[IC] Call of the Hunt [EliteCommander and Muttonhawk]

[Muttonhawk]

Lunise gave as much time as Meesei needed to think. She remained holding onto her hand the entire time. All the while, she made an effort not to show her own sorrow at Meesei's state.

When Meesei stood up, Lunise returned the hug gently. "I understand, dear. I am afraid as well, but I am also hopeful. Convincing you of that has convinced myself." She kissed the top of Meesei's head. "We both have matters to ponder, I believe. This time will be valuable."

Lunise brought a hand around to lift Meesei's chin to look at her. Lunise was smiling encouragingly. "What would you like to do now? I feel driving you to further panic today may not be helpful, let alone necessary."

[EliteCommander]

While Lunise's question now was far more simple than any of the revelations she had to contend with in the past half hour, she still had almost as difficult of a time answering. "I am not sure, honestly. I suppose Master Marcaano and Zyausak will be back here soon, and I know your mother wanted to spend some more time with us both, but...I do not know if I am ready for that right now. I do not think I could focus on anything else, or just pretend I am okay. I really feel that I just want to be able to rest and think. I believe I just want to stay in here for a while, and I would welcome having you with me, if you want to stay too. Although...I do think you should still spend some time with your mother when she is ready. You deserve some time alone to catch up with her, and that is why we came here, after all. I am sure she will understand if I am not feeling sociable right now."

---

True to her word, Meesei was not keen on leaving the room for much of the rest of the day. She still remained polite and friendly when Zyausak and Marcaano returned with their clothing and supplies, but for the moment, did not take Zyausak up on any offer to show them the island. There was a short time near the end of the day that she left their quarters to watch the sunset by the shore, though even to Lunise, she was not yet ready to open up about how her feelings had developed.

The night was peaceful on Artaeum, if not somewhat quiet compared to home for Meesei. In as crowded of a place as the Silent City, its name did not feel too appropriate. It was rare that there was not someone up and about through the night, not to mention the constant sounds of Dwemer machinery that served as a constant background noise in the city, especially closer to the ground level. Although, for Lunise, the sound-dampening enchantments that had been applied to her room meant that a quiet night was nothing new.

What would be a new experience for Lunise, however, was waking up in a bed alongside Meesei. In all the time they had been together, they had never actually shared a bed through a whole night. Given the secrecy they had to observe with their relationship, there was always some worry about what could happen if they were both sleeping at the same time, in the same place. Neither of them would be conscious to deal with any unexpected intrusions, so it was always safer for them to go their separate ways before retiring for the night. Now was the first time that they had no reason to fear discovery. The Psijic Order was already well-aware of the relationship between them, and they certainly would not be sharing that information with Lunise's superiors. Now was the first time since they had been together that they had the freedom to show their affection openly, and the first time that Lunise had woken up in Meesei's still-sleeping arms.

[Muttonhawk]

There was no question that Lunise wanted to remain with Meesei for most of the time. Between the guilt of sharing such heavy news at what was meant to be their last chance for some peace before the invasion and the intense concern Lunise held in her core for Meesei, she remained close and attentive. The quiet in which Meesei could think and rest was taken up by Lunise by reading a book from the collection Nytala had provided for them.

All the same, Lunise was encouraged enough by Meesei both to take up Zyausak's offer for a tour as well as a long period spent catching up with Nytala. The many years between them left little empty time for Lunise and Nytala to talk. The subjects mostly revolved around recalling events and relations, including Pircalmo. Although, they also dipped into interpretation of experience and philosophy, as well as thoughts about the future. Perhaps it was the mindset of the Order, but Lunise was continually struck dissonant with who Nytala really was compared to who Lunise expected her to be. Nytala was by no means a cause of friction -- the truth was Lunise was made happy by her company. However, the hole Nytala left with her previous absence and all the formative experiences of Lunise's life only became more apparent. She returned to Meesei after several hours happy, though ultimately bittersweet.

---

Lunise had been sleeping lightly, if at all, in Meesei's arms. The experience of intimate closeness throughout an entire night had been foreign to her for such a long time that Meesei's embrace was at once heart-meltingly pleasant and a cause to keep her conscious. Relaxing enough to sleep had only ever been a solitary affair since her duties began. Tacit anxieties over disturbing Meesei's sleep, especially after their day prior, did not help matters.

