We'll discuss things here, I'll create a creation forum soon.

Also Thanqol, just so you know, Special Forces is the only place that I will allow other species that are not from the species list, to be added, but it will be limited, so I'm not going to allow you to create every character as a new species in Special Forces. The species that we create as a species that isn't already within the Race/Species, will be considered a race that has yet to appear within society, or if they do exist, they have yet to reveal themselves.

There's an initial three - take a look, tell me what you think and if I'm in the right ballpark!

Sorry for the late replay, didn't realize you had already posted here, forgot to register this forum so I could get notifications.

First off, will need you to edit your Soldier Character, as Soldiers in this world do not get power armor, if anything their armor is more standard armor that a soldier would get along with normal space suits when traversing planets that don't have breathable air. The only type of soldier that would get some form of special armor or power armor are the Special Forces as they are more advanced than normal soldiers and their armor is specially made to compensate their techniques, their power, and help stave off their drawback or negative effects.(Probably should have mentioned that somewhere, but didn't think of it till now, so sorry about that.)

For your Special Forces character, the character form needs to look like this.

Name: (Characters name, you don't need to add in the Engineer part, if you want it included in, then add it to the Position area.)
Military Name: (State Name)
Experimented Name: (Experiment Name, so for you it would be Synthetic Type: with two letters and two numbers)
Age: (Characters age appearance, and their real age(add 12 to their age appearance))
Race/Species: (can be found within Races/Species)
Gender: (This one is good)
Home planet: (can be found within Colonies in Sol System)
Position: (This one is good, though as mentioned up in Name, you can add the Engineer part here.)
Power: (This is alright)
Drawback: (This is alright)(since you included both power and drawback into one description)
Bio: (You're good on bio)
Pic: (Pic is good as well)

Also not sure if it was just an idea spark for her creation or something, but magic doesn't exist in this world except for those that are apart of the Special Forces, at least not currently discovered outside of their home world. So the thought of a sorcerer creating her would be impossible, as no such thing exists in this world. Unless you're referring to Gardener as a metaphor or concept or just the idea itself as a concept. Since Gardener is the one who is mostly involved in the creation of Synthetic Types, Artificial Types, and was involved during the time of her saving the lives of those who are designated as Infected Type, Virus Type, and Mutation Type.

There may be a chance that non-special forces characters could develop or discover powers later in the story, but at this point in time, the only characters that have powers are those within the Special Forces. Well also those that are considered to be Renegades or Deserters, so in all aspect those that were involved with the Special Forces and the past before Special Forces were involved, such as the Experimented and the corrupt military organization that was dismantled by the government that formed the Special Forces.

Your last character is good, but just so you know, the "Colony" isn't just one ship, there are multiple colony ships, we're just focusing on one ship.

Edits made!

I swapped Ko Mao to a fighter pilot rather than power armour.

So when I'm talking about Goetic sorcery, I'm not talking about a fantasy wizard, I'm talking about IRL wizards. Goetia is a real magical tradition dating back to ancient prehistory, practiced by real figures like Alistair Crowley. Goetia is, among other practices, about defining aspects of your personality as daemons, meditating until you can imagine themselves separate from you, and then fighting and binding them. Think of it like cultivating a multiple personality disorder so that instead of being angry for no reason you can say, 'ah the daemon of Wrath is possessing me, I need to cast them out'.

Lu Xing is an AI whose brain architecture is built around doing that extremely quickly and easily. Her power can be thought of as being able to be in a dozen places at once, operating a dozen pieces of heavy machinery at the same time.

You still need to choose a species for Liu Xing, Synthetic is not a species, its just the type of experiment she was. Check the Race/Species to choose what species she is. You also need to put in her appearance age and her real age, instead of just 25. Is 25 what she appears to be or is that her real age?

Remember Special Forces age slower than most others, thus their age appearance will be different from their actual age, by 12 years to be exact. So they will actually appear 12 years younger than their actual age.

Other than that, everything else looks good.

I was thinking of Liu Xing as an outright android; underneath the skin is metal, wire and circuitry. In that context, species and age aren't directly relevant. Or did you mean that synthetics were more like clones and robots aren't on the table at all?

Synthetics Types are a hybrid between a Android Types and an Artificial Types, but with the mind of a person who's body couldn't be saved and so their mind was transferred into the body of a Synthetic. The same is true for Android Types, they have the mind of the person who's body couldn't be saved and implanted into an android body.

Synthetics are not the same thing as Androids, they are only half android half artificial flesh and blood. Kind of like an Artificial Cyborg, but they look like any other species, instead of robotic parts sticking out.

Artificial Types are the only ones who have artificial minds and didn't have someone else's mind implanted into them.

The species how ever, is more for their appearance for both Android and Synthetics, to determine what species they appear to be and to blend in with the other species of society. In this world, Synthetics are not well known or known as all and only known through books and movies as sci-fi stuff. Society is unaware that they actually exist. Gardener built Synthetic bodies for them so they would blend in with society until society is ready for the knowledge of Synthetics actually being real and among them. The same is true for true androids and Artificial Types.

