[OOC] Genesis Game Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

[MysT3CH]

Should probably include how and when he came to be in the town of hope Hatter, just a heads up.

[TheMadAsshatter]

MysT3CH said
Should probably include how and when he came to be in the town of hope Hatter, just a heads up.

Thanks for the heads up. Fixed that.

[Kiddo]

Well, I'd like to have a more-detailed appearance description than that. Other than that, I don't see any glaring problems with the character.

[MysT3CH]

TheMadAsshatter said
Thanks for the heads up. Fixed that.

Di niente. No Problem

[FrozenEcstasy]

I'd like to see a bit more of Geoff's appearance and personality fleshed out, like his general style and some strange quirks or what not. I like his background but he needs to feel a bit more like a person if ya wanna snag that spot. Otherwise I like him. If Theo's rework meets ideals I'll give it to him because he was here first, but if not I'll give it to you provided you flesh him out a bit.

Decisions decisions <_> In the case you both need a little more work by tomorrow night I'll give the spot to whoever gives an acceptable persona first.

[TheMadAsshatter]

I've added a bit of stuff. Let me know if you think it needs more.

[Kiddo]

Hmm, let me see if I can describe this to you in the way that Chubster failed to do so:

I think that what he means by your character “needs to feel a bit more like a person” is that you need a hook, or a, as I like to call them, fantasy that the character fulfils.

Think of your character like a song. Right now the song that you’ve created is okay: there’s nothing technically wrong with it, it just doesn’t make people want to dance. It needs that extra synth line to really put it up there where people care about it.

Or maybe it’s a recipe that needs more ginger. Or a book that needs a twist. Or a movie about two lovebirds which is just like all the other movies, and really could use a gimmick.

We want to have characters who aren’t super-abnormal, but we also want them to be unique. We want to be able to look at them and quickly distill them into their unique parts, what I call fantasies.

Right now your character is a little too average, it’s hard to pick out a fantasy.

For instance, if we look at Theo, his fantasy seems to be “war-torn lady boy.” Or possibly “lady boy with gasmask.” The fantasy for Dallas is “brooding-looking prick with a heart of gold.” They just have these things that make them into a “real” person instead of just a generic person.

Now, a fantasy doesn’t mean that a character is necessarily good. For instance, I’ve run into characters whose fantasy was “dude/tte who blows up everything.” I’m sure you can see the intrinsic balancing issues in a character like that.

Once you’ve found a fantasy, it’s then time to shrink your character down so that the fantasy is apparent. Theo, for instance, is a bad example of this: he has extraneous stuff that takes away from the main story that his character should tell. (I am assuming that Theo’s fantasy is “war-torn lady boy”, since “lady boy with gasmask” is problematic for reasons that I’ll explain to Mono if that is, in fact, what we’re looking at.) What you want to create is a consistent character where, no matter where you look, you see the fantasy.

As an exercise, let’s figure out the fantasy for Avis (since I haven’t looked at that CS in a while and already have some pre-conceived ideas of what the fantasy is from when I first read it).

Hmmm, so, looking at Avis, I’m actually having a hard time, which throws some red flags for me. The feeling I walked away with last time was “Hulk SMASH”, because I saw ways that that can be abused by the GM to create some interesting interaction, but I don’t get the feeling that Mysty was going for that as the primary fantasy. But then, I have a hard time picking out the fantasy because there’s so much in there. This is probably a better case of extraneous stuff than Theo is, so you can see that we don’t require a well-defined fantasy to accept a character (Theo has other problems). What I see here is that Avis is:
1) HULK SMASH
2) Kid who picks himself up by his shoelaces
3) Grumpy-till-you-know-him
4) An atheist who blames the God that he doesn’t believe in for bad things? (not sure how that works)
If Avis were my character, I would prune some of that off until there was a solid single fantasy (probably Guy-who-is-super-loyal-and-if-you-mess-with-his-friends-look-out).

But even with 4 disconnected fantasies, you see how that’s a character that is easier to remember than yours?

Your character does have the inkling of a fantasy in his biography: his relationship with his father and the past related to that is an interesting point. You just need to find some way to spread that out and better-define it, and I think your character would have that thing that it presently lacks.

