So I know that some of you all work in retail and I want to hear some of those amazing stories that we all have about customers. I'll give 2 examples that I had in the past few months:

A few months ago a customer came to me and was asking for some information about Seasol, a plant root tonic.

Me: "Well you just water it on your plants and it will help the roots grow to be nice and healthy."
Customer: "So if I put a bottle load on my dick and rooted my missus, my dick will grow in length?"
Me: o___O

I just had to walk away from this guy...

One day I witnessed an 8 year old kid run up and down an aisle with a pitchfork, swinging it at people and stabbing items of stock while yelling, "I'M HUNTING ZOMBIES!!!"

So yes, please share cause I'm sure that there's some shocking stories out there that we can laugh at.

Years ago:
It was senior citizen's day (worst day of the week) I was going from one section of the store to another. The area I was in was crowded, I couldn't move I was blocked from all directions. Some stupid old bitch decided I wasn't moving fast enough or whatever so she rammed me in the ass with her cart three times. The cart I was using had breaks, I put the breaks on, I braced myself against it then I planted one foot on her cart. When she started to try to repeat it I pushed back just enough to keep it in place. Old bitch couldn't figure out why she couldn't move her cart she then had the audacity to help with her cart trouble. I apologized and said I don't have the authority to perform maintenance procedures but I would go get someone who did, then I walked away and did nothing to help.

They always like to hang out and shoot the shit with me. Most of the time I only nod and say "Uh-huh". And then the one old guy comes in and he goes on and on and I need to desperately try to find an escape because he's one of the more unfun customers.

I work in a hundred year-old hardware store my Dad owns.

And I've been there long enough people have expectations.

Customers. You love them or hate them. Though you almost always hate them. I had a service call once where the guy asked me how to boil an egg. Wha.. I was dumbfounded. Who calls a Grocery store and asks how to boil an egg. Isn't that what the internet is for?

Then there was this customer who knocked over a display and as I went to pick it up she had the gall to respond. "Oh. Looks like you have some work to do.." And walks away. Seriously! What jerk does that.

A long long time ago, when I worked at an amusement park, there was a line for the bathrooms closest to the kiddie section of the park and I was stationed at a customer service kiosk in the same building. One woman had the audacity to, right in the middle of the line, get pissed at me for allowing a bunch of adults to use the restrooms because that meant her children had to wait. It was so dumb that I just smiled and nodded, and she kept going. By the time she left, everybody in the building hated her, and I even had another woman walk over and shake my hand.

Same job, I used to gauge whether or not I would actually take complaints based on whether or not I agreed with them. Employee shitty with safety procedures? Sure, here's the paper, read what I have written and sign if you agree. You think the music is offensive in one section? Right. Ok. I'll... tell my managers... just... don't worry about it...

I also had a customer call when I was nearest to the phone at a store I worked at and complain that the manager was a dick to them. I happened to like that manager, so I pretended to be his boss, listened intently, and told nobody.