CANON CHARACTER - open

Image (if available):

Name: Bourne Oakeneater / Mr. Grinn (this name is only know by his old enemies, as he himself does not remember it)

Sex: Male

Age: unknown

Race: Human

Appearance description: Long dark hair, blue eyes, short height.

Relationships: In love with the Underground Fairy, friends with and leader of The Bearded Maniac Gang, friends with Eric Lenscher, arch-nemesis with Willy Wonka

Bio/Description: Due to Born loosing a great portion of his memory (almost 99% of it), it is better to understand his bio from quotes of other characters:

From the words of Shitstorm: "No one knows who he is and where he's from. We even called him Born simply because we almost don't know about his past, just some pieces. From the fragments, we found out that he had a hard childhood. He was a skinny nerd, loved eating sweet cotton candy, beaten up the school bullies until they started bleeding. He was shy. He always said to people "I'm a little man", and hit them lower of the belt. Also he worked as an assassin for hire for suicidal emos. Those have ordered themselves for him to kill for the measly pocket money given by their parents for ice-cream. And when he grew up - for no reason whatsoever he became a dangerous type. He is always lagging with those vision. Eh, I pity him... But, he is the only one who has the coordinates of the Holey Mountain."

From the words of Mountain Chairman: "Hoooly! Whom do I see?! Hello, Grinny! Do you remember me? I was the Chairman of the Holey Mountain. Oh yeah! Your memory is broken! But did you know that you are the reason we were chased out of the Mountain. And I, at the time, looked a little bit different. Aha, I see you finally remembered! Yes it's me, your beloved Chairman. And you betrayed me. You spoke up the leader of Umpa Loompas to attack our Mountain. Umpa Loompas chased us out of the Mountain, and in just 2 days, in the clear field we were irradiated by Gamma-Rays from the Satellite, and we all became ugly. Except for you, you only lost your memory from the Rays." ... "You are the one at fault, Mr. Grin. It's your real name, by the way. You came here from planet Earth and bought up my trust. And all that just to snitch away my Super Duper Mega Magic Stone. You even called it funny - Tesseract. But the Stone was closely guarded, so you spoke up the white-faced chief of the Umpa Loompas Willy Wonka to attack our Mountain, so that in the commotion you could capture the Stone. But everything went wrong, you were betrayed by your beastly temper. During the Umpa-Loompa attack, you suddenly went wild, attacked Willy Wonka, and chopped off his Upper Left Side Arm. Since then Willy Wonka hates you, and you were forced to run from the Mountain from his rage. Under the Gamma-Race we mutated, but you didn't. You only lost your memory. And you fled."

When someone says some "smart" word (even if it's in a middle of a sentence), he tends to
automatically repeat it, adding "of Born!". This is
especially seen with words ending with "-tion" Examples:

"Conspiration of Born!" (his way of saying "conspiracy")
"Operation of Born!"
"Confrontation of Born!"
"Civilization of Born!"
"Reservation of Born!"
"Levitation of Born!"
"Gravitation of Born!"
"Reparation of Born!"
"Adaptation of Born!"


Also, at absolutely random moments he tends to say "I'm not imbecile!" For example, from dialogue
between Eric and Born:

...
Eric: "But what kind of Mountain is it without a Dragon?
Born: "So you made him up, after all?"
Eric: "I modeled in my head the Mountain you described, and logically calculated that there is
a Dragon inside. But the gold I made up, yes, but not for myself, but to trick you,
greedy bastards, into the expedition."
Born: "Why do we need to be tricked?"
Eric" "Because I'm afraid to go by myself"
Born: "I AM NOT IMBECILE!!!"
Eric: Wha- I didn't say you're an imbecile..."
Born: "Yeah, I'm not imbecile."
Eric: "I just didn't say it yet!"

Also, Born often has visions of things that have happened before or will happen, regardless how far
in the future or in the past it happens. Sometimes he mistakes his visions for things that are
really
happening. For example:

Born: "I have a vision, 2 huge dogs shall attack as soon!"
Arthur: "Idiot, it just really happened a moment ago!"
Eric: "Are you even capable of telling your visions from reality?"

Most people disregard his visions as consequence of some serious drug, though really no one ever seen
him take any, and Shitstorm even watched Born for some time to make sure he takes no drugs.

CANON CHARACTER - claimed by @Super Grandpa

Image (if available):

Name: Eric Lenscher / Magneto / Super Grandpa

Sex: Male

Age: 60+

Race: X-Man

Appearance description: Very tall, blue eyes, old, long hair and beard

Relationships: Friends with Born, friend of The Beraded Maniac Gang, lover of the Underground Fairy, arch-nemesis of Willy Wonka, likes Arthur (unconfirmed, possibly sexually), friends with Valkin Grandpa, husband of Lady "Electric Drill", son-in-law of Count Dooku, hated by pretty much everyone else.

