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DO NOT REPLY HERE. PLEASE SEND A PM FOR COMMENTS! (edit added on May 13, 2023)
NOW RECRUITING! SEND ME A PM/VM IF YOU WANT IN! (edit added on June 19, 2023)

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It was a dark, empty, sleepy midnight hour. Most in the Guild were tucked up warm in their beds. But not everybody was asleep… Ice Reaver, Red Rust, BrokenPromise, Kaga Classs, and Twisted Mind were wide awake. They spent quite a few minutes debating where to meet up for a midnight picnic. The conversation went something like this:

Ice Reaver: Hey! Where should we have our picnic at?

Twisted Mind: How abt the mall in the general interest check sector?

Red Rust: No! That place is creepy. How about the meadow in free?

Twisted Mind: *mutters* That’s the point. Creepy is good.

BrokenPromise: Eh. Too cliche. I say the map room in the nrp sector.

Kaga Classs: Ew. That place is musty. The beached shipwreck in casual is way better!

Ice Reaver: And get sand all over us and our food? Nty!

Red Rust: Alright. How abt the bakery in advanced?

Ice Reaver: Does it have cheesecake?

Red Rust: Yeah.

BrokenPromise: We can go there ig.

Ice Reaver: Mk. I’m good with it.

Kaga Classs: CHEESECAKEEEE! YASSSSS!

Twisted Mind: Kaga, calm down. Anyway. I’m on board with it.

Red Rust: Alr. C u there!

With an agreed upon meeting place, the five of them head to the bakery in advanced. For an odd reason, it appears that the lights are already on and somebody had arrived before them. But when Kaga Class called out, there was no response. Until…

“Who dare wish to enter my bakery home?”

None of the five responded for around a minute before Ice Reaver spoke. “We were just going to have a picnic!” It was a long moment before the voice spoke again, and when it did, it sounded rather reluctant.

“Well, if you do so insist. You may have your picnic here.”

Ice Reaver: Ty!

“On one condition- no, make that two…”

Red Rust: Stupid disembodied voice. We just want to eat cheesecake and have a picnic at the weirdest hour of the night!

Ice Reaver: Red Rust… be nice… at least this isn’t the mall in general like Twisted Mind suggested.

Twisted Mind: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE MALL!

BrokenPromise: There’s a lot wrong with it…





Twisted Mind: FINE! I’LL JUST TAKE THE CHEESECAKE AND LEAVE IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT! YOU HAVE NO STYLE!

BrokenPromise: I have style. I’m just not an emo sociopath- NO! NOT THE CHEESECAKE!

Twisted Mind: Yes. The cheesecake.

Dark Cloud: This will be fun. Won’t it, Bailey?

BrokenPromise: Don’t you dare bring innocent baked goods into this, Twisted!

Twisted Mind: Why not? And it’s not baked if it’s a dairy product!

BaileyBlue302: Yep. It really will, Dark. Watch them tear each other apart over a pie.

“KIDS! Do you want a picnic in the bakery in advanced or not?”

BaileyBlue302: Damnit.

At the voice’s words, BrokenPromise and Twisted Mind stop fighting and the five enter the bakery. They are just starting to set up when the infamous Dark Cloud rises up from the tiled floor and takes on the form of a rather moody dark cloud.

Dark Cloud: BaileyBlue302 should run you cheesecake worshiping, dairy eating, crust crunching, pie fighting, infighting infested, children over with a semi truck.

BaileyBlue302(from the Backrooms): *laughs* Somebody put Dark Cloud up against Packgod.

Dark Cloud(calling back): WHO?

BaileyBlue302: NVM! OW- FU-

There is a loud crash from the Backrooms and Dark Cloud sighs but does not go to help BaileyBlue302. The others return to their setup, thinking nothing of Bailey’s pain until they start eating. Most of the food that had been packed was some variation of cheesecake, but there were some other options so the voice’s conditions had been met. Until… well, let’s just say it flat out…

This should be a roleplay setting. It's literally hilarious.

This should be a roleplay setting. It's literally hilarious.

Now stop giving me ideas. Let me plan out a platform for it xD

Dark Cloud sank down, letting the vegan cheesecake fly straight into Kaga Classs’ face. Kaga yelled in surprise but the cry was cut short by a yum as they licked the cheesecake off their face and ate it.

