Dervish said
TITANS ARE MY TRIGGER!

Fantastic comeback, Jaeger Bombastic. You know what would be an even better comeback, though? GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP!

You're my hero.

Well this looks dope.

This flight has wifi. Neat.

I'll try and post tonight when I get home, folks. Just popping in to say I'm not dead.

Dusk said
This flight has wifi. Neat.I'll try and post tonight when I get home, folks. Just popping in to say I'm not dead.

Yay!

Speaking of popping in. Hi guys! I can only hope no one forgot Urzoth. I've been waiting to hop in here forever. Derv and I have been catching up these past couple of weeks and I've revamped my CS to not suck immensely. Hopefully you all can expect me to jump in sometime. Once I know what the hell is going on.

I may not have time to do a summary, but I'll try to get something for you up sometime soonish, unless somebody else has a summary tucked away.

Welcome back! :D

Robeatics said
Speaking of popping in. Hi guys! I can only hope no one forgot Urzoth. I've been waiting to hop in here forever. Derv and I have been catching up these past couple of weeks and I've revamped my CS to not suck immensely. Hopefully you all can expect me to jump in sometime.

Leidenschaft said
4 khajiits
3 bretons
3 nords
2 orcs
1 argonian
1 imperial
and 1 dunmer...oh and 1 fox walk into a bar...

They all develop PTSD because moments after they come out, an ancient evil is awakened and conducts something similar to the Rape of Nanking to the Imperial City.

Who the hell is Urzoth?

And who the hell are you?

jkjk

Okay, get ready:

SO...Our adventures start off with the brave, impetuous and morally ambiguous scourge-of-the-seas, Zaveed of Senchal, and the crew of the Sea Wisp on ther way to make port, probably at the behest of Imperial authorities...Oh, yea, he's also being paid by the Empire to do what he likes...anyways, they're heading to Anvil and find another ship and it really kind of gives Zaveed a tickle when he gets lost in the idea of slitting everyone's throat onboard and then leaving with their money and other shiny things. I'll let your mind wander to how that ends...

Hint: Zaveed fucks their shit and Arrol Flynn's the captain as a big fuck-you to other captains in a 600-mile vicinity. Because he's fucking Zaveed.

Meanwhile, Around Tamriel...

People heed the call to ogle people who killed an old guy because they got angry once. It turns out that really gets you a lot of respect in TES. Go figure. Anyways, the Heroes also heed this call, but also hate it in a kind of tsundere way. They all enter the city and try to not be spotted, hijinks ensue. The Heroes of Tamriel, because people also like to give you titles when you sack their city and kill their ruler, meet some people who help them get away from all the crowds who want to see those kooky kids who murdered their only hope to survive the antagonist species of this very RP. That's right, we're all fucking assholes. Shortsighted assholes.

So, after they all meet in a tavern- OH, GOOD JOB GM'S, PLAYER CHARACTERS MEETING IN A TAVERN, HOW CLICHE!- after they meet in a tavern, they all get completely shitfaced while bragging about how hard it was to cross Tamriel to kill a geriatric Emperor. The late-Emperor's son-now-new-Emperor basically is like, "EVERYONE CLAP FOR THESE GUYS THAT KILLED MY DAD! :D" and everyone does. Sevari sees some dots on the horizon and is just like, " just birds lol :P"

As if karma was a thing in TES, the crowd explodes...

No, I mean, like, not with happiness, I mean they literally fucking EXPLODE.

OH MY GOD, COULD IT BE LOYALISTS FROM THE LAST REGIME?????? Nope, Dwemer. Fucking airships appear and Dwemer drop down from the sky. The Imperial City gets Rape of Nanking'd because fuck everyone in it. The Heroes, totally unprepared for this, start to run along with the people. Everyone's like, "What the fuck, do something guys!"

And the Heroes are all like, "I, uh, uh...shit..." and they keep running and hide in a shop. When they make it out, they go to a cave and meet some bandits inside. They kill everyone, because that's what they do and then they quite literally just fall asleep right next to the piled-up bodies as an even bigger fuck you to the peoples' lives they just took. They meet a guy in the forest who's taken it upon himself to lead a contingent of resistance in Cyrodiil against the ancient evil that's been awakened.

Spoiler Alert: Literally all of this is the protagonists' fault. Everything. All of this.

Resistance-Leader is like, "Go retake Chorrol."

Of course we're like, "eeeeeeh, okay."

And so we did.

A few weeks later we're in Anvil, Zaveed has his ship, Sevari is placed firmly in the pocket of the Empire because a guy said, "Do this and YOUR FAMILY will be safe." Sevari's dad-senses start to tingle madly and he absolutely agrees. Gorzath fucking kills a guy and the Dominion invasion of the wounded Cyrodiil helps them to forget this. Of course, the Empire's army is totally and completely demolished. I mean, 1000 men against a force twice their size? With tigers the size of elephants? Pffft.

Anyways, Zaveed's like, "OH SHIT ITS MY FORMER EMPLOYER" and gets the fuck out of dodge. Sevari's just like, "Shit, should I lave with them?" and this guy's just like, "Your kids."

"Oh, right, I'll stay."

