Finished my other character. I'm happy to have it be a replacement character if you want to keep slots open, I feel like I'd probably write this one better anyway.

Finished my other character. I'm happy to have it be a replacement character if you want to keep slots open, I feel like I'd probably write this one better anyway.

Mate, you can play her now if you want.

We have ten writer spots. Not character spots. If you want to play multiple characters, go right ahead.

@Caits
After some deliberation, I wished to ask you to keep an eye out for a better photo. On a professionalism's level, a stock photo isn't exactly awesome.
@Inuyasha after discussing him, a consensus was reached. Clint Eastwood your sky cowboy is accepted.
@leolycan

After a long discussion, we have several problems with your charrie.

1: he comes across as Gary stu. This is a big nono.
2: he comes across as a jack of all trades, master of all. The formula normally is: jack of all trades, master of none. Keep this in mind for the rewrite.
3: your bio is very vague. Enough so to make us stop and question his position. I doubt a special operations team would take somebody with a "knack' for espionage or moderate physical traits. Please elaborate on this.

Oh I see haha, does that mean she's accepted?

<Snipped quote by Mr_pink>

Mate, you can play her now if you want.

We have ten writer spots. Not character spots. If you want to play multiple characters, go right ahead.

@Caits
After some deliberation, I wished to ask you to keep an eye out for a better photo. On a professionalism's level, a stock photo isn't exactly awesome.
@Inuyasha after discussing him, a consensus was reached. Clint Eastwood your sky cowboy is accepted.
@leolycan

After a long discussion, we have several problems with your charrie.

1: he comes across as Gary stu. This is a big nono.
2: he comes across as a jack of all trades, master of all. The formula normally is: jack of all trades, master of none. Keep this in mind for the rewrite.
3: your bio is very vague. Enough so to make us stop and question his position. I doubt a special operations team would take somebody with a "knack' for espionage or moderate physical traits. Please elaborate on this.

1: Not very clear on this term and what it means... So I have no retort on that one other then to say I'm sorry?
2: He's a tinkerer. He's handy in the form of invention and stealth, with no real outstanding physical strength or prowess to speak of. In range of 1-10: Machines 8, stealh 7, combat and physical strength 4-5. As such, if I wrote his physical strength as being more than it is, I'd be more then happy to change it.
3: I understand that it was vague. Half the reason I contacted you in PM, because even after reading the setting, I wasn't sure if you had fully mapped out the world or if you were looking for the pcs to build it. As such, I could've gone into greater detail, but the CS was merely to give an impression of the character. The reason why said spec-ops took him was they saw an ability that they could refine. So it took him from (respectfully from before): 6-5-3 to his stats now.

<Snipped quote by Vash>

1: Not very clear on this term and what it means... So I have no retort on that one other then to say I'm sorry?
2: He's a tinkerer. He's handy in the form of invention and stealth, with no real outstanding physical strength or prowess to speak of. In range of 1-10: Machines 8, stealh 7, combat and physical strength 4-5. As such, if I wrote his physical strength as being more than it is, I'd be more then happy to change it.
3: I understand that it was vague. Half the reason I contacted you in PM, because even after reading the setting, I wasn't sure if you had fully mapped out the world or if you were looking for the pcs to build it. As such, I could've gone into greater detail, but the CS was merely to give an impression of the character. The reason why said spec-ops took him was they saw an ability that they could refine. So it took him from (respectfully from before): 6-5-3 to his stats now.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Mary+Sue

Mary/Gary sue.

In other news, after I get home, I should have plenty of time to fill out the back end of the rp and fill out npcs, finish cs, and fix stuff across the board. Stay tuned.

@Mr_pink

Yes, she's accepted. Just edit her into your already existing character post.

@Inuyasha after discussing him, a consensus was reached. Clint Eastwood your sky cowboy is accepted.

This actually got a chuckle out of me, a rare occurence for me. I am surprisingly happy about this currently, as this was a roleplay I really wanted to join =)

@Caits Damn @.@ Good luck at the hospital man.

@Vash My WALL OF FUCKING TEXT CS on page three is done. Sorry for the wait. Also, have another preemptive apology for all the reading you're about to do.

@Vash My WALL OF FUCKING TEXT CS on page three is done. Sorry for the wait. Also, have another preemptive apology for all the reading you're about to do.

Get that CS into the character bin.

Don't think I'm alone in thinking your CS was amazingly well done.

