Charlie sat at her desk. The whirring of her creations filled the room. The trinkets of metal birds and frogs were the fruit of her labor. The clock ticked loudly as she tossed out junk mail. She couldn’t understand why people would waste valuable paper on her for junk mail. As she was glancing at the envelope, the top corner did not have a return address. She opened the letter and read outloud to herself.

After reading it over she gasped.

“JULIAN YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I GOT!!!” She bursted through the door and into Julian’s study with a loud thud.

The morning was, until now, peaceful as it could ever be. His employer, an eclectic woman like many in this city, tended to fill her study with noisrmakers: ticking clocks and whirring gizmos, but Julian's study held books. Tomes upon tomes of the greatest works collected before Grimsworth's submersion, bound in leather or hardback, as well as a few new books penned by the city's finest authors. And yes, he considered himself among that number, despite the fact that writing fiction was not classified as a great enough scientific study to pay the bills by itself, and so between novels, he worked for Bell.

It just so happened that he was currently several years between novels with no ideas for a follow-up. Completely unrelated fact.

And so, when the door to his quiet study crashed open with a shout that the Archangel Michael himself would be jealous of, the scratching of his pen across the page, blotting out the name of the person who was to be receiving the bill he was writing, did not fill him with the same level of excitement that Charlie showed. Julian stared at the ruined page a moment before setting the pen down gently. "Was it a circus elephant juggling an Encyclopedia Brittanica? Oh, I suppose you're right; I shall never guess. Please enlighten me."

Charlie shook her head, ready to explode out of her leather boots.

“Nope! You know the old lady, Ms. Bitterling, who runs the bakery!? Well, she asked us to help solve a mystery! Isn’t that exciting!? Her old wedding right went missing along with her cake and now we have to solve it!” Charlie clapped her hands and jumped up and down. While Julian, on the other hand, looked impressed to say the least.

His face went from rather interested to “please leave me alone.” Charlie sighed.

“I know that we always solve the little cases, but this is how we work our way up to the top! Soon, we’ll be well known! I just know it!” The professor said confidently.

There was much to be said for the enthusiasm of his employer, but much less to be said about the state of their bank accounts. However, as she put it, work was work, and it needed to be done. Julian reached for his hat as he stood. "Well, let us track down this elusive cake. Perhaps we can catch it before it goes for a swim."

It was no secret that, in this insular society of the greatest minds of the world, more than a few were slightly unhinged. Julian seemed to pass such every day on his trip to work, and his boss, in Julian's eyes, met the same criteria. However, she was energetic, a quality that Julian envied, and a quite handsome woman in her own right. He could allow for some minor insanity under those circumstances.

Charlie beamed. “Yes! I knew you would agree! Lets go right away!” Charlie grabbed her bag, put on her top hat and dashed out the door, dragging out poor Julian with her. With haste, they made it to the quaint little bakery.

Charlie drooled at the delicious cakes inside while a round, short, old lady shuffled behind Julian and tugged on his shirt.

“Hello dearie, did you order a cake? What’s your phone number?” Her hand was shakey. She had a demeanor of someone who was very sweet but very forgetful.

“Hello, Ms. Bitterling! You called us to help you find your ring for you, no?” Charlie called out while admiring the pastries.

“Oh...? Oh! Yes yes! Well, I think i dropped it inside a cake I was baking. But it was already delivered! Could you go get it for me? I made a cute wedding cake for the lovely couple, but I guess they had their wedding at home! They said something about a private party. Oh dear, please get my ring back! It’s almost like I lost my husband...” The old lady frowned.

Charlie felt bad for the widow. “We’ll help you! Right, Julian?”

Charlie's enthusiasm could be annoying at times, especially when it involved messing up Julian's impeccable fashion sense. His sleeves were being wrinkled by her haste, and Julian could only imagine what filth was finding its way onto his shoes as he was dragged through nearly every puddle between their business and destination. They arrived to a decadent display of culinary creations, and Julian had just finished tidying up his outfit when someone tugged on his shirt again. Whirling with fury upon the offender, his ire was prematurely silenced by the kind demeanor of the old woman.

