KillamriX88 said
Lugubrious - Hmm... the picture was a bit offputting, but after reading the rest of the CS it fits perfectly, so I assume you made it yourself. I suppose that just means it's more accurate. :P As for the CS itself, it's pretty good. An eel faunus is definitely a unique idea, and I like that his semblance kinda makes him an electric eel. I also feel like I don't see many characters with his personality type... but that might just be me.

I assume that offputting feeling is because of the low quality of the picture. My conundrum is this: I want to create original characters, using my own designs, but I am a truly terrible drawer. So I used Heromachine 3.0 to mock Abel up, as I do with most of my characters. And yes, his is a rare personality.

Easy enough to work on the weapon thing, it was 3 in the morning when I posted that so I was getting a bit sleepy at the end of that and well I get sloppy. I'll get to working on that and doctor it up a bit.

Lugubrious - Oh, believe me, I understand. I will literally spend hours looking for character pictures and end up with nothing. Hence why Amalger has no picture... Don't worry, I'm not gonna hold it against you.

drewccapp - Ah, I see. Yeah, sleep is a thing... sometimes.

In other news the main thread is up. The clock is now ticking for those who want to submit characters.

Main Thread!

Alright, edited it to something I think is more suitable to her personality. Still kept it simple, but it still has flair... hell she still has flair.

drewcapp - your link is broken, but that's definitely better.

Screwed up the code >.> kinda embarrassing :P

... Still accepting???

drewccapp - Ah, tres bien!

pyro - until I say otherwise, people may attempt to join, yes.

Awesome! I'll be using my standard RWBY character, but please let me know if anything needs to be changed.

Name: Cephalus ‘Seth’ Cain
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Race: Bighorn Sheep Faunus

Height: 5’10”
Weight: 140lb
Appearance: There are three here. All three were paid for by me, so no grabby hands. Oh and just ignore his tail.


Personality: Cephalus has a problem: one of his favourite things to do is annoy people. He loves being the center of attention, be it in the good way or the bad way, and always strives to get everyone's attention on him. Cephalus is able to become fast friends with most types of people, and if you have a problem with him, you’re better off telling him to his face than whispering behind his back. He is aware the fact he is a Faunus makes a lot of people hate him, and most of the time he will use that to his advantage to generally be a dick to those who live with prejudice against the Faunus.
He is prepared to defend his friends to the death, but when events turn dire, Cephalus' feelings overpower him and tends to get angry and irrational.

Likes: Annoying people, Maths and feats of strength
Dislikes: Losing feats of strength, people talking shit about his horns behind his back,

Strengths: He's charismatic, and has a tendency to be able to talk himself out of a lot of situations..
Weaknesses: He gets erratic when he's angry, and his accuracy and usefulness in battle is severely lowered.

Weapon(s): Dual ended scimitar/halberd, can be split into two separate scimitars for dual wielding, then combined back with ease.


Semblance: Cephalus' semblance means he can change the pressure felt from anything, be it the wind, the touch of a finger, or the strike of a sword. It works differently to changing the weight of something, as it doesn't affect the actual force dealt, only how if feels to the victim. So even a light gust of wind could feel like a huge punch to the gut.

History: He was born a pure blooded faunus, with not a drop of human blood in his bloodline. Despite the many groups of their friends and relatives that joined with the White Fang, Cephalus' parents refused to join, and so Cephalus grew up away from and without the influence of violence that came with the White Fang. He knew of the fighting, but it wasn't until he was much older that made up his mind that fighting to protect people from the White Fang was what he truly wanted to do. The thought of going against his brethren sickened him, but the thought of the countless lives they had taken away hurt him deeper.
After long talks and consideration, both him and his Parents agreed that his best course of action was to become a Hunter - so he set about training and honing his skills until finally, he was strong enough to be accepted into Beacon.

(I cut this a bit short, I finished it off in work so I couldn't give it my full attention)

Pyro: Quite frankly, making a CHEETAH faunus with SPEED boots and PERCEPTION semblance is kind of a perfect combo that is just way too powerful.

Blaz: The bow has too many transformations to be all in one weapon. I'm willing to overlook the fact that you used the same exact picture (well, almost exact) for the bow as one of my chars as there are scarce few high tech bow pictures out there, and since your character would be on a separate team, I'm also fine if you really wanted to use an archer. However, as it is, I can't accept it.

I might suggest maybe using a crossbow instead. As for where you'd take it from there, I'd leave it up to you. Whatever you do, try to go for a more specialized approach. The most transformations we've seen for one weapon is three, I believe, with Pyrra's javelin/rifle/short sword. But those all have a similar shape (they're all straight and long-ish), so it's easy to see how that works. A bow that turns into TWO swords AND nunchucks AND a staff is a little harder to take.

My co-gm Ryu also says that your semblance seems like a wasted opportunity because you could use dust instead, thus saving your semblance for something else. I personally don't have a problem, but it's something to think about.

