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Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by MegaOscarPwn
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MegaOscarPwn Daisan No Bakudan - Bite Za Dusto

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Here it is! I hope you all like it. And by the way, yes, it is a JoJo reference. I do call Green Eyes a 'stand' because it literally is one, and I didn't want to write 'materialized guardian' each time. I even used the chart to pin-point the kind of power that it has, so there'd be no confusion!


Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by DJAtomika
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DJAtomika Second to Most

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Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by alexfangtalon
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alexfangtalon I AM HAMSTER / HEAR ME SQUEAK

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I think I have everything correct. I decided to age Jake up for this and do the bio a little differently, but hopefully, I adjusted everything right.

Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Bork Lazer
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Bork Lazer Chomping Time

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hemes: Bio-Punk, Science Fiction, Isolation, To What Measure is a Human Being?



Made this up in one day. Probably going to work on it later.
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Jaredthefox92
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Jaredthefox92

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Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Clever Hans
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Clever Hans Hoof-based mathematician

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OK, here we go...



Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by TheWizardLizard
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TheWizardLizard

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Great work so far, guys! Progress on the OOC is coming along, should be done in the next day or so. In addition, though I won't be accepting any characters until the deadline is over, I'm going to try to provide some feedback for the people who've posted CS's already - we'll call that a bonus for promptness. If I provide a note, it doesn't mean that I don't like the character or that you have no chance of being accepted as is, I'm just trying to help you make your character the very best it could be.

@MegaOscarPwn

What a fun character! I really like the energy and the sense of fun and adventure that bleeds through in the writing style. My main note is that I'm not super clear about the stand's powers - maybe it's because I don't know anything about Jojo, but the rating system ended up being kind of confusing in practice and I'm not entirely sure what the 'vegetal material' power actually does, so you could stand to make that clearer and just describe what the stand itself is capable of rather than using the rating system.

@DJAtomika

Another great character! I was hoping we'd have a submission like this, kind of a grittier, more low-to-the-ground vigilante type of hero. I only have one point of concern, which is the implication that his sister is just as powerful as he is and lives with him - this doesn't really need to be changed if it's an important part of the character, but it could stand to be elaborated on if it's the case.

@alexfangtalon

Really cool concept for a character, I like the idea of him as this ringleader of heroic metas as well as the really personal civil war story between all the empowered individuals born of this single event. I have two notes, the first of which is that you could beef up his power level if you wanted (not necessary, but you can), the second is that you could tweak some of the writing to make it read a bit smoother - there's some repetition, some unnecessary adverb usage, some 'to' and 'too' confusion, stuff like that. If you want to shoot me a PM, I'd be happy to go over some of this stuff in greater detail, or not - you can let me know.

@The Bork Lazer

Awesome, awesome character. I don't really have any notes.

@Jaredthefox92

So, aside from the fact that this is a superhero RP and your character seems to be a villain, this doesn't really fit the idea of backstory as an 'origin story' because there doesn't seem to be much in the way of plot in her backstory. I'd definitely retool that, work her into a more heroic character, and maybe downplay the extent to which she's a ditzy cheerleader stereotype? That last one is optional, but I think it might help her develop into a more human, realistic character.

@Clever Hans

Lupo's great! Like with The Tower above, I was hoping we'd get this kind of grittier character more rooted in intrigue than high-flying adventure. I don't have any real notes per se, though I think you could benefit from expanding on his appearance section into exactly how he looks 'wolfish' - we get a better look at that in his backstory, but for simplicity's sake it's nice to have that in the appearance section when other people are writing a post and checking how your character looks.

Really great work all around, guys. I'm already dreading having to choose!
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by DJAtomika
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@TheWizardLizard Oh yeah I did want to ask you: I actually have his sister's character sheet as well. If it's possible, I'd like to submit hers as well.

Reason being that the RP these two sheets came from, I played Alex and his sister Shirley as a pair, part of a family of supers who were their own superhero team.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by MegaOscarPwn
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MegaOscarPwn Daisan No Bakudan - Bite Za Dusto

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@TheWizardLizard That is kind of what I did, though? Explaining what each letter represented (C in Range means that the Stand is only able to move around 10 meters away from the user) and all, aswell as what I did with the Speed and Strength. I'll just add some more flavour to it though, I know it can be kind of confusing.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by MegaOscarPwn
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MegaOscarPwn Daisan No Bakudan - Bite Za Dusto

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I edited a tad, added a "Stand" part to explain the chart and all, aswell as added a link to Green Eyes' power!
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by TheWizardLizard
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@DJAtomika

I'll say that for the first arc, only one can be submitted, mainly because I want to keep the principal cast small so that everyone can meet everyone and have time to develop relationships. Later on, it's possible that the other could be introduced and gotten into the mix - the first arc will take place over a somewhat short period of time, so it'd be quite possible to explain the absence of one or another with them being out of town, if you wanted to.

@MegaOscarPwn

Yeah, looking at it again the chart is a bit easier to parse, but I'd still like a bit more elaboration on what the first power does. As written, it seems like it can turn things into plant matter, which it can then reshape as it desires? So, could it, for example, touch a building and begin transforming it into a viney material which would be easier to cut a hole through, or could it just force it open? Just trying to make sure I understand, is all.

EDIT: Oh, wow, that was fast, I didn't see the changes you made when I posted this. Yeah, that helps a lot, I think I pretty much get it now. Thanks!
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Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Jaredthefox92
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Jaredthefox92

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Great work so far, guys! Progress on the OOC is coming along, should be done in the next day or so. In addition, though I won't be accepting any characters until the deadline is over, I'm going to try to provide some feedback for the people who've posted CS's already - we'll call that a bonus for promptness. If I provide a note, it doesn't mean that I don't like the character or that you have no chance of being accepted as is, I'm just trying to help you make your character the very best it could be.