“OI! I SAID NO EATING CHEESECAKE!”

Kaga Classs froze, realizing what they had just done. Dark Cloud floated over to Kaga and circled them dangerously, though the apparition couldn’t do much on the assault front- the voice could though. Kaga watched the dark cloud warily, unaware of the facts. More cheesecake began floating and chased them out of the bakery- multiple cakes passing through Dark Cloud.

“YOU BROKE THE DEAL! YOU MUST PAY!”

Red Rust: Wait!

The cheesecake stopped in midair, waiting now. Red took a deep breath and attempted to keep their voice even as they tried to be the voice of reason to a disembodied phantom voice, a moody cloud, and a pirate that they didn’t yet know was a pirate.

Red Rust: What if… we sacrfice Kaga Classs since they’re the one who ate the cheesecake?

Kaga Classs: NO!

Twisted Mind: Sure

BrokenPromise: Mk.

Dark Cloud: Ew.

BaileyBlue302(calling from the Backrooms): WHY WOULD SOMEBODY WANT A SINNER?

“I’ll-”

BaileyBlue302(still calling): Please no!

“-think about it.”

BaileyBlue302: *groan*

“Stop complaining. Hmm. Where’s Ice Reaver?”

Dark Cloud: They left already.

“YOU LET THEM ESCAPE?!”

Dark Cloud: Sorry.

BaileyBlue(STILL calling): You’re not!

Dark Cloud: Am too!

Meanwhile… Ice Reaver had managed to escape the bakery and run for help, but since it was the witching hour, nobody was awake to help. Those who were awake were busy telling stories and Ice Reaver didn’t want to bother them. Instead, Ice Reaver grabbed a horror forum and


Ice Reaver finished writing and returned to the bakery with the horror story. They were met by a still moody Dark Cloud, who had managed to trap BaileyBlue302 in a cheesecake-making machine. Dark Cloud sighed, muttering a quiet curse as they saw Ice Reaver.

Dark Cloud: THEY HAVE A STORY, BOSS!

The voice muttered a curse as Dark Cloud called out that Ice Reaver had a story. Stories were dangerous to the voice because they gave it a name and said name could be used to bind it away. But it hoped Ice Reaver didn’t know that. More cheesecake flew around, leaving cake guts splattered everywhere. The moment BrokenPromise opened the door to leave, a cheesecake flew past them, through Dark Cloud, and directly into Ice Reaver’s face.

Ice Reaver: OW! That is good cheesecake gone to waste.

Dark Cloud: Boss. Can I massacre them?

“Verbally.”

Dark Cloud: Wait- boss... Didn’t you recruit a new member to our team?

“Yeah. Why?”

Dark Cloud: Because there’s a random person standing there with a periodic table- I mean this literally.

Said random person waves and calls out a hello, only to be ignored completely by Dark Cloud.

“Oh. Yeah. That’s Periodity. Don’t worry about them. WAIT WHY DID YOU REVEAL MY SECRET-”

BaileyBlue302(inside machine, still in the Backrooms): LET ME TF OUT, PERI!

The voice laughs then returns to being silent but still wasting cheesecake. BaileyBlue302 continues to complain until Periodity finally lets them out, upon occurrence leads to a series of unfortunate events.

BaileyBlue302 makes their way out of the Backrooms, and is met with complete and utter silence until the voice speaks, startling the pirate- not much startled the pirate by way of being unexpected, but the voice’s words shook the young pirate to their very core.

“Believer.”

At first, BaileyBlue302 didn’t know what the voice meant. But soon it dawned on them. The voice knew they supported the eaters and worshipers of cheesecake- betraying everything they stood for. Slowly, they shook their head, denying it. But it was no use…





BaileyBlue302: First of all, you said my name wrong so sorry- it’s not going to work! Second of all, ICE REAVER! WHERE’S THAT STORY YOU HAD TWENTY MINUTES AGO?

Ice Reaver(holding up story): Uh- here. Do you need it?

BaileyBlue302: Yeah. I do. I need to unleash SoulStealer-

“HEY! DON’T SAY THAT NAME!”

BaileyBlue302: Sorry, right. He was a sinner to both sides, I’m aware. But… if you consider it…

Dark Cloud: You should join him?

BaileyBlue203: What? I… do not! Wtf, Dark! Why would you say that?

