@Divinity
I'd imagine it's like that one broken Naruto power, with like the black fire that burns anything. Except, you know, lightning here.
@HarbingerKurahi
Let's have a match so you can get warmed up!
Should I assume that Kurahi isn't faster than the speed of sound, movement-wise? Whenever I don't mention character speeds, that's because they are still reasonably within the limits square/cube law and don't dart around any more quickly than peak human/peak animal.
If that's the case and he's subsonic, here's my characters that could conceivably be good matchups. Pick one!
-Sun Tzu
Name: Donovan Booth
Alias: "First-Degree" Donny
Age: 36
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 160 pounds
Race: Human
Alignment: True Neutral
Appearance: A slight but sturdy man with scarce eyebrows, a baby-face, sunken green eyes, a porn stache, and sprayed back ginger hair. He almost always sports a languid grin and frequently wears black pants and dress shoes with suspenders and black gloves, in addition to a dark blue trenchcoat. He's a big fan of ties. He speaks with a nasally Downeast accent.
Weapons and Equipment-
-The weight of his combined personal gear is around thirty-five pounds, discounting the clothes and satchel. His suspenders help distribute and relieve the weight of his equipment.
-Customised Model M513 Raging Judge Magnum revolver with a titanium firing cylinder and a Mernickle quick draw holster worn on the thigh. The rifling of the barrel, the cylinder tapering, and the frame are modified in a manner reminiscent of the Smith & Wesson Model 460XVR, to accommodate high speed .460 Magnum rounds. Put simply, the most powerful six round revolver on the planet. Donny carries three .45 Colt 325 grain Buffalo Bore moon clips, one .410 bore clip, three .454 Casull XTP Hornady clips, and three .454 Hornady jacketed hollow point clips, and three .460 Magnum 200 grain DPX Cor-Bon clips. His suspender straps are stocked with six of each individual bullet type. The hammer of the Magnum is modified to allow for fanning as a faster alternative to the double-action function.
-Unfiltered Camel soft pack cigarettes.
-Zippo lighter.
-A roll of quarters.
-Fake police inspector badge.
-A flask of purified lamp oil.
-Digital recorder preset with several two-hour tracks, including pained sounds, occasional coughing and snorting, casual and serious phone conversations, a muffled voice, muffled whimpering, and whistling.
-A custom high powered 28,000,000 volt, 10 milliamp Runt stun gun holstered at his left side.
-Belt buckle knife.
-Set of steel cord handcuffs secured to the front of his belt and two spare keys. One key is stitched into his overcoat on the right side and the other is stitched into his left pants pocket.
-Trench coat with holes in the pockets and razorblades stitched into the collar. His shirt has razors in the collar as well.
-A plain looking black van fitted with an electric 300 horsepower induction motor. Goes from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds, makes very little noise compared to gas engine vehicles, and accelerates backwards as fast as it can go forwards. The paneling and darkened windows are bulletproof. There are no rear or rear-side windows, and the rear-side doors open clockwise.
-A modified X800 ShadowHawk flashlight secured to his belt on the left side. It has a custom tactical rail attached, and can be connected to the top of the Magnum's barrel or to the MP5.
-A gas compression ballistic knife with a snap button sheath secured vertically to his right suspender, with the hilt pointing downwards. Has an effective range of 6 meters and travels at 42 mph.
-M249 machine gun with two 200-round magazines, utilizing hollow point rounds. This is carried in a satchel.
-.950 JDJ rifle with four rounds, one always being loaded. This 85 pound gun is kept in the back of Donny's van, which is usually nearby. Comes with a scope.
-Five pull-pin grenades with welded on rings (for ring clips) and optional tripwires, typically stored on the belt. One MK3 concussion grenade, two M67 fragmentation grenades, one M18 smoke grenade, and one M-14 napalm grenade.
-Six inch switchblade in his pocket. It has a ring clip at the hilt base.
-A white handkerchief and a one ounce aerosol bottle of cyanide, disguised as nose spray.
-Customized retractable high-density golf club made just for braining folks holstered at his belt. It has a ring clip at the hilt base.
-Twenty-five foot razor sharp microfilament garrote wire reel concealed within a wristwatch that can be withdrawn via clip ring. It's almost invisible to the naked eye, as light as a spider's web, sharp enough to cut through bone with effort, and can withstand up to 2,300 pounds of tension without breaking. Donny can control how much is extracted and retracted with the interface of his watch. He can also remove the wire spool from the watch at a moment's notice.
-Spring loaded five-inch knives within the heels and toes of his shoes that will jut out when a switch on the instep is triggered. The soles of his shoes are padded with rubber to muffle his steps.
-Pair of insulated quarter-pound S.A.P black combat gloves weighted with lead. They are fashioned from a high density polymer that can resist being cut by the garrote wire.
-A heavy duty bullet proof vest that can stop even the largest of slugs.
-Can of FOX military grade pepper spray holstered at his belt.
-Portable six inch shaving mirror on his belt.
-Four adhesive bombs in the same satchel as his machine gun, which can be remotely detonated via digital watch or set with a timer. Each bomb contains enough TNT to scrap a minivan.
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Physical Abilities/Skills: Donny looks like a geeky dad, the kind of embarrassing adult that could be found doing jumping jacks in neon dolphin shorts down at the local YMCA. This is a strength. Hardly anyone ever suspects just how obscenely dangerous he really is. As a former Green Beret, he diligently trains to stay in peak condition and is a grandmaster of unconventional warfare, as well as an expert on improvised, civilian, and military weaponry. He's a world class gunslinger with a level of manual dexterity and slight of hand most oftenly attributed to master street magicians. Donny's extremely deceptive, excelling in both acting and psychological warfare, in addition to having a eidetic memory combined with a formidable spatial sense. In layman's terms, he fights dirty and abuses any advantages without hesitation. Concealed weaponry, surprise attacks, anything goes. His unwarranted ruthlessness alone is enough take most opponents off guard. His go-to solution for any troublemaker is an immediate and untelegraphed bullet to the skull.
He has over eighteen years of experience in combat as an elite professional killer, with at least 172 confirmed kills in Pakistan alone. Though he is a capable hand-to-hand fighter, he by far prefers mid-range firefights. He is a true "dead eye" with his selected firearms, and can hit a bottle cap at ninety-one meters with his Magnum revolver, the weapon he favors above all others. Such is his skill with the gun that he can fire off all six shots in less than a second by fanning the hammer, whilst still maintaining near-perfect accuracy. For reference as to the revolver's power, the .45 Colt slugs can put a one inch hole through a steel cooking pan at mid-range. The Casull rounds travel at Mach 1.7 and need but a single shot to take down an African bull elephant. The Casull hollow points can reduce a wild boar's innards to custard. The .460 Magnum rounds travel at Mach 2, easily faster than even .500 and .600 bullets, and can vaporize a human head as if it were a rotten cabbage.
