile radius. I would have him be trapped inside a nobleman at first, who ends up being assassinated along with the other surviving team members (Jack attempts to find the team members and learn what's going on, which gives him away), then a rat (which is crushed in some machinery soon after Jack enter its body), and then a citizen, which is where we will start with him.

The way this ability would work is that he can only enter the body of an animal or person whose mental defenses are completely lowered. A mind with a lot of stress on it would reject Jack's consciousness, as would one that is aware of Jack's presence. As it is right now, Jack would not be able to enter the mind of someone who has magical abilities like his own.

I came up with all of this minutes ago, so I'll leave you with this to OK or pan before I go too crazy. I plan on expanding on the rules of this ability and Jack's backstory more as I continue working with this character, but right now I think you have enough to get a general idea. The issues I mentioned earlier are that you would need to give me a little bit of information to make Jack's knowledge worth killing over, as well as the fact that currently Jack's ability makes his conscious mind immortal (at least early on in the story).

Sorry for inconsistencies or grammatical errors in this post. I haven't done much in the way of creative writing for a couple years now.

Also, Jack is just a placeholder name.

Eyo, I hope you wont mind when I say that I wont be able to post a CS until monday, maybe late sunday depending on how I'm feeling since I'll be away for the weekend.

I do have a question though, regarding "Outland Surveyors", I had planned on making a homeless character who had been kicked to the streets out of fear of her magic so this seems to fit this general idea, but I digress, I'm wondering if these guys are monitored and/or how do they go about surveying? Do they have to make routine reports through snazzy techno communication gadgets? Or am I reading too into this and is this just a fancy term for exile?

Oh, and of course, I don't plan on having her stay in the outlands ;) (unless sneaking aint possible yo)

Mizuho said

I submitted my character brah

Thanks dog, looks alright to me broseph.

Alright silliness aside I believe it's a very clean and well organized character sheet. You have a tendency to be a little repetitive with your explanation of her character, but I see nothing wrong with it. I enjoy the small bits of lore you added, and how noble families aren't above being removed. It still leaves the question of how a new noble family would be added, however I love the bitterness it adds in many of those displaced nobles from the old family. I also enjoyed your magic, nothing seems overpowered without being weak.

You are accepted.

The book of bad juju said
Name: Dale Haight

Gender: Male

Age: 32

Appearance:

Magic: Dale's brand of magic is a tricky beast to tame. He draws a little rune, sygil, diagram, or drawing onto a surface, which can then be turned on by impact, vocal command, or other stimuli. The level of control and fine-tuning is dependent on the tier they occupy. Higher-tier spells take longer to draw, where tier 1 can be drawn with a finger in the dirt, tier 5 needs a chalk and tier ten, penmanship.

Personality: Dale is a good-hearted soul. Some would call him a rough diamond, but he's much more like a carbuncle in that he's synonymous with a skin disease. Jeremy looks out for himself first, his friends second, and his enemies last. He considers himself learned and knowledgeable in most practical respects, although very rusty on the theoretical aspects of most fields. Dale has a stubborn streak, and to this day, calls AMA "Matteran' ". Dale acts very territorial, and will defend his hearth to the last scrap of flesh in his body. Dale has a tendency not to see social lines or barriers, such as how flipping of a Sky Brigadier could net him a severe beating. Dale looks down on scholars, members of Heaven's Hand, yet feels at ease around Marked Ones. While he respects the ideals of the Sky brigade, he prefers that they wouldn't infringe on his personal freedoms.

Background: (Unfinished and VEY Sketchy.) Dale was born to small, not-well off family in a small tribal community called Teeterlands, so named because of being almost outside of Atlas Sky brigade protection, and halfway encroached on Outlands territory. Dale grew up making law with his own fists, fighting other street kinds for fun.As hew grew older, he took up odd-jobs down the pits to earn a livable wage, like most kids in Teetertown do.

Theme:

The book of- you know juju. Can I call you juju? I can't accept an incomplete character sheet, but I like what you're going with it so far. I actually love the theme you added for him, seeing his picture and character I think it fits so well! Another thing I liked was actually something I had a problem with. Teetertown seemed like an impossibility because of Atlas's paranoia with the outside world, but thinking about it I actually think it's kind of cool that there's a town separating the wilds from the city itself. It would make the city feel less isolated, and include more room to include elements of the outside world. I would say it would probably sort of be a buffer between a section of walling. The walls to Atlas's valley are strict with the walls to the outlands being a bit more lax. It actually could serve as a hub for Outland Surveyors, I like it.

