[OOC] As One | Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

[Solace]

Just going to put it out there before I finish the review, I don't mean to sound hostile in my analysis if you look at it that way. I just have a bunch of issues with the character, that's all. It'll be up soon, I'm wrapping up my issues with the personality at the moment and then I have to move on to the biography.

[Solace]

Hi
Okay, lemme begin my review of said character, then.
Aside from the various grammar mistakes which bother me to no end and weird wording such as...

Quincyhunter said military seeding school

Quincyhunter said Katlyn .

and etc, here are some other issues I'm having.

Quincyhunter said Flame: Sun/Storm

Two Flames for an associate of all people. You already know the problem of this.

I've seen those two appearance pictures fluctuating around RPG for the almost-five years that I've been active. If possible, you should look for other ones (preferably not the ones that you would find on the first page of results after searching "black hair anime guy"), but I won't force you to change them, so you can keep them if you'd like - it's just a personal complaint. If you do intend on changing them. a site that I personally recommend is zerochan, as it has a lot of great pictures and whatnot.

Quincyhunter said Personality: He is a rather intelligent man. He spends his time trying to better himself and those around him. You are just as likely to find him reading a book as you are to find him breaking his knuckles on punching bags to keep his body as sharp as his mind.

I'm not sure, but I think we already have a character like that except for the bettering himself and others trait. Wonder who...

Quincyhunter said He tempers his discipline by relying a lot more on instinct than on actual thoughts when doing things outside of his work as a teacher. Teach the body to react without thought and you can change how the mind reacts.

This would technically mean that he is devoid of emotion. That, or he is the version of the same aforementioned character above in the roleplay who would be impulsive instead of the other character's logical approach at things.

Quincyhunter said He truly hates routines that cannot be shaken up. He is willing and in fact prefers to take risks in life as this causes him to fail to see the bigger picture or even the smallest details. He sees the middle ground between the two. In a forest he would notice the pockets of different species trees. This causes him to see connections that the big picture viewers miss as they see an entire forest. He sees more than the detailcentric groups of people who see a single tree.

Um... what? How does taking risks grant clairvoyance? That is the only thing that I got out of that entire paragraph.

Quincyhunter said While he is a very empathetic individual he does not always know what to say. This makes him come across as a jerk sometimes.

When describing someone as empathetic, it means someone who can perceive and recognize other peoples' feelings, and in turn, are able to share their own sentiments with them. The above is a bit of a contradiction with said trait. It's something you do possess, or something that you do not possess; you can't just be a very empathetic and emotionally receptive person, and then, suddenly not be one by not knowing how to react or what to say.

Quincyhunter said If you are someone who he feels the need to protect then you are a very safe person. He will put all of his training, connections, and skills to work to ensure that you survive at least long enough to explain why they are trying to harm you.

This would mean that he operates upon emotion as well (the way it is worded), as that and instinct are two different things, though I stated earlier that he would technically be devoid of emotion.

Quincyhunter said His mother Aanjay actually was a former member of the indonesian military. She hid the fact she was female with very well priced bribes. These ended up finding their way into his upbringing as his father ended up being killed in a shootout.

The setting of the roleplay is 2032 for the present, and 2042 for the future, as I established. But, in this day and age of 2014, the military would never tolerate bribes and whatnot. Also, since 1992, the Indonesian military has formed all-female units which are the Women's Army Corps, the Navy Women's Corps, the Air Force Women's Corps, and the Women's Corps of the Police.

And even then, I don't know how his father, a member of the Bovino Famiglia which is known for their advanced technological prowess (it is a known fact that even the mafia has superior technology than the military in the anime, and it remains true), would end up getting involved in a shootout with the military and die in the process.

Quincyhunter said In school he was a fairly bright student trending towards the top of the class. Problem was he had an attitude that caused him a great deal of problems. He wasn't one to shy away from a challenge so he ended up getting into fights until he was kicked out of his school in Sicily. His mother sent him to an Indonesian military seeding school. From the age of 13 to 17 he was in that school learning discipline and how to handle himself in situations that require precise applications of force.

Since his origin is the United States, and utilizing that knowledge to deduce that he was indeed born in the US and has resided there for his entire life up until this moment, why would they waste so much money and, instead of sending him to just any average military school in the US, send him to the other side of the world just to attend military school for only four years? Makes no sense to me.

Quincyhunter said When he graduated from that he went on and joined up with a small mercenary band hired by a US private military firm.

I have actually been studying private military companies recently for another character in the future, and one of the requirements to become a hired gun is previous military service of some sort. And given the fact that he is ONLY seventeen years old and absent of said experience, this is technically an impossibility.

Quincyhunter said When he turned 21 he had a child with his wife of 2 years Lexi Corinth. At which point he got out of the military and was put into soldiers to instructors. He became a physical education instructor and then returned to his homeland and became a high school teacher.

So, with this conclusion, how is he even associated with the Vongola? I understand that his father was a Bovino mafioso, but that doesn't justify what and how Dante is associated with the mafia. Also, the time of the roleplay right now is in the middle of June.

[Quincyhunter]

Most of these seem to be where I got mistaken research data. All of which can be fixed by a slight age up and change of sentences.
I forgot that the setting wasn't 2014.
The origin ended up being from italian to US because when he was a soldier and that is where he came from with his education. He was in fact born in italy and thus the origin will change again.

[Quincyhunter]

Ran over it looking for Grammar errors. Fixed the few I noticed and solved all issues mentioned.

[AgniSpirit]

Quincyhunter said
I did not realize you still needed a tutor

The main tutor is my character but we had been thinking of giving the Guardians individual tutors, like Ryohei did with Colonello.

[Quincyhunter]

Alright.

[Dusset]

Hasaaaaaaaaaayooooooooo

[Dblade26]

Hmm...should I try posting again?

[TwilightDragon]

I've looked over your form, Quincy, and it SEEMS okay. But let's wait for Le's final answer.

I'm personally waiting for ANYONE to post, so...

[RainDash]

Dblade26 said
Hmm...should I try posting again?

I need to post to get the group moving. Sorry!

[TwilightDragon]

No prob!

[Quincyhunter]

Yeah the big thing I see anyone having an issue with his this Paragraph:

He found himself missing the action that he used to get when fighting so he got in contact with "Uncle Para" who was a gentleman who frequently came around the house when Dante was a kid. Para was a member of the Bovino family. He was looking for a way into the scene. Para put him in contact with a few people allowing him to join up with a group who frequently worked with the Vongola Alliances. This group allowed him to get the action he craved, but left him plenty of time to maintain his family and work for the school.

[RainDash]

Ran out of time for Artemis' section. Going now.

[TwilightDragon]

Hellooooo

[Quincyhunter]

HII

[RainDash]

Mew~

[Solace]

Painappuru

[RainDash]

Quincyhunter said
HII

Also, FYI, pineapples are the in joke around here.
Nobody knows why.

[Quincyhunter]

Hey would any of you mind if I used your game as the stepping stone to the next generation a vongola dodecimo game

[Solace]

RainDash said
Also, FYI, pineapples are the in joke around here.
Nobody knows why.

Because.
Why not?
D:

Quincyhunter said
Hey would any of you mind if I used your game as the stepping stone to the next generation a vongola dodecimo game

wat