(Disclaimer: this is in no way meant to bash anyone’s characters, I’m trying to be helpful TT^TT)

[FrozenEcstasy]

Kiddo said
Hmm, let me see if I can describe this to you in the way that Chubster failed to do so:I think that what he means by your character “needs to feel a bit more like a person” is that you need a hook, or a, as I like to call them, fantasy that the character fulfils.Think of your character like a song. Right now the song that you’ve created is okay: there’s nothing technically wrong with it, it just doesn’t make people want to dance. It needs that extra synth line to really put it up there where people care about it.Or maybe it’s a recipe that needs more ginger. Or a book that needs a twist. Or a movie about two lovebirds which is just like all the other movies, and really could use a gimmick.We want to have characters who aren’t super-abnormal, but we also want them to be unique. We want to be able to look at them and quickly distill them into their unique parts, what I call fantasies.Right now your character is a little too average, it’s hard to pick out a fantasy.For instance, if we look at Theo, his fantasy seems to be “war-torn lady boy.” Or possibly “lady boy with gasmask.” The fantasy for Dallas is “brooding-looking prick with a heart of gold.” They just have these things that make them into a “real” person instead of just a generic person.Now, a fantasy doesn’t mean that a character is necessarily good. For instance, I’ve run into characters whose fantasy was “dude/tte who blows up everything.” I’m sure you can see the intrinsic balancing issues in a character like that.Once you’ve found a fantasy, it’s then time to shrink your character down so that the fantasy is apparent. Theo, for instance, is a bad example of this: he has extraneous stuff that takes away from the main story that his character should tell. (I am assuming that Theo’s fantasy is “war-torn lady boy”, since “lady boy with gasmask” is problematic for reasons that I’ll explain to Mono if that is, in fact, what we’re looking at.) What you want to create is a consistent character where, no matter where you look, you see the fantasy.As an exercise, let’s figure out the fantasy for Avis (since I haven’t looked at that CS in a while and already have some pre-conceived ideas of what the fantasy is from when I first read it).Hmmm, so, looking at Avis, I’m actually having a hard time, which throws some red flags for me. The feeling I walked away with last time was “Hulk SMASH”, because I saw ways that that can be abused by the GM to create some interesting interaction, but I don’t get the feeling that Mysty was going for that as the primary fantasy. But then, I have a hard time picking out the fantasy because there’s so much in there. This is probably a better case of extraneous stuff than Theo is, so you can see that we don’t require a well-defined fantasy to accept a character (Theo has other problems). What I see here is that Avis is:1) HULK SMASH2) Kid who picks himself up by his shoelaces3) Grumpy-till-you-know-him4) An atheist who blames the God that he doesn’t believe in for bad things? (not sure how that works)If Avis were my character, I would prune some of that off until there was a solid single fantasy (probably Guy-who-is-super-loyal-and-if-you-mess-with-his-friends-look-out).But even with 4 disconnected fantasies, you see how that’s a character that is easier to remember than yours?Your character does have the inkling of a fantasy in his biography: his relationship with his father and the past related to that is an interesting point. You just need to find some way to spread that out and better-define it, and I think your character would have that thing that it presently lacks.(Disclaimer: this is in no way meant to bash anyone’s characters, I’m trying to be helpful TT^TT)

You. Write a generic form of this so I can link to it in all my RPs. XD

But yes, this is almost straight from the roleplay bible (if there was such a thing), I agree with almost everything in it.

In concerns of Avis, I can see Mysty has trouble conveying what he is thinking in a character sheet, something I have a ton of problems with myself, but I can also tell he has a concrete idea of who Avis is going to be, and dare say, so do I. Thus he is accepted xD

The problem with both MadAss's character and Theo is I don't get anything quite concrete in my mind, they're both ALMOST THERE, but they need work.

[MysT3CH]

FrozenEcstasy said
...In concerns of Avis, I can see Mysty has trouble conveying what he is thinking in a character sheet, something I have a ton of problems with myself, but I can also tell he has a concrete idea of who Avis is going to be, and dare say, so do I.

This lol :$

[FrozenEcstasy]

MysT3CH said
This lol :$

I'm empathetic <_>

[MysT3CH]

FrozenEcstasy said
I'm empathetic <_>

Indeed you are. *gives you a great big hug*

[FrozenEcstasy]

MysT3CH said
Indeed you are. *gives you a great big hug*

*cant deal with brolove*

[Kiddo]

Ediit: not secure in his sexuality ^

MANLY MEN CAN DEAL WITH BROLOVE

Well maybe if you took a week to write your CSes, you wouldn't have these problems! :P

No, I'm fine with Avis, too. I think I can guess how he'll respond to situations, which is all I need to hopefully create some fun interactions ^.^

[MysT3CH]

Lol. xD

[FrozenEcstasy]

Kiddo said
Ediit: not secure in his sexuality ^

F-fuck you QQ

[Kiddo]

Such laaaaaaaaaaanguage! D:

[Kiddo]

So, I was kinda hoping we'd get some edits made tonight! D:

[MysT3CH]

The anticipation!!!!! :o

[TheMadAsshatter]

Sorry, I've been incredibly busy today, but my time is pretty free tomorrow. And quite frankly my creative juices just aren't really flowing well. I'll see what I can come up with tomorrow. Sorry for holding you guys up. :/

[Kiddo]

If you need help, send me a PM tomorrow. I love to work on this stuff xD