One final problem I have though is your magic, while I get what your going for I saw the tier system as a sort of leveling system. Certain powers are unlocked overtime, rather than a rating to give certain magical abilities. However I don't see why you couldn't keep the type of power you have...if you could elaborate a bit more on what it is. I have no idea what you use to for, controlling inanimate objects, creatures? I would like your character to be REALY fleshed out before I can accept him.

Overall though I like his atmosphere, I just need a much more specific character sheet with a greater emphasis at explaining your magic. Let me know if you have any questions!

Master Jaster said
I've got an idea for a character, we'll call him Jack for now, but you're gonna need to OK his backstory and ability as they are both potentially issues.For backstory, I wanted Jack to be someone who was recruited into those scientific fields you mention as a child. When the story starts, he would be at an age range that would be this universes equivalent of one's early twenties. I would like for him to be working as a researcher apart of a team that is trying to learn the secrets of AMA (one of many research groups headed by various Noble leaders). His team in particular would work out of the AMA storage facility that is destroyed. The team would be a group of six people around the same age as Jack, and one supervisor. I would like for one of the team members to make a small discovery that would allow the research team to get a glimpse of how AMA works. The entire group is told about this discovery, but the physical information is destroyed in the explosion, and most of the team members are killed. Now, depending on how getting magical powers works and whether or not you'll let Jack's ability fly, I would like for four or five members of the team to survive the explosion, but for most of them to be assassinated (if this doesn't fly, then just two survivors other than Jack) by the people who destroyed the facility. Jack will be killed during the actual explosion, but the ability that Jack gains is for his consciousness to flee to another host after the body it resides in dies. Tier 1 would make it so this process is completely random, allowing his consciousness to take over animals and people at random and anywhere within a multi-mile radius. I would have him be trapped inside a nobleman at first, who ends up being assassinated along with the other surviving team members (Jack attempts to find the team members and learn what's going on, which gives him away), then a rat (which is crushed in some machinery soon after Jack enter its body), and then a citizen, which is where we will start with him. The way this ability would work is that he can only enter the body of an animal or person whose mental defenses are completely lowered. A mind with a lot of stress on it would reject Jack's consciousness, as would one that is aware of Jack's presence. As it is right now, Jack would not be able to enter the mind of someone who has magical abilities like his own. I came up with all of this minutes ago, so I'll leave you with this to OK or pan before I go too crazy. I plan on expanding on the rules of this ability and Jack's backstory more as I continue working with this character, but right now I think you have enough to get a general idea. The issues I mentioned earlier are that you would need to give me a little bit of information to make Jack's knowledge worth killing over, as well as the fact that currently Jack's ability makes his conscious mind immortal (at least early on in the story). Sorry for inconsistencies or grammatical errors in this post. I haven't done much in the way of creative writing for a couple years now.Also, Jack is just a placeholder name.

Man that's a messy quote system...

Anyway yes and no on a lot of things. I like the idea that he's a scientist for AMA, and considering that AMA has plenty of secrets of its own I will happily accept this part. The assassination thing seems a little far fetched, and unless you can sell it to me a bit more I'm going to have to say nay on that. More likely than not most of your team will die in the blast radius, though I am a bit intrigued on perhaps including a group of assassins in this new world. At the moment though no.

As for your powers it seems really cool...and really OP. I get he's limited to what his consciousness can go into, however for a character than cannot die there is no weight to his actions. Even in a game like Dark Souls, despite being difficult the fact that you had unlimited resets had everyone complete the game through trial and error. I just think there needs to be something to keep this power in check, because it sounds awesome for an upper tier unlock. How about this...

I like the idea of sending you consciousness out, sort of like a 'Mind Jack' scenario. Perhaps upper levels of this power can link to brief control of weak willed individuals for short durations (But not permanently). You could work it up from there, perhaps even adding some abilities like hearing the thoughts of others around you. There needs to be weight to this power however, you cannot be invincible and simply have a reset button every time you die. I'm trying to think how you could still somewhat keep your idea without just jumping to person to person every time you die. Perhaps if you're occupying another person and your body dies a whole slew of problems happens, either you have to share consciousness (That'd be kind of cool) or your mind sort of deteriorates from that experience. If you die with your consciousness however that's game over.

Man...don't get me wrong it sounds cool, I'm just trying to make this work. I'm not sure what lower level tier systems would be, as temporarily controlling an enemy before you die seems a bit OP. Perhaps at lower tiers the user can strongly fight back your control, and as well there remains some type of 'Cool Down' on this type of power. Man I'm really trying to work this through...I encourage any type of magic to be made and I think it'd be cool to have this power as well. Jut REALLY try to limit it down for now.

As for the who AMA thing though, I'm cool with it. If you want to add more details on the who assassin thing, I'd be ready to be sold on it. Just work on watering down that magic.