All this and her habitual early wakefulness left Lunise largely unwilling to snooze further when the morning came. She instead let her eyes rest on Meesei's sleeping face and just stared for a while. Her arm felt heavy when she finally craned it up to run Meesei's red feathers between her fingers. A genuine, sleepy smile persisted on Lunise's lips.

[EliteCommander]

It was fortunate for Lunise and Meesei alike that she no longer experienced the frequent night terrors that were so common to lycanthropes. The influence of Hircine's Ring kept Meesei's beast spirit in check, and allowed her to get through the night without making it even more difficult for Lunise to sleep. Even still, given the stresses that Meesei was now faced with, it was a small miracle that she was able to sleep through the night at all, nightmares or no. It had taken her longer than usual to get to sleep, though she did finally rest well once she was.

Although Meesei was not as many years removed from such intimacy as Lunise, she still found herself briefly surprised when she finally did come back to consciousness. She was awakened slowly by Lunise's hand running through her feathers, and it took a few seconds for her to open her eyes and come to her senses enough to recognize what was disturbing them. There was a certain comfort to having Lunise's face be the first sight she witnessed when she awoke. It was a new feeling, and one that drove her to tighten her arms around Lunise and pull them even closer together. She gave in quickly to her urge to draw in Lunise for a deep kiss. The whole situation might have been perfectly romantic, were it not for the inconvenient fact that Meesei's breath was not entirely pleasant in the morning.

[Muttonhawk]

With the worries of the previous day yet to catch up on them, Lunise reciprocated Meesei's passion in kind. She did not mind any imperfections about the moment for there was not much thinking to be done compared to experiencing. They pressed so tightly into one another that Lunise could have stayed as they were for the entire day. She was very tempted to do so. However, enough rationality took hold to transition from kisses to pecks on the lips, and thereon to a blissful look into Meesei's eyes.

"Good morning," Lunise mumbled in a drowsy voice. "A very good morning."

[EliteCommander]

Meesei easily lost herself in the moment. Intimacy itself was nothing new between them, but she had not woken up next to a lover since she was an apprentice Treeminder in Black Marsh. And with Lunise, she felt more loved than she had with any partner from her past. To Meesei, it was just a taste of what their life together could be like some time in the far future, when they no longer had to fear for their secrecy. For her, it was a goal that could certainly serve as motivation, though it also carried a certain pain with it. Once these few days had passed, they would have to go back to keeping their secrets.

"Yes...definitely." Meesei finally answered. It took considerable effort for her to will herself to move, but she did eventually pull away, throwing off the blanket covering her and partially sitting up on the bed. For just a few more seconds, she cast her gaze back down to Lunise, smiling and seemingly admiring her. However, the peace she felt in the morning was, unfortunately, short-lived. All it took was for her mind to wander, for her to think about the Psijics hosting them, for their conversation about her soul to creep back into her mind. When she looked away, all of that weight fell visibly back onto her. She hunched forward somewhat, pulling her legs up to her chest, staring at the door, and dreading the day ahead.

[Muttonhawk]

Lunise lifted herself up shortly after Meesei did, running a hand up Meesei's back before moving her legs over the bed to stand up. There was no telling whether the way she held her joined hands up and stood on the balls of her feet to stretch her entire body was habitual or showing off for Meesei. Even with her blonde hair messy and face not made up, it gave plenty to admire. She released a satisfied breath before she turned her eyes and noticed Meesei's distraction. Her smile faded knowingly.

In an effort to calm Meesei's nerves, Lunise walked her knees over the bed and settled into a side-ways seated position behind Meesei, wrapping her arms around Meesei's middle. She laid two small kisses at the base of Meesei's neck before she rested her chin on her shoulder and spoke up. "Have you had any luck with your thoughts?"

[EliteCommander]

Meesei released a long, uncertain breath. She put her hands over Lunise's at her stomach, but she still remained staring straight ahead. "I am not sure. It has just been...a lot for me to think about. It is hard not to be uncertain about it all, about whether or not I can do this. Assuming I even survive the invasion, I would have to find some way to repair my very soul. And whatever learning abilities the Hist gave me will not help with that. If I am destined to fail, to be destroyed entirely...then I suppose the only real meaning to my life would be in what I leave behind. If I can help leave a safe world for you, for Sabine, for my family, then I will have at least meant something."