@Leolycan when it comes to over powered characters always resort back to the video game formula. In every great video game you always start off as a weaker character (Pokemon, binding of Isaac, borderlands, dark souls, even burnout paradise) The story in some of these games may start off explaining that you were once a powerful vault hunter or a fearless warrior, but something will always happen in which you will loose your super powers and have to go back to square one, thus the journey is your chance of regaining that power and overcoming your foes.

Starting off with the power of Neo, the ability the create anything, or the ability to kill a Demi God is what your character should be striving for, but may not necessarily meet. It's like your daily life. I'm guessing you want a well paid job, a nice house, car, and a holiday. What if you were to win unlimited money and power? It would be fun to start off with but after time you will enjoy it less because you will lack that life experience of a mortgage, the idea of owning a car that breaks down, the fun of working with colleges, the enjoyment of passing a course that will advance your career.

Less is sometimes more, and creating a character that has to struggle a bit means that you can be creative with the outcomes. You can show that they are sometimes weak, but occasionally overcome problems. You can build on them knowing you have something to strive for, rather than play on God mode all the time.

@NuttsnBolts

I guess my problem is I don't see him as overpowered, but that's all a matter of perspective. Well established, maybe, but there's nothing in there about him being able to one man an army or create automatons. Still, I feel like he's flawed (in relation to the universe) and as such have no real way to adjust him other than to scrap him.

@Leolycan
If you don't mind a bit of criticism, I can try and describe your character (at least, the hint of a sheet Vash posted on page 2) from my viewpoint and see if that gets you any introspection. (I'll edit this post with said description in a few minutes.)

The real problem is more just the writing. You need to improve your writing. That's what hits me in the face. I can't tell if the character is op or not, because of the writing. You just need to make the writing better.

Okay guys, I feel kind of bad because we've just been ragging on Leolycan where it's getting to the point where its not even constructive anymore. I think he gets the point.

@Inuyasha You called it.
Ditto.

Edit: Original post was a little salty, so I had to redact it.

I thank you for the pointers and critique, but as such, this is beyond my apparent level. As such, I'll be withdrawing, thank you all for your time.

Eh, the point is I'm not welcomed here. As such, I'll be withdrawing. Thanks for your time.

I suspected as much would happen. I wish you the best of luck Leolycan, :c

Ah. And I was almost finished writing my thing out, too. It even had constructive suggestions on how he could make his character acceptable! Now I just feel like I wasted my time.

@Penultimate_Pi

Sorry. I'm more than open for you to pm the write up, so I can look over it for furture references, but I'm withdrawing from this specific one. Thanks again for the offer, and thanks ahead if you send the feedback.

@Penultimate_Pi

Sorry. I'm more than open for you to pm the write up, so I can look over it for furture references, but I'm withdrawing from this specific one. Thanks again for the offer, and thanks ahead if you send the feedback.

Eh, the point is I'm not welcomed here. As such, I'll be withdrawing. Thanks for your time.

No. Absolutely untrue. Lycan. This is as much a learning experience as it is an rp. You don't have to leave just because you think you are below the skill level. You made an attempt at a CS and it ended up flawed. All cs go through that time and all players go through the same time themselves where they must learn and adapt and become better writers. I apologize for coming across as an ass and making you feel unwelcome. I admit that in my time as a roleplayer I have become a lot more cynical than most people and it's impacted a lot of experiences due to brashness and confrontationalness that was built over years of seeing writers make mockeries of the spirit. There are a lot of very good writers out there, many of which are surrounding us now. It takes a lot of criticism and harsh lessons to become the best writer possible as it's not something one can learn over night.

Please, I invite you to sit down and try again and let us walk you through what makes the difference between a "Gary stu", a good character, and a great written persona.

@Vash

I thank you for your consideration, but I am reluctant. It's not the fact that my character is criticized, it's the fact that he seems almost mocked. If specific ways of which he seems 'bland' or blatantly overpowered, where given- that's one thing- but I'm not given specifics, just generalization.

'Your character is a Mary Sue, Your character is overpowered, Your writting is bad, etc.'

That's how it's coming across. If you told me my character is bland because: He lacks personality, his backstory seems copy and pasted, his skillset seems weak- that all I'm receptive to. Yeah, I may be a little adverse to criticism- and I won't go into why- but I do my best to adjust if given the cause for the criticism. So if someone can point out what I need to work on, I'll gladly thank them for their effort and take it into consideration. But as such, you already stated that this is a limited slot RP, and I don't want to take up the slot of someone who has a better flushed out character that fits the setting more naturally.