[IC] shadows.

[Rystelle]

Sophia saw the text when she woke up the next morning. Instantly she was worried and wanted to rush over to Tim's apartment, but she was opening at the cafe and was the one with the keys. Her parents would be running the evening shift. Sophia had no choice other than to head into work. It was a looooong day. The hours seemed to drag on and Sophia was impatient to go see Tim. Still she managed to keep up a professional appearance. Eventually it was time for her parents to take over and Sophia made a quick exit after finishing her duties. She quickly walked over to the bakery, but once in the side door she ran up the steps until she was in front of Tim's apartment. "Tim?" She called out anxiously as she knocked on the door. "I'm here. Are you alright?"

[DELTED293y5gds]

"'s open." he called out, his voice barely audible enough to be heard through the door. He sounded weak, distant. He was propped up on the couch, sitting on the floor with his back leaned against the arm, facing the door. His legs were pulled up to his chest, his chin resting on his knee. There was a strange look about his face. He looked...empty. Completely drained. He was pale, and he was still in a cold sweat. He kept flashing back. Back. Back to the portal. Back to the past. Back to the places he thought he had escaped. He fell asleep for about twenty minutes that night, and was quickly woken up by a nightmare. He wasn't able to fall back asleep. He freaked out. He knocked a bunch of things off of the coffee table in his frantic scramble off of the couch, and they littered the floor of his usually clean living room. One of the cushions was off of the couch as well, and so were the throw pillows, which were now scattered about different areas of the room. He was scared, angry, crying when he woke up. He tried to fight off images, things that weren't really there. And then he was back in his apartment. And he was drained. And then Sophia stepped in.

[Rystelle]

Sophia looked around the living room--normally tidy, now a mess--and looked at Tim. He appeared to be an utter wreck. She felt her heart clench in her chest. She wanted to go over to him, hug him, do whatever she could to make him feel better. But she knew this wasn't a time she could do that. So instead Sophia closed the door and locked it behind her. Without even bothering to shrug off her jacket or dust the snow out of her hair she sat cross-legged on the floor across from Tim. She made sure to give him plenty of space so he wouldn't feel like she was too close. After a moment of silence she finally asked, "Do you want to talk about it, Tim?"

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim made some weird noise. What that indicated neither he nor Sophia knew. He didnt know what he wanted to do about all of this. He was at a loss. How does one even begin to deal with this? He sighed heavily, burying his face into his legs for a moment before speaking. His voice was muffled and strange as it came out through his legs.

"This is fucked." He said.

"I know it is." Sophia replied gently.

"What the fuck..."

"I know."

Tim looked up at Sophia now, noticing her completely for the first time. She was still wearing her jacket. Snow was melting in her hair, which was dripping a bit now onto her coat. She was probably freaking out internally, Tim thought. Actually, there was a 89% chance that the calmness was just a facade. But he didnt mind that. It kinda made him feel better, knowing she was willing to do that.

"There was just... nothing." Tim said, looking at her now, legs still pulled up to his chest. "Like... It wasn't like the last time. I went through, and... there was just darkness. But not normal darkness. I could see my body just fine. But everything else was just... dark. Black. Gone. And there was no exit. And could just... I could hear one thing. Really faintly, in the distance. And it sounded like the ocean. It sounded like small waves breaking against the beach... and... thats how it felt. Before. When I was, y'know, how I was when I wanted to... kill myself. Like I was alone. Empty. Nothing there. And it was so surreal. It was always just a feeling before...internalized. But then it was... an experience. I could see it. And thats how it felt."

Tim wasn't crying. He wasn't upset. He actually felt better for talking. Not completely, but a little bit.

[Rystelle]

Sophia felt an overwhelming sadness wash over her. For Tim to have felt so utterly alone, to have to feel that again... It must have been terrible for him. Sophia had felt alone before, but she had never felt as alone as Tim must have. As desolate, as unloved by one who was supposed to love you with all their heart. Sophia never wanted Tim to feel that alone again. She wouldn't let him, if she could help it.

Without saying a word Sophia reached out and took both of Tim's hands in hers. There was a look of gentle concern on her face as she gave Tim's hands a gentle squeeze. "It'll be alright," she told him softly. "You don't ever have to feel that alone again, Tim. I'm here for you. If you ever need me, no matter what time it is or where you are I'll come for you. That's a promise."

