In junior high I knew a girl who used a hotdog from the lunchroom as a dildo in the bathroom but it broke off and she had to go to the hospital to have it removed.
This is almost as good as the story I heard about a girl that was using a broom handle. she was sitting on the counter because, you know, it was kind of long. But then when her parents walked in on her, she hopped off onto the thing. She had to get a few stitches.