At close range with the .410 rounds, Donny can empty the chamber and turn a human into hamburger in less time than it takes for the body to hit the ground. His secret weapon, the .950 JDJ rifle, fires a bullet with over nineteen tons of force per square foot.
It can literally shoot through schools.
Personality: Donny is best described as an unfettered man. He does what he wants, when he wants, only to further his own goals. He is entirely unchained by morality or the legal system, which he holds in contempt. He follows orders only because he likes having something to do, and what he likes to do is kill. Killing is who he is, short and simple. As long as there is violence in the distance he will allow others to give him direction, for a price.
He's outrageously crafty and as mean as an Arizona rattler, albeit with a nigh unbreechable calmness some would call detachment, though on an emotional level he's wholly into his job. He merely has an excellent poker face and never allows himself into a situation that he hasn't complete control over. He's an adrenaline junkie that gets his fix any way he can, primarily by way of murder, but also by driving like a complete maniac, playing games with law enforcement, and committing acts of terrorism. He's socially passable by modern standards, but has no qualms about being a public nuisance. He's quite skilled at being annoying, and uses it as a tool to pick fights. He enjoys smoking, but only does so before and after a kill.
He likes taking first-class rides at the airport, drinking black coffee, making faces at children, and visiting strip clubs.
Background: When a young Donny was first asked himself what he wanted to be when he grew up, he found that he could answer the question immediately. He didn't think he was going to be a killer, he knew it as a fact. He was born to be bad, and bad to the bone at that. He had a typical psychopath's childhood. He was born in Bangor, Maine, his father a U.S Marine, his mother a sickly stay at home wife, and his uncle a pedophile. Not that his uncle made a difference, for Donny had made up his mind to be a killer long before being abused. He was often unsupervised, and frequently engaged in less than moral activities. He bullied other children, killed animals, and stole from the local supermarket on a regular basis. Teachers were astounded at his strange combination of emotional maturity and blatant lack of morals. He quickly learned how to make them think he was a swell kid. In his youth he won several national marksman championships, a regular Annie Oakley. As soon as he was old enough, he joined the military. He was good at what he did, to say the least. He became a Green Beret and served Special Forces in Pakistan and Egypt. He was given a dishonorable discharge for endangerment of human life, various human rights violations, and countless civil misdemeanors. It was during his being stationed in Libya that he was stuck with the nickname of "First-Degree" Donny, after fully destroying three villages with a MIL MI-24 gunship, taking advantage of the commanding officer's wording of orders and forcing the malfunction of his own headset. After his discharge, he settled into Las Vegas.
There he found quick work as a crime syndicate hit man that dispatched anyone who filched on their gambling debts, seizing their assets for himself along with 20-40% of however much money they owed to his employers, plus expenses. Obviously his reputation decreased business, but it was a simple matter for the higher ups to conceal his involvement in many of the deaths. The consistency of his work easily made up for any gamblers he slew or scared away by proxy.
Whenever he wasn't popping filchers, he was taking up hits. Assassinations of all kinds were welcome. He grew into the role of an underworld grim reaper, dreaded to such an extend that the Mafia dared not to double-cross him. Even the local police, to avoid mass casualties, decided to simply stay out of his way. The way they saw it, no possible confrontation with him could result in anything less than a catastrophe rivaling 9/11. The Feds were only called in once, and never again after having eight dozen of their own slaughtered in an incident so brutally embarrassing, it was wiped from the records and in Donny's place a patsy was tossed to the dogs, the failure so complete that a cover-up was the only way to preserve the public's respect for the government. The police have since avoided investigating too deeply into any murder scene where unfiltered Camel cigarette butts are found. After the massacre Donny became the founder of "K9" (Killer Nine), a team of expert killers feared throughout the country. K9 been proven able to kill anyone, anywhere, within a week regardless of their location or importance. Perhaps it's fortunate that nobody who has thus far asked them to kill the president has had enough money to pay for the job.
Theme Music:
Name: Gonad Yaksplitter
Title: The Lord of the Rising Sun
Age: 34
Height: 7'2"
Weight: 499 pounds
Boxing Reach: 92"
Shoe Size: 24
Race: Human
Class: Warrior
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Eye Color: Hazel
Weapons and Equipment-
-His body.
-A set of thick six-kilo gilded steel bracers.
-A pair of three-kilo gilded steel gauntlets.
-A magical cloak that is impervious to heat and cold, and durable to boot.
(Gonad with his bracers)
Appearance- Silhouetted against the burning passions of war, a figure stands tall, unmoving. His physique is as definitive as the gory victory with which his gruesome hands secure. Woven into his beard is a tapestry of blood, proclaiming the legendary tales of the countless scars adorning the sacred weapon, known as Gonad. For weapon he is, heated and hammered in the unquenchable fires of battle.
Pure unadulterated muscle. Lean muscle that ripples under his flesh like the waves of the ocean. He has muscles on his muscles. Feet Muscles. Finger muscles. Muscles in places that muscles should not be. A grisly body resembling tanned granite that might as well have been chiseled by the gods. Bulging veins, thick and course. Tendons like steel cords. Fingers like blunt iron rods. Long, sinewy limbs crafted for naught but the deliverance of phenomenal destruction. His enormous yet supple frame moves with a primal grace, the likes of which are comparable only to the untamed beasts of the wild.
His body is riddled with the innumerable wounds left by his combative livelihood. There are hundreds upon hundreds. Where the scars do not cover his body, coarse manly hair, thick and strong like steel wool, does.
He boasts a great dark gray beard speckled with the blood and bone flakes of his foes, flowing down his freakishly striated chest in thick, oily waves reminiscent of the River Styx. From it emanates the very stench of death and graverot, every bit as inescapable as his piercing glare. Within his single eye resides an undying flame, sizzling hotter than the arse-winds of Satan himself.
