"Now, look. You said you'd been to the western wall right?" One guard asked once they'd all stopped talking over each other. I nodded, acting exasperated. "Hold on, listen- you pointed over there." He gestured east and I nodded again as he shook his head. "No, no, that's the eastern wall. The artillery units over there," he pointed to the opposite side of the camp, "it's pretty hard to find unless you know what it looks like. It's right up against the fence, looks like a crappy old shack but it's full of-" One of the other guards cleared his throat, obviously deciding his colleague was over sharing.
I pretended to look appalled. "You're kidding me right? You're telling me that I can't tell my left from right? My north from south, my east from west?" They shrugged, then nodded, unashamed. "No, that's ridiculous, I've been a soldier for three years now and I know for a fact I can read a compass. Listen, all I wanted was help, now I'm wasting my time with you, this blonde bombshell of mine is going to be devastated that I'm late." I huffed and began to turn to the east hoping they'd fall for it, when the third, larger, guard stepped forwards and grabbed me by the shoulder.
"Hey listen kid, we're not tryin' ta offend ya or nothin'. We're tryin' ta help you." He let go and pointed in a very precise direction, his thick accent making it difficult to understand him. "Yer go straight that way, and wander along the fence for a while 'til ya hit the shack that my buddy was talkin' abou'. I don' want ya missing yer chance with yer fine lass, but ya will if ya don' listen. I know exactly why she wants ya out by that artillery shed." He lowered his voice and checked the other guards couldn't hear. "It's a popular spot with the kids these days, few feet along the fence under one o' the larger bushes is a ruddy great big hole. Leads out ta the forest, nice and sheltered and private for where people like ta, yer know... shag."
A deep red flush rose from under his beard as he muttered this and then stood up straight as if trying to retain his dignity.
I rose my eyebrow acting as if I didn't believe him. Only this was more than I could have ever hoped for, he just gave us a way out of here.
"You really expect me to believe that, are you trying to get me in trouble? You'll probably follow me out there and arrest me for trying to escape the grounds! You're setting me up aren't you?" I started to raise my voice and the bearded guard looked alarmed.
"Let me tell ya, they don' patrol that area too often. Ya lass is smart, she must know the times they don' station us there, not enough of us ta go around I 'spect." He shrugged. "Trust meh, if that lass is a beautiful as ya make her out ta be, ya best get goin'. I don' fancy m'self as someone who holds people back from-"
"Locke." One of the other guards growled low and the large bearded man in front of me started and turned to face the others.
"Jus' givin' him a bit of advice is all, ruddy boy's as thick as the tree's that grow around 'ere." He announced before giving me a very obvious wink.