I grew up in a split family, I was bullied because I acted weird in Elementary School and I began to slowly hate myself and everyone around me. I became vindictive towards my family, my parents don't trust me anymore and I can barely keep friends because of the person I've become.

Everyday I feel like I'm a disappointment to myself and others, I want to be alone and just get lost roleplaying because my life has been so hard. I forget that my parents won't always be around and I forget to cherish my time with them. I love my dad so much because he sacrificed everything to get custody of me as well as raise me all by himself for 9 years before he met my stepmother whose been with him the longest out of all his relationships: 13 years.

I don't have the greatest relationship with her but I love her for staying with my dad. I used to be so loving towards my family but my birth mother tried to alienate me, it kind of worked but I'm trying my best to never be like her. She ruined my life and now it's hard for me to trust people (especially women) and even harder to open my heart to those I care about.

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In June an old friend of mine committed suicide; he overdosed on heart medication, he felt like he couldn't take living paycheck to paycheck and he was too scared to ask for help. I cried for weeks on end because he had been my only friend when I was just starting Middle School and he introduced me to D&D.

But his death shook me to my core; I owed him everything because I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for him. But we stopped being friends because of something I said, but I can't remember it and only he knew.

I never got to say sorry to him, if I hadn't been a bad friend he might have still been alive today. I'm even crying as I type this because I loved him like a brother. But I turned my back to him.

Have you ever been to a friends funeral? It's heart wrenching.

But I've been trying to change since he died, I want to be a better person because I don't want to lose the people I care about again. I want to be there for anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, because I never want to feel like I have failed someone.

So in short I am trying to be a better person so I can love and cherish the lives of my friends and family, because I realized that if you close yourself off your going to hurt the people you care about the most.