Coming out as a MtF trans woman.

[Dipper]

Hey guys (and gals). I need help. Bad.

For most of my life I've been struggling with my identity, and suffering from crippling dysphoria and self-hate as I constantly tried to convince myself that I am perfectly happy in a body that I feel alien in, lying about who I am to my family, and being terrified that if I slipped up my father, who insists that Transgendered people are mentally Ill because transphobic doctors say we are, and a born again Christian mother who, while tolerant, is incredibly judgemental, I'd be disowned or...Something.

This... Is the first post that wasn't on an anonymous website where I identity myself as trans, so I guess I'm just coming out now, to you guys.

I need advice on how to come out to my family. I'm living with my father ATM because recent things in my life have forced me to move back in with him, and I'm terrified he'll kick me out if I come out as trans in an impulse moment.

I know I can confide in my two older sisters, and my favorite aunt and grandparents (The later three, despite being Catholics, seemed to be aware that something was different about me and wanting to be there no mater what. My aunt even basically making a condition that she would marry her husband, but only if that if I need a safe place, I would be able to be there. (And she has provided it three times now, when my mother who has PTSD and other horrible issues became impossible to live with.)), but I don't know how to approach it in a way that would make sense to them.

I hate asking this on a roleplaying website, but I don't know what to fucking do.

[Hellis]

Sounds like you allready have family that might help you, and that is a great relief to hear. Sad to hear about your father stance on things, and your mothers view. However, the fact that you have sisters that you can confide in is a great first step. Sadly, many find themselves facing what you are without such. I myself was lucky that when I came out as BI to my parents, they understood me. But I also know the flip side of that very coin. But, if you have older sisters, and grandparents who seem to understand you, and wanting to be there for you. I would suggest talking to your sisters first Dipper. And then your Aunt. Carrying it within you and supressing it leads to the selfhate you mentioned, and in the end, the longer you have to keep it in you, the worse it is likely to get. Look up local youth groups who support LGBT rights, trust me when I say that just being surrounded by people in the same boat as you helps alot.

And despite our differences Dipper, If there is anything I can do to help, send me a message.

[archie]

Sounds like my fight kind of. i have a lot of self hate because i feel i was born the wrong sex. but i dont do nothing because alot of religious people say its wrong i am christian so i an transgender on the computer i roleplay female and love it. the funny thing is i am straight But i am very supportive of others anyone want to talk email my at [e-mail] or pm me

[Gwazi Magnum]

Personally I'd confide in your sisters, aunt and grandparents before telling your Dad.
Then if you tell your Dad or not is up to you, are you able to live in the same house as someone you need to hide it from? Or do you need to tell him to be happy with yourself? There's no right answer there, it varies on the individual. Just remember this one rule:

-Stay safe

That is priority. Your safety comes before telling stuff to your parents, on any topic. May it be gender identity, religion, sexuality, career choice, political beliefs etc.
If you do tell him though and/or it get's to their point you have to move out I would move in with your aunt. You'd probably be safer and happier there, being able to live with someone who accepts you. Which honestly will put far less stress on your life which should help with other things as well such as work, school, maintaining relationships etc.

[Dipper]

Thank you, magic, and thank you, Hellis.

I'm glad that, while I have philosophical disagreements with people on the guild, they are still willing to provide advice and help with what is happening in my life.

[code gary]

hey girl, really happy you decided to let this out even though you had second thoughts about posting it on a site like this. all i can recommend is that there are probably some sort of trained professionals or support groups available online to help you deal with your feelings and motivate you to openly express your real identity. this was posted a week ago but i hope my words and support gets through at least

[UnendingEmpire]

I'd also like to offer whatever I can to the table advice-wise.

What you've done here is come out about your identity to total strangers. We don't even know who you are; until finding your thread, I would have no clue that you even exist. Your family, by contrast, has been there your entire life; there shouldn't be anyone out there with a closer relationship than family. So I can say with some degree of confidence, they'd accept things. Your sisters and aunt are already accepting of who you are, though despite your concerns about your father's stance, I'd say the one who would have the hardest time coming around to this is your mother. Christians are so xenophobic sometimes, for my inability to think of a better term =.=

If you'd like to take on her fears or concerns, I think the best thing you can tell a born-again Christian is that this was how God - who apparently knows and controls everything - willed you to be, and that even if she has some issues with your identity, everyone gets those with people. It'd just be the simplest way to explain a complex thing like gender identity issues. "This is how God made you" and "What would Jesus do?", in addition to the fact that you're her child, should help her understand the right thing to do. If she does disown you...well, that's not very Christian-like, tolerant, or motherly at all; a stark contrast to what you've said about her.

