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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by DearTrickster
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DearTrickster

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Not to totally detract from the CS discussion but I finished an 8tracks playlist for Kiralla :). You lovely people will begrudgingly find I'm horrible for making playlists for everything. So don't feel obligated to listen to them~

The Truth is Easy to See
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by idlehands
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@DearTrickster

I make playlists on YouTube for every character I've written for, I'll be sure to check that out once I get home.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by DearTrickster
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@DearTrickster

I make playlists on YouTube for every character I've written for, I'll be sure to check that out once I get home.


That's awesome :D I'd love to listen to some of yours!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Leidenschaft
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Leidenschaft Relax, only half-dead

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<Snipped quote by Leidenschaft>

If you want I can throw my two cents in for Brynn :>


I didn't see this earlier, so sure!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Dervish
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Dervish Let's get volatile

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<Snipped quote by idlehands>

Care to point out anything glaring?

<Snipped quote by Dervish>

That's the nicest thing you ever said to me


Don't get used to it. I wouldn't want you thinking I thought you were actually worth more than a pair of socks and a McDonald's Value Meal.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Dervish
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Dervish Let's get volatile

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Not to totally detract from the CS discussion but I finished an 8tracks playlist for Kiralla :). You lovely people will begrudgingly find I'm horrible for making playlists for everything. So don't feel obligated to listen to them~

The Truth is Easy to See


Speaking of playlists, remember when I asked you to draw me like one of your French girls?

That was metaphorical for you making playlists for muh characters in Merss Efurct. Gosh.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by DearTrickster
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<Snipped quote by DearTrickster>

I didn't see this earlier, so sure!


It seems to me on the second and third read through of Brynn you did an awesome job of dropping his (hella problematic) escalating need for war and fighting right where the story kicks off. You built up the backstory really well in that regard giving his life an erratic but still linear description.

Though despite having immense respect for Karling did Brynn ever hold the rumours or false stories to him? You noted he enjoyed the perks of having a reputation and disliked lying but at any point did he begrudge Karling for pushing those stories?

Edit: Like actually confront Karling for it.

@Dervish You could have said that ya weirdo.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Leidenschaft
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<Snipped quote by Leidenschaft>

Don't get used to it. I wouldn't want you thinking I thought you were actually worth more than a pair of socks and a McDonald's Value Meal.


haha oh, you! Stop it!

<Snipped quote by Leidenschaft>

It seems to me on the second and third read through of Brynn you did an awesome job of dropping his (hella problematic) escalating need for war and fighting right where the story kicks off. You built up the backstory really well in that regard giving his life an erratic but still linear description.

Though despite having immense respect for Karling did Brynn ever hold the rumours or false stories to him? You noted he enjoyed the perks of having a reputation and disliked lying but at any point did he begrudge Karling for pushing those stories?

Edit: Like actually confront Karling for it.


Thanks for giving that to me. I originally imagined Brynn being the embodiment of reputation being bigger than the man, so any chance I can get to think out how a person like Brynn would act given a situation is good with me. I suppose that as more and more stories about him were piled onto him, Brynn would've grown to be angry at Karling. The fact that Brynn's life was only saved by Karling tripping up Brynn's opponent in the dueling circle would've made Brynn simmer in silence. I'll be sure to add that in.

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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by idlehands
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@Lo Pellegrino

I read through your character sheet and I must say, I like Faruq a lot. And the fact you have him tied to another character from another RP must be fun for you.

I like that Faruq is on the cusp of moving from naive, starry eyed young man to a seasoned warrior who has seen too much reality. He seems well rounded and not too abrasive, someone you could sit and have a beer with (or mead) and not worry about getting robbed or gutted at the end of the evening. That he realizes the stories of his father might have just been stories made up by his mother or at least heavily embellished to give Faruq a rolemodel rather than an empty hole where his father should have been.

His struggle with his war experiences and the indifference of powerful men is realistic and intriguing, he has not been totally lost apathy even if he's dipping into the moon sugar. That is something I'm looking forward to seeing, if he comes to terms with the fact he is using it as a crutch and tries to quit or if he continues down the path of self medication until it becomes a crippling addiction.

I don't really have anything to offer, this is a well rounded character and understated but clearly defined.

Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Dervish
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@DearTrickster What would the fun of that be? :D

I'm also enjoying everyone's critiques of everyone's sheets so far. It's neat to see what other people think outside of my own perceptions. It's a learning experience!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by POOHEAD189
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@Lo PellegrinoJust read Faruqs sheet fully. To be blunt, I enjoy him a lot. You've got a...I wouldn't say Tolkienesque exactly, but a classical fantasy hero archtype in a world that isn't necessarily for such people. And to be honest, I kinda live and breath that stuff. I LOVE it when characters are wholly good but survive in a shit world that puts pragmatic and selfish thinking on pedestals. In fact, it's usually the kind of character I make. Jex is an odd one for me, so in any other RP our characters would be fast friends. He's also got a wholesome look about him too, to boot. You described him and his experiences in a believable, yet fire-side tale fashion. Good job, my friend.
P.S. Thank you for reminding me of the war in your history. I'll need to add some of it to Jex's history too.

@idlehandsGaela is a very endearing character, both in how you wrote her and in personality. I really enjoy characters/people who are dreamers, and pursue their passions. It's like two of the most admirable traits people can have. Her history isn't overly complicated, but organic, and nice to read. Plus I think we need more mages, and yours is a fine addition. She's lovely just like when I skimmed her earlier^^.

