Fucking College

[Seba]

The God damned fire alarm went off at fucking seven fucking thirty in the shitty morning. We were only outside in the drizzly rain for ten minutes before we were let back in. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck. FUCK. Fuuuuuuuck. Fuck.

[Derpestein]

I thought you were going to talk about reproducing with the college.

Aw.

[idlehands]

Better than dying a smoke choked smoldering death? Also, they were probably hazing you.

[Seba]

From what I heard it was because someone was using a hot plate (NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE THOSE FOR THIS REASON DIPSHIT) and didn't keep up with it... This is the third time. The first time was a test, the second time someone was making rice, and now this.

[idlehands]

They should be publicly shamed. What a pain but at least there was no fire.

[Seba]

Yup. I'm just glad I had the wherewithal to throw all my important things (minus my computer for some reason??) into a bag, put on my bathrobe AND shoes (even if they were my shower shoes). I couldn't say the same for some of my peers...

[nichinichisou]

Seba said
the second time someone was making rice,

your college has something against tasty food

[NotAMouse]

And now may I present to you: A Song of Ice and Fire, Featuring FreshTaaj.

Flashback to 2011. Taaj is a little freshman in college. It's January, about 4F outside. Little FreshTaaj decides to take a nice warm shower. Ten minutes in, having just applied conditioner to my luscious locks---

THE FUCKING FIRE ALARM GOES OFF.

FreshTaaj shakes her head, marveling at her bad luck, then calmly grabs her bathrobe, dons it, and rushes to the door. The building definitely smells like smoke, so there's no time to waste! FreshTaaj panics and decides to... Go down the fire escape stairs.

There are two- nay, THREE- issues with this.

1. FreshTaaj has no shoes on.
2. The stairs are METAL
3. FRESHTAAJ IS ON THE THIRD FLOOR.

FreshTaaj don't care. FreshTaaj don't give a shit. FreshTaaj goes down those stairs like a fucking champ, streaming steaming water that will surely become ice in a matter of minutes.

FreshTaaj joins the gaggle of other fresh-girls on the freezing ground to watch the building burn down. Just kidding, the source of the "blaze" was simple: A dumb blonde chick got too caught up watching Jersey Shore to notice that her Easy Mac was literally ON FIRE and EXPLODING in the microwave. (Seriously.)

Ah, well. Before being given the all-clear to go back inside the building, FreshTaaj finds that she has friends who will let her stand on their booted feet so her bare toesies won't freeze off in the ice and snow. One friend offers a piggy-back ride, but FreshTaaj gently reminds her that beneath her bathrobe, she is naked. So a piggy back wouldn't be favorable. (Had my friends not been so kind and innocent, they may have chosen to dub me "Ice Pussy.")

After fifteen minutes, FreshTaaj and her generous friends are given the all-clear to return to their smokey home. FreshTaaj gratefully bounds up the carpeted interior steps and resumes her shower. Not a single fuck given.

TL;DR: FreshTaaj is a badasshoneybadgericepussywinterconquering bitch.

[Antarctic Termite]

Taaj said TL;DR: FreshTaaj is a badasshoneybadgericepussywinterconquering bitch.

Alternative route: Continue cold shower until the entire building is burning (light it on fire yourself if false alarm). Wait until the headcount is in progress and people think you've tragically perished. Exit your shower and, protected by the freezing water, calmly walk out of the inferno to the awe of your pupils as the building collapses in the background. Then start a cult around Taaj the fire-goddess.

[Derpestein]

Antarctic Termite said
Alternative route: Continue cold shower until the entire building is burning (light it on fire yourself if false alarm). Wait until the headcount is in progress and people think you've tragically perished. Exit your shower and, protected by the freezing water, calmly walk out of the inferno to the awe of your pupils as the building collapses in the background. Then start a cult around Taaj the fire-goddess.

then someone comes in and ruins it by using a flamethrower on you

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

The fire alarm went off in our dorm TWICE last week. The first time some freshie burnt a muffin in the microwave, the second time we don't know what caused it.

-3000 morale

[Kaga]

Seba said
The God damned fire alarm went off at fucking seven fucking thirty in the shitty morning. We were only outside in the drizzly rain for ten minutes before we were let back in. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck. FUCK. Fuuuuuuuck. Fuck.

BEEN THERE.