Sophia finally let Tim's hands go and she rested her hands on her lap. She looked down at the carpet for a moment and appeared to be thinking hard about something. After a moment she took a deep breath, heaved a great sigh, and then looked up at Tim. "So I went through the tunnel the other day too," Sophia confessed. "I didn't have much of a choice, really." She told Tim about how she had gone to leave her bedroom and the tunnel had been there. She hadn't been able to call him and she had no choice but to go through the door. She told him about how she had wound up in an empty version of her apartment, about hearing the voices, running scared back to her room--her real room--and why the voices had scared her so much.

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim looked at her as she told the story, not reacting too much, just watching her speak. He wondered why she never told him about it, considering the fact that it happened a few days ago, fairly recently. Why had she chosen to withhold the information from him? He cast his gaze at his feet for a moment as she spoke.

"I didnt know that." He said, his voice flat, but not distant. "Thats bad too, I'm sorry."

[Rystelle]

Sophia shrugged, her mouth turned into a lopsided frown, as she ran her hands through her hair. "It's alright," she said, turning her frown into a half-hearted smile. "The incident with my grandmother happened a long time ago. She passed a few years ago and she's in a better place now, so while it's sad it's also good. I just didn't want to tell you about going through the tunnel since I had said we weren't going to go through them anymore. Plus I didn't want to worry you with anything else. I waited for that thing to go away for probably about half an hour, but when it didn't go away I knew I had to go through it. I couldn't very well climb out a two story window."

Feeling that this part of their conversation was pretty much wrapped up, Sophia turned and lay down on the floor so she was perpendicular with Tim. Putting her hands beneath her head she turned to look at Tim. "You know," Sophia started. "Life can be seriously crazy some times. Just absolutely positively nuts. But it can be good too. Especially when you have a good friend by your side. Thanks for being my friend, Tim. It makes things a lot better."

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim exhaled sharply through his nose, sort of like a laugh. He thought about everything that was happening to him. Life was crazy, that was absolutely true. He didn't know if he exactly liked what it was doing to him, but she was right: it was absolutely crazy. It was absolutely, positively nuts, as she put it. He shook his head a bit.

"I, uh... well, you're not wrong." Tim said resting his chin on his knee again.

He was glad that she was his friend too. It honestly did help him get through things, especially recently.

"Yeah, thanks.... um, for being. My friend, too."

[Rystelle]

Sophia gave Tim a smile. "You're welcome," she said happily. She was glad to have Tim as a friend and hoped that together maybe they could make their way through their crazy world without winding up too crazy themselves. Pushing herself up Sophia sat cross legged in front of Tim. "Alright!" She declared excitedly. "I think that's enough moping for one day. Shall we find something fun to do? Or do you have work? If you do I can stay and keep you company. I promise not to distract you." Sophia really didn't want to be alone right now, and she thought that Tim might not either. Even if he had work to do it would be nice if they could be together and not feel so alone.

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim sighed a little. He didnt want to face the day, he wanted to stay in his little spot and mope around until the sun went down and he fell asleep. And he didnt want to be alone. And he didnt want a lot of things. But above all, he really didnt want Sophia to leave him alone again. He really, desperately wanted her to stay and hang around, and he perked up slightly at the mention of her hanging around. He nodded slightly, looking around a little bit.

His apartment was a mess.

And now he felt dumb for that. He was such a clean person, usually. His apartment usually looked so nice, and now he looked like a really essy college student who didnt care about things like basic hygiene and cleanliness.

"Um... my uh, my apartment...looks like shit, right now."

[Rystelle]

Sophia giggled a little at Tim's response. It wasn't what she was expecting, but part of her worried that maybe that meant Tim wanted her to leave. She really wanted to stay though and hang out with Tim for a while. Thinking Tim might have calmed down a bit now, Sophia dared to scoot just a little closer to him. She didn't move too close though as she didn't want to push too far into his comfort zone. Trying to be helpful and hoping he would let her stay Sophia offered, "It's not that bad. I can help you clean up if you'd like."

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim felt her move closer, and he honestly, really did like that she was concerned and trying to make him feel better. But at the same time, feeling someone so close to him made him immediately uncomfortable. He wished it didnt feel that way. He really wished that wouldn't happen. He wanted to be able to act like a normal person sometimes. He wanted to be able to talk like everyone else.

He really wanted to be in control.

However, he didnt want her to know that he was getting uncomfortable. So he stood up, clasping his hands as he did.