Reialgo said
Eyo, I hope you wont mind when I say that I wont be able to post a CS until monday, maybe late sunday depending on how I'm feeling since I'll be away for the weekend.I do have a question though, regarding "Outland Surveyors", I had planned on making a homeless character who had been kicked to the streets out of fear of her magic so this seems to fit this general idea, but I digress, I'm wondering if these guys are monitored and/or how do they go about surveying? Do they have to make routine reports through snazzy techno communication gadgets? Or am I reading too into this and is this just a fancy term for exile?Oh, and of course, I don't plan on having her stay in the outlands ;) (unless sneaking aint possible yo)

Nah, that'll actually be a role people have. Atlas can't be COMPLETLY cut off from the outside world, and sometimes individuals are chosen for the job. I'll probably edit things a bit to where an Atlas exile and a surveyor will be on completely different terms. An exile can no longer return, and a surveyor has limited rights in the city perhaps. Juju's idea for an outer settlement actually peeked my interest, as that way players can have a closer aspect on what Outland life is like without just hearing about it.

One thing I have to step in on for a lot of people is Atlas residents didn't have this magic in the past. It only JUST now resurfaced, so getting kicked out of Atlas because of magic would only work if it takes place within recent events. Also because of Atlas's strong fear of magic you wouldn't be kicked out, but still working out the kinks and details. Might turn the scientists of Atlas into major immoral D-bags, might turn The Sky Brigade into kill on sight kind of people. Still deciding how I would like tings to turn out.

As for Outland Surveyor's they are responsible for not only noting any changes around Atlas but as well mapping the surrounding wildlife. They note monster movements and keep major herds from getting too close to the city, even serving as a heads up if they can only just warn that danger is approaching. They are the eyes and ears of Atlas outside of the walls, amassing heavy duty equipment to go after creatures in the wild. How they communicate will be directly at the walled checkpoints, speaking face to face to Atlas officials on their reports or threats of any danger. So they not only need to be well armed, but quick too. A sort of best of the best kind of job that no one really wants, despite the curiosity some may have about the Outlands. It's not a place that you can comfortably live in, and if you're not careful can easily die in too.

Should a surveyor go AWOL either through joining a Marked One camp, dying, or simply just running off into the woods, they are replaced and treated as nothing more than an exiled Atlas resident. Anyway I probably should post most of this stuff in the intro post, however I do enjoy all of these questions that are coming in. It allows me to think of ideas that I may not have thought of that in-depth when I first made this idea. Also once again you guys are free to contribute any sort of lore you wish to this world!

Ok, I've gotta go to sleep for work tomorrow, so I'll just post my unedited responses to the first three paragraphs you wrote. I am willing to make drastic changes to the character if I need to, but for now I'll just try and get you as much information about the one I have as possible.

The reasoning behind the assassination thing was that there would be people looking for those who gained these abilities (I figured at least one group in the world would be trying to prevent the spread of knowledge about AMA/would be trying to stop the resurgence of magic), specifically Heaven’s Hand or some other underground organization.

I figured it would be an OP skill to have, but I also figured the ability could be as much a curse as it is a blessing. I planned on the eventuality of his character dying relatively frequently, allowing for infinite possibilities on who he takes over as well as what situation whatever he takes over is in. For example: he could take control of someone in jail, or a pet bird trapped in a cage. Or he could take control of a morbidly obese person, a cripple, or an elderly person.

Perma-death was also something I thought over quite a bit. I’ll be honest; I figured that since his character was more of a specialist than an actual fighter, it wouldn’t matter as much if he died. Ways of him dying forever would involve his conscious mind not being able to swap to another body, someone attacking his consciousness through other forms of telepathy, and eventually a steady decline in his ability to find another host. I also thought of the potential of a mind “snapping out” of its dormant state and fighting back against Jack’s presence, occasionally ejecting Jack’s mind. Lastly, the process of taking over someone’s mind and then having them die on him leaves a permanent impression of the thing’s consciousness on Jack.

(none of Jack's higher level tiers have been thought about in detail yet, so if this stuff that I'm writing seems OP its because I didn't take the time to think about it too much. I planned on the higher tiers actually decreasing the OP nature of Jack's initial ability)

I planned on having the higher tier unlocks mainly be based around him breaking his consciousness into pieces, allowing him to briefly influence someone’s actions, feel someone’s emotions, or make them feel something he creates. The only way he could actually fully take over someone else’s mind (until very late game where one possibility I thought up involved him creating two functioning conscious minds that could act independently) is if he were to fully remove himself from his current host (whether or not the host regains conscious control of his or her mind is based on how low of a tier Jack is) and place himself in a weak willed mind. This would be around tier 4 or 5. Actual mind reading was not something I saw as being possible for this character, as his mind never straight up melds with someone else’s. I wanted the person or animal’s mind to temporarily be suppressed (kind of like when you’re blackout drunk) while Jack is in control.

