Crixus realized his mistake the moment he put the glasses back on, he cursed himself silently for he never liked showing his eye's changing color... he was so used to it by now that he didn't think about it when the time came for it to occur. He said nothing as she spoke sadly as it was about the person named Levi being her boyfriend the evening before. Crixus nodded realizing that he had opened a still mending wound all the more, he merely nodded to agree with her but he did not quite share her opinion of a dead end. From experience the people who seemed the most helpless or docile were usually the ones who were the most dangerous. But that was a thought for another time, there no need to press further and upset her anymore then she must already have been feeling.
"My apologies but if I might say without going to far he is a fool to let someone so brave and beautiful go. Wounds heal in time, and so this one will too and you will be stronger for it. At least... thats what.. um.. someone I used to know said to me before."Crixus became hesitant suddenly looking away from Ceres, he had said too much about things that were not to be talked about. Thankfully Mr. Solar came back in, not that the news got any better from that point. Listening silently to what Mr. Solar had to say Crixus's eyes became hard but it went unnoticed under the glasses upon his nose. He swallowed harder then intended as he spoke lowly toawrds Mr. Solar.
"Its um no problem Mr. Solar, I did not do much I just called the medical wing for her you know. I have to go discuss things with Mr. Potter I am sure he is already waiting for me to return."Crixus spoke rather quickly but he needed to go at that moment, he needed to speak to Mr. Potter and now. Reaching into his inner jacket pocket he pulled the three wands he confiscated earlier. He absently handed them to Mr. Solar trying to remain calm and collected even though his head was now screaming.
"I will speak with Mr. Potter about what he wishes to do over the last couple days before the return to Hogwarts and I will personally drop by and inform you of his decision. The Aurors stationed outside the door will escort you out from here, my wishes to a speedy recovery."Crixus quickly walked away, he wasted no time in reaching Harry Potters office, for with a swish of his wand he transported himself right to the door and walked in without knocking.
"Tell me you didn't tell Mr. Solar I was going to Hogwarts School to protect his daughter... anywhere else Mr. Potter, a house in the woods, a sinking ship in the middle of the sea, hell I would have taken a hole in the ground.."Harry Potter sat silently behind the desk as Crixus spoke rather rashly towards his boss, there was heat behind the words but also a sense of dread at the same time. Mr. Potter raised a hand towards the seat in front of his desk, he said nothing about the outburst as Crixus slowly took the seat, waving his hand Mr. Potter closed the door to the office and looked at Crixus with that knowing look.
"I expected you would take the news like this Crixus but unfortunately choices were quite thin. You like me must do things that we wish not to do in the name of our duty, none of us are exempt from that."
"I do my job, I never ask for anything, I never complain, because it is an honor to serve the magical community to me and it means everything. The people here, you, Hermione, Ron, all of them mean a great deal to me. But there was ever only one thing in this world that I ever asked and that was that I would never be forced to step back in that school. You know my story, you know the memories, you saw them in the pensive, and you know why I can never stand to look upon that castle again.""Crixus calm down. We all have bad memories associated with Hogwarts, most of us were there when Voldemort lay siege to the school. We all lost so much that day, friends, family, people we loved. But those memories do not give us an excuse not to do our jobs, its time that you made peace with that Crixus, it wasn't your fault. She needs protection and your the one I assigned to it, my reasons for it are my own unless I tell you otherwise.""You speak so tripping about making peace with my demons, like its so easy just to let go of the things that plague your dreams at night and turn them to nightmares. Maybe I didn't suffer as much as you did at the hands of the dark lord back then, but I assure you my pain is quite real and I can't just find peace and let it all go like its just a memory lingering on the edge of an unsettled mind.""Enough!"Harry Potter stood up his demeanor changed from subtle to angry, Crixus became deathly silent as he gritted his teeth and bite his tongue at the same time looking down an angry scowl on his face. He was now like a scolded child again.
"I never said it would be easy Crixus, I did not make light of your pain nor did I downplay what you feel and what your going to feel upon your return. But damn it Crixus look at what its doing to you deep down, I am not so blind as the rest that I don't see it eating away at you second after second, day after day. You think those sunglasses hide your eye's an thus the soul beneath but I see beyond them Crixus, I see the man deep down and I see the darkness within your heart that you try to deny time and time again to yourself as you sit in that graveyard late at night. I once knew that darkness, that anger, it ate me away and in the end it almost became the words on top of my tombstone. I had to face my demons, the choice was stolen from me for my fate was not so kind and I was a better man for it after. But you can't keep running away from the things that hurt you the most, that is the very thing that makes witches and wizards become dark, when it becomes so overwhelming that the only way to relieve the pain is to cause it to others, and then as it goes on you lose yourself and you become just like those out there whom you fight everyday and you know how that ends."Crixus's face was contorted in anger as Harry Potter retook his seat, he wanted to lash out at him, to scream at him, to lose his temper and just let it all out, but he didn't he held his tongue and his peace and said nothing.