Bio/Description: Best described by the quotes of other characters:

From the words of Arthur Dent: "... and now I'm stuck here because of the Super Mega Third Intergalactic War. And the War started because of him - this is Eric Lenscher, aka Magneto, or how he calls himself, "Super Grandpa". However really he is just a crazy madman. Once he had a magnetic super power - tied nails into knots and threw around cars. And once he threw too many, that he accidentally started the War. Eric simply wanted to free all the mutant X-men from slavery... and kill all the humans. But this his idea, all so humble and peaceful, somehow unnoticeably grew into the Battle of the Galaxies. Also, at the very start of the War, Eric was stripped of his superpower, and he became a regular old Super Farter. However this cunning-ass old man did not despair, and even traded up himself a prestigious pension, as a "veteran and disabled of the War". However when the War grew into the sizes of a Universal Shithole, Eric was caught and judged for a war crime. He was sentenced to hanging by the neck, until he dies. That is why Super Grandpa escaped to Pandora, and since then he goes crazy here. This fully crazed madman always gets his nose around, bothers everyone, bloody hell, I'm tired of him! He was countless times punished for that with beatings. But the beatings didn't help. Even though Super Grandpa lost his Super Power, but his Super Ass still had the Super Needle. On Pandora he goes mad from idleness and boredom, so he is always seeking a way to return to Earth. And so that on the Earth no one would recognize and hang him, he grew out a beard. And always so happy, bloody optimist, show him a finger - he'll die from laughter."

The unconfirmed sexual attraction to Arthur is hinted by the dialogue between Arthur and Giant (and a remark from Eric):

Giant: "You seem not to like me. You think I'm a bandit?"
Arthur: "You were saved from the death row prison. Usually you don't find nice people there."
Giant: "Did you sit in the death row prison with a bad person?"
Arthur: "Aha, yeah, I did, with Eric! And it was disgusting!"
Eric: "If not for me, we wouldn't get out of there!"
Arthur: "If not for you, we wouldn't even get IN there!"

To summarize, Eric always has crazy "Super Ideas" and "Super Plans" to get back to Earth, that causes damage (physical, mental, economical or all at once) to almost everyone around him. Usually Arthur, even if against Arthur's will, plays a key role in his plans.

CANON CHARACTER - open

Image (if available):

Name: Arthur Dent

Sex: Male

Age: 30+

Race: Human

Appearance description: Somewhat short, curly hair, dog hair on ankles.

Relationships: Hates Super Grandpa, hates Tailed Blue-skinned Aborigines, hates Umpa Loompas, mildly dislikes his neighbors, at first hates but then grows to like The Bearded Maniac Gang, neutral to everyone else.

Bio/Description: From quote by himself: "This is me. I live on Pandora. My name is Arthur, and I'm a hitchhiker. Once I've been hitchhiking across the Galaxies. Here on Pandora I was just in transit, but in the end I got stuck here, so much there's no way of getting out. All of use here on Pandora got isolated from the rest of the universe. Stuck because of the Super Mega Third Intergalactic War." ... "To be honest, it's not so bad here. Somewhere rages a galactic Galactic War, but here rage only the party fireworks. But I don't visit those parties. I love to sit at home, in peace, in quiet, look at... the useless not TV... and take a rest. But unfortunately everything is far from perfect when somewhere near lurks that blasted Eric Super Grandpa with his stupid Super Ideas... And why do I always have to be a part of them?"

From dialogue by Eric and Born:

Born: "And what is his main 'pros'?"
Eric: "He isn't talkative."
Born "And his main 'cons'?"
Eric (hesitating for a moment): ".... Not 'leaky'."

From dialogue by Eric and Arthur:

Eric: ..."And we shall not hesitate to use his talent."
Arthur: "Are you talking about me?!"
Eric: "Well, the Gian is nice, and Arthur is nice, they will become friends, and he will apologize for us. I always said:
the fact that you are so nice and friendly is very good. It will be very useful in life.
Arthur: "Useful to whom? To you? How about I show you my middle finger?"
Eric: "Thanks, but no thanks. Your middle finger is already a leader in the market of "Instant messages of Pandora"

From dialogue by Eric and Arthur:

Arthur: "Go away, beggar."
Eric: "Hey, didn't you recognize your friend? It's me, Super Grandpa!"
Arthur: "That's the problem, I did recognize you!"
...
Arthur: "Well, what's your new idea?"
Eric: "Aha, so you're interested. Well, there is a chance to get off Pandora, and back to Earth."
Arthur: "Wha-? What are you saying? Go on forward and make no turns. Maybe you will fall of the planet's edge... Again
eating those mushrooms, old idiot... What are you going to fly on, a broomstick?"
...
Arthur: "Listen, we still have no spaceship, what are you planning to use to fly to Earth?"
Eric: "Don't worry, I have a plan"
Arthur: "Aha, like 5 years ago with Space Pirates... that raped us and then threw out at the same spot they picked us up?
Eric: "Better."
Arthur: "Aha, like 3 years ago with the asteroid, that you planned to launch to Earth with the power of a nuclear blast... And
we ended up spending a whole month riding on an asteroid, with a nuclear bomb, and praying to Gods that it does not blow up?"