Personality- What attributes the primal organism known as "Gonad" bears are no different than the attributes of mother nature herself. Blood-tinged Westerlies carving jagged sluices along the tepid surface of a great and mysterious ocean, whose calm demeanor belies a vast and terrible capability. The wisdom of towering snow-capped mountains, whose interminable experience has been honed over countless millennia of wear and tear. The trepid balance between predator and prey, animal and man, intermingling to form a singular amalgamation of virile life. And yet, he maintains a feature apart from nature. Self-awareness. He lives only for pushing the boundaries of human strength and spirit, forcing himself beyond the utmost limit in extreme combat. He fears not death, nor pain, nor loss, for it is from these things that the vigor and strength of true manhood and honor spring. He revels in the pain, luxuriates in death, and basks in loss. He never will engage in dishonorable practices such as deception, and will not tolerate an unfair fight. Though he may oftentimes appear a comical fool, Gonad is truly just a simple man who very rarely premeditates an action, instead acting from the heart and without hesitation, following only the voice of his soul.
Abilities/Skills- Revered by many as the greatest warrior to have ever lived, Gonad boasts tremendous dynamic and static strength and is capable of overpowering virtually any foe near his size. Above all else the strength in his hands is legendary, and so far no foe, living or dead, has succeeded in breaking his grip. He fights through experience and instinct, capable of reacting to attacks through muscle memory before he consciously registers them. Gonad is the supreme master of his own body, and can control its functions at will. He can use the full potential of his latent strength, constrict blood vessels to keep from losing fluids, and transmit senses other than sight through his visual cortex along with a plethora of other abilities. He is capable of touching and harming incorporeal or transdimensional entities by virtue of being too ignorant to know that he shouldn't. He witholds a vast array of rare and lethal wisdom and is said to know of over one-thousand ways to kill with his bare hands. Pain means nothing to him, and he can fight through most non-lethal injuries.
He is able to harness the raw energies of manliness itself, a power known as the Beardforce which only those known as the Beardlords may use. It allows him to scale in physical might that his capabilities may be matched evenly in comparison to those of any foe significantly more powerful than him, which includes increasing Gonad's spatial mass and the ability to empower his surroundings with Beardforce. This ability manifests in such a way that accommodates his wrestling moves, I.E, making the ground harder and his weight greater so that a very durable enemy will be grievously harmed by a piledriver, or briefly creating a small platform of Beardforce in empty space with which to spike an opponent into if there is no ground or floor nearby. This cannot be used to trap or trick, for the Beardforce does not permit sneaky or cowardly tactics. The only time an opponent would need to worry about a Beardforce construct would be when Gonad's about to use a WWE technique, such as a body slam, a suplex, or any other attack that requires a hard surface to be effective. Gonad's unarmed strikes are of the highest caliber, and taking into consideration the formidable equalization of the Beardforce, this means no foe in this realm or any other can easily withstand even one direct hit, much like how no human mortal may fairly survive a sword through the torso or a mace to the skull. The Beardforce is based upon Gonad's perception of an opponent along with the opponent's full latent power, and as such the Beardforce cannot be fooled or bypassed, making it effective against abstract concepts or inanimate objects for so long as Gonad thinks of the thing as a foe or said thing presents a threat. The opposite stands true, however, as Gonad himself wears little armor and will always be reasonably susceptible to the attacks any superhuman enemy he faces. Whether it be a normal man with a pickaxe or Superman with a pickaxe, if either buried the point of the weapon in Gonad's skull he would die just the same, as if he had been a mortal who had been pickaxed by another mortal. If Gonad is facing a group of empowered enemies, his might will be equalized with that of the strongest.
Gonad is a grandmaster of the berserker arts and has an effectively limitless tolerance for pain. He can utilize three different forms of the technique, each one fiercer than the last. These three modes are Semi Berserk, Fully Berserk, and the preeminent Primal State. At his peak, he can generate such strength that his own muscles can tear themselves from his bones. When combined with the ability to create self induced hyposthenia within his body, bringing his muscles to the ultimate point of relaxation, Gonad can then contract them with the greatest amount of force that is physically possible. At the cost of having his very bones shatter from the overwhelming might of his own blows, Gonad can unleash attacks of such immensity that any entity on the receiving end of a direct hit gains an immediate and intimate understanding of what it feels like to be the fetus in a Mexican abortion.
Background- They say when the Barbarian called Gonad Yaksplitter was born, he came into this world bearing a full and mighty beard and had the equivalent muscles of a shaved adult yak. He was born on the battlefield, his infantile but well defined body gushing forth from the womb of his mother and landing in a puddle of blood that had been pooling from the corpse of a nearby enemy. It was in this way that Gonad had first been christened with the blood of his enemies. His mother, Chukka, had broken both legs in the battle and only she and her newborn son had survived the disastrous conflict. It had been a Barbarian war party, sent out from Gonad's home village which lay fifty-five miles East.
Chukka was forced to crawl back using her hands and teeth, bearing Gonad on her back. Only by sustaining young Gonad with the meat of her placenta and the warm milk from her breasts was she able to keep him nourished during the arduous trip back. Using the prodigious length of young Gonad's beard, she was able to fashion a makeshift diaper to keep him from soiling her back. After two months, they managed to return to the village, much to the great joy of Chief Jarvi. Upon being shocked at the sight of Gonad's beard-diaper being removed, he promptly named muscular Gonad after his hefty namesake, and renamed their village after the miracle child. For many ages the Village of Gonad has been renowned for its strength, most often migrating around in the deep Wilderness. Gonad's birth was the very culmination of generations of hard-earned might, his destiny pre-determined by the selective breeding of his ancestors. Their intent? To create the ultimate physical human. And so they did.
Since before he could walk, Gonad was made to train in the berserker arts with a relentless fervor that surpassed common sense. Nearly every minute of every hour of every day of his life he endured the most excruciating physical and mental training imaginable, his talent for unarmed combat pushed well beyond the boundaries of reason. He bears as many scars from his training as he does from battle. Gonad has participated in thousands of individual fights, ranging from one on one bouts to full scale wars, and from his experience has even created his own fighting style, which he dubbed "Hefty Fist".
As weakness had been beaten out of him at birth, it was not long before he became so well associated with hardship and pain that both feelings became an integral part of his personality. He enjoys agony and difficulty, and carries upon his shoulders the full weight of his village's pride and future. To Gonad, shame and fear are emotions that no longer exist. With adversity drilled into the very core of his being through unimaginable effort he shaped his mind into an unbreechable iron hull filled with undepletable reserves of determination. Though not by any means distanced from other negative emotions, he still bears them with neither complaint nor angst and has never allowed himself to feel regret.
Gonad now travels the land endlessly, seeking nothing more than worthy opponents to fight. He lives only for pushing the boundaries of human strength and spirit, pushing himself beyond the utmost limit in extreme combat. He fears not death, nor pain, nor loss, for it is from these things that the vigor and strength of true manhood and honor spring. He revels in the pain, luxuriates in death, and basks in loss. To fight for honor, the honor of both himself, and for the honor of those who are unable to defend themselves against the dishonorable.