I'll check back tomorrow, as well as do some more specific work on this character, but I am willing to make a new character if this is too much of a headache for you.

Hello!

Name: Dallas Serana

Gender: female

Age: 21

Appearance: Dallas is a fairly tall woman who's body has been sculpted and marred by her work. Callouses are evident on her palms as well as on the bottoms of her feet. Her bronzed skin is often mistaken for her natural skin tone, when it is a lighter golden color. Hours of working in the sun does that to a person.

Her hair is a messy mop of black, brown and blonde that has to be kept from her eyes with a hat or a hair tie. The mess usually extends just past her shoulders, but has been known to be cut to the lobes of her ears during the wet months. Her eyes hazel green eyes just seems to add to the oddity of her appearance, and most are unsure if she should be called plain or exotic. In accordance with her job, Dallas typically wears loose brown pants, heavy duty boots, and a light canvas shirt or a fitted tank top. She is not as physically gifted as a woman her age should be; where curves would be, hard muscle is found instead. That is not to say that she doesn't carry a feminine shape, it is unmistakable when someone is within a few yards .

For identifying marks, Dallas has a tattoo along her right shoulder. With the art of marking the skin being almost exclusive to her family, the marks are often viewed with suspicion and unease. Few can make out what the mural means, even when its symbols are explained by Dallas. Towards the shoulder is a beautiful depiction of a Gladious flower that descends into a looping vine of Orchids. From there, the line loops around her arm again and blooms into an arm bracelet of Heather Lavender and Hyacinth. Towards her forearm, a tattoo of four bands all connected by a beautifully chaotic web of sharp lines.

Magic(If applicable):
Dallas' magical ability lies in the creation and manipulation of Psychic Energy. From creating physical constructs to appearing to wield lightning, this ability can be incredibly destructive.

Tier 1: Mental Shield: Dallas is able to create a psychic shield that can repel physical things consciously or mental attacks unconsciously. At this stage, she can only block organic projectiles due to her being around them more.

Tier 2: Mental Lightning: Dallas harnesses her innate psychic power to imitate the form of lightning. This is the basis of her attacks.

Tier 3: Mental Adept: Dallas has more control over her psychic powers, and has begun to overcome her fear of her own powers. She can now create a bubble shield and her mental defenses are under her control. She can now arc her psychic lightning.

Tier 4: Psychic Gun/Blades: Based on the guns of the Sky Police, Dallas can now create a gun in one hand while wielding a more complicated form of her psionic shield. It can shoot organic ammo (usually rocks surrounded in her psychic energy). When using the blade form, it is based on a wrist knife she once made as a child.

Tier 5: Psychic Lightning Storm: Dallas can now shoot her psychic lightning over a longer distance OR with more frequency. Regardless, she can now use the lightning in both hands: either with them touching side by side to extend the range or independently for alternating or simultaneous attacks.

Tier 6: Psychic Professional: Dallas' control now runs independent of her emotions. She can now focus her power in the heat of anger. Her precision with her psychic energy has increased as well, even if its power hasn't. Her Psychic Gun/Blade can now be used in conjunction with her Psychic Lightning.

Tier 7: Psionic Entity Creation: While little more than a minion, the entinty is a glowing effigy of a very tall man made of writhing Psychic Lightning. It follows mental and verbal commands and is completely loyal to his mistress. Has a maximum time limit of 1 hour. This lowers to 45 minutes when using a shield, 30 minutes when using Physic Gun, and 15 minutes when using Psychic Lightning Storm.

Tier 8: Psionic Armor: Dallas can now imbue herself and her Entity with psychic armor that can repel inorganic materials as well as organic materials. Has a maximum time limit of 30 minutes regardless of offensive movements.

Tier 9: Psionic Mastery: Now a master over her powers, Dallas can now use all of her powers without need of focus. Her Psychic Blade can now extend its length with a thought, her Psychic Gun can fire either rapidly or in bursts, her Psionic Entity now has a face capable of showing emotion and communication, and the Psionic Armor and Mental Shield can be manipulated to fit allies. Also, her Psychic Lightning Storm radiates from her as both an offense and a defense.

Tier 10: Psychic Lightning Golem: A massive, physical entity capable of independent thought and seems to have a life of its own. Despite Dallas' ability to psychically create him from nearby materials, he is always the same golem and requests to be called "Blitz". He is capable of intelligent speech and refers to Dallas as "My Lady" out of respect. He has the ability to merge with his lady to gain access to her unique attack set. On his own, he possesses incredible strength and durability. At this point, Dallas can keep him indefinitely, but she will lose access to her other powers unless she merges with Blitz or furthers her own progress to learn how to access them.
It is unknown exactly what gives him the ability to speak or have rational thought and may be explored later.

