“Seven!” The call was almost drowned out by the roar of the spectators. They lined the east and west sides of the Duellplatz, leaving the northern and southern sides clear. Chips in the ancient masonry from where thousands of pistol balls had spent their fury proclaimed the wisdom of that choice. The Duellplatz had once been a series of cloisters devoted to Shyalla the goddess of healing. A scowling statue of that worthy looked down on the proceedings with disapproval, the detail of her sandals and legs worn away by the brushes of duelist’s hands as they sought her protection.
“Eight!” The crowd continued to shout, drowning out the clinking of coins and jewelery as wagers were placed. Tonight was Sigmartag, and now that the sermons were over the Capital was well and truely in its cups in celebration. For a certain set of Altdorf high society, that meant watching duels. Unfortunately, even Altdorf’s famously touchy nobility didn’t manufacture enough affairs of honor to meet demand for the sport. The solution was to fight for the honor of the duel itself. Professional duelists, like Hannah Fischer, and the dillitant children of nobles and merchants, like her opponent, fought mock battles for notoriety and prize money, to the delight of their terminally bored peers.
“Nine!” Hannah was near the top of the ranks, having done passably well in the swordplay earlier in the evening, placing at the top of the middle of the field, and avoiding the scars that were a frequent, and to some, desirable, scars. Even though the bouts were to the touch, Altdorf’s barber surgeons had enjoyed a busy night also. Now that the pistols had come out though, she was climbing the ranks rapidly. So rapidly in fact, that if she won this bout, the prize would be hers. She began to steady her breathing, drawing in air in slow measured breaths, flexing her hand on the grip of her pistol to settle her grip just so.
“Ten!” Hannah spun, her vision blurring the ivy that crept up the walls of the cloister into a green swirl. The weight of her breastplate, a single chest piece that covered her from hip to neck, gave her more inertia than was normal, but she compensated for it, allowing the momentum to pull her around and lift her left shoulder slightly. Her opponent, a similarly equipped young man with dirty blonde hair, slid into her rising sights. Her breath stilled as her eye connected the barrel of her flintlock to to the blue and gold corsage pinned to his breastplate. Rudolf Cassenbaum was quick, his own weapon staring back at her, gaunt profile disfigured by one of the stylish slager scars that were so much the rage these days. Cassenbaum was good, but he was a swordsman by inclination, the second place in the steel today, a result that had disappointed many gamblers, Hannah included, but pistols were not his bread and butter, not like her. Not like Hannah Fisher, twenty duels with two fatalities and no defeats. She squeezed the trigger. Time seemed to slow, and though the crowd was screaming louder than ever, she couldn’t hear anything other than the thudding of her heart and the click of the mechanism. The hammer seemed to slide forward like a ladle moving through cream. The sharp flint struck the pan, driving back the frisson in a shower of sparks which touched off the powder in a fizzling cloud of gunsmoke. It hung for a subjective moment before the touchfire sucked into the barrel and touched off the main charge. The pistol roared and slapped back against her palm, fighting to lift the weapon, she didn’t fight it, merely controlled the lift. Smoke and flame blossomed from the chased steel barrel. She saw a flash from Cassenbaum’s weapon, but it was the touchfire rather than the barrel. Time seemed to speed up suddenly, the roar crashing in on her like a wave in a Marienburg storm. Cassenbaum’s weapon cracked at the same instant the corsage on his breastplate exploded in a spray of ribbon and red dust. Something slapped against the lower right section of her breastplate. She staggered slightly under the impact, reaching down and lifting her hand to see red clay dust on her palm. The dueling rounds were clay with a thin firing of glaze around them, rarely fatal unless one was hit in the eye or mouth. Cassenbaum had hit her, but the gold and red corsage on her breast was untouched.
“FISCHER!” the umpire, or crowd, or both roared, surging in from all sides. She just managed to lift her smoking weapon clear of the crowd before she was lifted up onto their shoulders.
“Fischer, Fischer, Fischer!” they chanted, carrying her towards the exit of the cloister. She glanced back to see Cassenbaum, pulling the straps of his half plate free so it fell the ground. He caught her eye and lifted his pistol in a salute that seemed to say ‘next time’. She echoed the gesture. Next time.
_______
Icy cold water crashed against Hannah like a wave of winter frost. She let out a mewling cry. It was so unfair that after spending a life time trying to get away from the wet and the damp that she was going to die in the rain.