He has seen countless wars, killed countless enemies, made countless friends. To recount the barbarian's many adventures would be an exercise in futility, for the blood wrought odyssey of Gonad transcends time and experience.
Trivia-
◾Gonad rarely calls people by their actual names, often using their physical appearance to give them a nickname such as Hood Man, Fancy Pants Lady, Pale Man, and Funny Beard. Those who have earned his utmost respect, however, are called by their true name.
◾Gonad's body is so well trained, that with muscle memory he performs isometrics in his sleep.
◾Gonad is almost entirely incapable of learning and/or doing anything that isn't related to combat, training, hunting, and women, the subjects in which he holds enough virtuistic ability to philosophize about. It took him two weeks to learn how to first use a doorknob, and he still hasn't learned how to read even a single word. He is utterly useless outside of his few areas of expertise.
◾Gonad is ambidextrous
◾Gonad's nose has been broken so many times, that all of the cartilage in it has deteriorated. He can push it completely flat against his face. He also has four false teeth crafted from ivory.
◾Gonad rarely travels via boat or ship, opting instead to swim across great bodies of water.
Theme Music-
I'd imagine it's like that one broken Naruto power, with like the black fire that burns anything. Except, you know, lightning here.
@HarbingerKurahi
Let's have a match so you can get warmed up!
Should I assume that Kurahi isn't faster than the speed of sound, movement-wise? Whenever I don't mention character speeds, that's because they are still reasonably within the limits square/cube law and don't dart around any more quickly than peak human/peak animal.
If that's the case and he's subsonic, here's my characters that could conceivably be good matchups. Pick one!
Name: Kentucky Tom
Age: 29
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 180 pounds
Race: Human
Class: Jerkwad
Alignment: Chaotic
Eye Color: Unknown
Weapons and Equipment: Ray-Ban sunglasses, unfiltered Wildhorse cigarettes, white suit with black tie.
Physical Abilities/Skills: Physically and mentally, Kentucky Tom is remarkably average. He's no more fit than a man of his age normally is. He is, however, one seriously hardass dickweed who used to be a fast talkin' auctioneer. He has only one special ability, but it is virtually impossible to kill or incapacitate with it. His power is known as "Really Buggersome Affectations". He can inflict nasty effects upon enemies by speaking the magic words of a curse and then pointing and firing a softball sized orb of arcane energy. The speed of the shot depends of the nastiness of the curse. Such curses as "Horndoggums Humprumpus" travel at half the speed of a small thrown object, whilst curses like "Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum" move as fast as bullets. Those in the middle fly as arrows. He can slow down spells as much as he wants and return them to full speed at will after firing them, as much as he likes. He can combine multiple curses into a single attack, the arcane orb increasing in size with each spell added. He can speak at 250 words per minute, about as many as a good auctioneer. He cannot use the same curse twice in a row. The only way to break these curses is to kill him. The known curses he uses are...
*"Impreggio Bitchpleasum"- Impregnates whomever he is pointing at, forcing a baby to be conceived within them. This works on men and inanimate objects. Each subsequent hit halves the pregnancy time, starting at one week pregnant. The baby is ready by week forty. (Mid-Speed)
*"Baldickus Bodilicious"- Instantly removes all the hair on your body. (Fast-Speed)
*"Gayroticus Weinerfestum"- Turns the victim gay. (Slow-Speed)
*"Fartilliarum Skidmarkius"- Gives you the messy farts. (Med)
*"Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum"- Turns your skin pink. (Fast)
*"Retardingus Shitheadellus"- Lowers an enemy's I.Q by one point. (Med)
*"Dirtlingus Shoutloudius"- Forces an opponent to yell out their deepest, dirtiest secret and then proceed to do so again every two minutes. Each time Tom hits a victim with this curse, it halves the time that they can go without shouting. (Fast)
*"Whiteytightus Fucknuttums"- Makes your underwear ultra-tight and uncomfortable. Each hit by the curse makes the ol' drawers get tighter and tighter until the waistband snaps. (Fast)
*"Beardantili Hipsterium"- Gives you a huge beard. Each hit increases the beard length by 18 inches. (Fast)
*"Nudesweeta Bareassum"- Evaporates the target's clothing into an embarrasing gooey honey mist. (Med)
*"Weaboonekus Fucknuttus"- Gives you a bunny tail and cat ears. (Fast)
*"Pisswiggums Bladdersmallis"- Makes you have to pee really bad. (Med)
*"Horndoggums Humprumpus"- Makes you insanely attracted to the next thing Kentucky Tom points at. It takes tremenous will to resist, and becomes a major distraction until the urge is "satisfied". (Slow)
*"Nipgantius Bigtittumus"- The victim's boob area will grow to five times normal size. (Slow)
*"Fatassium Bastardus"- Makes the victim obese. (Slow)
*"Lolhardickus"- Forces the victim into an awkward situation the likes of which occur most often to us in the morning. If used on a female, it will materialize the required assets upon her being. (Fast)
*"Pussysobbium Crybabius"- Makes you cry uncontrollably. (Med)
*"Racechangium Laughardiculum"- Changes the victim's race. By changing the first word to "Sexchangium" Tom can alter gender instead. (Slow)
*"Narratium Expositorium"- Forces the victim to narrate their actions as they do them in a deep, dramatic voice. They cannot complete their attack until the end of the narration. (Slow)
*"Smurftardicus Squeakerotica"- Gives you a high pitched helium voice. (Fast)
*"Butthorkus Limporkus"- The victim becomes a transgender drag queen complete with unwieldy high heels and wig. (Slow)
*"Blindorial Nerdwerdus"- Makes you near and short sighted and materializes a pair of prescription glasses onto your face. (Med)
*"Pizzamugums Pubertum"- Gives the victim a load of acne. (Fast)
*"Glasswhackius Buttmunchickus"- Makes you instantly punch the nearest person with glasses in the face nice and hard, even if it is yourself. (Med)
*"Dildus Rubberium"- Turns an enemy's weapon into a certain rubber implement. (Slow)
*"Foolookius Overthereius"- Makes you look where Tom is pointing. (Slow)
*"Itchums MacGuiness"- Makes you feel very itchy all over. (Slow)
Background: Kentucky Tom grew up in the rough part of town and was constantly harangued by bullies. Why? He had a smart mouth. Shooting off insults came naturally to Tom. He pissed off teachers, parents, drivers, senators, dogs, you name it. He never had much cash, since his job as an auctioneer didn't pay all that well. But then one day, everything changed. He met an old fakir who beseeched Tom to sell an old Porsche for enough money to bail his deviant grandson out of jail. Tom felt pity for the mystic and at the next auction, sold the vehicle for twice what it was really worth. Out of gratitude the fakir bestowed upon Kentucky Tom the power to incur hilarious status effects upon the unwary.