Personality: Dallas is a very cautious young woman that enjoys her simple life. She never wanted magic and never held much interest in it or the Old World. By no means intolerant, Dallas has been known to open her home to wven the most hostile of officials that track her progress and loyalty. She carries a deep love for plants, flowers and animals, but harbors a deep resentment for past transgressions against her.

Her magic scares her immensely, as does conflict in general. She'd much rather keep her head low and not attract attention than fight against some great injustice.

Background:
Dallas is a rancher/botanist that lives on a small settlement just outside of the city's outer walls. Her ranch sells: beef (a variety of high quality cuts due to free range grazing), pork, chicken, eggs, leather, personalized leather charms, milk, and breeding stock. Her botany shop offers a wide selection of seasonal flowers and houseplants that have been carefully bred and cared for. Her permits have allowed her to use unused and carefully preserved samples from her mother's travels that are inspected by a team of officials. These exotic flowers have been bred to be infertile and thus won't produce harmful spores. They are very expensive of course, so these are often sold only to nobles. For the commons, she has bred some of the more common flowers that can grow in the city and has her cousin arrange them into beautiful set pieces.

As a child, Dallas exhibited a knowledge of flora and fauna that would have almost guaranteed that she'd be a surveyor, but her grades were not up to par. Instead, she went into the family business of raising the livestock that supplied leather, meat and other supplies to the city. She also used maternal familial knowledge of botany to add a joint venture to her ranch.

Around this time, the addition of the botany to her ranch further estranged her from her very traditional father. Since she was born out of wedlock, her father already looked down at her. "A moment of weakness" he often called her. It was her grandfather that taught her the family's way or ranching and familial leatherwork against her father's wishes. It was also her grandmother that gifted her with her first set of tattoos (on her forearm) when she came into adulthood. When she petitioned the nearby noble for the land that was willed to her by her grandparents when they died, her father protested and made a case that he felt she was too young and was untested to care for it properly. The noble granted the land to the man as her benefactor until she was trustworthy. Of course, the snake sold the land off and set the money aside for his four legitimate children then kicked the mild-mannered Dallas from his house.

The older teen slowly made her way her way towards the walls over the next few months, alone and scared. Her mother's family lived nearby, and it was her aunt that brought her home for a hot meal. Her aunt didn't know whom she was, for by this time she was dirty and reeked of the streets. All the woman knew was that she was too young to be on the streets and should at least have the comfort of a warm bed and a hot meal. It was her uncle that recognized her eyes and practically dragged her to the tub to get her clean. Upon seeing younger, cleaner version of his older sister, he immediately scooped her up to his chest and cried into her hair. Over the next year, she met her mother's family members and they embraced her wholeheartedly for the woman was reported dead a few years prior while surveying. They furthered her knowledge of local flora and the care for them as well as breeding, which has led to some of the most exotic looking, tame flora money could buy. She eventually petitioned another noble, under her mother's last name, for her mother's residence. It took almost another year to gain the necessary permits and paperwork, as well as the proper help so that she could run her own business on the freer lands close to the outside of the wall.

Three years have passed since she was granted permission. With the help of her two cousins and three hired hands, the ranch is now brimming with business from nobles to the common. Her ranch is visited bi-monthly for "Quality" checks by a city official and a surveyor. If passed, both give her their seals on her license which allows for her to sell undisturbed for another 60 days. Her license states that she must sell to only the city and through an intermediary or a private stall, shop, or store. Her cousins run the shop out of her maternal family's shop while her ranch hands (two former thieves, a young couple, and an orphan) care for the livestock under her watchful eye. More for the livestock than the boy and couple since they'd been with her for a long time now.

She found out about her magic while she was tending to her herd one day while it was grazing in the sanctioned fields. A strange crackle traveled along her fingers to her horse and spooked him into taking off. She hit the ground hard and would have been trampled if she hadn't blocked his hooves with her hands. The movement placed a physical shield between her and the deadly shoes, and held so remarkably that the horse was able to stand on it with its front legs when he called down. Frightened out of her wits, she managed to wiggle her way from under the beast to just lay in the grass in disbelief. Immense guilt filled her when she looked at her hands, for they brought unnecessary harm to the animal and it felt that. Then gripping fear choked her throat, for she knew it took a lot to harm a horse to the point that it felt like it had to fight for its life. Ever since that day, she's kept her gloved touch to plants and bare touch to wooden objects rather than other humans or animals.