“Wake up Fischer you ‘orrible little woman!” The shouted order cut into Hannah Fisher’s mind like an axe. It was delivered in a thick Dives accent, the way people spoke down by the docks and in Wharftown. Fish-ha, with the emphasis on the second syllable. Hannah’s own accent had been not so different once, before she trained the distinctive twang of the fisherman’s croft out of it in order to make herself more acceptable to Altdorf’s polite society. Hannah did not want to wake up, she wanted to finish dying in peace.
“Up an at ‘em lovely!” the voice continued with a jovial good nature that somehow made it worse. It got considerably worse when the sound of a wooden nightstick being dragged across steel bars joined in for emphasis. Hannah tried to get up, felt her guts clench into a knot of agony and then vomited. Or tried to vomit anyway, all she managed to produce was the taste of bile in a throat that already felt like it had been flayed raw. Her head was splitting and her hands trembled so violently she didn’t trust herself to unclench her fists.
“Oi! Nuff o’ that, I just had this place cleaned!”
With colossal effort, Hannah managed to peel back an eyelid. It felt tacky, like dirt and honey had been rubbed under it. She was in one of the Watch cells, and if it had ever been cleaned it must have been before she was a gleam in her father’s eye. It was a simple six foot square of stone closed off at one end by thumb thick iron bars. There was a slimy residue on the floor of which vomit and urine were probably two of the more palatable components. The smell was intolerable. Retching miserably, she managed to sit up, keeping one eye firmly shut. Her body was trembling hard and her skin felt clammy. Surely the pox would take her soon. On the other side of the bars stood a grinning man with a broad lantern like jaw and a pair of small eyes that flashed with malicious amusement. Walther Koneig was balding and in middle age with an aggressively receding hairline and though years of good living had swathed him in a comfortable layer of fat, he was still as squat and solid as a fireplug. He set the now empty water bucket down with an exaggerated flourish.
“Oh fuck me,” Hannah moaned miserable, trying to clutch at her chest. She was still wearing her breastplate, a fact underscored by the way the bottom of it scraped her thighs as she tried to sit. It was covered in mud, though, for a wonder, the dueling rosette was still in place, if a little bedraggled.
“Reckon you fucked yerself there girl,” Koneig put it with a snicker. At least the bastard had stopped ratting his steel shod nightstick on the damned bars. Hannah finally managed to open her other eye and immediately regretted it. Walther Koneig was something of an Altdorf legend. He was legendarily incorruptible in his service to the watch, which was a little ironic given the fact that no one of his low birth could hope to be a watch commander if he wasn’t blackmailing the living crap out of someone. Still in Koneig precinct things were done… if not by the book at least as fairly as one could hope where the watch was concerned. Rumors about his past deeds were a constant feature of the tall tales which circulated in the taverns late at night when the wine was flowing freely. The thought of wine made Hannah’s stomach lurch again. She tried to remember how she had come here, but the preceding hours were hazy and indistinct in her mind. She remembered drinking to celebrate yesterday's victory, vaguely she recalled loud drunken singing as she and some other duelists and hangers on had made their way down the street of a thousand taverns.
“Sigmar’s balls,” she muttered, reaching into her breastplate and finding her coinpurse. It was light but it was a surprise it was even there. Normally the watch would roll a drunk as a matter of course, if some cutpurse didn’t do it first of course. Well if it were Koneig and his boys who picked her up, maybe there was something to the vicious rumors about his honesty. Koneig made a face that was meant to be a smile but showed the two blackened teeth at the back, giving him an evil aspect.
“Oh I think you have had quite enough to say on the subject of our Lord and Savior, and his balls, or lack there of to hear you tell it,” he chuckled. Hannah shook her head in a vague effort to clear it and was wracked by a fresh bout of nausea. Gods save her, how much had she drunk? With a gasp she grabbed for her pistols, not in an effort to draw them, but in horror that they might have been stolen, the pair had been master crafted for her by her father and…
“Relax,” Koneig said, a hint of sympathy entering his voice for the first time, “we got yer kit back in lock up. Cant have armed drunks in the cells now can we? Set a bad pr’ec’dent.” It was a valiant attempt but had way too many glottal stops. Hannah relaxed slightly, moving from miserable and terrified back to miserable. It was tempting to berate herself for her stupidity, but there seemed little that self reproach could add to the misery of her pounding head, cramping guts, and shivering limbs. Evidently she had already thrown up to the point her stomach was empty and the muscles were exhausted besides.
“What are you holding me for?” she asked after a moment, the wine fumed fog in her mind not reminding her of any murders or other capital crimes she might or might not have committed. Koneig’s grin was back, he leaned forward allowing his broad forehead to rest against the bars.