Point taken. I haven't really thought this out as well as I should have hmm. Sorry about the bow, by the way - I didn't ~actually~ look at your characters which was a dumb thing on my part. I'll have a rethink and shift some things around :)

edit:

Changed it a bit, thoughts?

I can change the semblance, but him being a Cheetah Faunus and having him paired with his boots are required for his character, so those won't be changed.

[Uh... it looks like my character's combat style is similar to Maggie's, lol. Anyway, just let me know if there's anything I need to change. I didn't put a lot for history, since I want others to discover her story as we move the plot along. No name either, since I could just come up with one that would make the team name sound cool.]

Name: ???
Age: 16
Gender: Female, Bisexual
Race: Human

Appearance: ??? has long bangs that part right at the center of her head, and grow shorter as they make her way to the back. Her sharp, dark green eyes seem to gleam constantly with a mischievous, plotting light. A dark blue headband, adorned with two beautiful feathers of a silver griffin at one side each, sit snug on her head. A deep, dark ash colors her cotton robe shirt, fastened to her body by a black cloth belt along with her brown leather pants. Humble black boots wrap around her feet, while her peculiar weapon of choice, her crimson scarf, wraps diagonally around her torso and knots together behind her back.

Personality: ??? is mostly calm, and likes to think on her feet. However, her impatience usually gets the better of her head, and she loses her focus and composure if events do not go her way within her desired pace. Once she happens upon new surroundings, she likes to mingle with the inhabitants and acquire a familiar feel for her environment. She is not an open book; ??? refuses to show her true colors or her trump cards upon the first encounter or battle. Thus, in order to always have that element of surprise, whether in combat or in personal dealings, she puts up a wall of formality as a surface in both her speech and mannerisms, however forced it might sound. She speaks her mind as freely as she can without divulging her weaknesses, as she believes that even though lying is unpleasant and can land you in a coffin, you don’t necessarily have to tell the whole truth. ??? likes to look at problems and events from all sorts of angles, and is not one to turn a blind eye to positive traits of any historical or new incident she may hear about; for example, she thinks that the enslavement of the fauna was a disgustingly immoral choice, yet an economically sound one. A huge labor force equals more production, and more production means more money coming in. ??? also strongly believes in loyalty to your comrades; however, she is ruthlessly ambitious, and will not hesitate to step on anyone that comes in between her and her goals.
Likes: She likes to make accessories out of griffin feathers
Dislikes: People getting in her way

Strengths:
1. Good sense of enemy balance and momentum
2. Agility
3. Adaptability
4. Movements are fast and effective
5. Constantly looks for weaknesses and exploits she can take advantage of
Weaknesses:
1. Not that physically strong
2. Low stamina because of unrefined, wild movements
3. Low endurance; cannot take too many hits, and relies entirely on agility,
Speed, and exploitation in order to make up for her poor physical constitution
Weapon(s): Scarf/Sarong that can change its physical properties, such as length, width, hardness/softness, and heaviness/lightness. Because of her experience with the eagle faunus, she can also use her scarf to glide a pretty good distance. As ??? only had this weapon for two years, she has still yet to unlock tis full potential.
She also holds some simple poisons such as eye and stomach irritants.

Semblance: Airborne- can change directions mid-air by “pushing” or “pulling” herself to a particular direction

History: The Aviari is a falcon faunus clan known for its strong belief in strict discipline, honor, and power in isolation; the guiding pillars that set the foundation for its society. The people live high up in the flat of the cold mountains, honing mind, spirit and body for their own personal fulfillment and protection, and are known to be one of the few, if not the only faunus type, to control air magic. ??? was found as an infant wrapped in moose hide by a group of gatherer Aviari scrounging about for berries on the mountain side. Although the positions of male and female within the clan were relatively fluid and on equal footing, the clan is highly wary and condescending towards foreigners of any kind, whether human or beast. Most of the gatherers decided that it would be best, a virtuous mercy, to simply kill the child, as they did not want to taboo themselves with outsider involvement. However, Veilyn, a young Aviari known to be quiet and reserved, was moved by ???’s energetic cries that spoke of the determination to live. He decided to take her in, despite the objections from the others, and knowing that he and his adopted daughter will be shunned by his society for the rest of their lives.
Fast forward to a couple days before the Beacon entrance exam, ??? had snuck out of the city to enjoy a bit of fruit picking from the local trees. She happened upon a stationary trading caravan with its horses taking a water break in the nearby lake, with its rider and passenger gossiping about something called “Beacon”. This piqued her interest, despite having no context on the discussion, with the mention of “test of combat abilities”, “where the greatest and most excellent gather”, and “being able to show your worth”. With eagerness throbbing in her chest, she snuck into the caravan’s storage compartment, and set off to the shining trail of the Beacon itself, aiming to prove her own worth if the chance happens upon her.

