"Gramma Rosa, do you think you're going to heaven?"

The old woman felt her frail heartbeat shudder with both fear and a strange sense of excited contentment. She reached out a shaky hand, and a very small and warm palm wrapped around her fingers. "I believe so, Charlie." she answered her grandson. Her eyes were closed, and she barely had the energy to open them. She could tell that she was fading fast, and she would soon find out what lay beyond death. After a moment, her lids fluttered open, and she could see her family standing around her hospital bed. Tears and pain stained their faces, but they knew that it was her time to leave this earth. Her husband, Richard, sat in a chair to her right, his forehead resting on her shoulder as he waited for her imminent departure. When they were alone last night, they had exchanged their heartfelt goodbyes. And he was somewhat ready to let her go.

"Momma," she heard her daughter say, her voice cracking before she paused to swallow, "we love you so much. I'm so grateful that I had you as my mom." Rosa smiled, feeling her own tears come to her tired eyes. "I love you all, too." she said faintly. And then she was gone.

---

The echo of a flatline on an EKG machine rang in her ears as darkness flooded her entire reality. She felt nothing. She was no longer of her body, just a wisp of a thought flashing and fading in and out of existence. Was this all that there was after life and death? Somehow she didn't mind it. It was an eternity of peace and silence after a lifetime of noise and pain and love.

For the longest time, everything was silence. She couldn't tell how long it was. Did time exist here? As she pondered that, it was then that she noticed a tiny pinpoint of light. Curious, she moved towards it, in whatever form she was. She couldn't feel herself moving or changing location, but the light slowly became bigger and brighter. Then, all of a sudden, it rushed towards her and consumed her being, and a flood of sensations hit her like a brick wall being slammed into her chest. She felt a heavy sense of weight, a sense of being, a sense of touch. Her nervous system started to pick up different signals, like the soft cotton beneath her back and the light linen covering her body. Why did she have a body now? Was this reincarnation like Buddhists talked about?

"Anna. Anna Finley. Can you hear me?"

Her eyes flew open and she took in a giant gasp of breath, her lungs burning for oxygen. She started to breathe quickly and heavily, looking around her. Doctors and men dressed up in lab coats were surrounding her, and she could hear machines beeping and whirring all around her. Who was Anna? "Wh-where am I?" she asked, her throat raspy and her voice crackling. It felt like she hadn't spoken in weeks. Years. It also sounded much different than her own. Much, much younger than her own.

One of the doctors touched her face, parting one of her eyelids so he could shine a flashlight into her eyes. She winced, and started to feel panicky. "Where am I?" she asked again with much struggle, and tried to sit up. Several doctors said "whoa, whoa," and gently pushed her shoulders back down. One of them, a woman, started answering her question. "Your name is Anna Finley and you've just completed a very new experiment. You were very successful. We'll tell you more about it soon, but right now we need to get your body woken back up. You have been unconscious for a month." Her smile was excited and congratulatory, yet at the same time very sterile and distant.

A month? Anna Finley? That name was.. familiar. But she was Rosa. Hadn't she just died? Although she was terrified, she cooperated and lay still for the doctors, trying to sort everything out in her mind. The doctors and lab coats moved around her quickly, taking small blood samples and checking her temperature, asking her to flex her fingers and toes, furiously scribbling on their charts. Anna. Anna, Anna, Anna. The more she thought about the name, the more her brain started to try and put together an explanation for this. Little facts started coming to her about whoever Anna was, almost like she was trying to recall an old schoolmate. She was nineteen.. or twenty? While she struggled to remember, she also thought about what they had said. She had been unconscious for a month, participating in an experiment. But she was Rosa Everdeen, the elderly woman who had passed away at a ripe old age of 96. Deciding that it was too much for her weak, tired body to deal with right now, she tried to just not think about any of it felt something inside of her starting to shut down.

After a good while of no one speaking to her, the same woman approached her again, her face calm, like the world was somehow making sense right now. "Anna, we're going to remove a head piece from you now. Don't be alarmed." Head piece? She weakly reached up, and touched the rim of some helmet shaped contraption that was on her head with her fingertips. How hadn't she noticed it until now? She also gazed at her hand, which was slender and pale, the skin so young and beautiful. It was also shaking uncontrollably. Two doctors worked and loosening a few screws on the helmet. They slid it off of her skull then removed a couple of small sticky pads that were attached to her scalp. Her bed was then adjusted so that she was sitting up more, and the woman brought her a small hand mirror. "Here, this is what you look like." she said gently, holding up the mirror for the girl to see.