“Well that’s a funny story that is. Seems you went on quite the bender.”
“Me and the rest of Altdorf,” she managed, though it was hard to feel indignant when you were about to die.
“Right right,” Koneig agreed, far from seeming put off by her objection.
“No one else in Altdorf though, decided it would be a good idea to climb onto the Emperor’s fountain and give a sermon.” Hannah felt her stomach sink, a distinctly unpleasant feeling considering the state that it was in. Now that he mentioned it she could dimly remember something about a fountain. For almost a month the city had been gripped in religious turmoil. There was a grand new statue being erected to Sigmar in a square which opened onto one of the few temples of Ulric in the city or some such nonsense. The issue had pushed the always fractious population to a boiling point. There had been two major riots already, during one of which the mounted Reiksguard had tried to intervene only to be pelted with roofing slates until they retreated. Luckily someone had better sense then to call out the full strength of the Knights, something which would certainly end in a blood bath and possibly in a civil war. Alfons, who so far as she knew had never been to a temple in his life, had been going on about how Sigmar had been a devout Ulrician and all the normal nonsense people spouted when they wanted to sound knowledgeable. Koneig chuckled.
“Climbed up on the fountain and started preaching, asking what all the fuss was about Sigmar and Ulric,” Koneig continued. Hannah felt her stomach plummeting now, her core muscles locking up around her chest in an instinctive reaction to panic that precluded speaking or vomiting.
“Why would anyone worship Sigmar when all the world can see that Myrmidia’s tits are the greatest sign of divine providence!” Koneig was howling with laughter now, his powerful form literally shaking the bars. The statue of Myrmidia in the Altplaz was a marble import from Tilea and did indeed bear a spectacular pair of breasts.
"Such brilliant the-o-logy Fischer, simply brilliant, always said you had a sharp mind ain't I?" Koneig laughed, clearly enjoying himself now.
“And anyway what woman would ever go for Ulric with that great ugly beard all scratchy between her legs,” Koneig pressed on. Literal tears of mirth were standing out from his eyes now, a sentiment which Hanna most certainly didn’t share. She had to get out of here, out of the city even before a mob showed up and burned down the watch house.
“And what’s Sigmar trying to compensate for always holding that huge hammer up over his head!” Koneig was howling with laughter now, but the icy bolts of pure fear were lancing through Hannah’s body like winter cloud bursts. Gods, gods, gods. This was bad. Really, really bad. Burn you at the stake bad.
“Are you insane?!” she exploded, fear finding vent on the only available target.
“They will have me executed for blasphemy!” Hannah shouted. The they in this case was fluid, but it seems like she had managed to offend most of the major religious groups in one drunken ramble. Fortunately it appeared that she hadn’t commented on Taal or Ranald, so running and hiding in the forest were still options. Koneig was wiping tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. He pushed himself back from the bars with his arms, muscles bulging with the impromptu exercise.
“That is the real funny bit. Normally, the Sigmarites would be down here demanding to use you for firewood and the Ulricians would be…. Well however it is Ulricians kill people. I suppose Myrmidia’s lot might be recruiting on the basis of your now well publicized appreciation of their deity’s lady apples. You did say some stuff about Shyalla too but I guess being the Goddess of Mercy and all it would be bad for the image to have you drawn and quartered.”
“Not really seeing the funny part yet Koneig,” Hannah managed, forcing her voice into some semblance of calm.
“They can’t! You pissed off everyone, but the only thing they are more pissed at than you is each other. If the Sigmarites arrest you the Ulricians will riot, if the Ulricians do then the Sigmarites burn half the city,” Koneig roared with laughter. Hannah could see how, if it were happening to someone else, it might be a little amusing.
“So what are you going to do with me?” she asked, feeling a stirring of hope for the first time since her impromptu sermon had been reported to her. Koneig snickered.
“Well, all the temples expect me to do something, and so I have a proposition for ya. You see these riots have put me in a bit of a tight spot and I need someone to do a job for me. Get it done and I’ll let everyone know that I spanked you as hard as you suggested spanking Shyalla, I let you go, and everyone goes home happy.” Hannah groaned and pulled herself to her feet. She had no idea what Koneig wanted her to do, but if it got her out of this reeking cesspit it had at least that to recommend it.
“What do you want me to do?” she asked.
“That’s the spirit Fischer!” Koneig grinned, “Just stand still one second first.” Hannah paused, swearing, and not for the first time, that she was done with drink. Before she could react a second bucket of icy cold water hit her full in the face.
“The smell you understand,” Koneig said, lowering the empty bucket without the barest hint of apology.