Blaz: I like that much better just in general. The only suggestion I'd have left is: MAKE IT MORE AWESOME. You're allowed to be a bit over the top in this RP, so I'd suggest making it... more... somehow. Give it a gun or some other abilityas well as changing it's form (maybe not dust though, we already have a a lot of that by now). Also is the semblance basically like an illusion or something? Because I'm not sure how effective it would be if that's the case. I feel like it would momentarily stun something like a grim, and then it would just ignore it and move on as if nothing had changed. Against a person it might be fine, but otherwise... ehhhhh...

I really do like your character, but he's just falling a tad too short at the moment. Since I think everyone who showed up has given a CS at this point, I'll give you one last chance to tweak it before I make up my mind tomorrow. If you impress me, maybe you'll get in, if not, I think I know who's being accepted at this point.

Maki: Umm, well... I hate to do this, but I simply have too many issue with your CS. The weapon, the history, and the lack of spacing between paragraphs that's making my eyes bleed a little... It think it would be best to just give you an early rejection from the RP, as we already have too many applicants. Sorry. :(

Pyro: OK, but you can't have all 3.

-Everyone Else-

So yeah, if you didn't read what I just said to Blaz, I'm about ready to call this to a close and move on to actually getting the RP going. If you wanna make any last tweaks to your characters, do so soon (Like, before lunch tomorrow maybe.).

Made some edits to his semblance. I made it Coolant because when you're traveling as fast as him, you're going to burn up and turn into a fireball. His semblance keeps his body cool while moving at high speeds, so that it doesn't happen to him.

Well, tell me at least, so I know what your issues are, just for the sake of knowing and possible tweaking of the character.

Pyro: I'm sorry to be a knit picker on this issue, but can you explain why he needs Coolant? You said that when running as fast as your character, they're liable to burn up and turn into a fireball. Can you explain how that is logically possible? The only connection I can get is how a meteor would start burning up as it falls to earth, but that's more because of the atmosphere that it travels through than the force of wind around it or the speed it's traveling at. While his Semblance could have practical use in very hot areas, I don't see it how it is helpful other than in the way that you described and, frankly, I don't see how that scenario is possible.

Maki: I think I can get why Killa is put off by your CS. First of all, spacing. I would space after every single section. otherwise, it's too clustered. As for the information, I think you should have a name for your character. You've given no reason as to why she is simply ???. The weapon is a little odd which I think put him off as well. Personally, I don't see a problem with it. Truthfully, I thought of something similar for a separate character. Finally, a few things that brought up issues in the history, but I think it is mostly the lack of detail and why she's going to Beacon. Basically anyone who goes to Beacon wants to become a hunter. It's unlikely that she would stumble across the opportunity by chance and, even if she did, it's equally unlikely she would be accepted there. Not trying to be mean about it, but I think those might've gotten his attention. I personally think your character is unique and has a lot of potential. Just a little bit was off about it before we would actually accept it.

BUT for the name, you guys said you'd prefer that we hold off on names?? I explained in my post why I put question marks because you guys wanted to make up a cool team name first, yeah? :/ I did say naming wasn't an issue. I'm kind of confused now.

I apologize for the format, I directly copied it off of MS Word. I'll take note of the formatting discrepancy next time, thank you.

And I understand your point about the history part, thank you for telling me. It's actually a good point since I didn't want to really reveal too much, but I understand your concerns. Thank you.

You don't sound mean, btw. Your criticism and your answer to my concern is very helpful to someone who hasn't stepped into an RP forum for a while. However, if you could give me a chance to strengthen my character more, I'd be more than happy to make it less cringe-worthy. :P

Maki: I wrote down the name rule. I never specifically talked to Ryu about it, and since me and him worked on his character over PM, he probably just overlooked my suggestion on skipping names. That was not part of my personal reasoning for saying no. And the weapon is a fine weapon... just not for a RWBY rp. It seems far too mystical for a world that focuses more on a blend of magic and technology. Unless I misunderstood it seems like a cloth version of Goku's power pole from dragon ball (or the monkey king's staff from the original Chinese [I think it was Chinese] tale.) A cloth with all those innate magical abilities is just a little too unusual for a RWBY RP in my opinion.

However, Ryu was pretty much spot on for why I didn't like the history. It was actually pretty good until you just decided to fast forward it. You say she hears about Beacon from gossip, and then randomly decides to stowaway to get there. You give no explanation of what training she went through, we have to assume from the sparse information you gave about who took her in. You also don't actually say how she supposedly got accepted to Beacon or what happened when she arrived. Our characters are all supposed to people who have been accepted to Beacon, not people who are hoping they'll get accepted when they finally finish hitchhiking.

I hope that explains things better, but I'm afraid I won't change my mind. Pretty much everyone else came much closer to the mark on their first attempts, which gives me more confidence in their characters. I apologize, but the answer is still no.