[OOC] Gobigakure no Sato - A Naruto Roleplay

[The Mad Hatter]

Pasta Sentient said
So...this is kinda what I have in mind for World of the Sword technique. The victim starts in the black center, but everything else swirls around and slowly inches closer and closer. Every pink colored object is a blade that can cut.Aren't you happy this is just an illusion!!

Byakuya... What is it his shikai is called ... Senbon-sakura, right? Right. I think it's right.

Anyways, that seems fine, to me.

I still wouldn't want to be caught in that, even if it's just an illusion...

TO THOSE STILL NOT ACCEPTED/THOSE STILL EDITING

Please, give a shout to let me know that you're still around. Post here at the end of the week as the very latest, or I'm cutting you from the RP.

.:EDIT:.

@RondoNumbaNine;
I'm gonna have a look at your sheet in the morning; too tired to do it now. You have time to fix it up a bit, if you want.

[Pasta Sentient]

The Mad Hatter said
Byakuya... What is it his shikai is called ... Senbon-sakura, right? Right. I think it's right.Anyways, that seems fine, to me. I still wouldn't want to be caught in that, even if it's just an illusion...TO THOSE STILL NOT ACCEPTED/THOSE STILL EDITINGPlease, give a shout to let me know that you're still around. Post here at the end of the week as the very latest, or I'm cutting you from the RP.

Yeah. SenbonZakura was the kinda inspiration for the world.

Apart of me is thinking of 'stealing' some Bleach techniques further down the road to kinda guide Ryuu's development; but for now he needs to finish all his experimental jutsu.

[ChibiYuki]

Yay i finished ^.^ Hopefully its great hahaha

[Halvtand]

RondoNumbaNine

Well... There really isn't much to say. What you have is good except for a few grammar/spelling errors here and there, but you said you were in a rush, so no sweat, just give it all a read through and you should spot them.

What I can say is this:
In the background, you never say how old Kazu was when his mother died, and we don't know anything about his life since he enetered the ninja academy. So my suggestion is to put some more time on that...

Kazu also seems to be a bit on the weak side, both on jutsus and special traits.
I know they are hard to come up with, but I really think you could use a few more. At least a B-rank technique would be nice.

When it comes to your jutsus I like the way you think. I've made my own lightning-jutsus for this game as well and thought about going down the same road as you at first.
One thing though. Both the ninjutsu “Lightning Release: Jabs” and the taijutsu “Lightning Fist” appears to be pretty much the same thing, is it meant to be that way or is there something you can do to make them a bit more different?
Don't hesitate to ask for advice if you need it. And as always, the approved characters are a great source of inspiration, balance and comparisson.

ChibiYuki

In background. Near the end.
You say that your character has been on some challenging Jounin-ranked missions.
Personally I feel that this goes against the settig that we're after. What we're looking for is characters that are of roughly Chuunin-rank (perhaps a bit weak), dangerously undertrained and unused to real action. Please have a look at the OP and approved characters for guidence.

Lacking “Today”

Lacking “Personality”

Special traits:
“Chakra Sponge: Aaron is up to the brim with his chakra, to the point it seems that he has almost no limit. Is it probably because of his natural affinity to the forest and land themselves? He would never know as he always felt that he had an indescribable amount of chakra, the only problem he had with that was that if he would have the stamina to even make a dent in his chakra pool.”

So basically unlimited chakra? Sorry, I can't agree to that. Chakra beasts are fine, they can still run out, but this is too much. Also, I have no idea what you're trying to say with that last sentence, it doesn't make any sence.

Equipment:
“Katana-
Nap Sack-
Ninja Bag-”

Two bags, no content.

Jutsus:
Ninjutsu:
You've forgotten “drawback” on every ninjutsu except Kusari Souki.
The ninjutsus you've created seems fine and well balanced to their ranks.
How does Kami Bunshin work in practice? Like [element] bunshin (ex Mizu bunshin/water clone)? Or Kage bunshin? Or something else? Is there anything that really makes this technique different from other clone techniques?

