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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Doc Doctor
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The outhouse door burst open. Shrek emerged, a fusillade of flies orbiting his head.

"Somebodeh's in mah SWAMP!!"
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Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Warpcircuit
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Flashback

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A man who cloaked himself with a hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts stood inside a room with Garfield, his face plastered with perturbation. In front of him was a table, and on that table was a map of sorts. Instead of the typical parchment one may expect to see when looking at map, there was a series of holograms with glowing red dots in several locations. When he spoke his word choice was hopeful, but his tone was soaked with the a gravity that could shake a planet out of orbit. “Garfield. The Lasagna Locating Apparatus (LLA) is fully functional. It has compiled the location of all the Lasanna’s in the immediate hyperverse, and it has rated them by quality of their manliness.”

“Excellent, Mr. Arbuckle. After my victory over Sebastian, there has been a lack of Lasagga which would satiate the desires of one who is as manly as myself. I will only eat the most manly of lassannag and I will not settle for anything else." Garfield curtly replied. Upon closer inspection, it appeared that the very existence of Garfield's voice within the room had caused the walls to tremor. Mr. Arbuckle had noticed this development, and was nervously glancing at the walls around the room. Garfield would have to be careful to not say too many words, lest his manliness break the LLA.

”I’m afraid therein lies the issue, Garfield. The list which the Lasagna Locating Apparatus has compiled has a total of three lasagna’s in the hyperverse which would satisfy your current palate. The first of which is located within a black hole, and not even your strength could feasibly pry it from the black hole.”

”That is true. For the black hole might require me to use 10% of my total strength to destroy, and that may be enough to destroy the universe wherein the lagasna lay. Your foresight is surprisingly keen, Mr. Arbuckle.”

Mr. Arbuckle chuckled uncomfortably. ”But of course. This next one in interesting, as the second lasasasa is located directly in this room. In fact, it is located within your stomach already. It is possible that you have already eaten one of these three lasignas.”

”Drats!” said Garfield.

”So, this leaves only one lasagna which is still within your grasp.” Mr. Arbuckle winced for a moment before continuing, and the atmosphere of the room became much darker than it already was. ”There is a Swamp in a land called Far Far Away, where the most manly Laasagna to ever exist has been located, it is the one true lasagan...”

Garfield was so taken aback by this, that all of his muscles flexed and he destroyed his shirt.

”...There is a catch. I cannot read their signature, but I can tell that there is a beast of unfathomable power defending that swamp. Garfield, scourge of man, you must be careful while partaking this quest. This enemy is unlike any other you have faced before”

But Garfield was hardly listening, and he was half way out the door by the time Mr. Arbuckle had finished speaking.

Mr. Arbuckle let a whimper ”Please come back safe, Garfield.”


Present

music


Garfield trudged throughout the Swamp, each step loudly sloshing and reverberating throughout the empty swamp. He could smell the tantalizing draw of the composite lasagna, but he was still too far away to have pinpointed his location. As he trudged, he reminisced on the LLA and his conversation with Mr. Arbuckle before leaving. He had not replaced the shirt he destroyed yet, and the cool swamp air bit at his torso like a thousand tiny pin pricks.

Suddenly, his keen cat senses alerted him to the sound of something large roaring in the distance. Garfield’s fighting instinct immediately reared its head, and he used his incredible sense of smell to try and discern what was making the noise. Something wasn’t quite right though, and Garfield could only make out the rancid odor of a foul outhouse. Perhaps Mr. Arbuckle was right, and this really was something that he had never dealt with before.

Garfield turned his head towards the location of the smell, and began to make his way in towards Shrek and the outhouse. His loud trudge through the swamp would surely alert Shrek of his presence long before he arrived.

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"Yoouuugh! You're not Donkeh! What are yah doin' in mah SWAMP!?"

Shrek pointed a threatening green sausage finger at Garfield as the cat came into sight.
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Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Warpcircuit
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"I come in peace, jolly green giant. But you have something that belongs to me!"

The fat cat approached Shrek, until he was roughly five meters away from him. Garfield raised a furry paw and directed it, open palmed, at Shrek.

"Give me the lasagger, or else!"
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"..."

-Shrek squinted, stroking his chin.

"Wait a tick... Puss? Is it yew, Puss!? Yew really got buseh workin' out, eh!? But that lazinger's for Fiona. Tell yeh what. I'll give ye' some Meow Mix instead."
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Garfield squinted in return, and lowered his paw. He furrowed his brow, seemingly considering Shrek's option for a moment, but then shook his head in disagreement.

"For Fiona? You mean to tell me that you created that lasanye, and not only that, but for some sort of desperate lasagna woman?. I'd say don't make me laugh, but..."

Garfield laughed.

"...You already have. This is your last warning. Hand over the lasango — or else."

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"Stay away from my lasagnias Puss. I'm yer friend, Shrek, remember? Just leave mah swamp and I'll get ye' a ball of yarn later."
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Warpcircuit
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"That's it, Shrek. I was gonna get my lalassa and be on my way, but I tell you what. Once I'm done with you, I'll also destroy this entire swamp. For good measure."

Garfield assumed a fighting stance with the velocity of a jetliner. His right foot-paw was set forward, and his hands were balled into fists and raised. As he did this, he began to flex his muscles in an effort to intimidate Shrek. Although Garfield was not wearing a shirt at the moment, several of the shirts in his dresser (located in a different universe, probably) were vaporized in anticipation of Garfield returning and wearing them.

"Last chance to give me the lansanganronpa, or else it's all ogre for you."
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"Puss, have ye' lost yer MIND!? Ye' can't destroy the ENTIRE swamp! Now git out of mah swamp before I stick yer head up my arse! No lasagundam!"
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"I apologize in advanced, then."

Garfield appreciated Shrek for a moment, thinking if he had anything to else say before the fight began.

"And fur the record, my names not Puss. It's Garfield. Be glad, for you'll know the name of the undertall cat who ended your life."

Having no more use for words, Garfield summoned his strength. He would not go all out at first, as the last time he did that he turned a man into a supernova accidentally. Instead, he would throw a punch that would've been fairly average for an adult male as a means of testing the waters. Unbeknownst to Garfield, Shrek would easily be able to counter this punch.
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-Shrek took the punch on his mighty belly, the rotund mass of jiggling ogre fat absorbing the hit. The average strength of a mere human could scarcely damage the guardian of the swamp. Shrek placed his hands on his hips, smiling smugly at Garfield.-

"That the best you got, not-Puss? Trah again if yah want, elsewise GET OUTA MAH SWAMP!
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[rip double post]
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"Drats! I guess that is the best I got."

Garfield retracted his paw-fist-claw-whateveritis and looked past Shrek. Instead of throwing another punch, he instead began to step around Shrek.

"You look like you're pretty tough, so I'm just going to go around you."

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-Shrek hadn't taken a step since he had exited the outhouse, and thus the outhouse it was behind him. As Garfield stepped around him Shrek swung about with a roundhouse meant to hit Garfield in the ass and send him arching into the horrific crap hole.-

"Oh no ye' don't! There's only two ways out of me swamp, and just one if me plumming is broken. And AH DON'T HAVE PLUMMIN'!"
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