Meesei turned her head just enough to be able to look at Lunise. She smiled, though it was fairly forced. "I do not think I plan on just sitting here in this room for the rest of the day again, but...I do think I would like to take just a bit of time here with you. Maybe eat our breakfast together in here? Do you think you could go get something for us? I would appreciate it."

Zyausak had shown Lunise where they could go to eat the previous day, so she would know where to go within the College of Psijics. There did not seem to be a kitchen anywhere in the building, so it was not certain where exactly the food came from, but there would be plenty to choose from regardless. Although, if Lunise did go to collect something for them, she would find herself delayed by her mother waiting to speak with her.

[Muttonhawk]

There was little Lunise knew to say with regards to the meaning in Meesei's life. Getting some breakfast was far simpler. "Easily done," she said, reflecting Meesei's smile. After another quick kiss to the lips and the cheek, Lunise edged over to stand up.

After asking Meesei what she felt like eating in particular and confirming whether or not she wanted to accompany her, Lunise had slid on a change of clothes provided by the Psijic Order and was out of the door.

Her smile faded shortly after leaving the room. The combined burdens of the invasion and Meesei's soul tried their best to weigh down Lunise's shoulders, but she was able to contend it with her trained posture and a tightened jaw. Her temples were already sore from doing the same thing during her sleep.

Lunise was surprised but not startled to run into Nytala on the way. She slowed down when it was apparent Nytala wanted to talk.

"Good morning, mother." Lunise clasped her hands together in front of herself. "I was presently on my way to find some breakfast for Meesei and myself."

[EliteCommander]

"I see. Then I will be sure not to keep you long. I understand she is likely going through quite a lot at the moment." Nytala answered with an understanding nod. She knew that Lunise had told Meesei about her soul, and that she had not reacted well to the news.

Nytala walked along with Lunise, allowing her to gather their breakfast along the way while they spoke. "In fact, that is what I wanted to about. It was always a risk, telling Meesei before the invasion. She needs to be focused and able to perform at her best to face the challenges ahead of her. But, it was a truth that she deserved to know. With that all said, were you able to make any progress convincing her? Do you think she will agree to join the Order after the invasion?"

[Muttonhawk]

Lunise was not at all joyful about Nytala's questions. Placing food both Lunise and Meesei would enjoy to share helped to keep her thoughts moving. She avoided eye contact and took a moment to put the right words together.

"I placed before her all that we know and all that we do not know," Lunise explained. "But...I do not deem this an excuse as much as a fact of the matter: To convince Meesei to join the Order for a chance at saving her soul requires that I ask her to abandon everything on Tamriel she had been building and caring for. Even without me in the scenario, I cannot ask her to sacrifice all of that and expect her to do so. I trust her to make decision that is right for her. To do otherwise would be to lower her to the level of some political mission of mine, and she means too much to me for that."

[EliteCommander]

Nytala sighed, though not quite because she was disappointed in Lunise's approach to Meesei. She looked around, somewhat nervously, and spoke softly once she felt they were not near enough to anyone else to be overheard. "I understand, I really do. I...admire your principles in this, but you have to understand what will happen to Meesei if she dies. It would be as if she had never lived at all. For both you and her, I want you to be able to be happy together."

For a few seconds, Nytala was hesitant to speak, but nevertheless continued after another nervous glance around the room. "Look, the council would not like me saying this, but I think it is important to note that her membership does not have to be forever. The Order is not a prison, and we are free to take our leave at any time, even if it does mean not being welcomed back. She would not have to stay forever. Just a century, perhaps, or however long it takes to cure her soul. Then, she could return to her life."

[Muttonhawk]

Lunise gave Nytala a confused look when she paused to check their surroundings. She did not reach the point of protesting by the time Nytala continued, thankfully putting the extra detail in to bring sense to her statement. Unfortunately, it only converted it from impossible to unlikely.

"Mother, there are a few things I must make clear." Lunise closed her eyes to renew her temper. "We are aware of what will happen should the worst occur to Meesei's soul. Additionally...I do not know if it is your time in this place warping your sense of progression or whether you rarely interacted with non-mer mortals on Tamriel, but a century makes the world unrecognisable for the short-lived. Meesei would not be returning to her life as if nothing had changed. Most people she knows would have disappeared. The community of lycanthropes she had been fostering would have transitioned by several generations." She hesitated. "...And one hundred years is more than enough time for both her and I to change as well."

