I have never left the dark night of the soul since my child hood

I don't know how to enter unto the morning

I don't drink, as West Coast lyrics song seems to mean by someone having the music inside. But I've been thinking for a long time,, I might as well be. I hardly sleep, and I've gotten few hours of sleep for many years. My self-poisoning is all natural. I'm so tired of feeling like I've lived through a thousand cuts. I've been listening to Lana Del Rey's West Coast about ten times now.

Down on the West Coast, they got a sayin'
"If you're not drinkin', then you're not playin'"
But you've got the music
You've got the music in you, don't you?

Down on the West Coast, I get this feeling like
It all could happen that's why I'm leaving
You for the moment
You for the moment, Boy Blue, yeah you

You're feelin' hot at the show, I'm feelin' hot to the touch
You say you'll miss me the most, I say I'll miss you so much
Something keeps me real quiet, I'm alive I'm a-lush
Your love, your love, your love

I can see my baby swingin'
His Parliament's on fire and his hands are up
On the balcony and I'm singing
Ooh baby, Ooh baby, I'm in love
I can see my sweet boy swayin'
He's crazy y Cubano como yo my love
On the balcony and I'm saying
Move baby, move baby, I'm in love

Down on the West Coast, they got their icons
Their silver starlets, their Queens of Saigon
But you've got the music
You've got the music in you, don't you?

Down on the West Coast, they love their movies
Their golden gods and rock and roll groupies
And you've got the music
You've got the music in you, don't you?

You push it hard up all the way, I’m feeling hot and on fire
I guess that no one ever really made me feel I’m a child
They all say "oh, cariño", boy, it’s you I desire
Your love, your love, your love

I can see my baby swingin'
His Parliament's on fire and his hands are up
On the balcony and I'm singing
Ooh baby, Ooh baby, I'm in love
I can see my sweet boy swayin'
He's crazy y Cubano como yo my love
On the balcony and I'm saying
Move baby, move baby, I'm in love

I can see my baby swingin'
His Parliament's on fire and his hands are up
On the balcony and I'm singing
Ooh baby, Ooh baby, I'm in love
I can see my sweet boy swayin'
He's crazy y Cubano como yo my love
On the balcony and I'm saying
Move baby, move baby, I'm in love
---
How much suffering and nightmares do I need to live through before I awaken from this Dark Night of the Soul? There's just so much missing from life. I don't know what it is that I'm missing, but whatever it is, isn't there. It may never be there. I only know that my very spirit is fading from me every new coming day.

Join the club.
Haven't gotten more than 4 hours a night since 2008.

I work nights and went all winter without seeing the sun. Now it Burns.

I had to quit drinking lest my demons ruin the few good relationships in my life.

Keep on trucking

I dont know you. I cannot tell you how to live.
But
Find that one thing that gives you a spark. Chase it. Obtain it and never let it go.

cpldingo said
Join the club.Haven't gotten more than 4 hours a night since 2008. I work nights and went all winter without seeing the sun. Now it Burns.I had to quit drinking lest my demons ruin the few good relationships in my life.Keep on I dont know you. I cannot tell you how to live.ButFind that one thing that gives you a spark. Chase it. Obtain it and never let it go.

You want me to self-immolate?

For the night is dark, and full of terrors.