Anna gasped when she saw herself. This face wasn't Rosa's face. It never had been. She had blue eyes, a dainty rounded nose, supple lips. Her cheek bones were prominent from not having moved or eaten real food in a month. Her head had been shaved so that the helmet could fit on her properly and so the sensors had a place to stick on her skin. She watched tears brimming in her eyes as she hesitantly touched her barely fuzzy head. A vivid image of herself flickered in her mind of herself with long, wavy brown hair, sparked with gold and deep red. Now it was all gone. The more she stared at herself, the more she started to remember about herself. Her birthday was April 14th. Her favorite color was green. More and more snapshots of Anna’s fuzzy memories were surfacing in her mind, and they were bleeding together with her own. Was this a dream? There was no way that she had gone through a lifetime in a month. That was impossible. Where were Richard and her daughter and the rest of her family?

"Where's Richard?" she asked the woman softly. She just wanted her husband there. The woman gave her a long, sympathetic look. "Anna, you won't be seeing Richard again." she said with the sympathy of telling a child that their favorite toy was lost for good, and took back the hand mirror and left the room. Anna stared at the spot the woman had been, her mouth open a little. She had known that when she had said goodbye to him just last night. But she had expected to be.. dead.

"Alright, Anna. It's time to get you home." She turned her head to look at the doorway as a male doctor came in, one she hadn't seen before. He sat down in a chair next to her bed, and smiled at her kindly. "Hi, Anna, I’m Dr. Lawson. I know this is all very confusing to you right now, but I'm going to explain the experiment that happened to you. A month ago, you were induced into unconsciousness and we simulated an entire lifetime in your brain. In just one month, you experienced nearly a century!" Anna gawked at him, horrified. He seemed so happy about this.

"Simulated? It wasn't.. real?" she asked, her voice cracking under the strain of trying not to cry. No, this couldn't be happening. They were wrong. That wasn’t possible.

"Yes ma'am. None of it was real. Today we'll be sending you home so you can recuperate, and then in another month we'll meet again to discuss the experiment. You'll be going home with your girlfriend, ah," he paused to flip up a page on his chart. "Ameline. Ameline Greene. You know Ameline, right?"

Girlfriend. Anna felt as if her heart was literally tearing away from its place in her chest. Her head hurt so bad. Richard wasn't real. Clara, her daughter, wasn't real. Charlie wasn't real. They were all in her head. They weren't real. Ameline? That name brought a face to her mind, and a faint feeling of love and happiness. Yet it sent her brain reeling. She hadn’t been.. gay in her lifetime.

"Yes." she answered the doctor, staring down at her lap as tears blurred her vision and dripped down her chin onto her arms. "Great." the doctor smiled cheerfully in reply. He didn't even realize that the storm inside her was literally tearing her heart and mind apart. What had she done to deserve this? "We'll do a few more tests before you go and get you dressed and you'll be on your way home." he said, and then he was up and gone.

- - -

Several nurses performed a couple of tests to make sure that her body was healthy, checking her reflexes and her throat and the insides of her ears, then provided her with a neatly folded pile of clothes for her to change into and left the room to give her privacy. Shivering, Anna shakily removed the hospital gown she had been wearing and pulled on the simple black panties and bra that she had apparently been wearing before all of this. She hadn't stopped crying this whole time, silent as tears streamed down her face. One of the nurses told her that it was the beginning of December, and she supposed her past self had planned well for that. She pulled on the big, gray cable knit sweater and dark jeans. The smell of the sweater invoked thoughts of that woman she very faintly remembered. Ameline. She was gradually becoming more relieved that she was coming to pick her up. Thoughts of her brought on feelings of comfort and safety. She sniffled and sat carefully on the ground, putting on her thick socks and worn black Converse. Using the bed to pull herself up, she grabbed the remaining red woolen scarf and clutched it closely to her, and carefully walked out of her room.

