[OOC] Myriad Reality

[Fractured]

<Snipped quote by Host>

It looks bad. And the whole "open tabs when you hover over them" is *really* annoying.

@DarkwolfX37

How does it look bad? That's a style choice. There may be a way to turn it off.

[Balance]

@DarkwolfX37

Proofreading

"As she did, she put two of the acorns, which were glowing, into her cheeks." "which were glowing" is kind of clunky, though I understand what you're getting at. Consider making it more concise, like "now glowing".

"She kept a tight hold on the knife as she was run down by bullets, tearing her to shreds." This could have a huge amount of shock power, but the quick switch between active and passive voice is jarring. I'd keep it all in active voice, and my personal preference would be to join her action and the bullet's action by an em dash--but how you connect these important actions is your chocie.

"Sonia scoffed as she glanced at the two before they disappeared, and her eyes then moved down to squint at Makoto,"
These actions can be more concise with fewer subordinating conjunctions. Although subordinating conjunctions can help clarify, often, what they express is deducible by the reader, who wants to hear all about the actions and may get distracted by the context he or she already assumed.

"who shimmered slightly as if emanating a heat haze." I like the comparison here, but I think because you already have a verb you can create variety by using a noun with adjectives as the simile. "who shimmered slightly like the... [heat haze]." Professional writers seem to do that a lot--for good reason.

"She threw a knife with a red gem at the hilt of it." This description can be made way more concise. When an action is important, try and get in all descriptions as concise as possible, or if you have many devote more time to describing the knife. Or throw out unnecessary descriptions.

"She threw a knife with a red gem at the hilt of it. The gem glowed once Sonia finished her incantation, and suddenly knives replicated at an alarming rate from the original knife." Once you make the knife's description more concise, you can possibly combine all these actions into a concise (I know I use that word a lot), action-packed sentence or two. For example,
"Words still spilling from her mouth, Sonia hurled a ruby-hilted knife and finished her incantation. The gem glowed—and the knife split and split again, circumscribing Makoto with a bladed ring. In the blink of an eye, they launched."
This paragraph says everything the previous one did, but it hurls each action at the reader like Sonia's knives, yanking them into the action and then shoving them into the fray.

i have to wash the dishes now so just
remember these principles I guess

[whizzball1]

bed, ned

[Balance]

<Snipped quote by Host>

Sounds perfect. I'll consider it.

<Snipped quote by Stabby>

*Looks for its functional output*

@Balance

dave

[Techspert]

<Snipped quote by Balance>

dave

@Balance

Sorry.

[Stabby]

<Snipped quote by Stabby>

*Floats the windmill back onto its table and gets fully into my sleeping bag*

@Balance

I've got two questions:
1. is it being floated outside of the room to where the parts originated from?
2. @Host you good for the next day to roll around?

[Fractured]

<Snipped quote by Balance>

I've got two questions:
1. is it being floated outside of the room to where the parts originated from?
2. @Host you good for the next day to roll around?

@Stabby

Yep.

—Host

[whizzball1]

<Snipped quote by Balance>

I've got two questions:
1. is it being floated outside of the room to where the parts originated from?
2. @Host you good for the next day to roll around?

@Stabby

back to where the parts originated

[Stabby]

<Snipped quote by Stabby>

Yep.

—Host

@Fractured

coolio

<Snipped quote by Stabby>

back to where the parts originated

@whizzball1

Alright.

[Balance]

bed, ned

[Techspert]

I sure looooooove getting up at six in the morning.

[Balance]

I sure looooooove getting up at six in the morning.

@Techspert

i do too dude

[Techspert]

<Snipped quote by Techspert>

i do too dude

@Balance

Yeah, but you can say that unironically.

[Balance]

<Snipped quote by Balance>

Yeah, but you can say that unironically.

@Techspert

i know that is the point
it was an ironic reversal of your irony

[Host]

<Snipped quote by Techspert>

i know that is the point
it was an ironic reversal of your irony

@Balance

Steel elbow.*

[DarkwolfX37]

.hack Last Recode is half off until the second.
This is your best chance to get it.

[Techspert]

.hack Last Recode is half off until the second.
This is your best chance to get it.

@DarkwolfX37

What do you rate it out of ten?

[DarkwolfX37]

<Snipped quote by DarkwolfX37>

What do you rate it out of ten?

@Techspert

Literally it would be 15/10 in my mind. If it were just one of the games, it'd be 9-10/10 for each one (except vol 4 because it's too short and is really just an epilogue, not a full game) but since it's all 3 1/2 it's easily beyond the maximum score.

[Techspert]

<Snipped quote by Techspert>

Literally it would be 15/10 in my mind. If it were just one of the games, it'd be 9-10/10 for each one (except vol 4 because it's too short and is really just an epilogue, not a full game) but since it's all 3 1/2 it's easily beyond the maximum score.

@DarkwolfX37

Why is that?

[DarkwolfX37]

<Snipped quote by DarkwolfX37>

Why is that?

@Techspert

Why is what?