*To save you guys some time you can skip to the last paragraph if you don't want the back story.
Forgive the teenage angst style of this question, but I've always wondered if is wrong with me? It's something I've thought about a lot in my life and for the most part, I have always responded "get over yourself. Everyone has these moments."
I don't know if this helps explain my situation, but I have High-functioning Asperger's Syndrome. The way it's always been described to me has been that I view the world in a different way than most people. A side effect is meant to be speech and language difficulties, but I think I got lucky in that area. Whether or not this is associated to that I for the longest time felt distant. Like everything was cloudy or I was constantly experiencing things with less impact, as if something was in the way. For the most part I got around this by imitation. I would watch tv, play video games and generally watch people. I didn't like being around people and enjoyed my own company better than others. I still feel like that sometimes, but's that's gotten less. By watching others I began to repeat what they did and figure out what reactions go best where.
It feels like there's a switch in your head that is set to something different the everyone else.
Anyway about 7 years ago that started to change. I started reading books. First books on History and then later Fiction. I really didn't like it at first, but as time went on I found myself embracing books more and more. I would skip school breaks to read, that's how much I loved them. A year later I started writing my own stories. They were terrible, but it made me want to find out more about writing emotions. To me my characters felt real. I could imagine their emotions and personalities and writing them, I think made me better. I joined a RolePlay forum much like this one and joined others in writing and creating stories. Then three years ago I met the love of my life and the switch flipped.
I was terrified. I had never felt anything quite like love, let alone the rest of the emotions that was brought with it. It was an emotional roller coaster (please ignore the cliché.). Fast track to now. I feel better than I have ever been. I feel more normal I suppose, but every now and again I am faced with a situation I don't know what to do in and it upsets me that I don't know. My fiancée and I have been invited to a Halloween party. The choice is spend the evening at home or find costumes and then go out. Even writing this it feel pathetic that I can't come up with a decision. So am I normal? Is this what everyone else feels like every now and then or I am just an introvert with no hope?
Forgive the teenage angst style of this question, but I've always wondered if is wrong with me? It's something I've thought about a lot in my life and for the most part, I have always responded "get over yourself. Everyone has these moments."
I don't know if this helps explain my situation, but I have High-functioning Asperger's Syndrome. The way it's always been described to me has been that I view the world in a different way than most people. A side effect is meant to be speech and language difficulties, but I think I got lucky in that area. Whether or not this is associated to that I for the longest time felt distant. Like everything was cloudy or I was constantly experiencing things with less impact, as if something was in the way. For the most part I got around this by imitation. I would watch tv, play video games and generally watch people. I didn't like being around people and enjoyed my own company better than others. I still feel like that sometimes, but's that's gotten less. By watching others I began to repeat what they did and figure out what reactions go best where.
It feels like there's a switch in your head that is set to something different the everyone else.
Anyway about 7 years ago that started to change. I started reading books. First books on History and then later Fiction. I really didn't like it at first, but as time went on I found myself embracing books more and more. I would skip school breaks to read, that's how much I loved them. A year later I started writing my own stories. They were terrible, but it made me want to find out more about writing emotions. To me my characters felt real. I could imagine their emotions and personalities and writing them, I think made me better. I joined a RolePlay forum much like this one and joined others in writing and creating stories. Then three years ago I met the love of my life and the switch flipped.
I was terrified. I had never felt anything quite like love, let alone the rest of the emotions that was brought with it. It was an emotional roller coaster (please ignore the cliché.). Fast track to now. I feel better than I have ever been. I feel more normal I suppose, but every now and again I am faced with a situation I don't know what to do in and it upsets me that I don't know. My fiancée and I have been invited to a Halloween party. The choice is spend the evening at home or find costumes and then go out. Even writing this it feel pathetic that I can't come up with a decision. So am I normal? Is this what everyone else feels like every now and then or I am just an introvert with no hope?
