My app for Deadpool because……he’s Deadpool?
Player Name: NightRaider
So this NightRaider guy’s app sucked so I decided I’d write my own. You’re welcome! D.
Character: Deadpool
Aliases/Nicknames: Wade Wilson, Merc with the Mouth, Cleaner of the Genepool, Weapon 11
Alignment: Whatever team isn’t beating the shit out of me at that particular moment.
Affiliation: I’ve been known to whore myself out to S.H.I.E.L.D., X-Force, Heroes for Hire, Secret Defenders, the Weapon X program, the Weapon Plus program, Agency X, X-Men (anymore Xs and you’ll find me in a porno store!) I feel it was a great honour for them to be allowed work with me.
Oh, and Bob, Agent of HYDRA. I like Bob.
Character Origin: A long time ago in a galaxy far far away……..
Wait, no.
The day my father Odin banished me from Asgard, I was bitten by a vampire and had nuclear waste dumped in my eyes. To make matters worse, my mutant ability to control weather activated just as I was hit by a blast of gamma radiation!
No, that’s not right either. Wait, now I remember!
Well, as near as I can remember, I was recruited by a branch of the Canadian government known as Dept. K into this program called Weapon X, a military unit composed of aspiring mutants or people with the possibility of becoming mutants (a la moi!). I had cancer and they promised the experiments would cure it using this healing factor gene they had acquired from some other mutant, I forget his name. I was the 11th test subject and the only one who the healing graft actually worked on. Unfortunately, my healing factor more or less spazzed out and now I’m permanently scarred, nigh immortal and kinda insane. So they locked me up in their crazy house called the Hospice, I started dating Death (had to break it off, she was a little too clingy), broke out and then started my destined career as the World’s Greatest Mercenary!
No birth, medical, school or even juvenile delinquency records of a person named Wade William Wilson exist before the 1st recorded appearance in Montreal, Canada at the age of 22 in a local hospital. He staggered into the A. & E. complaining of nausea, insomnia and physical debilitation. The doctors surmised that the patient had been suffering with Acute myelogenous leukemia (AML) for over 2 years. They were astounded that the young man could be fighting off the cancer for this long and still be functioning cognitively, due to the insomnia. It was a fight Wade was losing, however, both physically and mentally. He had become extremely irrational, erratic; from his blood tests, he had mere months to live. That is where Weapon X stepped in.
As the U.S. was never big on sharing military secrets, the Weapon X program was developed to attempt to copy and match the U.S. Super Soldier program developed in WW2 by using emerging mutants to build a covert/assault team capable of handling multiple situations. Only 2 Original mutants signed up for the program: -name removed- (Codename: -name removed-: Psychic abilities; see attached file) and –name removed- (Codename: -name removed-: Healing factor; see attached file for further experiments).
It was discovered by scientists working with Weapon X that there were 2 versions of the mutant X gene; the active version present in all mutants like –name removed- and –name removed- and an inactive version, devoid of any changes to the host, making them see like perfectly normal humans. It was surmised that this inactive gene could be activated if genetically grafted with an active version. Weapon X had begun scouring hospitals for potential volunteers. This version, deemed I-X, was found to be in Wilson’s genome. Weapon X approached Wilson with a proposition: He accepts membership into the program and we cure his cancer. He instantly agreed.
The results of the graft were mixed. The healing ability measured by our tests surpasses that even the original donor’s natural gift. His limbs could be reattached and in one case, even grew back of its own accord, by a process of -snipped for medical jargon-. However, the mixing of his I-X gene and cancer produced some negative effects appearance wise and he has taken to wearing a mask with his operations outfit. Also, as the cancer has somehow bonded with the grafted X gene, Wilson has been informed that while he will not die from the leukaemia, he will never be cured of it, as the healing will produce too many new cells and will literally explode.
It has also come to the program’s attention that Wilson has become increasingly “unstable” mentally. This may be a result of the combination of the physical scaring, the false promise of a cure and the prior insomnia symptoms. The other subjects have taken to calling him “Deadpool” as the feel he may wash out of the program at any point and has even began calling himself this. It is recommended that –snipped for irrelevance-
Deadpool has so far been successful in training missions and marksmanship training with both Original subjects respectively. It is recommended that if he be cleared for duty, he be assigned to Alpha Team.
Powers and Abilities:
1. Regenerative Healing Factor: The mutant healing factor was grafted to my genes and has given me the ability to regenerate damaged or destroyed bodily tissue with far greater speed and efficiency than an ordinary human. Mine’s a lot cooler as it’s more powerful than usual, due to the cancer, so I can regrow missing limbs and even survive decapitation! Cool Huh?!
1a. Telepathic Immunity: Since my cells are in a constant state of flux, I’m apparently immune to telepathy and mind control. Kinda handy.
2. Superhuman Speed/Agility/Reflexes: The healing factor keeps my muscles in peak condition, allowing me to hop around faster than a jackrabbit on cocaine.
3. Martial Arts Master: Wolverine. Captain America. Mister Miyagi. Me. What do we all have in common? We can all kick ass, that’s what!
4. Medium Awareness: Hey! You! Yeah, you, ErsatzEmperor! You think I don’t know I’m in some geeky online RPG? You know who I am?! I am the Breaker of Fourth Walls!