Lunise's eyes turned resolutely back to serving herself breakfast. "I appreciate you telling me all the same. Personally, I am hopeful that there are people on Tamriel that can assist in this matter as an alternative. Meesei is surrounded by extraordinary people -- I am certain there is something to be done about it."

[EliteCommander]

"Without the collective knowledge and resources of the Order, it could take several Elven generations for her to find a solution, if she ever does at all." Nytala replied, still fairly unwavering to the point she was trying to make. "Perhaps you are correct, perhaps she could be cured in the next few decades, rather than centuries. But, she will be able to find a solution much more quickly here than anywhere else."

Nytala continued at a more average volume, now that she was no longer saying anything she would need to keep quiet. "And you may not be wrong that my perspective has changed from being here. I may no longer be able to relate to the people of Tamriel as closely as I once could, but I have also been granted many more perspectives you may not see. Even Mer often have difficulty truly grasping the idea of eternity. It is a time without end: something that is rather easy to say, but quite difficult to truly and completely grasp. Both the length of time we have been having this conversation, and the entire history of Mundus, are equally minuscule compared to eternity. Your lifespan, my lifespan, and the lives of Loremaster Celarus and Hal-Neesa all combined are but the smallest, fleeting instant compared to eternity. I am suggesting that Meesei risk giving up a century or two with the people she cares about, but not to do so would be to risk giving up her eternity with them. Please...at least suggest the idea to her."

[Muttonhawk]

Lunise took a moment to respond. She could not bring herself to be angry with Nytala, in spite of whatever philosophical objections she personally had to her reasoning. "Mother, I am beginning to think you should be the one speaking with her if your perspectives are more pertinent here. Do not take this the wrong way, but you are speaking as if time has no value. That is not something I can relate to." She sighed. "The way I see it, none here know how long 'curing' Meesei's soul could take. In honesty, the way I interpret what you have told me is the very composition of her soul is explained by theory rather than any confirmation at all. Perhaps, if there is some way to find more information about her soul while we are here, in this short time we have, might Meesei better inform her final decision? Some kind of test or inspection?"

[EliteCommander]

If Nytala had any frustrations, she was not showing it outwardly. Although, she was showing some degree of discomfort when Lunise made the suggestion for tests, which carried over into her response. "I...no, I am not trying to say time is meaningless. Quite the opposite, in fact. I want to make sure that Meesei is able to live to her eternity, just as much as you certainly do. I am just trying to convince you that Meesei's limitless years beyond her death is far more important than any number of years before it. I wish I could do what you ask and carry out those tests; I am capable of it. But, I am not permitted to right now. You have to understand, the Psijic order is exceptionally cautious about interfering. There were many years of debate for the council to agree to allow me to merely give you counsel in this matter. To start designing tests and casting spells on her would be a far more direct sort of interference, and I would have to seek the council's approval once more. I don't agree with them, I want to do as you ask, but my hands are tied right now."

With only a short pause, Nytala put a hand lightly onto Lunise's shoulder. "Like I said, I don't want to keep you too long. I would guess Meesei still needs you right now. I promise, I will try to convince the council to allow me to search for more direct evidence for you. Even if you are not convinced, could you at least mention to her that the...option I mentioned is a possibility? You could discuss it with her and see what perspective she brings to the conversation."

Meesei, meanwhile, had not so much as moved from the bed, though she was far from idle. Whenever Lunise did finally return, she would find Meesei, strangely enough, sitting on the bed in her werewolf form, staring down intently at her open hands. Her face would be difficult to read, but there would be little question that she was in deep thought.

[Muttonhawk]

Lunise blinked her eyes down. "I will. And...I appreciate the risks you are taking." She almost turned around. "If your counsel can extend far enough that we might perform the tests for ourselves, we..." She stopped. "No, I have been unreasonable enough. We shall speak later, mother. Thank you."

There was a pit in Lunise's stomach as she walked back towards their quarters, and it did not come from hunger. She had to hold back her emotions not to stop and shed tears onto the tray she carried. The pastries, fruit preserves, and cured meats were too perfectly prepared for her to sully them with the sad thoughts in her head.

She stopped one pace into the bedroom, momentarily startled by Meesei's werewolf form. She was far more used to it than the first time, but the unexpected sight of a giant wolf-like beast never failed to elicit some form of jolt. "Oh...Meesei, I did not expect..." She started. "Never mind. I forget that this a place both of us can be completely open."