@MegaOscarPwn

What a fun character! I really like the energy and the sense of fun and adventure that bleeds through in the writing style. My main note is that I'm not super clear about the stand's powers - maybe it's because I don't know anything about Jojo, but the rating system ended up being kind of confusing in practice and I'm not entirely sure what the 'vegetal material' power actually does, so you could stand to make that clearer and just describe what the stand itself is capable of rather than using the rating system.

@DJAtomika

Another great character! I was hoping we'd have a submission like this, kind of a grittier, more low-to-the-ground vigilante type of hero. I only have one point of concern, which is the implication that his sister is just as powerful as he is and lives with him - this doesn't really need to be changed if it's an important part of the character, but it could stand to be elaborated on if it's the case.

@alexfangtalon

Really cool concept for a character, I like the idea of him as this ringleader of heroic metas as well as the really personal civil war story between all the empowered individuals born of this single event. I have two notes, the first of which is that you could beef up his power level if you wanted (not necessary, but you can), the second is that you could tweak some of the writing to make it read a bit smoother - there's some repetition, some unnecessary adverb usage, some 'to' and 'too' confusion, stuff like that. If you want to shoot me a PM, I'd be happy to go over some of this stuff in greater detail, or not - you can let me know.

@The Bork Lazer

Awesome, awesome character. I don't really have any notes.

@Jaredthefox92

So, aside from the fact that this is a superhero RP and your character seems to be a villain, this doesn't really fit the idea of backstory as an 'origin story' because there doesn't seem to be much in the way of plot in her backstory. I'd definitely retool that, work her into a more heroic character, and maybe downplay the extent to which she's a ditzy cheerleader stereotype? That last one is optional, but I think it might help her develop into a more human, realistic character.

@Clever Hans

Lupo's great! Like with The Tower above, I was hoping we'd get this kind of grittier character more rooted in intrigue than high-flying adventure. I don't have any real notes per se, though I think you could benefit from expanding on his appearance section into exactly how he looks 'wolfish' - we get a better look at that in his backstory, but for simplicity's sake it's nice to have that in the appearance section when other people are writing a post and checking how your character looks.

Really great work all around, guys. I'm already dreading having to choose!


I guess I could have her be an anti-hero, or perhaps she just doesn't have her luck go from bad to worse? A lot of her backstory was purely just bad luck. I mean, she would potentially help people if there was a need. Think of her like the Hulk in a sense. Basically anger and stress makes her enlarge. Her powers revolve around her emotions and can be "trigged" at joy, sadness, anger, and fear. However, the problem with her is I've made her 'at the start'. Meaning she really is a rogue and by herself at this point. Oh, and she's wanted for her little outbursts. I've been for a while trying to find a group she could perhaps fit in. However, she could be one of those heroes who start off doing bad, but reform. That's an option. As far as her intelligence, it is sort of at "struggles with subjects" level. Like, she never would become a professor or anything, but she can do what normal people can do.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by MegaOscarPwn
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MegaOscarPwn Daisan No Bakudan - Bite Za Dusto

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Also, @TheWizardLizard, I think Eliza and Fernando will be good friends! You know, she plays in a band, he likes art...she's kind of a dragon, he likes folklore!
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Bork Lazer
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Bork Lazer Chomping Time

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So far, we have a were-dragon, a stand user, two relatively normal guys with relatively normal powers, a thicc woman and a literal abomination against nature.

Great.

@TheWizardLizard

Thanks for the note by the way but were you just okay with me just world-building an organisation right out of the bat with my CS? I was unsure when I was typing that CS whether that would ruin collaboration or not.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by TheWizardLizard
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TheWizardLizard

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@The Bork Lazer

Yeah, that's fine - hell, it's awesome. The world is big, it has room for lots of things in it. It's cool to have lots of elements and forces at play, and I think it could provide options for a lot of cool stories down the line.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by DJAtomika
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@TheWizardLizard Well I can explain it as this:

Alex's sister, Shirley Mackey, is a light manipulator. She can manipulate all forms of light as a weapon, earning her the name of Beacon in her original RP.

I can update it as such in the sheet, will ping you again when I'm done.
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by baraquiel
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baraquiel Angel of Moe *:・゚✧

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don't know if I'm too late but I'm still gonna pass this cs just in case. hope y'all like her ^u^

Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by MegaOscarPwn
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MegaOscarPwn Daisan No Bakudan - Bite Za Dusto

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>Smh all the artistic lads and lasses here.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Bork Lazer
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Bork Lazer Chomping Time

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@TheWizardLizard

Questions.

1) Tenses. Are we supposed to assume that we're using third-person for this RP like people normally do in this forum?

2) If the players aren't allowed to play multiple roles, I'm assuming that you, the GM, will be playing multiple chracters in order to ensure that there is a catalyst for the plot to keep moving?
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by TheWizardLizard
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TheWizardLizard

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@The Bork Lazer

1. Correct.

2. Correct again, largely - it's totally fine if you want to control characters other than your own, if you, for example, want to have a conversation with a civilian on the street, and each character will probably have a supporting cast that's basically 'theirs' - friends, family, personal villains, etc, such as Dragoness's roommate, her parents, Nelkarian, and so on. But yes, for the most part, I will be controlling other characters to ensure that the plot is moving and conflict occurs.
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