Theme:
Dallas' Theme

Wow, the quote system doesn't keep paragraph spacing? o.0

Windreda said
One thing I have to step in on for a lot of people is Atlas residents didn't have this magic in the past. It only JUST now resurfaced, so getting kicked out of Atlas because of magic would only work if it takes place within recent events. Also because of Atlas's strong fear of magic you wouldn't be kicked out, but still working out the kinks and details. Might turn the scientists of Atlas into major immoral D-bags, might turn The Sky Brigade into kill on sight kind of people. Still deciding how I would like tings to turn out.

Well by kicked out I meant by his family, I haven't really worked out all the kinks to the backstory but I was thinking she would be a part of a noble's family, seen experimenting with magic by a family members, and snuck into being a "Surveyor" as a pseudo form of exile to keep her away from the city for both her own safety and her family's. Also thinking of having fire based magic to up the freak out factor, you know relation to the great fire n stuff.

If this is sounds too much for magic thats been recently discovered, maybe I can turn it into a subplot in the RP instead? Start as a noble and turn my character to the life os surveying during the plot.

OP said
book of- you know juju. Can I call you juju?

Sure, go ahead, most people do. It's a lot better then being called Book.

said I can't accept an incomplete character sheet, but I like what you're going with it so far. I actually love the theme you added for him, seeing his picture and character I think it fits so well! Another thing I liked was actually something I had a problem with. Teetertown seemed like an impossibility because of Atlas's paranoia with the outside world, but thinking about it I actually think it's kind of cool that there's a town separating the wilds from the city itself. It would make the city feel less isolated, and include more room to include elements of the outside world. I would say it would probably sort of be a buffer between a section of walling. The walls to Atlas's valley are strict with the walls to the outlands being a bit more lax. It actually could serve as a hub for Outland Surveyors, I like it.

I was kind of testing the waters there, mainly. If it works, it works. My original intention was for Teeterlands to be little more then lean-to shacks for miners to sleep in when they're not, y'know, mining. But if this frontier town away from Town idea works, lovely
[/quote]

OP said
One final problem I have though is your magic, while I get what your going for I saw the tier system as a sort of leveling system. Certain powers are unlocked overtime, rather than a rating to give certain magical abilities. However I don't see why you couldn't keep the type of power you have...if you could elaborate a bit more on what it is. I have no idea what you use to for, controlling inanimate objects, creatures? I would like your character to be REALLY fleshed out before I can accept him.Overall though I like his atmosphere, I just need a much more specific character sheet with a greater emphasis at explaining your magic. Let me know if you have any questions

Okay, i might as well link to what i'm basing this magic system on, /tg/'s runic arrays. The way i see it working is that at tier one, a rune circle trap thing (or RCT) would activate on touch, and spawn out one of say, six things.. A small fire, a puddle of water, sticky stuff, a small push away, a smokescreen, and some spikes. At tier two, you can combine two things together. So you can have the small fire AND water to create steam. sticky stuff AND spikes for an annoying trap. At that same tier, tier 2, you could modify one rune so you could have a Large campfire, a small stream of water, a sticky trap that activated when it was Seen rather then directly touched. To modify one base Element beyond what it already does, to make it More in some way. However, this seems a little OP, given that runes have no weight and there's nothing preventing you from writing fire runes on every side of a rock and hurling it at a guy as a fireball substitute.

So here's the system i have in mind right now.

Current System said

Tier 1. The runes for Fire, Water, and force.

Tier 2, the runes for Contain , Deceive and Pain, as well as any rune that combines 2 Tier one runes.

Tier 3. Runes for Enlarge, On Sight, and Shrink, as well as any rune that combines Tier 2 and Tier 1 runes.

I suppose a solution would be that the total cost of each tier of spell is added together to get the tier of the spell as cast.

Also, the quote button doesn't carry over stuff from the post you're quoting, such as formatting. Even though a quote is capable of it. You'll have to go through with each quote and re-add the format to the stuff you quote.