A nurse was waiting for her, and she put her in a wheel chair and pushed her down several hallways. The building they were in was reminiscent of a hospital, except even more clean and bare, with several more office rooms and doors marked as labs than patient rooms. They reached what she was assumed was a waiting room, as there was a reception desk and a glass door to the outside. She was put in a chair and told to wait for Ameline to get there. It was just her and the receptionist after the nurse left, and soft jazz music playing from behind the counter.

She glanced around what seemed to be a typical waiting room for a doctor’s office as she shifted her position a little. Chairs lined up against the wall, a small coffee table with magazine sitting neatly on top of it. “Ivan Psychiatric Research Center” was emblazoned in gray, minimalistic lettering on the front of the receptionist’s counter.

"Anna?" the receptionist said after a minute of quiet. Anna had been absentmindedly touching her shaved head, and jerked up when her name was called, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "Yes?" she answered, quickly trying to dry her eyes. "This is for you," the woman said as she walked over to Anna, her heels clicking on the laminated floors as she brandished an envelope towards the girl. "Here you go, sweetheart." she smiled politely, and handed it to her. Anna hesitantly took it. The receptionist returned to her station, and started typing away at her computer.

Anna stared at the envelope. It was blank, except for her name and an identification number printed on the front of it. She tucked it into her folded up scarf, which she was still holding, and continued to wait. She didn't care what was in it. She didn't care about the tears wetting her pale face. She just wanted to go home.

Separated for a month. Four whole weeks, and change. But also a hundred thousand dollars- apparently, that was what a month of Anna's life was worth.

The night before Ameline had taken Anna to the hospital, they had just sat together. Ameline couldn't remember if they had, in actuality, said anything to each other, but in her mind's reconstruction they just sat and held each other, and Ameline didn't cry. The next morning, the two girls got ready, which was strange because Anna had nothing to bring with her even though she'd be gone for a month.

What was even more strange to Ameline was the proximity of her girlfriend. Anna would still be on campus, and they even took one of the university buses over to the research center. It had been more like driving her girlfriend to a doctor's appointment rather than to a month long experiment. The people there had told Ameline that she wouldn't be able to see Anna, but the would call as soon as she was done with the experiment.

And just like that, she was gone. Anna had smiled back at her, likely to try and reassure her girlfriend, and then been whisked away by an attendee to go prepare for the experiment. It was perfectly safe, the receptionist promised her. Just like a dream, only it lasted for a month and the scientists were going to control it. That was all. There was nothing to worry about, Ameline was promised, and she kept thinking that as she returned to their apartment. There was nothing to worry about. There was nothing to worry about. Ameline thought it until it was ingrained into her brain cells, but when she got home she climbed up on to Anna’s side of the bed and wept for the rest of the day.

Life around her was no different, except her friends, and some of Anna’s, came by frequently to remind her that a month wasn’t so long, and hey, do you want to grab something to eat? Other than that, Ameline went to class, came back home, did her work, and waited for Anna to return. She looked at the clock and wondered, where could she be? That’s right. Anna was asleep. Ameline’s Sleeping Beauty was still a long way away. Check another day off the calendar.

When Ameline was home and no one was visiting, she struggled to fill her time. The first week was definitely the hardest: sleeping was almost never an option, because the bed still smelled like Anna. Ameline would look at the pillow and one of her girlfriend’s long, beautiful hairs was there. Seeing it would set the blonde woman off again, make her eyes mist up, and she would have to leave. She slept on the couch, instead, when she could, but even falling asleep was difficult.

Books were the first thing that Ameline tried to use as a distraction, as a way to pass the time, but no cigar. She found herself unable to focus on the words, and would read the same line again and again trying to make sense of the sentence. Alright, next?

Let’s try- cooking. Everyone was trying to get her to eat more, even though she’d lost her appetite, but she did enjoy cooking. Or she had. So Ameline browsed online and chose a recipe, ultimately at random, then went and got the ingredients that she’d needed. The cooking was mindless enough, and a fine way to spend an evening, but when Ameline didn’t have anyone to share it with she found it unsatisfying. She wasn’t going to do that again.

Finally she tried just sitting down and watching a movie. It was the most effective thing that she’d tried so far; it required little effort and gave Ameline something to do for a couple of hours. The first weekend, she did nothing but classwork and watch movies. Blissfully mind numbing.

