Why is my boss dumb 😠

😠SERIOUSLY?! THE WIFI IS OUT!

Who stole my sandwhich? I put it in the fridge and write my name on it!!!!

Remember the last Christmas Office Party? Crazy!

Omg yes, Remember when Garry accidentally spilled coffee on the boss? Garry got fired... I miss him :(

Omg yes, Remember when Garry accidentally spilled coffee on the boss? Garry got fired... I miss him :(

We all do *wipes tear from eye* We all do.

Who stole my sandwhich? I put it in the fridge and write my name on it!!!!

Jokes on you I have selective reading. Plus, it was smudged! How was anyone supposed to know :/?

Derek from accounting sighed as he looked over the numbers on his computer screen. His fingers typed away at the the keyboard, adding rows upon rows of additional figures into the spreadsheet he had been working on for several hours now. Normally his wrist would be hurting by now, but the ergonomic support he had purchased over the weekend was doing wonders. But he didn't have time to savour the comfort his well supported wrist gave him. He had more pressing concerns.

In fact Derek found himself in the most stressful and nerve wracking of situations.

For hours now he had been analysing the company's accounts, and something wasn't adding up. At first glance the accounts looked normal, but the deeper he dug, the more unsettled he became. Obscured in the daily activity of transactions made from the common fund were a number of mysterious payments, all of the same amount, every single month - but billed to numerous different external contractors and consultants.

Initially the receipts and invoices seemed in order, but other than the billing documents, Derek could find no evidence that these services were ever fulfilled. And yet, every month, like clockwork, hundreds of thousands of dollars in company money disappeared. He knew then what was happening, what his predecessors must have either overlooked or been complicit in.

Someone was embezzling money from the company.

A colleague walked past and Derek froze up until they had past. Who knew? Who could he trust? Quickly, he transferred the spreadsheet onto a flash drive before turning off his monitor. He had to talk to Garry about this. It was Gary who had given him the data he needed to work this puzzle out.

But wait no... they had fired Garry after the Christmas party. They said he had 'poured coffee on the boss' and then he had just been gone. Dear god. How deep did this conspiracy go within their organisation? He had to find someone, someone he could trust. But who? Garry had been closest associate in the accounting department. He would have to find new allies.

Derek approached the water cooler, trying to act as natural as possible.

"Hey guys... anyone catch the errr... sports... last night?"

Charles traveled with a hefty load of binders in the hands, scoffing as he set them down onto his desk. They’d collected enough dust for Charles to assume the storage rooms were rarely cleaned or visited. Well, unlike his bank account which Charles had to reach out a little more than he had anticipated. His expenses had become an overbearing burden on the shoulders, and that’s what he ascribed his back pain to.

Charles blew off the dust, then grimaced as it stung his nose and brought him into a sneezing fit. He sniffed, turning away from his desk to take his frustration out on something else- the coffee machine. The damned coffee machine that had mood swings every hour or so, where once it worked and the next it sat dead.

For someone who worked in a mere office inside the software department which had a little square cubicle in the corner, Charles had no right to be suited up in a navy plaid suit and white satin tie. His peculiar choice of fashion always put him out of place, though on the worst days, Charles was mistaken for someone lost on their way to a play or costume party of some sort.

The man sniffed one last time, irritation laced across the brows when he spotted Derek by the water cooler. He never had learned his name properly, since there always seemed to be some sort of unspoken rivalry between the software and accounting department. Charles never figured out why, they were all nerds and making minimum wage anyways.

“The sports, Derek? Only sport I saw was Martha sprinting down the stairs since the elevators stopped working.” Charles said, not giving his coworker a second glance as he headed to the coffee maker on a shelf a little to the left of the water cooler. “And the only time I express my athletic prowess is running from the boss when he comes out all red-faced.”

"I’m doing a sandwich run, Ya’ll want anything?" I asked. "No I’m goo- Hey.. Actually, Does subway still have that turkey BMT?" Asked Rebecca. "Yeah." I replied. Rebecca gave me a thumbs up. I walked towards the elevator to go down to the parking lot and get the sandwiches. "Out of order!" The sign on the elevator read. "Shoot.." I whispered to myself. I turned around and went towards the stairs instead. As I hopped in my car I turned on the radio and sped off towards the local subway.

I walked into the subway triggering a bell on the door. "Hey, Carl! Is that you" the cashier asked. I ran up to him and shook his hand. "Bobby? You still work at subway I asked?" For a while we conversed then finally I submitted an order and walked off with my food. When I was back at the office I gave everybody their sandwiches and got back on my computer to organize some files for the boss.

[DELETED]

[DELETED]

Stanley pulled his pants down along with his Speedo and sat on the copier.
He pressed the print button for 100 copies.
"Won't give me a raise, well you can kiss my ass."

Dave walked towards the copy machine room with coffee in hand, and turned the corner into the room. Dave frowned as he saw what Stanley was doing but shrugged as he stood at the doorway and sipped his cup of joe nonchalantly than cleared his throat letting his co-worker know he was present "Classic Stan." he chuckled.

@Dark Cloud
Stanley turned to see Dave, "I know right "
"Ow shit! I just burnt my ass!"
Stanley hopped off the copier, grabbing the papers and fanned his ass.

@Kenshi
Dave simply smiled and ignored the smell of burnt ass like an absolute champ. Everyone at the office knew him as 'Doesn't Give A Fuck' Dave as he was the kind of person to just roll with the punches and play it cool no matter what.

"Stan you should send our intern to hand out those important documents." Dave said cooly nodding to the stack of paper Stan had printed.

It took every cell in his body to keep himself from snapping at his coworkers, but moreso to keep his face turned away. He's probably seen Stanley's ass more than he can count, and today Charles only wanted to enjoy the cheap cup of coffee in his hand. He cleared his throat to block out any nonsensical conversation, he needed to save some braincells in order to look over the stack of binders on his desk.

As Sam's voice broke through the coughing, Charles turned to greet him with a tight-lipped smile. "It's stuck. So poking at it with a screwdriver is out of the question Sam. Trust me, I tried." Further indicating that Charles kept a screwdriver on him at all times apparently. "But again, be my guest."

With a hasty amble, Charles secured himself in his squeaking office chair with a long sigh. "Imagine how quick a therapist would piss their pants if I ever went to one and told 'em about this place." He spoke to the rubber duck sitting at his desk near a glass of pens and highlighters. Only a few of them worked, but ever since Charles was banned from flinging pens at the trashcan across the department, he'd never found the motivation to throw the dead ones away. Boss said it violated safety regulations, as if breathing the same air as his coworkers was much safer.

@Dark Cloud
" I got a much better idea, I was gonna plaster all these on the bosses walls in his office."
Stanley smiled picking up the tape dispenser, "Remember how Gloria acted like she wanted to make out with me at the Christmas party, and really it was just to embarrass me?"
"Karma is a bitch." said Stanley as he picked up a black marker, and wrote on each ass picture in bold black letters "KISS MY"
" I'm gonna tape all of them all over her brand new fancy sports car."
Stanley slapped his hand on Dave's shoulder, "Victory is mine."

Carl (me) walked into Stanley’s office, saw the pictures and immediately walked out. "Not even gonna ask." I said as I walked away. Carl would still be thinking about his lost sandwich in deep despair. He felt a cold sad empty feeling... In his stomach.