Cpt Toellner said
Well, the writing seems a little cramped, like you were rushed writing this. But I look forward to reading.
I'm not really good at writing.
It gets worse when I'm roleplaying, knowing that people are going to respond with more stuff to describe and more stuff to turn into a post.
But writing on my own is better, especially because I'm doing it with my own characters and I know what to expect. Building up from that takes time to get used to for me but once I do I can make a pretty solid story.