Name: Kyle Mare
Age: 32
Appearance: Kyle could be described as tall but muscular, at about 6'' foot and 190 lbs with light blue eyes. He isn't the most fashion conscious so his typical attire consists of hoodies, T-shirts (Polos if he's really trying to look good), casual leather jackets and skinny jeans. While his bodycare routine, he manages to look decent. The only part of his face he really puts time into is his hair, his pride and joy since he started therapy.
Condition: Kyle suffers from Depersonalisation Disorder, it is best described to others as if the subject is living in a dream. Kyle tends to feel a disconnect from his own physicality, in other words he feels as if his actions, feelings and thoughts belong to someone else. This is additionally compounded by his surroundings also feeling unreal and lacking detail or vividness as if there is a fog in between him and the world (the best way to imagine it would be the blurriness of a dream). While under normal conditions he can act lucidly (albeit with some minor distortion, he isn't 100% recovered), his condition can worsen if he experiences stress or lack of sleep.
Shares: (I know the first section is in Third Person, I felt with his condition it initially made sense)
The Meeting with Dr Blake
He didn't know why he went, Kyle Mare honestly couldn't remember. Was it a friend? His parents? His boss? He decided he didn't care.
''Mr Mare, would you like to tell me in your own words,'' Dr Blake said. He could barely perceive the smile on his face.
He looked around Dr Blake's office, and as with every other place it was dull and hazy. The only thing he could focus on was the voice of Dr Blake behind his featureless indistinct face. Just like every other face.
''No...I don't think I can...is that a problem?'' a voice murmured. He wasn't actually sure whether he had said that, the voice sounded distorted and dark, like life had been dragging it down. It was not how he remembered his voice.
''It's fine Mr Mare, I understand. But one last thing,'' Dr Blake took something from under his desk. ''I just want you to look at this and tell me what you see,''. He placed it across the desk between them.
Kyle picked up the object and took a look. It was supposed to be a mirror, that much he could tell, but something was wrong. All he could see was something disheveled and almost faceless, it's appearance shifting in the mirror the longer he looked at it.
''This isn't my reflection Dr Blake, what are you playing at?''. There was that voice again, now he couldn't deny it was his own despite his feelings contrary.
Dr Blake was writing something down, a sly look on his face. ''Curious...very curious Mr Mare,''.
A Note
Dear Diary I never thought I would ever write these words, I sound like such a teenage girl,
Dr Blake said I should try to look back on my experiences, now that I'm cured or more or less treated from coping with my disorder so I'm going to write them down here. He recommended that I write it as if I'm still there.
It's all sort of hazy, everything from that time was, and it didn't really feel like it was me doing these things for the most part but I'm going to try my best not to going into third person like I remember.
Dr Blake said if I start internalizing my experiences as a normal person in first person then it would be easier to reconcile and process them and I would subconsciously get used to view my experiences as my own rather than someone else. Sounds like a lot of psychobabble but All of which Dr Blake said would speed up my complete recovery.
Hypnosis
I didn't really talk much at first, at least nothing personal, when I was in that haze it was hard to relate to others or even to socially interact. I felt so numb like there was a hole in my own soul, and compounded by the fact there was some sort of fog between me and the world, people were no better to me than objects. Moving objects but nevertheless an object. I guess at first I tried to see past that, tried to hold on to the fact that these were people I was seeing but as it went further down the line it just got harder and harder to remember what it was like to be normal. To see people as people. Until the fog just swept me away. Until I gave up.
Oh look this is going on a bit long, I should probably get back to the story.
Anyway Dr Blake was beginning to get worried that if I didn't come out of my shell (or rather fog) I wouldn't benefit from therapy and might even drop out. I suppose I didn't really understand at the time what therapy meant and the kind of things I'd have to give up, my Time, my Privacy and I suppose to some extent my own dignity. So he decided to help me along with a hypnosis session, hoping if I actually looked back on my memories I would begin to recover. I didn't really think much of it, I hadn't experienced nearly the same benefit as the others so I decided to give it a shot.
And I honestly don't know where I would be if I hadn't.
I couldn't believe what I was about to do.
''Are you ready Mr Mare?'' Dr Blake said, ''Are you sure I wanted to play this in front of the others?''.
I nodded, nonchalant as always but this time with a hint of apprehension, ''Can I say something first?''.
''Sure, Kyle, say whatever you need to,''.