"In six days you will be heading to Hogwarts to keep Mrs. Solar safe from harm so prepare yourself however you choose, I am relieving you of duty until then so use the time wisely. Its obvious to me that you need to compose yourself, go home, I will send a detail to watch after Mrs. Solar until the morning of her departure to Kings Crossing. Be at the Solars residence on that morning promptly at 6:00 a.m. Now go and cool off."__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Holloway Cemetery
12:03 am
September 1st 2022Crixus wiped the leave away upon the small rectangle grave in front of him, the rain poured lightly on his head the true storm only in the distance. The wind seemed to push the leaves all around him, however he did not really notice much beside the markings upon the stone which fixed his gaze. It has been so long since he last been to visit the grave. The memories swirled around his head like a typhoon in the open sea, memories from a time past but still so fresh in the mind.
He had been their for hours sitting next to Kate's side not even for a moment leaving. Crixus swallowed hard as he held back his tears, reaching out his hand he attempted to put it on Aaron's back but he quickly turned and smacked Crixus's hand away, Crixus felt pain go through his body as Aaron turned on him, with one solid push he flew back as the world spun for a moment, he smashed into the ground as he was dazed from the pain.
“Don't you dare touch me you... you bastard! Its because of you that she died! Its because of you and your damn pathetic life! She always wanted so much to help you, even when I told her that you were not worth it! An what happened?! She ran out there to save your life when she should have just let you die!”
Crixus felt a well placed kick to his bruised up stomach, he quickly coughed up blood as two security enforcers rushed to his aid grabbing Aaron and stopping him doing anymore damage to him. A couple nurses approached him an helped him too his feet as Aaron was contained across the room, tears were streaming down Crixus cheeks now. The nurses sat him down as Aaron continued to rant from across the room:
“Your the one who deserved to die, not her! I hope you suffer for the rest of your life, so that you know how you robbed Kate of her life!”
Aaron was dragged out of the room, the nurses slowly checked him over before leaving to tend to other patients. Crixus sniffled as he slowly reached out his hand and took a hold of Kates, it was cold and lifeless as he could not longer hold back his tears, they fell hard as he buried his face in her shoulder, he shook with pain deep inside, he spoke in short gasps his breath shortened from the injuries:
“Im... so sorr..y Kate... he w..as. rig.ht I don't de..serve to liv..e you had.. so..mu.ch more to ..live for th...en me. I never... deser...ved your frien...dship, I know n..ow what you..meant when you... told me what it.. felt like to.. lose someone.. you..lo.ve. I just wi..sh you could.. have known jus...t ho..w much you.. meant to me and.. my life.”
Crixus became silent as a storm started outside, the wind blew hard as rain washed against the window, thunder cracked hard in the sky.Crixus broke himself from the memory as he felt cold water splashing on his head and shoulders, looking up the storm had finally reach him. The clouds seemed to swirl above him like a dark vortex as thunder cracked loudly. Looking back down at the grave the tears on his cheeks were light yet covered by the hard rainfall.
“I said I would never go back but it seems fate has other things in store for me. I don't know exactly how it will feel to visit the place that holds so many memories for me, but perhaps it is for the better because I know that even with the years passed that I have never been able to find peace in your death. You were... a part of my past I hoped would never leave, but you did, and even though you passed from this life and my side I never forgot the words you spoke to me that day. I still don't know if I will ever find love or even if I know what it is but your words gave me the hope I needed to continue my life and to open my eye's to the beauty that exists in this world. I have made it far in this life even though I am still so young, I hope you will be with me as a I go back to Hogwarts, I need that strength now more then ever.”
Crixus stood up from the grave his body soaked from the rain, he found himself looking down at the grave as if transfixed upon it.
“I never forgave myself Kate, but I hope wherever you are now, that if your listening, that you know I tried. I have always hoped you knew that.”
Crixus turned away from the grave removing his wand from the holster on his wrist, with a flick there was a loud snap and the cemetery became empty as the rain poured down hard against the green countryside.
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Solar Resident
5:55 a.m.
September 1st 2022Crixus waited silently within the home that belonged to the Solars, it was actually quite a nice dwelling when he looked at it and it really did feel like home as opposed to the place where Crixus himself usually presided. He didn't know why Mr. Potter had requested him here so early, the train did not even leave until 11:00 and it wasn't so far a trip that it warranted such and early appearance. However after making a fool out of himself when he got angered the night this all began he decided that he would not question the logic and just be here when he was bade to be here. Looking down he sort of resented the clothing he was wearing, it had been many a moon when he actually wore anything but black. He was draw in muggle clothing which was at its best a pair of black hightops, a pair of faded dark dark cargos, a white shirt and an open zippered hoody. It was requested for all purposes of remaining inconspicuous at Hogwarts that he pose as a student so that his identity could be kept from the student population. The teachers would know but other then that no one was to be aware of his true identity.
Crixus sighed as he waited alone in the living room while the rest of the family went about whatever business they needed to do, from this point on he was the protection unit so he had to keep vigil at all time lest anything happened while he was there. It was going to be a long year and it was only the beginning but that he knew for sure.
