Basically you just overthought the shit out of it and are now trying to make it sound normal.
Nigga just leave before you embarrass yourself anymore.
It'd be a lot easier if you just say, "I fucked up" and leave it at that. You don't need all these explanations and justifications. They don't even matter right now, your bitching and whining isn't going to increase your chances of entering. Just leave and be a good sport, why are you even still here? You've basically given us a bunch of reasons why you don't want to join but you're still here somehow. What's up with that?