After closing the door behind her, Lunise strode over to the desk to lay down the tray at the nearby desk and poured two cups of tea. "Mother spoke to me while I was serving breakfast for us. She is still adamant that you join the order." She took a careful breath. "One piece of good news, that she asked me to share only with you rather than spread around, is that one can leave the Order whenever they wish, but they may not return thereafter. Though that assumes nothing about the time it would take to find a solution for your soul."

Lunise picked up a plate of food and a cup of tea and brought it towards Meesei. However good the news was meant to be, Lunise did not appear to see it with that description.

[EliteCommander]

While Meesei was now harder to read, the short silence that followed was an indication that she was still distracted in her thoughts, to some extent. She laid herself back on the bed and rolled herself on to her side, towards Lunise. "Sorry, I was just...thinking on what you said before. I suppose your mother's suggestion makes some sense. I suppose I should not have thought the Psijic Order would keep members against their will. Both Galerion and Mannimarco left of their own accord, after all. But I just...I would still have to leave everyone for as long as it took."

Meesei looked down, clenching her hand into a fist as she surrounded it in a small amount of magical lightning. "You told me that my strength is more than just my templates. That no Argonian would ever have achieved magical control in werewolf form before me. That makes sense, I know it does. But...how can I be sure? What if it still because of this curse, in some way? Perhaps the latent memories in my mind somehow made it easier for me to reach the state of mind I needed?" Meesei said. Her argument did not have a great deal of specific reasoning behind her doubts, but she seemed to be taking them seriously nonetheless.

"I just hate this uncertainty. I have no way of knowing what I am actually capable of anymore. Am I even an average mage on my own, or do I just rely completely on these latent memories? I just...cannot know." Meesei added. She was quickly falling into melancholy. For Lunise, it was certainly the first time she had seen a werewolf sobbing, and even with the plate of food in Lunise's hands right in front of her, she hardly reacted to it. "Even with Ahnasha's help...what if I cannot do it at all without the Psijics? What if I die and just...disappear?"

[Muttonhawk]

Lunise slowly drew back the plate and tea. Again, she fought back a wave of her own sadness, but she was still ready for comfort. She placed the tea and plate on the nightstand beside the bed and sat on the bed, her upper body turned toward Meesei so she could put a hand on Meesei's large wrist.

"'If,' Meesei," she began. "It does not have to be."

All of a sudden, Lunise had to stop and think again. The short while Meesei had to weep may have given some catharsis, depending on the nature of Meesei's thoughts, but Lunise did not leave her side.

By the time Lunise caught Meesei's eyes again, she was surer of her words. "Listen, I would wager very few people go through life without periods of intense self-doubt. Myself included, on a number of occasions. I have learnt during those times that circumstances differ, thus advice to help Lunise after her comrades died in the Battle of the Red Ring may not be as useful to help Lunise after her first lover secretly betrayed her for another for a year before she found out." Lunise's tone made light of the issues in spite of their implications. "It remains that each time I emerged from those...chapters, I learnt little things that helped me rise more powerfully the next time. Think back, for a moment. Was there a time before this one where your thoughts spiralled you down like this? What did you have to do to emerge?"

Lunise reached to take the plate of food and offered it again. "And eat while you think about it." It was a calm demand, rather than a suggestion. "It will help, and you need to keep your strength maintained."

[EliteCommander]

Meesei lifted herself up slightly, focusing on the plate that Lunise offered. Every action she took was noticeably lethargic, but she did eventually capitulate to Lunise's demand. Fairly predictably, she reached first for a slice of cured meat, which, in her current form, was easy enough for her to down in a single bite. Although she quickly returned to laying back down on the bed, this time wrapping part way around Lunise and resting her head on her lap.

"I...know I have felt fear before. Uncertainty, doubt. I have feared death before. I was impaled through my stomach with a spear on one occasion, and taken to the brink of death by Do'rhajul on another. I was so poisoned by silver in that encounter that I had to take a medicine Sabine brewed for me for years afterwards just to avoid a slow death. I have had fear for the future, doubt for what may come of people I care about. But, there was always been solace in the promise of what I have to look forward to, should I ever fail. And now, I...I don't have that. If I fail, I lose everything, and I do not even know if I can trust myself anymore. I have always been able to trust in myself and my pack. I still have my pack, but...not myself." Meesei answered after finally putting together her thoughts. Meesei could feel a few idle charges of magicka coursing through Meesei's body, though she was not coalescing them into any identifiable spells at the moment.