The second week, Ameline was better. She moved back to the bed. By the middle of the week, she was feeling up to cooking again, but made sure to invite some friends over beforehand. This time, seeing her friends was much more enjoyable, and Ameline didn’t spend the night watching the clock. She was still watching a lot of movies, but had progressed as far as TV shows in between them. Reading was still out of the question, though- the night after the first time Ameline cooked for her friends, she tried that again, but still to no avail. The words still swam in front of her eyes, but things were definitely getting better.

She even went to the gym, one night that week. The building was still unfamiliar to her, despite being a junior in her undergrad, but the exercise was nice. It was too dark and too cold to go for a walk, but the constant lazing on the couch was stiffening the blonde woman’s legs. The variety was also greatly appreciated.

Week three. Ameline was used to Anna being away. And now her dread at how long it would be until she could see her girlfriend again morphed into excitement- the halfway point had passed, and now it was, “I’ll see my girlfriend, soon.” Movies were eliminated from Ameline’s evenings, and even replaced by, yes, books. While the second week still had linger effects of the woman realizing just how much she missed Anna, the third week provided a fully functional Ameline. One friend in class even asked if Anna was back, and while there was a twinge in Ameline’s heart, the effects of the question ended there. Two weeks ago it would have made her cry. Last week it would have ruined the rest of her day.

That was the best week; the fourth one was mostly nerves, as Ameline now expected the call to come get her girlfriend. She waited, and waited, and watched the calendar. Ameline counted the days that Anna had been gone, and counted them again, to make sure that she’d gotten the number right, and sighed. She’d hoped that Anna would be home for Thanksgiving, but that wasn’t the case. Instead, the wait was drawn out into the early days of December, and Ameline fretted the whole time that something had gone wrong.

Finally- finally, the call came. “Ameline Greene?”

“Yes, who-“

“It says here to call you when… Anna Finley is ready to go home,” the man who called told her. “They’re getting her all ready now. You know where we are?”

“Yes, I’ll be right over,” Ameline promised. Her heart pounded. Anna, Anna, Anna! Ameline had tried to ignore it, but missed her girlfriend so.

“Oh, there’s also a note here, to let you know she might be a bit dazed, so try not to overwhelm her,” the man added, nonchalantly.

“Of course,” Ameline promised, and hung up. She grabbed a coat and hat, threw them on, then shoes, before leaving the apartment and rushing to the bus stop. Her stomach flipped and folded on itself as she waited; seeing Anna was enthralling, but her mind churned through an endless series of what ifs until the bus came, and then until she got off at the stop by the research center.

One block of walking. One block, and then the one month would be over, and they would be one hundred thousand dollars richer. Ameline’s heart was in her throat as she found the building in the dimming light, and walked in. There were only two people there; a receptionist, and someone with tufts of short hair that would be beautiful, once it evened out.

“Anna?”

Anna flinched at hearing that name. It had been so quiet, and she had been so lost in trying to even begin to reassemble the scrambled pieces of her memory that she didn’t even notice the woman that had rushed into the door. Her eyes darted up to the blonde’s face, fear and apprehension flickering across her features. Obviously this was Ameline, her.. girlfriend. Her mind, which was thoroughly Rosa’s memories and feelings, did not know this girl. But somehow this body did, and her heart felt a sense of calm and aching need to be closer to the person her mind perceived as a stranger.

“A..Ameline?” she questioned, the name strange on her tongue. Especially after being muted for a whole month. Guess it was time to go. She fumbled clumsily with her scarf with shaky hands, and finally pulled out the envelope that the receptionist had given to her as she stood. “I, I don’t know what this is.” She said meekly, taking a few steps closer to Ameline and extending the white parchment towards her. She felt so weak and lost and—now that she was standing up, rather dizzy and nauseous. It couldn’t have been good to be up and about just a handful of hours after being dormant for a whole month. And – rather ironically – she found that despite after so much sleep she was so, so tired.

“I want to go home.” Anna added quietly, her gaze stuck on the collar of Ameline’s jacket. Wherever home was and what that meant to her.