"A few quick questions before we inevitably solve the case and reunite you with your precocious jewelry," Julian requested, pulling out a pen and a pad of paper. "How certain are you that the ring is in this particular cake? Can you describe the ring, and its approximate value? Is there a jewel on it? Do you know anyone who would want to steal the ring intentionally, or do you believe it to be an honest mistake? And, most importantly, how much are the cinnamon rolls, because they look absolutely delicious?"

Ms. Btterling smiled. “Well, the cinnamon rolls are 3 pounds per roll. Eight for 3.” Before she continued, she sat on a stool and sighed.

“It was my fault for being so clumsy. I looked all over the kitchen, the house, and the shop but my ring wasn’t anywhere. The couple that came in were already in their wedding garbs. It looked like they had already gotten married. They told me that their original cake was ruined and they needed another one as soon as possible. I agreed to help them so I made a simple white cake with light blue frosting, to match the brides eyes. They were the only ones to come in that day, and after I made the cake, my ring was gone!”

Ms. Bitterling sighed. “My ring is nothing but a gold band. My husband and my names are carved inside it with the word “love” in the middle. There is nothing else to it, but its the most precious thing I own. Please get it back.”

Charlie finally stuck her head out of the macaron display and smiled. “No problem! We can solve anything! Lets go right now! Oh wait, where do they live?” She asked sheepishly. Ms. Bitterling sighed and handed her a paper with the address.

“Of course, its on the other side of the dome... Welp, we better get walking! Thanks Miss! The next time we see you we’ll be giving you your ring back! Bye Bye!” Charlie burst out of the bakery and made her way to the newly wed’s house.

The cinnamon rolls were a bit on the expensive side, but who could resist the taste of decadent sinful cinnamon twisted around a juicy pastry, flaking away into heavenly warmth? The currency left his pocket faster than one could think possible, and Julian delved into the sugary delight as he jotted down notes about ... oh god this was good. What were they doing again?

Ah yes, cake hunting. The most delicious of wild game.

Julian followed his employer out of the shop, following the instructions they were given and still jotting down notes about cinnamon rolls and talked about the missing cake with Charlie. "The ring she described did not seem very valuable. Even if it were solid gold, it likely was worth only a hundred pounds at most. Theft is not likely, unless the thief were extremely poor or really needed a gold band for some reason. These newlyweds sound suspicious, but it could all be circumstantial. My only hope is that the ring has not already been eaten, as I do not fancy a jaunt in the sewers." Julian shuddered. A man like him was destined for the high life, not for excremental excavations.

“Yes, hopefully... I’m sure they’ll understand!” About a three hours walk later, they finally reached the house. It seemed empty and lifeless. Their home was covered in beautiful flowers. It was prevalent that they loved gardening. But they didn’t seem to like to clean up after themselves.

Oh the sides of the house were a shovel and a rusty watering can that looked dented. Charlie cautiously rang the doorbell of the house. She waited a few seconds before trying again. “Hm... there should be someone home... you wanna try Julian?” Charlie offered.

If they had a bit more money to spare, then perhaps they could have purchased some faster transportation than walking, but it was a beautiful day today. Whoever had programmed today's weather should be commenced. On the other hand, walking three hours was not Julian's idea of a good time. Sweating ruined suits, and good suits were rarer than good cinnamon rolls... and also more expensive.

The doorbell rang to no avail. Twice. A third time seemed unnecessary, but Julian spied the dented watercan. An obvious place to hide a spare key! Julian lifted it with glee evident in his face... until he noticed there was nothing there. Perhaps these newlyweds were more cunning than Julian had expected. He returned to the door and jiggled the handle, only to find out, to his surprise, that it was unlocked. The likelihood of walking in on a pair of newlyweds in their marriage bed was a possibility, of course, but in their defense, they rang twice. "Let's come back here later," Julian said as he pushed open the door.