Dark Cloud: Because… you’re a believer. “First things first” and all.

BaileyBlue302: AM NOT!

“CHILDREN! SHUT UP!”

Red Rust: Did it just call them… children?

BrokenPromise: Mhm. I wonder if it’s married and if Bailey and Dark are its kids…

Dark Cloud: BrokenPromise, be quiet.

BrokenPromise: Wait, are you talking to me? You’re the one with over sixteen-thousand posts but still nothing worth reading. Look at you, your attention span is almost as short as your posts are. You probably took your right hand to prom and it dumped you for your left. Your avatar looks like the cherry you tried to pop in the walmart parking lot. Your mother caught you trying to tap dance in a pair of crocs. You stuck jumper cables in a cow pie trying to start shit. Don’t tell me to be quiet, with your splinter-looking ass that was probably born in a sewer.

Dark Cloud: Uh- damn…

BaileyBlue302: *quietly* This is why I’m on your side.

The voice sighs, but sounds like it's trying not to laugh. Of course, even it knows- those who fight are

Ice Reaver: OI! Voice!

“Hm? Wait- what did you just-”

The voice falls silent, and all three of its hench-players look around in confusion before startling as a cheesecake begins to speak in the voice’s ever-recognizable voice.

"You named me! How dare you! What did I ever do to harm you!?"

Red Rust: I don't know. What didn't you do?

The Voice boomed, or at least attempted to boom. The audio was distorted as if the Voice was speaking underwater.

"Stupid cheesecake form. Damn, you, Reaver.” The Voice muttered.

BaileyBlue302: I'm sorry- what just happened? Why the hell is there a talking- boss? Why are you a cheesecake? Ice, what did you do to my boss? I- I'm confused-

Dark Cloud: BAILEY! BE QUIET!

Periodity: I really missed a lot, didn't I? CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON PLEASE?

Meanwhile, Twisted Mind had disappeared back into the bakery. Upon noticing this, BrokenPromise frowned. Now. Why are you lurking in the Backrooms, Twisted? This thought was broadcasted as a status in the status bar. It wouldn't be unlike him not to betray us, honestly. Not surprised if he did tbh. Ice Reaver responded, careful to stay under the 200 character limit. That was one of the problems of using Status Communication: character limits. It made staying IC impossible, kind of like a chat box.

Twisted Mind(calling): I'm just looking for something to eat!

Ice Reaver: And I don't believe you!

BrokenPromise: You're the type to betray us, so stop with the bs, Twisted!

Kaga Classs: Hey. Guys. I believe Twisted. I asked them to hunt down some pastries for me. Not being allowed to eat cheesecake made me hungry... okay?

Ice Reaver: Well... that is kind of like-

BrokenPromise: Bullcrap! You didn't ask them to, so stop lying, KC! Don't get your-

Kaga Classs: Don't call me KC.

Twisted Mind(still calling): Look, Broken, Ice, KC would-

Kaga Classs: CALL ME KC ONE MORE TIME-

That brought silence upon all the players, most of whom just blinked at Kaga Classs in surprise. Nobody had expected such a Hamilton-like outburst from the normally reserved Kaga. Nobody spoke, not even the Voice. It took around three minutes and twenty-one seconds exactly for somebody- or in this special case, something- to speak...

It was Periodity who spoke next, breaking the awkward silence after Kaga Class had shouted. Clearly, nobody had expected it.

Periodity: Well, that was… baffling…

Twisted Mind: Yeah. Wait- why do I feel like we’re in a book-ish kinda thing? This isn’t- NO, I’M NOT TRYING TO SA-

Twisted Mind falls silent, silenced by some invisible force. Or perhaps it was just because the cheesecake had started speaking again and Twisted Mind had just watched BaileyBlue302 punt said cheesecake. Or both. The cheesecake smacked down on the tiled bakery floor and stunned the place straight back to silence.

BaileyBlue302: Uh… did I kill it? Did we win?



^{Fuck. Whelp, recruitment time.}

Part Seven: Outnumbered, Outgunned, Outplanned, Out Of Cheesecake?!

Ice Reaver: Bailey! What the heck!? BrokenPromise, can you yell at them?

BrokenPromise: No.