Her love seemed so fragile, and Ameline felt concern hit her like a brick wall. Anna looked lost and tired, and... Not thrilled to see her. What did they do to her? The blonde hadn't known much about the details and had been expecting a more cheerful reunion- not finding Anna's hair gone and Anna herself uneasy about her own girlfriend. Ameline heard her own name, but it sounded dusty, as though Anna hadn't spoken or gotten something to drink for quite some time. Stepping closer to Anna, Ameline nodded- yes, she was, indeed, Ameline- and took the envelope, carefully. "We'll look at it when we get home," she murmured, trying to keep her voice low.

Anna was, undoubtedly, in need of rest, so Ameline put the envelope in the pocket of her coat and gently took Anna's shoulder. "Home," she agreed. "We'll go right away," she added, and gently took the scarf from Anna's hands and put it around her neck. "It's cold out," she said, noting what Anna had. Not a whole lot, so Ameline removed her hat and put it over Anna's head until her ears were covered. "There's another bus in a couple of minutes," she said, and looked her girlfriend up and down. "Why don't we sit in here while we wait? It's warmer," she said, softly. What was it that made Anna so dazed? Had she been without humans for the last month? Or electricity? What made them cut her hair- had they preformed surgery of some sort?

Questions bounced around in Ameline's head, but she was too scared to speak them out loud. She was afraid for Anna's sake- she was afraid of overwhelming her girlfriend, who looked sorely in need of soup and a nap.

"Yeah. That sounds nice." Anna nodded. This woman was being so sweet to her. Which was a rather naive thought, Ameline had been hers -- well, Anna's -- romantic partner for who knows how long. Of course she would give up her own hat and wrap her scarf snugly around her neck. She couldn't help but feel grateful for it, her bare head felt oddly lightweight and cold. Feeling like a helpless child, her eyes fell to the floor as an embarrassed blush dusted her cheeks. She hated feeling so disoriented and lost. It was as if she were watching a movie of someone else's life, someone else's horrid, unfortunate life, from inside of their head. This wasn't her. She didn't know who Anna was, yet Anna was intertwined throughout her like an outbreak of kudzu choking out the old life of a tree.

They sat back down on the vinyl waiting chairs. Anna's leg bounced up and down nervously, and her hands fiddled absentmindedly in her lap. This was so unfair to Ameline. Her Anna had been replaced with this clueless soul of an old woman who had done her time. According to the doctors, though, that wasn't.. real. Anna pushed the thought out of her mind, dwelling on it would cause her to break down and panic. Biting the inside of her cheek, she looked up at Ameline's face. She smiled a little after a second. "How.. how far away is home?" she asked. They were taking a bus, obviously. How long was the bus ride? It could be minutes or an hour. What city were they even in? What state? What day was it? She had never felt so useless. She was practically an infant, completely dependent on this woman who was nothing but a stranger to her mind and lost lover to this body of hers.

Where was home? Ameline's mouth formed an "o" in surprise. What had they done to Anna? Sure, she'd been there a month, but her memory was better than to forget that their apartment was only a bus ride away. Ameline had been aware of the location, and that Anna was getting paid, but given that she wasn't participating in the experiment itself, she hadn't been privy to any more details. Regardless; Ameline shut her mouth. Looking so stunned surely wouldn't help the already-dazed Anna, so she'd best stop. "Home... It's just a few minutes away, by bus," she explained, gently. Her eyes whisked over to the analog clock above the receptionist, and back again. There were still a few minutes left before the next bus came. "We're on campus, here. We, we live just off," she added, uncertain.

They probably gave her drugs. She needs to go home and sleep it off, and that's all. She'll wake up and be back to normal in the morning, Ameline told herself, fiercely. Her Anna was still there; she had to be, just hiding under a layer of drug induced haze. And dwelling on it much longer would do no good, so the woman pulled the envelope back out from her pocket. "Let's see what they gave you, shall we?" she said, and passed a smile Anna's way. No, she didn't pass it, she forced the smile into her lover's hands, and then averted her sight to the envelope that she was opening. It was a check, as Ameline discovered when she shook it from its shell. Right. Payment. "You got paid," she said, possibly unnecessarily, and slipped it over to look at the amount. "You got paid..." No. That couldn't be right. Could it? But the check was stamped consistently, which meant it was valid; one hundred thousand dollars. "A lot," she finished, clearing her throat, and offering the expensive slip of paper to Anna. She still knows what a check is, right? What money's worth? Ameline hushed the voice down to a dull whisper, but couldn't forget that much.