5. Equipment: Boy oh boy, do I have some “equipment”! Eh! eh?! Ah, forget it. Let’s see. I’ve got my teleportation belt, though I busted it recently and can only go a short distance, couple hundred feet. I’ve got my katanas (got 1 from playing Halo 3, very strange gift to get from a videogame). I’ve got a pair of ACP .45 semi-auto laser-dot equipped doorknobs*, and finally my magical satchel full of ammo and other stuff. Kinda like a woman’s handbag, it’s endless.
*Handguns
Weaknesses:
1. Deformed: The healing factor also accelerated my cancer resulting in me looking like Sarah Jessica Parker.
2. The Cancer: My healing factor was designed to replace cells as fast as they were being destroyed. If my cancer is ever cured, I’ll keep reproducing new cells regardless and will become one of many obese Americans before exploding. Eww.
3. Mental state: Apparently, I’m “difficult to work with due to my instability.” Pffft, bunch of pussies, you kneecap 1 guy for a chimichunga and you’re “unstable”.
Why do I want to play this character?:
Why? WHY?! Who doesn’t want to play me? Merc with a Mouth, ladies’ man, soon-to-be film blockbuster, videogame star and Crimson Comedian. I’ve got a lot to bring to the table and as soon as I figure out what those things are, I’ll get back to you……..
What do I plan on doing with the character:
Meh, whatever I feel like at the time. Maybe I’ll kill every character in the Universe again, maybe I’ll buy you all takeout.
I do have a few scores to settle however……
The wall exploded, chunks of concrete flying across the room, dust clogging the air and a figure crashing into the opposite wall, hitting it with a bone crushing thud. He stirred, groaning in pain “Hey! Only I’m the only one allowed break walls around here.” Deadpool clawed his way to standing position, feeling his bones reset instantly, shooting pain running up his arms and legs. “Alright big guy, let’s try this again.” The wall burst out again, a huge figure stepping through, his skin a deep, raw red, eyes yellow and only a pair of shorts to cover……..well whatever was down there.
“I thought I told you to stay out of this Wilson!” The Red Hulks voice shook the air, his muscles pulsing as he stepped closer to Deadpool’s crouched body, “I’ll be dealing with you last, after I terminate the rest of your X-Force friends.”
“Rulky, Rulky, Rulky, friends is such a strong word. I’d think of them more as comrades, associates, people who get in the way of bullets for me, I mean where else can yo……Gargh!”
Red Hulk wrapped his mammoth hand around Deadpool’s neck and lifted the merc to his eye level. “Shut up Wilson! Now tell me, where Domino is?!”
“You know, red is a good colour on you. Not as nearly as good as on me, but still good.”
“Don’t make me squeeze any harder Wilson.” Red Hulk’s grip tightened, Deadpool’s eyes surely bulging beneath his mask.
“OK, OK, she’s………she’s……….” Deadpool gurgled and gargled his words.
“Where?!” Red Hulk practically spat the word in his face.
“She’s hot.” Deadpool pulled out his ACP .45 and blasted Red Hulk right between his eyes. It wouldn’t even make a dent in Red Hulk, but at this range, it would certainly make him blink. He roared and released Deadpool, shielding his eyes and rubbing them furiously. Meanwhile Deapool kicked off the red beast’s chest, parried off the wall and vaulted over him.
“Tag, you’re it!”
He landed on the crushed floor behind him and dashed through the hole. “Later Red! This guy’s got a date! But not with Domino. Totally not Domino!”
“WILSON!!” Red Hulk bellowed out, his voice shaking the very walls that were left standing, his vision still slightly blurred as he twirled, swinging wildly and growling in violent anger. When he finally came to a halt, there were only 3 sounds he could hear. The sound of his own laboured breathing, Wilson’s distant laughter and an ominous beeping coming from behind him. He turned but saw nothing. The beeping was still behind him. He rounded again. Nothing. He realised that the beeping was him. On his back. And it was getting faster. “Tag……”
The explosion rocked the building. Those thermite mines Deadpool had picked up packed an absolute whollop and would certainly slow Red down. “What a waste of a good explosive. I was planning on putting that in Taskmaster’s birthday cake!”
Outside an X-Force safehouse in Tokyo
Deadpool slunk along the roof top as stealthily as he could. It didn’t help, however, that he was humming a generic sneaking tune with every move. He reached the vent into the building and slowly pulled off the grate.
*Now, to find Domino.*
“Hey! Where the hell have you been? I missed you, intangible thought bubbles!”
*Do you think now is the best time to reminisce?*
“……..We are so getting tacos together after this. Or Chimichungas!”
*I can believe I’m saying this, but focus!
…and we totally are getting tacos.*
Then Deadpool felt the familiar nudge of a gun barrel at the back of his head.
“Wade, tell me what you’re doing here or I pull the trigger.” Domino’s sly, silky voice somehow swapped between sexy and intimidating at the same time.
“Dom, baby, you know you can’t kill me, even if you wanted to! You don’t want to, right? Right?”
“Oh, I know I can’t. But I know it still hurts like hell……..”
*Awh crap.*
“You said it.”
Do I know how to post a picture? Of course I……wait……wait, is this it? Did I do it?