Theme Music:
Age: 29
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 180 pounds
Race: Human
Class: Jerkwad
Alignment: Chaotic
Eye Color: Unknown
Weapons and Equipment: Ray-Ban sunglasses, unfiltered Wildhorse cigarettes, white suit with black tie.
Physical Abilities/Skills: Physically and mentally, Kentucky Tom is remarkably average. He's no more fit than a man of his age normally is. He is, however, one seriously hardass dickweed who used to be a fast talkin' auctioneer. He has only one special ability, but it is virtually impossible to kill or incapacitate with it. His power is known as "Really Buggersome Affectations". He can inflict nasty effects upon enemies by speaking the magic words of a curse and then pointing and firing a softball sized orb of arcane energy. The speed of the shot depends of the nastiness of the curse. Such curses as "Horndoggums Humprumpus" travel at half the speed of a small thrown object, whilst curses like "Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum" move as fast as bullets. Those in the middle fly as arrows. He can slow down spells as much as he wants and return them to full speed at will after firing them, as much as he likes. He can combine multiple curses into a single attack, the arcane orb increasing in size with each spell added. He can speak at 250 words per minute, about as many as a good auctioneer. He cannot use the same curse twice in a row. The only way to break these curses is to kill him. The known curses he uses are...
*"Impreggio Bitchpleasum"- Impregnates whomever he is pointing at, forcing a baby to be conceived within them. This works on men and inanimate objects. Each subsequent hit halves the pregnancy time, starting at one week pregnant. The baby is ready by week forty. (Mid-Speed)
*"Baldickus Bodilicious"- Instantly removes all the hair on your body. (Fast-Speed)
*"Gayroticus Weinerfestum"- Turns the victim gay. (Slow-Speed)
*"Fartilliarum Skidmarkius"- Gives you the messy farts. (Med)
*"Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum"- Turns your skin pink. (Fast)
*"Retardingus Shitheadellus"- Lowers an enemy's I.Q by one point. (Med)
*"Dirtlingus Shoutloudius"- Forces an opponent to yell out their deepest, dirtiest secret and then proceed to do so again every two minutes. Each time Tom hits a victim with this curse, it halves the time that they can go without shouting. (Fast)
*"Whiteytightus Fucknuttums"- Makes your underwear ultra-tight and uncomfortable. Each hit by the curse makes the ol' drawers get tighter and tighter until the waistband snaps. (Fast)
*"Beardantili Hipsterium"- Gives you a huge beard. Each hit increases the beard length by 18 inches. (Fast)
*"Nudesweeta Bareassum"- Evaporates the target's clothing into an embarrasing gooey honey mist. (Med)
*"Weaboonekus Fucknuttus"- Gives you a bunny tail and cat ears. (Fast)
*"Pisswiggums Bladdersmallis"- Makes you have to pee really bad. (Med)
*"Horndoggums Humprumpus"- Makes you insanely attracted to the next thing Kentucky Tom points at. It takes tremenous will to resist, and becomes a major distraction until the urge is "satisfied". (Slow)
*"Nipgantius Bigtittumus"- The victim's boob area will grow to five times normal size. (Slow)
*"Fatassium Bastardus"- Makes the victim obese. (Slow)
*"Lolhardickus"- Forces the victim into an awkward situation the likes of which occur most often to us in the morning. If used on a female, it will materialize the required assets upon her being. (Fast)
*"Pussysobbium Crybabius"- Makes you cry uncontrollably. (Med)
*"Racechangium Laughardiculum"- Changes the victim's race. By changing the first word to "Sexchangium" Tom can alter gender instead. (Slow)
*"Narratium Expositorium"- Forces the victim to narrate their actions as they do them in a deep, dramatic voice. They cannot complete their attack until the end of the narration. (Slow)
*"Smurftardicus Squeakerotica"- Gives you a high pitched helium voice. (Fast)
*"Butthorkus Limporkus"- The victim becomes a transgender drag queen complete with unwieldy high heels and wig. (Slow)
*"Blindorial Nerdwerdus"- Makes you near and short sighted and materializes a pair of prescription glasses onto your face. (Med)
*"Pizzamugums Pubertum"- Gives the victim a load of acne. (Fast)
*"Glasswhackius Buttmunchickus"- Makes you instantly punch the nearest person with glasses in the face nice and hard, even if it is yourself. (Med)
*"Dildus Rubberium"- Turns an enemy's weapon into a certain rubber implement. (Slow)
*"Foolookius Overthereius"- Makes you look where Tom is pointing. (Slow)
*"Itchums MacGuiness"- Makes you feel very itchy all over. (Slow)
Background: Kentucky Tom grew up in the rough part of town and was constantly harangued by bullies. Why? He had a smart mouth. Shooting off insults came naturally to Tom. He pissed off teachers, parents, drivers, senators, dogs, you name it. He never had much cash, since his job as an auctioneer didn't pay all that well. But then one day, everything changed. He met an old fakir who beseeched Tom to sell an old Porsche for enough money to bail his deviant grandson out of jail. Tom felt pity for the mystic and at the next auction, sold the vehicle for twice what it was really worth. Out of gratitude the fakir bestowed upon Kentucky Tom the power to incur hilarious status effects upon the unwary.
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“All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when we are able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must appear inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near.”
-Sun Tzu
Name: Donovan Booth
Alias: "First-Degree" Donny
Age: 36
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 160 pounds
Race: Human
Alignment: True Neutral
Appearance: A slight but sturdy man with scarce eyebrows, a baby-face, sunken green eyes, a porn stache, and sprayed back ginger hair. He almost always sports a languid grin and frequently wears black pants and dress shoes with suspenders and black gloves, in addition to a dark blue trenchcoat. He's a big fan of ties. He speaks with a nasally Downeast accent.
Weapons and Equipment-
-The weight of his combined personal gear is around thirty-five pounds, discounting the clothes and satchel. His suspenders help distribute and relieve the weight of his equipment.