To summarize, Arthur is a "loner", even when he is forced to be / travel in a group. He dislikes almost everyone and likes to criticize others and give sarcastic comments about others.

CANON CHARACTER - open

Image (if available):

Name: Riddik / Mailman Pechkin

Sex: Male

Age: 40+

Race: Human

Appearance description: Huge bald spot, short height, wide and menacing

Relationships: Best friends with Shitstorm, Member of the Bearded Maniac Gang, friends with Born, neutral relations with Super Grandpa, mildly dislikes Arthur

Bio/Description: From the dialogue between Riddik and Arthur:

Riddik: "Huh, why did you let me in, weakling? What if I'm a maniac?"
Arthur: "WHAT IF? So after all there is a hope that you're not a maniac, yes? See, I've let you in because your bald head has
a tattoo... That says I'll smash out the door with my head, and it... is rather believable...
Riddik: "Worry not, I use my head only to think genius ideas"

From the dialogue between Riddik and Shitstorm:

Shitshtorm: "Oh! Pechkin! Why are you so angry? And inadequate?
Riddik: "Huh, that's because I don't have a bicycle! And now that the scooter is also stolen, I can even start killing!"
Shitstorm: "Someone has again written wash me on your bald head, did you notice?

From the talk between Riddik, Super Grandpa and Hairy Witch

Super Grandpa: "... Well, one more is being late."
Riddik: "And I, for instance, am never late. I even had a Well Done note tattooed on my bald head when I was in
school, for excellent attendance."
Hairy Witch: "Not in school but in prison, and not a Well Done note but an escape plan. Yesterday we used it to
escape from the top security prison."

To summarize, Pechkin / Riddik loves being mean and intimidating, but still, deep inside, he is a very soft and nice person.

CANON CHARACTER - open

Image (if available):

Name: Shitstorm

Sex: Male

Age: 70+

Race: Human

Appearance description: White hair, short, long beard

Relationships: Best friends with Riddik, member of the Bearded Maniac Gang, hates Super Grandpa, over time grows to like Arthur

Bio/Description: The oldest member of the Bearded Maniac Gang, he seems to know a little bit about everything and everyone. He often questions if Super Grandpa is telling the truth, and if Born really has visions. He is a septic, not believing in anything until he has fundamental reason to do so. Even though he hates Super Grandpa, he calls him his friend. Also, he believes that everyone in the Gang, including himself, is an idiot.

From dialogue between Arthur and Shitstorm:

Arthur: "Hmmmm?"
Shitstorm: "Hello. I'm a friend of Super Grandpa"
Arthur" Er... And I'm not."
Shitstorm: "Oh really? Nice to meet a sane person"

From the dialogue between Shitstorm and Elizabeth:

Elizabeth: "Stop trying attacking my, or I will kill you. Or your brain is so limited you don't understand it?
Shitstorm: "Maybe. But the limitedness of our brains is compensated by the unlimitedness of our numbers. To make it short,
there is more of us then the amount of your arrows, and we WILL beat you up."

From the dialogue between Shitstorm and Super Grandpa:

Super Grandpa: "And on that gold, like on Desdemona lies Mavr, lies an unextinct cunning Dinosaur!"
Shitstorm: "What an idiot!"
Super Grandpa: "Hey, who are you calling an idiot?"
Shitstorm: "Dragons do not exist."
Super Grandpa: "Well technically he's not a dragon. He's a thermonuclear dinosaur."
Shitstorm: "Dinosaurs do not exist."
Super Grandpa: "Interesting, what did Darwin evolve from, and the rest of our hairy ancestors?"
Shitstorm: "Dinosaurs are extinct."
Super Grandpa: "Dinosaurs are immortal! My Grandfather told me that!"
Shitstorm: "Your Grandfather went extinct before the dinosaurs."
Super Grandpa: "And our dinosaur was revived - he regenerated. Like this, I'm the first one who discovered this scientific fact."
Shitstorm: "Now he is revived..."
Super Grandpa: "NOBEL PRIZE TO ME! NOBEL PRIZE FOR THE GREAT DISCOVERY IN BIOLOGICAL CHEMISTRY AND THERMONUCLEAR DINOSAURIA! NOBEL
PRIZE FOR SUPER GRANDPA!!!"
Shitstorm: "Well, everyone heard him? Still believe in his tales about gold and dragons?"