A few years ago, a woman appeared on the news in my hometown in a really unpleasant way. Soon after, the story kind of went viral. Some of you may even have heard of it.

Ugh

That woman was my mother. I've been getting shit for it ever since, and it's made me nervous about letting anybody know where I live or my name online. I guess it was funny at first, but the more I thought about it, the more it just...hurt, I guess? I haven't slept all night and it's eleven A.M. here, which is probably why I'm gushing like this. I understand the potential repercussions of posting something like this in Spam. I'm basically asking to be made fun of some more, but I feel the need to vent, and since you all are basically my only social contact lately, it'll have to do. Anyway, this is still dragging behind me like so much shitty baggage, and I don't know how to get rid of it.

Cut the ties.

Oh god... That sounds absolutely horrible.

As someone who is the child of addicts, I feel for you. It's never easy and certainly not when a story like that goes viral. It is hilarious until you realize that person in the story has family who are going to suffer for her indiscretions. I hope her arrest was a wake up call for her to get help with her addiction.

natsumehack said
Cut the ties.

I have, to a degree. I rarely speak to my mother anymore, but my friend's all thought it was hilarious, so they spread it around like wildfire. It's become mimetic in my friend group IRL, and it's kinda' hard to go for long periods of time without being reminded of it.

idlehands said
As someone who is the child of addicts, I feel for you. It's never easy and certainly not when a story like that goes viral. It is hilarious until you realize that person in the story has family who are going to suffer for her indiscretions. I hope her arrest was a wake up call for her to get help with her addiction.

I appreciate the sympathy. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for some commiseration when I posted this. Unfortunately, she's still off gallivanting in her own crack-addled world. Only now, she's doing it in Florida. (I think)

Lucian said
I have, to a degree. I rarely speak to my mother anymore, but my friend's all thought it was hilarious, so they spread it around like wildfire. It's become mimetic in my friend group IRL, and it's kinda' hard to go for long periods of time without being reminded of it.

Think of it this way, as embarrassing as this is at least someone else did it. It wasn't something you did. Eventually it'll go away and that's also really shitty of your friends.

idlehands said
Think of it this way, as embarrassing as this is at least someone else did it. It wasn't something you did. Eventually it'll go away and that's also really shitty of your friends.

I know. My friends definitely aren't people that I would make friends with now. They're friends by virtue of having known me for a long time only. My friend group is notoriously bad at giving a fuck about how their actions effect others.

EDIT: I should clarify that there are a few exceptions to the above statements.

Lucian said
I have, to a degree. I rarely speak to my mother anymore, but my friend's all thought it was hilarious, so they spread it around like wildfire. It's become mimetic in my friend group IRL, and it's kinda' hard to go for long periods of time without being reminded of it.

I know how hard this is, but, why don't you try to find a new group of friends? First, you should try telling them that you don't want them to talk about it, then, if they don't stop , find a group of people who won't be mean about it.

Lucian said
I have, to a degree. I rarely speak to my mother anymore, but my friend's all thought it was hilarious, so they spread it around like wildfire. It's become mimetic in my friend group IRL, and it's kinda' hard to go for long periods of time without being reminded of it. I appreciate the sympathy. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for some commiseration when I posted this. Unfortunately, she's still off gallivanting in her own crack-addled world. Only now, she's doing it in Florida. (I think)

Of course Florida. She is in the land of her people now.

I do commiserate with you and only time will help the memory of that fade and hopefully add some maturity to your friends so they can see how much that it affects you.

Lucian said I know. My friends definitely aren't people that I would make friends with now. They're friends by virtue of having known me for a long time only. My friend group is notoriously bad at giving a fuck about how their actions effect others.

Ah, those friends by convenience. Well, I hope nothing bad or embarrassing ever happens to them.

Joegreenbeen said
I know how hard this is, but, why don't you try to find a new group of friends? First, you should try telling them that you don't want them to talk about it, then, if they don't stop , find a group of people who won't be mean about it.

I used to be able to just 'make new friends', but it's not that easy anymore. I've been stagnating emotionally for two years now. I'm so socially inept now that I avoid contact with people as much as possible. I didn't use to be like this, but extenuating circumstances and all...

idlehands said
Of course Florida. She is in the land of her people now. I do commiserate with you and only time will help the memory of that fade and hopefully add some maturity to your friends so they can see how much that it affects you.

Yeah, I'm hoping that will be the case.

idlehands said Ah, those friends by convenience. Well, I hope nothing bad or embarrassing ever happens to them.

The silly thing is that even if something like this did happen to one of my friends, I'd not be able to laugh about it. I'm too empathetic, I guess. Which sounds like a really great virtue to have, but when it's not reciprocated, it can be pretty crippling.

EDIT: Sorry for bitching and moaning. I never do this. Not sure what possessed me to start now, hah.

Lucian said The silly thing is that even if something like this did happen to one of my friends, I'd not be able to laugh about it. I'm too empathetic, I guess. Which sounds like a really great virtue to have, but when it's not reciprocated, it can be pretty crippling.

