"Sarah! Sarah! Wake up! .. come on wake up luv' you're going to be late for school otherwise...SAR." the woman choked up at the end with a very unhealthy cough; sounding like she had already smoked a pack of cigarettes this morning alone.
"Sar.." her voice was horsed from all the shouting, the last few months it became more frequent. It wasn't all my fault per say but I wasn't helping it either. I kept my eyes shut but we both knew that I was awake. Had I even been to sleep yet? I felt her hand rest on my shoulder then...
"Alright alright. I'm up!" my voice snapped as my eyes flung open as they darted towards her direction. I tried everything in my will to hold back the harsh sharpness in my words. Clearly it didn't work. It slipped in there though because I noticed how my mother winced back, scared. Her already 'too tired for this bullshit' eyes stare off behind me before they land back on me while she backs away, back towards my bedroom door. I've been having that effect recently and I just don't know how else to control it. After a few silent curse words to myself; I sit up slowly while I only wore a white tank top to bed, my black curls fell past my slouched shoulders, feeling already exhausted and today hadn't even fully begun.
The rest of my naked form was covered still by my blanket and I dreaded having to move in the next few minutes to finally get dressed.
"Sorry Ma, I'm up and I'll just have to walk a lot quicker today.. it's no biggie" I lied and hated it so much, how my mother couldn't realize when I was chocking up on my own words. It was such a huge deal because at times I found it a struggle to even walk to the shop. Just around the corner.. it's our shop just around the corner, the ones that just sit empty for most part of the day but by nighttime you can bet anything; it's ram packed with people buying cheap alcohol and cigarettes. "I..I'm sorry I got angry.. you know I'm not a morning person" which wasn't a lie yet it felt like one now. Why do I feel like a terrible person? I tried a soft attempt at a smile but it certainly didn't portray how I was feeling on the inside. Was I even a person? Everyday I became more aware of patterns, this regular cycle of the same events happening day in and day out. The feeling of being trapped in a body, no scratch that.. soul that I rarely even recognize as my own anymore.
"Sticks and Stones, They may break your bones, But words will never hurt you"
A silent moment fell as quick as my mothers word spoke out and I could sense she believed in them when she attempted to push a smile through. Just barely but it was there and I looked away just so I could roll my eyes. Being naive was one thing but If only she'd known that those words were a load of trash.. sticks and stones did break my bones and words were most certainly the worst part of it all.
"Please try and stay all day today" her voice was first to break the silence but it came out all hoarse again as my eyes peered in her direction, she wasn't waiting for any response as she seemed to slip back behind my door. That was the most unlikely thing to happen today, just like any other day I got up and headed straight for my shower.