I turned to the others, I wasn't sure what they were thinking but I knew it had to be said,
''I've not been very talkative in these sessions we had together, I want to heal...but I guess I didn't really understand what it took. It's only now that I am beginning to understand what it must be like for you all, to talk about everything you've gone through, to relive it all while I hid away. But today that changes,''.
I paused for effect, hoping the ramifications of what I was about to do sunk in.
''Now I'm not ready to openly talk about my experiences. But I want you to listen to this recording, I don't want you to say anything but I just want you to listen,''. I paused again hoping they would respect this instruction.
''Now I'm sure some of you have had hypnosis sessions with Dr Blake, well this is my only one but well...while I'm not ready to talk some part of me clearly is desperate to say something. So here it is, here is me bearing my soul to you all. An unedited, unfiltered direct sneak peak inside my head, one I haven't heard myself mind you, I hope you enjoy,''.
As if on cue Dr Blake reached to press play on the cassette player, he paused for a moment and then said ''If you want to stop at any time, just tell me,'' before pressing play.
Dr Blake's voice boomed across the room, ''Mr Mare, I would like to ask you, why is it that you always wear that necklace? The one with the ring on it? It's very distinctive,''.
''It was my fiance's. or rather former fiance,''.
''Ah an engagement ring. Can you tell me about her?,''.
''Her name was Felicia,'' he chuckled dryly, that was something I hadn't done in a while, ''I would always call her my little kitty cat, oh the irony,''.
''What is ironic about it?''
''She was a dog person, we always would talk about getting puppies once we were married but then...well..,''.
''What happened to Felicia, Kyle,''.
I could hear whimpering on the tape, when it eventually stopped, ''She uh...she died,''.
''How did she die, Kyle?''.
There was a significant pause, I could hear my sobbing continue in the background before I heard myself whisper,
''I couldn't protect her. I couldn't save her. It was my fault. It was my fault,'' almost rhythmically I kept repeating that phrase getting louder and more incoherent until the recording abruptly ended. By the time the recording had shut off, my face was wet with tears.
''I brought you out of the trance after that point, I thought you had experienced a bit too much. Don't have anything to say Kyle, you've done more than anyone could expect of you,'' Instincts kicking in, he was oblivious to the presence of others, his one priority now being my well-being.
''She was murdered, Dr Blake,''.
Dr Blake paused, almost astounded I had willingly shared anything personal, ''Who was murdered Kyle?''.
It came easy now that the others knew, now that I could share my pain.
''My fiance...she was murdered....''.
Possessions: Basic Phone, Diary, Pen and a Makeshift Necklace (Made up of a string tied around an Engagement Ring).
Relations:
Maya Chen - I think Kyle would be drawn to her because of the similarity of their conditions, especially in comparison to everyone else. He would probably have tried to befriend her despite the large age gap in the hope that he can have someone to talk to who unlike everyone else actually knows somewhat what his condition is like. While this wouldn't be the state of affairs at the start of the RP, with Dr Blake dead, if Kyle was looking for a new mentor figure it would mostly likely be in her.
Joseph Harrell - His feeling of him are mixed, on the one hand he feels angry about how Joseph's actions caused so much hurt in the lives of his family, something Kyle didn't eve n get the chance to have. On the other hand he sympathies with the clearly broken man. He's lost a wife (similarly to him) and a child and from experience knows what that can do to someone. As well as the fact he is there shows how he is repentant about how his actions led to his wife and child left him. He'd see him as a brother of sorts in mental suffering, hoping that he can get past his disorder so he can live his family life again and not waste it a second time.
Aimee Askins - Kyle would immediately feel protective of her, compared to everyone else she is so young yet she suffers like the rest of them. He finds it tragic circumstance that she has to spend her youth in therapy and similarly to Joseph hopes she can pull through to live the rest of her youth relatively normally. He finds her bubbly personality refreshing in comparison to the demeanor of everyone else and would probably be keen to talk to her whenever he wants to forget about his problems.
Alma Evans - Kyle didn't like her pretentiousness, he would probably see it as if she felt above the rest of the group despite being there in therapy with them. At the same time he did pity her, she, like everyone else in the group, had suffered in some way and he could tell by look it at her that she had lived a life of sadness. As far as Kyle could tell, they didn't really have too much in common and he didn't know enough about her, he would be amiable to her, as with everyone in the group, but there probably would be anything else. If anything develops, it will be during the RP.