Battle unfolds. Anvil taken. Sevari captured. Count of Anvil and his bitchy wife? Dead. Everyone else? Dead...or in a prison camp. Sevari is among the chosen to prisoners to not only carry out manual labor that consists of, "Put this rock that is right here someplace else or something," but to also get strapped to a torture device and, well, tortured. Sevari's like, "Fuck you, I watched my brothers waste away, their water-pruned skin showing from spots where hair simply fell out due to malnutrition. Their fur caked with their own blood and shit. I washed myself in the blood of my captors and lived as a pet to a Breton who took great pleasure at the expense of others. YOU THINK YOU CAN DO ANYTHING TO ME THAT HASN'T ALREADY BEEN-"

"Fear spell lol :D" and Altmer commander begins torturing the totally disheartened Sevari.

Meanwhile, on Stros M'kai...

Everyone's living way better than Father of the Era, all until some Redguard woman's like, "You specialize in doing things for others that usually end up fixing problems people have, right?"

"Yeah."

And so a tribe of goblins loses its leader and their minds and just scatter to the hills. The sociopathic necromancer gives everyone who visits the Isle of N'Gasta PTSD as a parting gift as his pet projects crumble with his death. Redguard Woman's like, "Okay, pretty good."

Meanwhile, in Cyrodiil...

Marassa's Stupid-Gloryhound-Friends-in-Danger sense starts tingling. She kills two people pretty much just doing their jobs and steals some guy totally unrelated to anything happening's horse and rides for Cyrodiil. Once she gets there, she Marassa's her way through the Thalmor prison camp and rescues Sevari. Sevari gets oh-so-sweet revenge after bonding with his dad a few days earlier. Sevari's dad rallies his men with what I like to imagine was basically him yelling, "FUCK ELVES!"

And so they killed every elf in the camp.

Marassa and Sevari have some bro moments and then they decide to go rejoin Zaveed in Hammerfell because that's where they figure he is. In the most dangerous, firmly held-by-the-enemy province of Tamriel. They haven't found out that they were right in their hunch yet because Marassa was too busy leading a revolt in Hammerfell and Sevari was too busy being tempted to be a criminal again before being all, "MUH CHILLUN" and leaving.

Before he leaves, Marassa's like, "We're bros...but I wanna be more than just bros" and kisses a married man before he goes back to his wife and children he's always fucking complaining about not being around. New fathers, right? Pfft.

Meanwhile, everyone else enters Hegathe and, guess what, THEY DISRUPT THE PEACE AGAIN, WOW, GOOD FUCKING JOB CAN YOU GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT FUCKING SOMETHING UP?

The answer is no. Anyways, we're introduced to our two main antagonists, Colonel Hans Lan- I mean, Major Kerztar Stungnthamz of the Dwemer High Government's Ministry of Order and big bad Governor Razlinc, who just loves to watch people duke it out in her arena because she's kinky like that. These are the people whose names are scribbled into every square in our calendars to remind us to do at least one thing that will completely piss them off that day.

ANYWAYS, our characters orchestrate a riot because toppling regimes that keep a relative peace has become their hobby. A lot of people are dead now, Francis is busy just being like, "Oh, my Gods, I killed a lot of people...oh no, oh no..."

Qara'Sion is busy being like, "THIS IS FUCKING STUPID......I WANNA GO HOME.....FUCK."

Zaveed is like, "Oh, shit, I just realized I'm kind of a shit person for doing more than half the things that I've done in my life."

Please, if I've missed anything, feel free to ask someone else. It's eleven o'clock in the dead of night where I am and this shitty summary is the best I can do in my current state.

Leidenschaft said
...[stuff]...

You forgot the part where your group adopted a bloodthirsty, sociopathic, rage machine who attempted to defend Zaveed's ship from its own sailors in a drunken haze while thinking he was a pirate, and may or may not have been the result of eating fish laced with mercury.

you also forgot the part about sion saving blade.

meanwhile after reading that... im crying. hysterically.

#brbinacoffin

I see absolutely nothing amiss with that write-up.Our party really is a bunch of shit disturbing assholes.

We should start keeping track of our pop culture references, because SMASHING!

Damn. Now you guys have to give me a summary of similar caliber on this fanfic I've heard about.

Wooh! Finally managed to get my post up. Sorry it took so long for me to finish my first post, but I'm all settled into my dorm/school/work again, so things should be a bit smoother from now on.

Nice post, it showcases Valsiore's personality pretty neatly.

Normally I'd read the post. But I'm too furious to do so right now.

Social Justice Warriors literally just shut down a charity that was designed to get women into indie gaming as well as having all proceeds go to Colon Cancer because 4chan's /v/ donated money to it in defiance of Zoe Quinn.

The v in /v/ was capitalized, something Phil Fish did after he (falsely) claimed /v/ hacked him...


And confermation from charity runners located here.

http://thefineyoungcapitalists.tumblr.com/post/95626418480/on-the-conspiracy

FUCKING DISGUSTING

I don't get it.

Was the charity shut down by SJWs who were running the charity? Or are you saying SJWs pressured the charity into being shut down?

Voltaire said
I don't get it. Was the charity shut down by SJWs who were running the charity? Or are you saying SJWs pressured the charity into being shut down?

No, they hacked it. :|

Ah, here's an explanation as well.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/vivian-james

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go scream angrily into a box.

....why do people get off by doing something like this? It's for charity for God sakes....

Damn, that seems like the exact opposite of what SJWs would want.