-Customised Model M513 Raging Judge Magnum revolver with a titanium firing cylinder and a Mernickle quick draw holster worn on the thigh. The rifling of the barrel, the cylinder tapering, and the frame are modified in a manner reminiscent of the Smith & Wesson Model 460XVR, to accommodate high speed .460 Magnum rounds. Put simply, the most powerful six round revolver on the planet. Donny carries three .45 Colt 325 grain Buffalo Bore moon clips, one .410 bore clip, three .454 Casull XTP Hornady clips, and three .454 Hornady jacketed hollow point clips, and three .460 Magnum 200 grain DPX Cor-Bon clips. His suspender straps are stocked with six of each individual bullet type. The hammer of the Magnum is modified to allow for fanning as a faster alternative to the double-action function.
-Unfiltered Camel soft pack cigarettes.
-Zippo lighter.
-A roll of quarters.
-Fake police inspector badge.
-A flask of purified lamp oil.
-Digital recorder preset with several two-hour tracks, including pained sounds, occasional coughing and snorting, casual and serious phone conversations, a muffled voice, muffled whimpering, and whistling.
-A custom high powered 28,000,000 volt, 10 milliamp Runt stun gun holstered at his left side.
-Belt buckle knife.
-Set of steel cord handcuffs secured to the front of his belt and two spare keys. One key is stitched into his overcoat on the right side and the other is stitched into his left pants pocket.
-Trench coat with holes in the pockets and razorblades stitched into the collar. His shirt has razors in the collar as well.
-A plain looking black van fitted with an electric 300 horsepower induction motor. Goes from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds, makes very little noise compared to gas engine vehicles, and accelerates backwards as fast as it can go forwards. The paneling and darkened windows are bulletproof. There are no rear or rear-side windows, and the rear-side doors open clockwise.
-A modified X800 ShadowHawk flashlight secured to his belt on the left side. It has a custom tactical rail attached, and can be connected to the top of the Magnum's barrel or to the MP5.
-A gas compression ballistic knife with a snap button sheath secured vertically to his right suspender, with the hilt pointing downwards. Has an effective range of 6 meters and travels at 42 mph.
-M249 machine gun with two 200-round magazines, utilizing hollow point rounds. This is carried in a satchel.
-.950 JDJ rifle with four rounds, one always being loaded. This 85 pound gun is kept in the back of Donny's van, which is usually nearby. Comes with a scope.
-Five pull-pin grenades with welded on rings (for ring clips) and optional tripwires, typically stored on the belt. One MK3 concussion grenade, two M67 fragmentation grenades, one M18 smoke grenade, and one M-14 napalm grenade.
-Six inch switchblade in his pocket. It has a ring clip at the hilt base.
-A white handkerchief and a one ounce aerosol bottle of cyanide, disguised as nose spray.
-Customized retractable high-density golf club made just for braining folks holstered at his belt. It has a ring clip at the hilt base.
-Twenty-five foot razor sharp microfilament garrote wire reel concealed within a wristwatch that can be withdrawn via clip ring. It's almost invisible to the naked eye, as light as a spider's web, sharp enough to cut through bone with effort, and can withstand up to 2,300 pounds of tension without breaking. Donny can control how much is extracted and retracted with the interface of his watch. He can also remove the wire spool from the watch at a moment's notice.
-Spring loaded five-inch knives within the heels and toes of his shoes that will jut out when a switch on the instep is triggered. The soles of his shoes are padded with rubber to muffle his steps.
-Pair of insulated quarter-pound S.A.P black combat gloves weighted with lead. They are fashioned from a high density polymer that can resist being cut by the garrote wire.
-A heavy duty bullet proof vest that can stop even the largest of slugs.
-Can of FOX military grade pepper spray holstered at his belt.
-Portable six inch shaving mirror on his belt.
-Four adhesive bombs in the same satchel as his machine gun, which can be remotely detonated via digital watch or set with a timer. Each bomb contains enough TNT to scrap a minivan.
Physical Abilities/Skills: Donny looks like a geeky dad, the kind of embarrassing adult that could be found doing jumping jacks in neon dolphin shorts down at the local YMCA. This is a strength. Hardly anyone ever suspects just how obscenely dangerous he really is. As a former Green Beret, he diligently trains to stay in peak condition and is a grandmaster of unconventional warfare, as well as an expert on improvised, civilian, and military weaponry. He's a world class gunslinger with a level of manual dexterity and slight of hand most oftenly attributed to master street magicians. Donny's extremely deceptive, excelling in both acting and psychological warfare, in addition to having a eidetic memory combined with a formidable spatial sense. In layman's terms, he fights dirty and abuses any advantages without hesitation. Concealed weaponry, surprise attacks, anything goes. His unwarranted ruthlessness alone is enough take most opponents off guard. His go-to solution for any troublemaker is an immediate and untelegraphed bullet to the skull.
He has over eighteen years of experience in combat as an elite professional killer, with at least 172 confirmed kills in Pakistan alone. Though he is a capable hand-to-hand fighter, he by far prefers mid-range firefights. He is a true "dead eye" with his selected firearms, and can hit a bottle cap at ninety-one meters with his Magnum revolver, the weapon he favors above all others. Such is his skill with the gun that he can fire off all six shots in less than a second by fanning the hammer, whilst still maintaining near-perfect accuracy. For reference as to the revolver's power, the .45 Colt slugs can put a one inch hole through a steel cooking pan at mid-range. The Casull rounds travel at Mach 1.7 and need but a single shot to take down an African bull elephant. The Casull hollow points can reduce a wild boar's innards to custard. The .460 Magnum rounds travel at Mach 2, easily faster than even .500 and .600 bullets, and can vaporize a human head as if it were a rotten cabbage.
At close range with the .410 rounds, Donny can empty the chamber and turn a human into hamburger in less time than it takes for the body to hit the ground. His secret weapon, the .950 JDJ rifle, fires a bullet with over nineteen tons of force per square foot.
It can literally shoot through schools.
Personality: Donny is best described as an unfettered man. He does what he wants, when he wants, only to further his own goals. He is entirely unchained by morality or the legal system, which he holds in contempt. He follows orders only because he likes having something to do, and what he likes to do is kill. Killing is who he is, short and simple. As long as there is violence in the distance he will allow others to give him direction, for a price.
He's outrageously crafty and as mean as an Arizona rattler, albeit with a nigh unbreechable calmness some would call detachment, though on an emotional level he's wholly into his job. He merely has an excellent poker face and never allows himself into a situation that he hasn't complete control over. He's an adrenaline junkie that gets his fix any way he can, primarily by way of murder, but also by driving like a complete maniac, playing games with law enforcement, and committing acts of terrorism. He's socially passable by modern standards, but has no qualms about being a public nuisance. He's quite skilled at being annoying, and uses it as a tool to pick fights. He enjoys smoking, but only does so before and after a kill.