Sadly, I can't offer much on how to put this to your father. The best I can offer is to bring things in from a psychological point of view. Transphobic doctors are exactly that: transphobic. However, anything ending in "-phobic" typically means it's an irrational fear or dislike of something, "irrational" being the keyword here. There's nothing wrong with a boy thinking they should be a girl, or vice versa. On the patient's side of things, the human mind is - despite how much research we've put into it - a complete and total mystery. Whoever said space is the final frontier obviously never saw the inner workings of his brain.

And please don't think I'm telling you to take advantage of your mother's religion to persuade her; not at all. Christianity is supposed to be a religion that accepts all walks of life, though it seems somewhere down the line, a fair few of them forgot just what they wanted in the first place. Likewise, I'm not saying to take advantage of linguistic and psychological facts to persuade your father; just to open his eyes to that there's no right or wrong in this issue except the ones we ourselves put out there. That's all I've got for you though. I wish I could offer more advice, but these kinds of situations aren't quite in my list of things I've got ready advice for ^_^;

[Gwazi Magnum]

UnendingEmpire said I think the best thing you can tell a born-again Christian is that this was how God - who apparently knows and controls - willed you to be, and that even if she has some issues with your identity, everyone gets those with people. It'd just be the simplest way to explain a complex thing like gender identity issues. "This is how God made you" and "What would Jesus do?", in addition to the fact that you're her child, should help her understand the right thing to do. If she disown you...well, that's not very Christian-like, tolerant, or motherly at all; a stark contrast to what you've said about her.

Disclaimer: What I am about to say is not with the intention of making a religious debate. But rather to highlight something to avoid Dipper, someone I've grown to like to run blind into a potential war zone.

I think trying to take a positive twist with Christianity to help explain may in fact be a good way for Dipper to execute it, but depending on the kind of Christian she is.
If she's the casual "I believe in Jesus and God, but I don't bother with church or the Bible" like my Mom is than Dipper should be in the clear.
If she's big on the Bible however (In other words, either read it herself or goes to church and listens to her pastor a lot) this could very well be taken as blasphemy, and only make it worse for Dipper because he/she (I know Dippers trans, but Dipper never detailed which way so I don't know which abbreviation to use) is now both Trans, and speaking blasphemy and ill will of her God.

I mean, if your solution could work on all Christians then LGBT communities would have no issues being accepted. We would simply need to go "God made us gay" and be done with it. But because a lot of Christianity is homophobic (and the Bible sadly supports said homophobia) it's not that easy much of the time.

Basically, Dipper should take a look at what kind of Christian his/her mother is. If she's casual/relaxed it should be safe, if she's more fundamentalist it's probably safer to avoid trying to spin it on a religious note.

UnendingEmpire said the human mind is - despite how much research we've put into it - a complete and total mystery.

“If our brains were simple enough for us to understand them, we'd be so simple that we couldn't.”
― Ian Stewart

[Dipper]

Thanks for the advice and encouragement, guys. Sorry I haven't posted in here since I made the thread - I've just been so busy with my life / the two RPs I take part in.

I still haven't told my parents, but my sisters, aunt, and grandparents were, as I thought, very supportive. I'd respond to all the posts individually, but at this point I've been awake for roughly 24 hours (And for 8 of those hours I suffered a single, massive headache) , and I'm just too tired to think of a response! Sorry if this seems like a cop-out response, I'm just too tired to think, is all. >_<

But, I will say this - UnendingEmpire had a good idea, but I was slightly worried about something that Magic just pointed out - Using the bible to justify it, or something along those lines isn't a good idea - Might get called a heretic or something. Sure, if she was Catholic, like my Grandparents, it could work - But she is in a 'bible-study' church - As in, they read every word of that book. They're very tolerant, though, I know a few LGBT (Well, no Trans) people that have attended the church without issue. Sure, they get told they are sinning - But the Pastor tends to quote Jesus' line of 'Those without sin cast the first stone' when this one older (80 years or so) couple brings it up And in all, they get no more told 'you are sinning you know' than the occasional couple that are dating and sexually active / unmarried couple living together.