Ice Reaver: But… you just turned Dark Cloud into a rotisserie chicken… you can’t- Bailey just-

BrokenPromise: No.

IceReaver: B-

Nakushita: I’ll yell at them if you want.

Ice Reaver: Who the cheesecake are you!?

Nakushita: My name is Nakushita. You must be Ice Reaver, leader of the Pro-cheesecakers.

Ice Reaver: Yeah… why… What side are you on…?

Nakushita: Oh- well, I’m on your side, but I can see the Anti-Cakers’s reasoning as I can see through murky water. Wait- I can’t, that metaphor made no sense.

Jonisca: You’re not wrong.

“Ah. Jonisca. Welcome to the pantry.”

Jonisca: Oh, I’m only here because we ran out of cheesecake batter.

“WAIT WHAT!?” This reaction was shared by everybody, except for Jonisca herself and Nakushita- the latter having no idea why this was a bad thing. “Bailey!! Prepare my Cadillac!”

BaileyBlue302: We have a Cadillac?

“JUST DO IT!”

Bailey hurried off to prepare the Cadillac, though they didn't really know why a disembodied Voice wanted to have a car at the ready, they could only guess. This is getting out of hand quickly, They posted in the status bar. This status was met by one 'like' from everybody in the immediate vicinity. That added up to ten likes, a record high for Bailey's status (this has since been broken by an 11-like status). Of course, that meant they missed an EPIC. FOOD. FIIIIIIIGHT!

Kaga Classs: Okay, can somebody explain to me why there’s a cow trying to kill us!?

Nobody speaks up; the other Pro-cheesecake players have no idea and the Anti-cheesecake members are not willing to share. Suddenly, the wind picks up to a gentle breeze, warm like a summer morning. The sky grays, and there appears to be a cyclone brewing in the clouds. Down from the clouds decents a human figure holding a metal hammer with a neon green stub on the top. Near the green nub a link in white text can be seen, reading: RolePlayerGuild.Com/Users/LegendBegins The figure brings the hammer down on the cow, and the Cadillac simply ceases to exit.



Midnight stars: Thanks, LegendBegins.

The others on the Pro-cheesecake side echo Midnight’s thanks and LegendBegins gives them all a nod as if to tell them they were welcome.

LegendBegins: You’re all very welcome. Would one of you care to explain why there was a cow trying to trample you all?

“THAT COW WAS MY CADILLAC! HOW DARE YOU! YOU THINK YOU’RE A GOD! YOU’RE JUST A PERSON WITH A HAM-”

LegendBegins raised the hammer quietly and the voice fell silent.

LegendBegins: Now that that’s banned, any explenation for me?

Dark Cloud: YO, THAT WAS MY BOSS!

LegendBegins: So you took part in the demon cow’s release, my friend… Dark Cloud…?

Twisted Mind: Oh, no. That was BaileyBlue302 who did that. Bailey and Jonisca. Dark was just chilling here with us.

BrokenPromise: So you ARE a traitor!



Meanwhile, somebody's phone starts to ring... but that's a plot twist for tomorrow...

LegendBegins picks up their phone and answers, holding up a hand for silence. The conversation goes something like this:

Legend: Hello?

Caller: Why did you Thor my cow?

Legend: I’m sorry, who is this?

Caller: Your boss.

Legend: Wait, Mahz?!

Dark Cloud: Wait, you work for-

At this point, Legend shushes Dark Cloud as the caller speaks again.

Caller: Unban my cow, LegendBegins. That was my closest friend, *any volunteers?*.

Legend: Um… is that something a moderator can do…?

Caller: I dunno. Do it anyway.

Legend: Could you come on and do it maybe…?

Caller: Sorry, I have to remain offline for another year and a half. My appearances must rock the community, as usual, and they must revere me as a god king. And I have to keep my job.

Legend: Okay… well, can you tell me how to do it…?

Caller: Nope.

Legend shoves the phone back in their pocket, the caller has hung up. They sigh and turn to where Dark Cloud had previously been standing. The cloud is no longer there. Instead, there is just a strange blueish vapor and a puddle of silvery liquid that looks strangely like...



Nope. Just kidding. That would be an extremely boring ending to this story!

The silvery liquid morphs into an envelope, colored manilla and probably made of vanilla even though how it would be was a fact that perplexed many brains. Upon this letter was a neatly scrawled message...