The only form of android that society know about are the robots that are used for every day things such as helping with stores, robots that help clean the place, and stuff like that. The androids within Special Forces or during the experiment days and military all looked like actual species, but were robots. While the androids society knows about are those that literally look like robots and can be distinguished as robots.

Okay, just recapping to make sure I've got it:
- Robots and AI are barely above modern technology levels; unintelligent programmed drones and roombas.
- The experimental special forces synthetics are biomechanical androids running off uploaded organic brains
- Artificial Types are the programmed from scratch 'pure' AI, not brain uploads, but even they are using the biomechanical android bodies.

Liu Xing should be an Artificial Type in that case, given that she was coded from scratch. Have I got this right?

If that is what you're going for then yes. However, Artificial Types are not Android bodies, they are artificially grown bodies, kind of like a clone, but not a clone. They are literally artificial flesh and blood, using DNA similar to other species, but fake DNA or Artificial DNA close to the real thing. They can look and act just like any other species, they can do practically anything their species look alike can do, however the only difference between the two are, is that Artificial Types are grown in a tube instead of being born, and their intelligence is a form of AI capable of feeling emotions, but in the state of learning. They are capable of speech, and simple conversations that any person would learn in school, but because they have had less interactions with society and new to society, they are still learning about the world around them, society, and how to deal with emotions they may not have experienced before.

Pretty much they are slowly developing their own personality and learning from those around them, kind of like a child learning from those around them as they grow up, except these Artificial Types are already grown up, and still learning.

This would be your closest bet for your character if you want it to seem like it was "coded", however they are not androids. If you want a character that is an android or close to an android, I'd go with either Android Type or Synthetic Type. If needed, you could say during the process of implanting the person's mind into the body of an Android or Synthetic, something went wrong and cause the persons mind to malfunction to the point it would make it seem like their mind was coded as a AI, but with the memories of the person who was implanted into the body of the Android or Synthetic.

Otherwise, if you go with the Artificial Type, they would be like an AI learning as they experience new things, they are not use to living within a society on a ship heading into space to form a colony, but with artificial flesh and blood instead of an android body.

Also just letting you know, I've noticed my character pics were broken, and recently found out that images uploaded to discord and posted here will break over time. So I've updated all my pics that were originally discord pics and changed them out to new images that I've uploaded here on the site. Colony Pics, I think are the only ones that were changed from their original pics, so they will look different, but still show the concept of what kind of city they are for each of those planets.

Okay cool, thanks for the clarification. I'll go with the Android Type, where the imprinting process resulted in the mind fracturing between the virtues and vices. Is there anything else I should know about Androids in this setting?

Speaking of, if you want to find me on Discord I've got the same username there as here.

I would still go towards Synthetic Type, cause I had forgotten until I looked at character creations, but Android Types are not available and not present in this story line. Because in this story's History Android Types were discontinued during their time in the Military and they focused more on Synthetic Types and Artificial Types. Sorry for the confusion, I should have checked Character Creation first to see if I still had Android Types in or not. However, you can still do the same thing with the mind fracture with the Synthetic Type, your character would just be part machine and part artificial. Sorry for confusing you.

However, I must clarify this, Synthetic is not a race or species(Technically it is, but not in this story), so please stop putting it in the Species Section. Just you putting it in as the Experimented Name as Synthetic Type OT10 is enough for me to know your character is a Synthetic Type. In the Species part of the Character Form, you need to choose from the list of species/races in the Sol System, not the Experiment Types, this will mark what species/race your character appears to be, while being a Synthetic Type.

Unless you were trying to create a species of your own this entire time, then you should have said so. Though I'm sorry the experiment types for Synthetics, Androids, and Artificial Types cannot be considered a Race/Species as a Special Forces Soldier. However, if you want your Android Type character as a "Civilian/Normal Soldier", then you can choose Android as a Species/Race, however you will still need to choose an existing race on what they would look like from the Sol System, but also put next to their position of being a Soldier or Civilian, you would put in either Renegade or Deserter. Depending on which you want them to be considered by those within the Special Forces.

Deserters are those who returned to society after the Government dismantled the Corrupt Military and took the experiments in, but left to become apart of Society before they joined the Special Forces.

Renegades are those who were in the Military and ran away from the military during the time the Military was becoming corrupt and before they were dismantled. Always on the run and chased by the Military to either capture them and return them to work for them, or eliminate if they couldn't convince them to return.

Okay. I'll take your advice and have her be a deserter/elf species type. Hope that I've got it right by this point.

I'll hold off a bit on writing another special forces character, I want to see how the game works in action before I add one to the mix.

Everything looks good, all are approved, give me a bit of time to get the roleplay information set up and to get the starting post up and ready, then you should be able to start roleplaying.

I should mention, that just so you know your Deserter character will not have those big robotic arms, or the special suit. As I mentioned before Special Armored Suits are for Special Forces, since she is a deserter she will not have a special suit, and the reason she won't have the large mechanical arms, is because Gardener and the Government would have taken them away from her to make her look more Elf like and so she could fit in with society.