Taijutsu:
No drawback on “Keihatsu Ryuu: Battōjutsu no Kamae” and “Keihatsu Ryuu: Hanabira Surasshu”
Are you really not going to have any E-ranked techniques apart from your stance?
I think these are well thought out and well balanced.

That's what I've got right now. Apart from this you shoud use the jutsu format provided in the OP. Effect and description doesn't have to be separate.

Of course, the hatter is gonna hat before anything is decided.

[The Mad Hatter]

RondoNumbaNine

Although he is lanky, he has enough muscles to get by in a fight.

That'd depend on who's he's figthing, won't it :P If a lanky dood with a bit of muscle went up and challendged Haruka (who is She-Hulk) to a fist fight, she'd laugh at him so hard she'd wet herself. Dai (Lumberjack Dood) is a bit nicer (a lot nicer), so he'd probably just laugh on the inside :p

Kazu's father was devastated. She would barely get out of bed to go work

Transexuals are all good...

half a loaf of beard

Too funny to resist xD

Lame jokes aside, I agree with Halvtand ^_^
Do a grammar and spell-check, work a bit on your history and give him a bit to fight back with ^_^

ChibiYuki

As fancy at it might be, place get rid of the hiders. It actually makes it more difficult to fidn the information you (I) are (am) looking for.

Other than that... What Halvtand said. I actually agree with everything he said.

Why does it say "Secret Stuff" under genjutsu?

I'm gonna add a few new rules (not that anyone (aside from RondoNumbaNine) seems to have read them, but still...) later today.

[Pasta Sentient]

Can't believe I missed those...

Anyways, just to clarify 100%

A sharingan can copy and use ninjutsu/genjutsu if:
-the Uchiha has mastered the element type (ninjutsu only)
-the Uchiha has the chakra control
-the Uchiha has the chakra capacity
-The Uchiha understands the technique (Example:Ridiculously complicated jutsu like Hiraishin and such are beyond their comprehension so they cannot use it)
-the Uchiha is physically able to perform the technique
-and the jutsu is not Kekkei Genkai

A sharingan can copy and use taijutsu if:
-the Uchiha's body is physically capable of performing the movement.

[The Mad Hatter]

Pasta Sentient said
Anyways, just to clarify 100%

A sharingan can copy and use ninjutsu/genjutsu if:
-the Uchiha has mastered the element type (ninjutsu only)
-the Uchiha has the chakra control
-the Uchiha has the chakra capacity
-The Uchiha understands the technique (Example:Ridiculously complicated jutsu like Hiraishin and such are beyond their comprehension so they cannot use it)
-the Uchiha is physically able to perform the technique
-and the jutsu is not Kekkei Genkai

A sharingan can copy and use taijutsu if:
-the Uchiha's body is physically capable of performing the movement.

Yup. That seems about right.

.:EDIT:.

I had fewer rules than I thought I would have.

10. Thou shall inform the rest of us when you perform a technique

(No “And then he went *poof 'cause he was actually a clone”)

11. Thou shall admit your defeat when it comes upon you

(“This attack was completely unavoidable, but he somehow managed”)

12. Thou shall just roll with it

(The story might not go the way you want it to; just accept that)

[Pasta Sentient]

The Mad Hatter said
.10. Thou shall inform the rest of us when you perform a technique

Question in this regard,are you saying inform in the OOC? Or through the writing of the IC post? Typically in the past when I've done combat, if I use a technique/set up a technique I will explain that in the IC post and leave it to the maturity of the opponent/LAW of the GM to determine if the opposing character was able to dodge/beat/figure out the setup. Just clarifying!

[The Mad Hatter]

Pasta Sentient said
Question in this regard,are you saying inform in the OOC? Or through the writing of the IC post? Typically in the past when I've done combat, if I use a technique/set up a technique I will explain that in the IC post and leave it to the maturity of the opponent/LAW of the GM to determine if the opposing character was able to dodge/beat/figure out the setup. Just clarifying!

I mean write it into your IC post ("While Haruka was busied with trying to pull her sword free from the stub of wood that it had been lodged it, Ryuu saw his chance to perform a clone technique; Haruka was too stupid to realize that she was fighting an illusion, anyways, and her enraged state would inhibit her sense enough that she would not notice the lack of a shadow"). A good roleplayer should know not to take advantage of the fact that the player knows, if there is no way that the character could know.