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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Hellis
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Hellis Cᴀɴɴɪʙᴀʟɪsᴛɪᴄ Yᴇᴛ Cʟᴀssʏ

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Oh oh! Someone do mine! :D
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by POOHEAD189
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@Hellis
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Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by ConstableWalrus
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For your consideration.



Edit: Forgot the picture.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Dervish
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@ConstableWalrus I wondered when you were going to post; I've been doing you lurk for days now. :D
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by ConstableWalrus
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@Dervish

I don't lurk... I simply meander.

Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Lo Pellegrino
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@idlehands First, I'm putting you on blast for re-creating Jennifer Lawrence. This is straight up Jennifer Lawrence and you seriously could've used the picture in that link. I mean, it's uncanny, right?

Anyway, the Elder Scrolls Jennifer Lawrence is actually pretty cool. I appreciate the simplicity of her character in that you focus on very few, yet key points to her life as they relate to what we will see. Many of us tend to slip into the habit of describing everything, forgetting that it's okay to have some off-camera moments open to mystery or basic life. I feel like this occurs with Gaela. Sort of like my critique with @Hank, I felt like you dropped an interesting seed then left it untended, though. I am speaking about the death of Gaela's father and her subsequent desire to burn baby burn. I get that this was a sign that trauma occurred, but once you had Gaela dive into magic proper I was surprised that her use of magic didn't reflect her mentality. Gaela is young and skilled in both restoration -- restoring life -- and destruction -- destroying life. Her life, while ultimately quiet, is full of points of pain like her chronically ill mother, her father's death, and the fact she was arrested for accidentally killing an abuser. I see a woman at a crossroads who is one bad day away from returning to her old destructive habits, only now with far more skill. It's like Anakin Skywalker, but with Jar Jar's steroid pumping cousin Jex as comedic (?) relief. Hell, I could even see Gaela secretly curious about the path to becoming a hagraven one day simply to unlock greater access to magic to prevent these misfortunes in the future. Again though, I'm saying this, but I also dig Gaela already. Anything more is just like a pinch of salt to taste -- not necessary, but interesting.

@Dervish Dat smile doh. Actually, Cedric strikes me as vaguely similar to Gaela. His road through life is understandable and feels real. The way he reacts to the world is consistent and ties well with the background you provided us. Truthfully, this reads quite well as the summary to a story. I do notice Cedric lacks much in the way of vulnerability, mentally or emotionally that is, but that seems in line with his history. Cedric was raised a hard man, one who lives to live and is accustomed to accepting hard truths. We see this when he leaves his father and when Ruddy passes away -- you mention him becoming somewhat out of it, but pass over quickly suggesting to me that while the pain was great, it did not define Cedric. My question would be what great ambition or challenge fuels Cedric? It says that he realizes he must move on in his life. I like the idea of a man grown seeking the next stage, but I'm curious if his Reachman roots will satisfy this need or if he is looking for a simple life. Then again, part of me sees a character like Cedric as an excellent preface to one like the Dragonborn. Cedric is an other belonging more to a people he does not know with the skills and yearning to do something that has yet to occur to him. In the past you've made it clear your feelings about Daedra, but gods, who if not this man is Hircine looking for?!

@Leidenschaft I am really into Brynn. Gritty, bandit dueling, a man seeking legend despite learning along the way how little value it holds -- it's interesting and just feels complete. I think that presents its own challenge, though. I wonder how you will move Brynn in this story, and if perhaps where others often seek growth for their characters, if perhaps this one might go another way (he is complete and confident already). I find that very interesting, personally, and look forward to seeing what you create. A part of me also wonders if the lyrical feeling I got from the CS suggests that this is all how Brynn views himself and if, a layer deeper, he is seeking another sort of meaning akin to his brother. It would be quite interesting if the two sought what the other had and crossed one another on opposing life-paths. I feel the need to apologize for how brief this review is. I've offered no deep suggestions or off-kilter critiques, but I believe this is in part due to your approach to characters. The way you craft these personalities, and Sevari too, feels familiar to me. What I mean to say is, I suspect you're in my blind spot!
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by idlehands
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@Lo PellegrinoThanks for that breakdown. Honestly, I did not even think about Jennifer Lawrence at all. It's purely a coincidence while playing with the character creation screen. Unfortunately all the bodies look the same in armor, I picture her a little more thick.

I could definitely explore the duality of restoration and destruction, it was in my mind about that. I honestly have trouble with character sheets because I hate info dumping. I'll take that suggestion to heart though.

As for hagraven...no never, they're evil.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Lo Pellegrino
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@Lo PellegrinoThanks for that breakdown. Honestly, I did not even think about Jennifer Lawrence at all. It's purely a coincidence while playing with the character creation screen. Unfortunately all the bodies look the same in armor, I picture her a little more thick.

I could definitely explore the duality of restoration and destruction, it was in my mind about that. I honestly have trouble with character sheets because I hate info dumping. I'll take that suggestion to heart though.


I was only giving you isht :). I really do appreciate Gaela as a character and those suggestions are me letting my mind wander down the path you created. Sometimes it comes to strange, unexpected doors that are of use to others. If you simply read this and said 'lol nope' I'd understand completely and take no offense.
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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Macro
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Macro

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So many character submissions... the competition for getting in is tough haha
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