Charlie’s jaw nearly dropped. “I.... nice job Julian!” She quietly pushed the door all the way open. The hallway was dark with the flicker of the television seen across the walls. It smelled like the garbage wasn’t taken out for a long while. Charlie plugged her nose and gagged. She slowly made her way to the living room.

The house was the equivalent to a hoarders. It was covered in wet papers, dark stains on the carpet, and a smell that wouldn’t go away. “Julian... check the kitchen... I’m gonna be sick....” Charlie whispered.

This wasn't what Julian had pictured the newlyweds' home to be like, or really any home. Such a disgusting mess took place mostly in his worst nightmares. An investigator's job was meant to be glamorous, damnit! But Julian persevered, stepping forward into the -hrk!-

Trying again... stepping into the -mmf!-

Julian began to regret the cinnamon roll in a way he never thought possible. He took a deep breath of fresh air, then briskly charged into the kitchen. As long as he didn't breathe, everything would be fine. Everything was... fine... where's the sink?!

With the cinnamon roll no longer in his stomach and Julian's sweet tooth successfully suppressed for at least a millennium, Julian was finally able to focus on looking around the disgusting kitchen as commanded. If this couple had somehow left on a honeymoon without cleaning up after themselves, they deserved to be ransacked. Hell, they probably wouldn't even notice. Except maybe the mess in their sink. That was likely noticeable.

Charlie scanned the living room, looking for the cake and the ring supposedly inside. She swallowed the vomit that would come up ever so often. Oh, she couldn’t stand the smell. She had to find the source of the smell before she became too sick to move.

The further she went down the hall into another room, the stronger it became. It was unbearable, so poor Charlie had to breathe through her mouth. A moaning sound was heard through one of the rooms. Charlie gulped and pushed it open Er so slightly. She saw something unspeakable.

A woman still in her wedding gown was laying on the master bed. Her dress was died red with someone’s blood. A man laid next to her, dead. His body was mangled beyond recognition while his head was between her breasts. His expression was horrifying. The blood tricked down his mouth and eyes. The husbands flesh was rotting, swarmed with flies and maggots.

Charlie didn’t realize it was her screaming. The bride shot up from her bed and growled like a dog. Charlie ran into theitchen and threw up in the sink, nearly crying.

All of this effort for a stupid ring. Julian was strongly considering looking up their patron's husband's name and getting a jeweler to create a replica when Charlie came screaming through the halls to throw up in his sink. "Hey, keep it quiet!" Julian whispered loudly. "Someone is going to hear!" They were already borderline illegal as it was, and Julian did not relish the thought of prison showers.

As Charlie finished expelling the contents of her stomach, Julian reached over to hold her hair back. "What was it?" he asked, thankful that he had nothing left in his gut to puke or else it certainly would be surfacing now. He placed a comforting hand on Charlie's back, knowing from recent experience just how little fun she was having right now.

Charlie fumbled with her words. “W-woman.... she.... He’s gone....” Charlie sat on the floor and hugged her knees. Her body was shaking and poor Charlie couldn’t catch her breath.

The woman in the bedroom yelled. “WHERE ARE YOU!? Get back here you skank! You tried to take him away from me didn’t you!?” Charlie shrieked and dashed out of the kitchen and hid in the living room. The woman came out with her husbands head, stroking his hair gently.

“See? Aren’t I the better girl? Aren’t you glad you married me? You don’t need that other bitch, do you...” The woman sing songed to the head in her hands. “I’m hungry... let’s eat more wedding cake! We have lots left!” The woman began to make her way towards the kitchen.

"What do you mean, 'gone'?" Julian asked, but Charlie was already running. That looked like fear in her eyes. Desperation. Self-preservation. Julian quickly looked about for a kitchen knife, grabbing one from a wooden block near the stove. He held the knife behind his back as he left the kitchen, eventually coming across the crazed woman.