[Pasta Sentient]

The Mad Hatter said
I mean write it into your IC post ("While Haruka was busied with trying to pull her sword free from the stub of wood that it had been lodged it, Ryuu saw his chance to perform a clone technique; Haruka was too stupid to realize that she was fighting an illusion, anyways, and her enraged state would inhibit her sense enough that she would not notice the lack of a shadow"). A good roleplayer should know not to take advantage of the fact that the player knows, if there is no way that the character could know.

Sounds good. That's what I figured, but communication is always best. :D

[The Mad Hatter]

Pasta Sentient said
Sounds good. That's what I figured, but communication is always best. :D

Yes, communication is good. It's in the same classification as "an active OOC makes for a more active IC".

Now, due to CHibiYuki's movement gifs, I got to thinking...
I imagine Haruka using her sword in a way somewhat simialr to Siegfried from Sould Calibur (I remember back when it was called Soul Edge (although it was actually called Soul Blade in Europe)), but slightly slower and more... brute-like..? Sorta like how Astaroth handles his axe.
So, in conclusion, I imagine Haruka wielding her sword like a mix of Siegfried and Astarooth from Soul Calibur.




As for how she fights without her sword (brute strenght and Gate Opening fist action), I imagine her being more along the lines of Bryan Fury from Tekken; only less "controlled" and military-like, but with the same basic moveset.

[RondoNumbaNine]

Updated my character sheet. Thanks for the tips and advice :p

[Halvtand]

RondoNumbaNine

So, I read though your character again. You're still missing the background-bit from “entered the ninja academy” to present day. It doesn't have to be much, but some kind of indicator on what kind of live the guy has lived as a ninja would be nice to see.

Special traits seem fine to me.

You should be a bit more specific on the equipment. “All ninja tools” is a bit too vague.

Jutsus:
Most of them are fine.
I see that you've copy-pasted the “Lightning Release: Jabs” so it's both in taijutsu and ninjutsu. There really isn't any need for this, either one is fine.

Lightning spear... It's a bit close to the Chidori spear in execution, but I think we can work with it, no need to change anything.

Genjutsu:
Name: Lightning Release: Shadow Clone
Classification: Offensive, Defensive
Rank: B
Effect: Allows the user to make a shadow clone infused with Lightning, because it is a shadow clone, it is able to perform techniques and interact with the environment due to it having physical substance. After it is injured it battle it will disperse into lightning, shocking whatever it is touching.
Drawbacks: The user's chakra is cut in a fraction to give to the clone so he can perform jutsus.

This just needs to be fixed, several problems:
1. The thing about shadow clones is that they have mass, they're real. So this is not a genjutsu.
2. Rank B. The shadow clone technique in itself is rank B, normal procedure when you add/subtract anything from an existing technique is to raise/lower the rank (depending on how much you add/subtract). So shadow clone (B) + element should be rank A. As you can see from the thread so far we're not overly keen on letting people get A-ranks, so I would need a good reason for letting this through.
3. The drawback is a litte faulty. The shadow clone technique cuts your chakra into as many pieces and distributes it evenly across all existing clones (and original). If you create one clone, then the original gets 50% and the clone 50% (of the users total chakra pool). Three clones means 25% each and so on...
4. To be able to create a shadow clone with the lightning element you'd first need to be able to create a shadow clone.
5. The shadow clone is a forbidden technique from Konoha, so for starters I'd like to know how your character came across it.
6. the lightning shadow clone was developed by Kakashi during/before the Pein-arc. I'm not saying that this maked the technique impossible for your character, but I'd like to know how your character came across it or thought of it.

Sooo.... Yeah. Tell me what you think. I try not to be unfair in my judgement of things, but sometimes it's hard. If you want advice on techniques to “fill out” your character don't hestate to ask, I'm sure that either GM and/or other players would love to give you a hand.

[RondoNumbaNine]

Updated CS once again. Edited background from Ninja Academy, to present day. Fixed equipment. Erased "Lightning: Jabs" off Ninjutsu, accidentally Copied and Pasted it, And get rid of the Lightning Shadow Clones.