I wouldn't assume you would return the favor. And yes, it can be very hurtful to be on the empathetic and not understand why others are such dicks and don't understand/care about the pain they inflict. That said, I hope as you grow older and move on, you can move on to another circle of more like minded friends.

Well, if your friends have never met an addict, I'd imagine they wouldn't know the slightest bit what it feels like. Even if it's a big deal to you, they might not know what it feels like. To them, it'll be just another cool epiks mime thing to joke about. I'd suggest not dealing with them much until they forget about it in a couple months, but I'm lacking perspective to give any real advice.

More around my area of interest is this: I know you need to gush, but I still wouldn't recommend posting about this stuff online. Just from the links you've posted, I already know your last name and hometown, and could probably keep digging to find even more dox. That's usually never good. Parts of the web thrive off this sort of stuff, and it's the last thing you need right now. But that's me being paranoid and crap.

my point is: I'm sorry. At the very least, you're probably turning out better than your parents already.

CidTheKid said More around my area of interest is this: I know you need to gush, but I still wouldn't recommend posting about this stuff online. Just from the links you've posted, I already know your last name and hometown, and could probably keep digging to find even more dox. That's usually never good. Parts of the web thrive off this sort of stuff, and it's the last thing you need right now. But that's me being paranoid and crap.

How do you know he still lives in that area?

The first thing to address is what Cid mentioned above - the main danger of posting things like this online is giving away your identity, particularly in relation to something you're feeling vulnerable about. You don't need to fear that from Spam members - most of us vent here at some point and support is always there - but this is, after all, a public forum that anybody can view. I'm very free with my details on here, however, and no harm has come yet, but it is simply something to keep in mind.

But to address the issue at hand:
About your mother... how you deal with this is very dependent on your view on parenting. See, you can either believe that parents are parents first and people in their own right later, or the other way around. Neither is right or wrong, but the best way to deal with any situation obviously depends very much on you as an individual. If you feel the first, then unfortunately, your mother has not been there for you and has let you down, and maybe you were right to cut your ties and not let her drag you down with her. As much as that hurts, this is like cutting away a necrotic limb - it hurts like fuck and it may feel like something is missing, but it will save your life and make you happier in the long run, without poisoning other areas of your life. If you feel the second... well, that's a hell of a lot harder, because in that case a parent is as much a friend as anything else - and you have to support them through the rough times as much as the other way around, even if that means embarrassment and pain for yourself. And if you're that sort of person instead, cutting them off and leaving them to their own devices may well breed regret later.
About friends... as hard as it is, the best advice I can give is to attempt to separate your inner vulnerable emotions from what your friends joke about. Your hurt and upset is 100% understandable and reasonable, but your friends' comments are not meant to target those - they just see a funny story about their mate, the same way everyone takes the mick out of their friends for stuff. You have to try to take their comments in that light.
To try to think of an example - I generally look super scruffy and dishevelled and shit, and my two best male friends are very image-conscious and very much believe in looking smart and presentable. They take the piss out of how I look all the time as a running joke - but it's actually been a source of real insecurity for me in the past, and they even know I used to purge (make myself sick) and starve myself because I got so worked up about it. I take their jokes as the lighthearted fare they're intended to be, and try not to think of them as real criticisms that might hit my confidence too badly; to not take the comments personally, or seriously. They make the joke because it's there to be made and we all take the piss out of eachother, not because of their actual thoughts and feelings about me.
I know your current problem is a very fresh wound and is somewhat more serious and complex, but I hope that illustrates my point - perhaps the word to use is "compartmentalising".
Talking big-picture though, it doesn't sound like you much fit in with your friendship group. You're a person of empathy, whereas they don't give a shit about others. That may be an issue of maturity - I had similar issues with the friends mentioned above for years, but eventually they matured and now they're two of the best friends I could ask for - but if not, maybe it is time the insensitive asshats are relegated to being friendly acquaintances and you seek out likeminded people who will empathise with and support you the same way you would for them. I understand feeling socially inept and not knowing where to start, but... in general, settling for unhappiness because it's comfortably familiar is one way to guarantee a miserable life. Major events like this can be epiphany moments that make you realise you need to change something; maybe, right now, what you need to change is your main friendship group, so that in future you have folk to support you through stuff like this rather than feeling alone and vulnerable. I mean, true, we're all here for you - but we can't give you a hug, unfortunately.

And that's enough advice instead of sympathy. I can't pretend I have the experience to empathise, but I utterly sympathise with how you're feeling and I am sorry that you're suffering through this shit. It's not something that anyone should go through, feeling that neither parent nor friends are there to support them - but I think that Idle is right in multiple regards in this thread, in particular that over time your friend group will hopefully morph and change in positive ways, and I hope you can take comfort from her similar experiences.

CidTheKid said

I'm not particularly worried about Spam. I've been a member of forums and sites where sharing things like that would concern me, and RPG isn't one of them. That aside, thanks for the compliment, hah.

The rest of you, thanks for wasting the time to make me feel a bit better. I appreciate it, and it has helped to put a few things in perspective.

Uhm
Well

Okay

well that's a pile of shit. It's one thing to have shitty family members, but it's another for them to make it public.

Use spam to vent. It can actually be pretty good about this stuff sometimes.