Well, that answered his question. Julian looked down at the dead eyes from the man's skull staring back at him. Yeah, definitely gone, and from the look in the woman's eyes, so was she. He looked back at the woman with pity mixed with disgust. "Hey, I'm chasing after my girlfriend," he said, hoping she couldn't determine a blatant lie in her state. "She came in here. Do you know where she went?" The knife remained hidden behind his back as he approached slowly. "The name's Julian. What's yours?"

“... Madeline... She saw him... was she cheating on you too? Is that why she ran away? I know, cake will make you feel better!” Madeline stumbled to the refrigerator and opened the door. The cake she pulled out as smashed on one side yet perfect on the other. She took the cake knife and cut a neat slice of cake. She handed it to Julian and gave a slice to herself.

The moment she placed the cake on her own plate, she began eating with her hands. The head of her husband was placed next to her as she gobbled down the cake. As she ate, she began choking. She spit out a piece of food that plopped on the dining table. Inside was something shiny. She ignored the piece and continued eating her slice. Even though her face was horrific, it showed a sign of genuine pleasure. Ms. Bitterling’s cakes must have been that good.

Meanwhile, Charlie slowly came out from the living room, hiding behind the wall that lead into the kitchen.

"I'm sure it would," Julian replied, turning his nose up at the cake. He was sure it was delicious, but he had lost his appetite for some reason. Julian set the cake down on the table, then searched for the nearest napkin, paper towel, or anything else that he could use. His eyes landed on a dish towel hanging next to a sink, and he reached out to grab it. It was damp with some unidentified moisture. Ewww.

Instead, a quick rummage through the cabinets under the sink produced several dry towels, and after using one to dry his hands, Julian carefully walked over to Madeline. "Here, let me clean that up for you," he said softly, wiping the spat-out cake into the towel. The knife was kept out of her view as much as possible, but always at the ready in case she made a sudden move. "Men, huh? Never clean up after themselves." A quick check of the towel confirmed the ring, and he stepped back again slowly. "Well, thanks for finding my girlfriend for me. I'll get out of your hair now."

The bride seemed too busy with her cake and her husband’s head to notice Julian infront of her. After eating a hefty slice of cake, the woman grew tired. She made her way back to her room and sat on her bed, stroking and caressing the head.

Meanwhile, Charlie was ready to cry. She wanted to go home, hide under the covers, and not wake up for a few days or so. She felt sick to her stomach. Her legs gave way and she collapsed on the floor, unable to move. She couldn’t make a noise, she couldn’t think, she could barely breathe. A few short moments later, Charlie fainted.

As Mad Madeline left, Julian's shaky grip on the knife released, and he let it clatter to the floor harmlessly. All he wanted to do was to go home and maybe drink until he forgot what happened today. The ring, now cleaned from the disgusting mess that had caked it, was now placed in one of his jacket pockets, and the towel was tossed onto the table. "Come on, Charlie. Let's go," he said softly, any hint of his former banter gone.

He stepped out of the kitchen and saw Charlie crumpled to the floor. "Damn," he hissed. A quick inspection told him she was alive, but she wasn't about to be moving any time soon. Julian reached down to pick her up and grunted. She was heavier than she looked, but to be fair, Julian typically did not pick up heavy things in his daily routine. He struggled to find a good way to carry her, finally settling for a princess carry.

Julian strained as he took each step, and moved as fast as he could out the door, not caring what he knocked over in the process. Once outside, he collapsed to the ground against the building, still holding Charolette close, pressing her head to his chest as he gasped for air. Panic was now allowed to set in, and he clutched the woman as if she were the only piece of safety in the world. A tear fell, then another. What had he just witnessed? Who the hell was that?

A few minutes passed, and Julian collected himself again. He wouldn't be able to go very far while toting an unconscious woman; if his strength didn't give in first, someone was bound to ask questions. He shook Charlie gently and whispered her name, hoping she would wake up, all the while cradling her in his arms.