Master Jaster said
Ok, I've gotta go to sleep for work tomorrow, so I'll just post my unedited responses to the first three paragraphs you wrote. I am willing to make drastic changes to the character if I need to, but for now I'll just try and get you as much information about the one I have as possible. The reasoning behind the assassination thing was that there would be people looking for those who gained these abilities (I figured at least one group in the world would be trying to prevent the spread of knowledge about AMA/would be trying to stop the resurgence of magic), specifically Heaven’s Hand or some other underground organization. I figured it would be an OP skill to have, but I also figured the ability could be as much a curse as it is a blessing. I planned on the eventuality of his character dying relatively frequently, allowing for infinite possibilities on who he takes over as well as what situation whatever he takes over is in. For example: he could take control of someone in jail, or a pet bird trapped in a cage. Or he could take control of a morbidly obese person, a cripple, or an elderly person.Perma-death was also something I thought over quite a bit. I’ll be honest; I figured that since his character was more of a specialist than an actual fighter, it wouldn’t matter as much if he died. Ways of him dying forever would involve his conscious mind not being able to swap to another body, someone attacking his consciousness through other forms of telepathy, and eventually a steady decline in his ability to find another host. I also thought of the potential of a mind “snapping out” of its dormant state and fighting back against Jack’s presence, occasionally ejecting Jack’s mind. Lastly, the process of taking over someone’s mind and then having them die on him leaves a permanent impression of the thing’s consciousness on Jack. (none of Jack's higher level tiers have been thought about in detail yet, so if this stuff that I'm writing seems OP its because I didn't take the time to think about it too much. I planned on the higher tiers actually decreasing the OP nature of Jack's initial ability)I planned on having the higher tier unlocks mainly be based around him breaking his consciousness into pieces, allowing him to briefly influence someone’s actions, feel someone’s emotions, or make them feel something he creates. The only way he could actually fully take over someone else’s mind (until very late game where one possibility I thought up involved him creating two functioning conscious minds that could act independently) is if he were to fully remove himself from his current host (whether or not the host regains conscious control of his or her mind is based on how low of a tier Jack is) and place himself in a weak willed mind. This would be around tier 4 or 5. Actual mind reading was not something I saw as being possible for this character, as his mind never straight up melds with someone else’s. I wanted the person or animal’s mind to temporarily be suppressed (kind of like when you’re blackout drunk) while Jack is in control.I'll check back tomorrow, as well as do some more specific work on this character, but I am willing to make a new character if this is too much of a headache for you.

UGH I had an entire detailed explanation on this response, and of course my page refreshes for no reason what so ever. I won't get in a post if I try to recopy your response so...

Sparknotes time!

Assassins: No, it still seems a little farfetched that a group targets SPECIFIC people on AMA research. They might as well just destroy Atlas as a whole: An entire mining and research community based around AMA. Still it seems like an interesting idea, just not really something I wish to include at the moment (As it really only addresses your character.)

Magic: I see where your going, and I love the creativity you have when developing this. Still unless you really spend a bit more time developing this I got to say no. I don't have a headache with it, I understand perfectly where you're coming from. Your handicaps to it just don't really seem to work from an RP standpoint as there just isn't any weight. A character trapped in jail would be dull to write about, and after a post or two about a detailed suicide you'd be back where you started. It would be really fun to see you sort of "Quantum Leap" into different lives, I just would like to see a more specific tier system that adds a bit more balance to immortality. If by all means you start getting a headache trying to make this magic work then just role another character. I just can't see myself approving the magical system with how it is currently.

I love all this creativity you're bringing with you character and I'm trying not to trample on it, I'd just like to see this character fleshed out fully before I can see if it would work.

AeronFarron said
Hello!

Hallow! Anyway I figured it to be easy to quote this rather than your ENTIRE character sheet. Overall I liked it, your magic is unique and I love the extra bit of setting you added. The ranch makes sense as it is monitored by Atlas and it once again gives a more windowed look into The Outlands. Another fun thing about your ranch is that you get to design your own animals to, in this new world it would be boring to have plain old cows/horses (But you can if you want) Come up with some creative docile beasts to add into the world!

Besides some odd phrasings or difficult to understand transitions(I had no idea your character wasn't living with her mother but then her mothers side of the family pops up, However it wasn't the end of the world reading through it) I thought it was a very well done character. You were true to my lore while adding some of your own, and the magic you posses is powerful without being too game breaking.

You are accepted.

Reialgo said
Wow, the quote system doesn't keep paragraph spacing? o.0Well by kicked out I meant by his family, I haven't really worked out all the kinks to the backstory but I was thinking she would be a part of a noble's family, seen experimenting with magic by a family members, and snuck into being a "Surveyor" as a pseudo form of exile to keep her away from the city for both her own safety and her family's. Also thinking of having fire based magic to up the freak out factor, you know relation to the great fire n stuff.If this is sounds too much for magic thats been recently discovered, maybe I can turn it into a subplot in the RP instead? Start as a noble and turn my character to the life os surveying during the plot.

Ya, makes me keep on missing how the old site functioned. Seemed more familiar to me, now just foreign...

Oh right your character. Anyway I plan on having the RP start about a week after the explosion and the reemergence of magic, so to avoid too much of playing through a scenario we know the outcome of I see no reason as why your character couldn't have been 'exiled' in that time. It also makes for a more interesting story too, a noble family covering for one of their own in order to avoid the repercussions. With the inclusion of noble family's being replaced, it adds for some tension there.

The fire magic works too as well, another freak out factor to the citizens of Atlas like you said. I see nothing wrong with it so far, you're good.