However, if at some point during the story you decide she wants to return and become apart of the Special Forces, she will most likely regain her robotic arms back and gain a special suit for her to wear. The same will be true for any character who decides to join the Special Forces, in order to join, they would have to speak to Doctor Gardener and convince her to let them join.

However, in order to join, they too must accept that they will become considered experiments and owned by the government, but they will also be considered the next Generation of experiments and will most likely not have any of the side effects the old experiments gained during their time as experiments. Especially since they are now far more advanced since then and she has way better equipment and knowledge of what she would be doing.

Quick Question about for her age, is 25 her real age or what age she appears to be?

Alright, I've posted the starting post, meant to put it into the first post, but forgot about it. Either way you are free to start roleplaying.

I'm not quite sure how to say this, but I mean it in the nicest possible way: Your post is not very well written.

But that's okay! Writing is a technical skill. There's no moral judgement attached to that statement, it's just an observation from someone who's been doing play by posts for 25 years now. This is absolutely the sort of thing that you can, with effort, refine, improve and master. I'd be delighted to provide technical feedback and insight into how you can improve your writing abilities. We're all on this journey together and the best thing we can do is help lift each other up.

But I also get if you're not interested in that sort of feedback. Again, no judgement, place of calm serenity, we all write for our own reasons and under our own pressures. So, I put it to you - are you interested in hearing my detailed feedback?

I'll look at it, but it probably won't change anything. Everyone writes in different ways and have their own preferences on how they write. I've been doing it like this for about around 15-20 years. Either way lets see what you've got to say.

I mean, there is style, and then there's right and wrong. There are objectively correct ways to do writing, going all the way down to spelling things correctly. It's an art form. In painting you sometimes get modern pieces that are highly abstract experimental slashes of paint or jumbles of patterns, but the people doing those generally understand the basic mechanics of how to cut paint with water, how to clean their brushes, and when to use an oil-based paint as opposed to an acryllic. It's the same with writing; some things are style, but not knowing the fundamentals isn't a style.

Like, take this:

One of the Commanders then stops Sarah and says, "Oh by the way, your room will be in the East Wing of the ship Room 100, and you'll also be the Scout Squad One Leader." Sarah started to get angry as she says, "You have got to be kidding me! Why am I in a Scout Squad, and Leader at that?" The Commander shrugs and says, "Don't know, I'm just passing on the message from the higher ups, letting those know that those who have been assigned to the Scout Unit." Sarah walks off pissed as she says, "Fine."

Literally no published author of note in the past one hundred years writes dialogue like this. The accepted format going back arguably to Shakespeare is to add a line break after each piece of dialogue. This is all one solid brick of text in the middle of a huge brick of text and it's basically impossible to unpick.

One of the Commanders then stops Sarah and says, "Oh by the way, your room will be in the East Wing of the ship Room 100, and you'll also be the Scout Squad One Leader."
Sarah started to get angry as she says, "You have got to be kidding me! Why am I in a Scout Squad, and Leader at that?"
The Commander shrugs and says, "Don't know, I'm just passing on the message from the higher ups, letting those know that those who have been assigned to the Scout Unit."
Sarah walks off pissed as she says, "Fine."

Like, this still isn't good, but it's at least readable. From there we've got the real basic problem of - Show Don't Tell is a cliche that people hear in year ten creative writing classes, and it's frequently something people have to unlearn later once they're more developed, but you really gotta know how to show and not tell. You just flatly state that she gets angry without the smallest flourish; no detail, no colour, no flavour. What does it mean for someone to go from a standing start to being angry? What does that mean for this person? Does her voice raise, or does she get cold and severe? Does she clench her fists, stomp her foot, literally anything?

More broadly, there's zero colour or life in this writing at all. You've talked about the ships without describing the interiors, you've talked about the commander without detailing anything about his look, his uniform, his vibe, his tone of voice, there's just nothing here. Like:

some of the armor looks interesting, intimidating, or just plain cool,

No colour, no shape, no detail. Nobody knows what you think is interesting; writing isn't about telling people things are interesting, it's about making people interested in something in the exact same way that you are interested in it.

It genuinely feels like you've got no passion for writing, that you're disinterested in it as an art form, especially if this is how you've been going for two decades.

E: Just as a reference point, here's how I introduced Hades in one of my games:

"Re...da...na..."

The scarlet light flickers like your heartbeat. Water runs down on your head unsteadily from ruptured pipes, just as your blood runs unsteadily from ruptured veins. You're so tired and there's so, so, so much road left to go.

And above you stands the God of the Dead. The ceiling light casts him in a dusty blue halo - red bow tie like a bloodless slit across his neck, black and white waiter's dress making it seem as natural for him to take your coat as take your life. When you look at him all you can think of is how easily he would fold up; he gives the impression of a sheet of origami paper, so loosely tethered to this world all of those angular joints might bend and crease and sweep him away on crane's wings.