He likes taking first-class rides at the airport, drinking black coffee, making faces at children, and visiting strip clubs.
Background: When a young Donny was first asked himself what he wanted to be when he grew up, he found that he could answer the question immediately. He didn't think he was going to be a killer, he knew it as a fact. He was born to be bad, and bad to the bone at that. He had a typical psychopath's childhood. He was born in Bangor, Maine, his father a U.S Marine, his mother a sickly stay at home wife, and his uncle a pedophile. Not that his uncle made a difference, for Donny had made up his mind to be a killer long before being abused. He was often unsupervised, and frequently engaged in less than moral activities. He bullied other children, killed animals, and stole from the local supermarket on a regular basis. Teachers were astounded at his strange combination of emotional maturity and blatant lack of morals. He quickly learned how to make them think he was a swell kid. In his youth he won several national marksman championships, a regular Annie Oakley. As soon as he was old enough, he joined the military. He was good at what he did, to say the least. He became a Green Beret and served Special Forces in Pakistan and Egypt. He was given a dishonorable discharge for endangerment of human life, various human rights violations, and countless civil misdemeanors. It was during his being stationed in Libya that he was stuck with the nickname of "First-Degree" Donny, after fully destroying three villages with a MIL MI-24 gunship, taking advantage of the commanding officer's wording of orders and forcing the malfunction of his own headset. After his discharge, he settled into Las Vegas.
There he found quick work as a crime syndicate hit man that dispatched anyone who filched on their gambling debts, seizing their assets for himself along with 20-40% of however much money they owed to his employers, plus expenses. Obviously his reputation decreased business, but it was a simple matter for the higher ups to conceal his involvement in many of the deaths. The consistency of his work easily made up for any gamblers he slew or scared away by proxy.
Whenever he wasn't popping filchers, he was taking up hits. Assassinations of all kinds were welcome. He grew into the role of an underworld grim reaper, dreaded to such an extend that the Mafia dared not to double-cross him. Even the local police, to avoid mass casualties, decided to simply stay out of his way. The way they saw it, no possible confrontation with him could result in anything less than a catastrophe rivaling 9/11. The Feds were only called in once, and never again after having eight dozen of their own slaughtered in an incident so brutally embarrassing, it was wiped from the records and in Donny's place a patsy was tossed to the dogs, the failure so complete that a cover-up was the only way to preserve the public's respect for the government. The police have since avoided investigating too deeply into any murder scene where unfiltered Camel cigarette butts are found. After the massacre Donny became the founder of "K9" (Killer Nine), a team of expert killers feared throughout the country. K9 been proven able to kill anyone, anywhere, within a week regardless of their location or importance. Perhaps it's fortunate that nobody who has thus far asked them to kill the president has had enough money to pay for the job.
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Name: Gonad Yaksplitter
Title: The Lord of the Rising Sun
Age: 34
Height: 7'2"
Weight: 499 pounds
Boxing Reach: 92"
Shoe Size: 24
Race: Human
Class: Warrior
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Eye Color: Hazel
Weapons and Equipment-
-His body.
-A set of thick six-kilo gilded steel bracers.
-A pair of three-kilo gilded steel gauntlets.
-A magical cloak that is impervious to heat and cold, and durable to boot.
(Gonad with his bracers)
Appearance- Silhouetted against the burning passions of war, a figure stands tall, unmoving. His physique is as definitive as the gory victory with which his gruesome hands secure. Woven into his beard is a tapestry of blood, proclaiming the legendary tales of the countless scars adorning the sacred weapon, known as Gonad. For weapon he is, heated and hammered in the unquenchable fires of battle.
Pure unadulterated muscle. Lean muscle that ripples under his flesh like the waves of the ocean. He has muscles on his muscles. Feet Muscles. Finger muscles. Muscles in places that muscles should not be. A grisly body resembling tanned granite that might as well have been chiseled by the gods. Bulging veins, thick and course. Tendons like steel cords. Fingers like blunt iron rods. Long, sinewy limbs crafted for naught but the deliverance of phenomenal destruction. His enormous yet supple frame moves with a primal grace, the likes of which are comparable only to the untamed beasts of the wild.
His body is riddled with the innumerable wounds left by his combative livelihood. There are hundreds upon hundreds. Where the scars do not cover his body, coarse manly hair, thick and strong like steel wool, does.
He boasts a great dark gray beard speckled with the blood and bone flakes of his foes, flowing down his freakishly striated chest in thick, oily waves reminiscent of the River Styx. From it emanates the very stench of death and graverot, every bit as inescapable as his piercing glare. Within his single eye resides an undying flame, sizzling hotter than the arse-winds of Satan himself.
Personality- What attributes the primal organism known as "Gonad" bears are no different than the attributes of mother nature herself. Blood-tinged Westerlies carving jagged sluices along the tepid surface of a great and mysterious ocean, whose calm demeanor belies a vast and terrible capability. The wisdom of towering snow-capped mountains, whose interminable experience has been honed over countless millennia of wear and tear. The trepid balance between predator and prey, animal and man, intermingling to form a singular amalgamation of virile life. And yet, he maintains a feature apart from nature. Self-awareness. He lives only for pushing the boundaries of human strength and spirit, forcing himself beyond the utmost limit in extreme combat. He fears not death, nor pain, nor loss, for it is from these things that the vigor and strength of true manhood and honor spring. He revels in the pain, luxuriates in death, and basks in loss. He never will engage in dishonorable practices such as deception, and will not tolerate an unfair fight. Though he may oftentimes appear a comical fool, Gonad is truly just a simple man who very rarely premeditates an action, instead acting from the heart and without hesitation, following only the voice of his soul.
Abilities/Skills- Revered by many as the greatest warrior to have ever lived, Gonad boasts tremendous dynamic and static strength and is capable of overpowering virtually any foe near his size. Above all else the strength in his hands is legendary, and so far no foe, living or dead, has succeeded in breaking his grip. He fights through experience and instinct, capable of reacting to attacks through muscle memory before he consciously registers them. Gonad is the supreme master of his own body, and can control its functions at will. He can use the full potential of his latent strength, constrict blood vessels to keep from losing fluids, and transmit senses other than sight through his visual cortex along with a plethora of other abilities. He is capable of touching and harming incorporeal or transdimensional entities by virtue of being too ignorant to know that he shouldn't. He witholds a vast array of rare and lethal wisdom and is said to know of over one-thousand ways to kill with his bare hands. Pain means nothing to him, and he can fight through most non-lethal injuries.