The book of bad juju said
Sure, go ahead, most people do. It's a lot better then being called Book.I was kind of testing the waters there, mainly. If it works, it works. My original intention was for Teeterlands to be little more then lean-to shacks for miners to sleep in when they're not, y'know, mining. But if this frontier town away from Town idea works, lovely

Okay, i might as well to what i'm basing this magic system on, /tg/'s runic arrays. The way i see it working is that at tier one, a rune circle trap thing (or RCT) would activate on touch, and spawn out one of say, six things.. A small fire, a puddle of water, sticky stuff, a small push away, a smokescreen, and some spikes. At tier two, you can combine two things together. So you can have the small fire AND water to create steam. sticky stuff AND spikes for an annoying trap. At that same tier, tier 2, you could modify one rune so you could have a Large campfire, a small stream of water, a sticky trap that activated when it was Seen rather then directly touched. To modify one base Element beyond what it already does, to make it More in some way. However, this seems a little OP, given that runes have no weight and there's nothing preventing you from writing fire runes on every side of a rock and hurling it at a guy as a fireball substitute.So here's the system i have in mind right now.I suppose a solution would be that the total cost of each tier of spell is added together to get the tier of the spell as cast.Also, the quote button doesn't carry over stuff from the post you're quoting, such as formatting. Even though a quote is capable of it. You'll have to go through with each quote and re-add the format to the stuff you quote.
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The quoting system is just... bad. I know man.

Anyway I'm sorry for messing with your town, it's just that I pictured the AMA mines to be directly below Atlas so I saw no reason for there to be separate housing elsewhere. If you have a different idea and want to share it than go for it, if you would want Teetertown to be a sort of haven for miners than I see no harm in including that into the RP. I still would want to have sort of an outer settlement on the edge of Atlas incorporating a window to The Outlands, I would just call it something else.

I also read through the entire magic system you're proposing and it sounds awesome, I think it would be cool if you included it into your character. I still would like you to have the tier system, as it provides a leveling system for your characters, but your example kind of works for the most part. To avoid the whole OP element of your magic, how about there is a limit to how many runes you can draw. As you increase tier levels this limit increases, as well as making it possible for you to simply cast runes on surfaces at will. I really enjoy the idea as while you aren't completely powerful in one element of magic, you have a wide range of skills that could suit your character at certain points in time. Nothing seems wrong with the idea at all, if you lengthen your character sheet and specify parts like background and magic then you will be good.

Awesome! Thank you!

Now that I know I can create my own animals...*evil cackle* I'll think up some domestic animals as well as a few insects.

I would like to run with the Great Fire motif that you've set up. I have a few already set up if you'd like to see them.

Ash Cattle (scientific name TBD): A slow moving, lumbering animal the resembles an odd cross between a small elephant and a large cow. Standing at no less than four feet and no taller than five feet, these animals are covered in a layer of thin fur and are usually colored in shades of gray or beige. Males are characterized by the set of three horns it possesses (two tusks as well as a goring horn at the top of the head). The steer is the main source of leather for the ranch since a steer is capable of producing at least three pairs of leather trousers. Bulls are kept separated from each other as well as from the cows due to their aggressive nature. Healthy Ash Cows can produce almost half their weight in crude milk, which means that they must constantly be grazing. Care must be taken to regulate their numbers, for overpopulation can bring more harm than good for the nearby fields.

Olavium: The special breed of horse that is almost exclusive to Dallas' ranch. This mount is a cross of the native Jrilongr (a wild stallion), and a Fidlfe (a native, symbiotic bacteria that is found on a specific flower). An olavium stands at nearly six foot at the shoulder, and sports little to no fur. The presence of the bacteria, and the subsequent mutation, has left the animal with blank white eyes, four pairs of eyes and six legs. Naturally occurring armor made of hardened bone makes up the shoes of the horse as well as protecting the flank, ribs, neck, and head. This animal is naturally infertile, and requires a lot of training due to a natural stubbornness and natural blindness. This horse is not meant for city life, for loud noises will disturb its sensitive ears and spook it. As such, the only viable way to communicate wishes are through either touch or short clicks of the tongue in a pattern. Dallas' ranch carries two olaviums at one time, as well as a small herd of the parent animals and two producing flowers for the bacterium. As for usefulness, an olavium is powerfully built to help move along the Ash Cattle. Should one break free, or the Ash Herd stampede, one olavium is capable of running down the herd at the sound of the command click sequence or a gentle touch to the back of the right ear.

As for where the idea for the Olavium came from, it was observed naturally by her mother and recorded. She spent some time watching over the wild horses and concluded that when a certain flower was eaten by a pregnant female, an Olavium was the result.

what do you think so far?