[Pasta Sentient]

I couldn't really find a perfect video to portray Ryuu...but if you meshed these two from Soul Calibur it would fit his style pretty well.

Give Natsu a longer blade and you have his basic movements. Though the lightning moves would be more fire.


With Mitsuruugi being his Finishing moves.

[The Mad Hatter]

Yesterday, the weather was wonderful. It was around 30 degrees in the shade (that about 90 degrees fahrenheit).
We went to the beach to swim around in the ocean to cool down. It was awesome.
I thought, "we're only gonna be thre for a few hours, I can use regular sunscreen (30 SPF)".
We swam around for about two hours before deciding to go home.
Car got stuck in the sand. We call for auto help to get free.
We wait in the sun for four hours.

In the end, I was in the sun for six hours. I usually have to use SPF 150 (Truly Red ...), so staying in the sun for that long with regular suncreen has my skin attempting to imitate a boiled lobster. Even my fingers are sun burned.

I tell you this because I might as well hang a "Out of Order" sign around ymy neck (if it wouldn't hurt like the flames of purgatory). I am going to sit in the tub and soak all day, feeling sorry for myself.

It hurts to type TT__TT

[Halvtand]

Hatter:
I know, it was the same here. I hung around inside, three fans pointed semi-directly at me and the temp was still around 27 degrees. All I could do was lay down, watch tv and drink enough water to make the whole continent of Africa pissed at me...

Alright rondo, I guess I'll take a look at your character again since the hatter is down in maintenance... I really wanted her to do it because we're both lightning-bros and I might become a bit biased because we're both so awesome at everything the hatter sucks at... And also because I think it's your moms turn to yell at you for not being as good as you older brother. But we have to move forward...

feedback

Right off the bat. Background is good to go, and the special traits are fine.
Equipment, I can see that you copied mine (you son of a gun) and added explosive tags, I'm fine with that.

Jutsus:
Electric wall. I think this is an awesome technique and I can really see how it would look in the anime. Personally I would've made it a one-shot technique. Palms go down, wall goes up and then goes down again immediately (which in anime time would be a few seconds later, just enough time to save you from whatever is coming your way). But I guess that's where our styles differ.

Claws. Wolverine in his most scary moment... As a technique i think it's fine and would suit the character based on your other jutsus. However I think I'd like you to bump the ranking up to B, since you take lightning chakra and give it mass. This way both the spear abd claws are at the same rank. Just keep in mind that neither technique will have the cutting power of the chidori (and company).

Also, I believe that your clone technique shouldn't be shadow clones.

Other than that I think you're all set, I'll leave the final word to the hatter.

[Pasta Sentient]

The Mad Hatter said
Yesterday, the weather was wonderful. It was around 30 degrees (that about 90 degrees fahrenheit).We went to the beach to swim around in the ocean to cool down. It was awesome.I thought, "we're only gonna be thre for a few hours, I can use regular sunscreen (30 SPF)".We swam around for about two hours before deciding to go home.Car got stuck in the sand. We call for auto help to get free.We wait in the sun for .In the end, I was in the sun for six hours. I usually have to use SPF 150 (Truly Red ...), so staying in the sun for that long with regular suncreen has my skin attempting to imitate a boiled lobster. Even my are sun burned.I tell you this because I might as well hang a "Out of Order" sign around ymy neck (if it wouldn't hurt like the flames of purgatory). I am going to sit in the tub and soak all day, feeling sorry for myself.It hurts to type TT__TT

I take it we won't be going to Sunagakure anytime soon then? :P

On serious note, that sucks. Sunburn is hell. Thankfully I don't burn easy, but it must be painful for people who do. Hope you feel better soon! Don't turn orange!

Edit: We need more female characters. <.<

[ChibiYuki]

Pasta Sentient said
IEdit: We need more female characters. <.<

Ehh I might scrap my idea and become a female, its hard trying to be creative with this character hmmm...

Genjutsu or Taijutsu? What is your opinion?

[Halvtand]

We have quite a few people adept in the art of taijutsu, but only one pure genjutsu artist.