He is able to harness the raw energies of manliness itself, a power known as the Beardforce which only those known as the Beardlords may use. It allows him to scale in physical might that his capabilities may be matched evenly in comparison to those of any foe significantly more powerful than him, which includes increasing Gonad's spatial mass and the ability to empower his surroundings with Beardforce. This ability manifests in such a way that accommodates his wrestling moves, I.E, making the ground harder and his weight greater so that a very durable enemy will be grievously harmed by a piledriver, or briefly creating a small platform of Beardforce in empty space with which to spike an opponent into if there is no ground or floor nearby. This cannot be used to trap or trick, for the Beardforce does not permit sneaky or cowardly tactics. The only time an opponent would need to worry about a Beardforce construct would be when Gonad's about to use a WWE technique, such as a body slam, a suplex, or any other attack that requires a hard surface to be effective. Gonad's unarmed strikes are of the highest caliber, and taking into consideration the formidable equalization of the Beardforce, this means no foe in this realm or any other can easily withstand even one direct hit, much like how no human mortal may fairly survive a sword through the torso or a mace to the skull. The Beardforce is based upon Gonad's perception of an opponent along with the opponent's full latent power, and as such the Beardforce cannot be fooled or bypassed, making it effective against abstract concepts or inanimate objects for so long as Gonad thinks of the thing as a foe or said thing presents a threat. The opposite stands true, however, as Gonad himself wears little armor and will always be reasonably susceptible to the attacks any superhuman enemy he faces. Whether it be a normal man with a pickaxe or Superman with a pickaxe, if either buried the point of the weapon in Gonad's skull he would die just the same, as if he had been a mortal who had been pickaxed by another mortal. If Gonad is facing a group of empowered enemies, his might will be equalized with that of the strongest.
Gonad is a grandmaster of the berserker arts and has an effectively limitless tolerance for pain. He can utilize three different forms of the technique, each one fiercer than the last. These three modes are Semi Berserk, Fully Berserk, and the preeminent Primal State. At his peak, he can generate such strength that his own muscles can tear themselves from his bones. When combined with the ability to create self induced hyposthenia within his body, bringing his muscles to the ultimate point of relaxation, Gonad can then contract them with the greatest amount of force that is physically possible. At the cost of having his very bones shatter from the overwhelming might of his own blows, Gonad can unleash attacks of such immensity that any entity on the receiving end of a direct hit gains an immediate and intimate understanding of what it feels like to be the fetus in a Mexican abortion.
Background- They say when the Barbarian called Gonad Yaksplitter was born, he came into this world bearing a full and mighty beard and had the equivalent muscles of a shaved adult yak. He was born on the battlefield, his infantile but well defined body gushing forth from the womb of his mother and landing in a puddle of blood that had been pooling from the corpse of a nearby enemy. It was in this way that Gonad had first been christened with the blood of his enemies. His mother, Chukka, had broken both legs in the battle and only she and her newborn son had survived the disastrous conflict. It had been a Barbarian war party, sent out from Gonad's home village which lay fifty-five miles East.
Chukka was forced to crawl back using her hands and teeth, bearing Gonad on her back. Only by sustaining young Gonad with the meat of her placenta and the warm milk from her breasts was she able to keep him nourished during the arduous trip back. Using the prodigious length of young Gonad's beard, she was able to fashion a makeshift diaper to keep him from soiling her back. After two months, they managed to return to the village, much to the great joy of Chief Jarvi. Upon being shocked at the sight of Gonad's beard-diaper being removed, he promptly named muscular Gonad after his hefty namesake, and renamed their village after the miracle child. For many ages the Village of Gonad has been renowned for its strength, most often migrating around in the deep Wilderness. Gonad's birth was the very culmination of generations of hard-earned might, his destiny pre-determined by the selective breeding of his ancestors. Their intent? To create the ultimate physical human. And so they did.
Since before he could walk, Gonad was made to train in the berserker arts with a relentless fervor that surpassed common sense. Nearly every minute of every hour of every day of his life he endured the most excruciating physical and mental training imaginable, his talent for unarmed combat pushed well beyond the boundaries of reason. He bears as many scars from his training as he does from battle. Gonad has participated in thousands of individual fights, ranging from one on one bouts to full scale wars, and from his experience has even created his own fighting style, which he dubbed "Hefty Fist".
As weakness had been beaten out of him at birth, it was not long before he became so well associated with hardship and pain that both feelings became an integral part of his personality. He enjoys agony and difficulty, and carries upon his shoulders the full weight of his village's pride and future. To Gonad, shame and fear are emotions that no longer exist. With adversity drilled into the very core of his being through unimaginable effort he shaped his mind into an unbreechable iron hull filled with undepletable reserves of determination. Though not by any means distanced from other negative emotions, he still bears them with neither complaint nor angst and has never allowed himself to feel regret.
Gonad now travels the land endlessly, seeking nothing more than worthy opponents to fight. He lives only for pushing the boundaries of human strength and spirit, pushing himself beyond the utmost limit in extreme combat. He fears not death, nor pain, nor loss, for it is from these things that the vigor and strength of true manhood and honor spring. He revels in the pain, luxuriates in death, and basks in loss. To fight for honor, the honor of both himself, and for the honor of those who are unable to defend themselves against the dishonorable.
He has seen countless wars, killed countless enemies, made countless friends. To recount the barbarian's many adventures would be an exercise in futility, for the blood wrought odyssey of Gonad transcends time and experience.
Trivia-
◾Gonad rarely calls people by their actual names, often using their physical appearance to give them a nickname such as Hood Man, Fancy Pants Lady, Pale Man, and Funny Beard. Those who have earned his utmost respect, however, are called by their true name.
◾Gonad's body is so well trained, that with muscle memory he performs isometrics in his sleep.
◾Gonad is almost entirely incapable of learning and/or doing anything that isn't related to combat, training, hunting, and women, the subjects in which he holds enough virtuistic ability to philosophize about. It took him two weeks to learn how to first use a doorknob, and he still hasn't learned how to read even a single word. He is utterly useless outside of his few areas of expertise.
◾Gonad is ambidextrous
◾Gonad's nose has been broken so many times, that all of the cartilage in it has deteriorated. He can push it completely flat against his face. He also has four false teeth crafted from ivory.
◾Gonad rarely travels via boat or ship, opting instead to swim across great bodies of water.
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