"Yes! Lets do it. Lets do that, let's clean!"

[Rystelle]

Sophia could tell from the way that Tim spoke that he was uncomfortable and maybe a little nervous. Instantly she suspected that it was because of her. She felt a wave of disappointment washing over her. She had kind of been hoping to be able to get closer to Tim, that he wouldn't mind that much.

She tried to dismiss her feelings and tell herself that she shouldn't be disappointed. She had no right to be. It was selfish of her to be disappointed when she knew Tim needed his space. So Sophia would try to take care to give him plenty of space and would just hope for his own sake that he would eventually calm down and relax again.

She wanted him to be relaxed, to feel comfortable and happy. Not strung up and stressed out like he was so often. It was bad for you. And she was sure he felt the same way too.

"Alright," Sophia agreed as she climbed to her feet, making sure to give Tim plenty of room. "Where would you like to start?"

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim made a large hand motion, which generally included the entire apartment.

"Here would be a good place to start."

He walked into his living room, sighing a little as he looked at the state of the place. He shouldn't have done this. Why did he do this? Why couldn't he just control his feelings and his emotions and his everythings? Why did he have to have night terrors and see things and hear things that weren't there? He walked over to the opposite side of the room, picking up a cushion, holding it in front of him, looking at it. He stayed like this for a few momnts before finally bringing it over to the couch, setting it down on the cushion.

[Rystelle]

As Sophia started to help Tim clean his apartment she felt her heart aching. She hated it, she realized. Hated not being able to comfort Tim, to hug him and be close to him. It made her feel sad. And if she was honest she also felt a little bitter. Not toward Tim, but toward his mother.

What a bitch, she thought angrily. How can someone treat their own child that way? If there's a hell I hope she rots there.

While Sophia was sweet and kind normally that sweetness could easily become a burning anger when her loved ones were hurt. The thought of Tim's mother and what she did filled her with a hatred stronger than the likes of what she had felt in a long time. Sophia couldn't help but want to punch a wall, to yell angrily. Many dark thoughts twisted through her mind, ones that she wasn't particularly proud of and would never share with Tim.

Without thinking Sophia's face had contorted into a mask of anger with her lips pursed tightly and her brow furrowed as she continued to think of how someone had to be an abomination to abuse and treat their child like they were worth nothing. The look on Sophia's face was fierce. Scary, even. She almost looked like a vengeful angel.

But as soon as the look had crossed her face it was gone. Appearing to be calm once more Sophia set the pillow that she had been squeezing tightly back down on the sofa. She continued cleaning without saying anything.

[DELTED293y5gds]

Though the look on her face was only there for a moment, he saw it. He saw the anger flaring up behind her eyes, the way she pursed her lips, the way her jaw clenched up. Honestly, he was a little frightened. He looked away for a moment, eyes ever so slightly wider. What happened? He looked back and, just as soon as he saw it, it was gone. She was blank, calm, normal.

He put a couple of remotes back up on the coffee table, avoiding eye contact for a bit, trying to sort himself out, along with the rest of the situation. He thought that maybe he was making her mad, by asking her to help him clean the place up. Or maybe it was because he didnt want to be touched. Or maybe it was just him, generally, he didnt know.

"You, um...y'know, you dont...need to help, if you have to go or something,t hats okay." He said quietly, picking up a coaster from the floor and putting it next to the remotes.

[Rystelle]

Sophia had been completely silent during the cleanup process. She had just been picking things up and putting them back where she remembered them to belong, or if she didn't remember she put them where she thought they belonged. As she quietly worked Sophia had continued to internally berate Tim's mother while at the same time wishing that she could make everything better for him.

She was deep in thought, going almost to a philosophical level as she thought to herself, Tim's gotten better in the time I've known him. But I'm sure that he pushes himself a lot. They say time heals all wounds, but even when wounds heal sometimes there's still pain left over. Even if he becomes able to easily interact with others there are likely going to be times when he reverts to how he is now. All I can do along the way is try to be a good friend and help him the best I can.

"Sophia? Sophia," she heard Tim calling her.

"Huh?" Sophia asked as she whipped her head around, suddenly broken from her deep concentration. Her brain took a moment but finally she realized that Tim had been talking to her. He had been telling her that she didn't have to help him out if she had things to do.

She gave him a friendly smile and insisted, "No, it's alright. I don't really have anything to do today. I'd rather hang out with you than be by myself. And I don't mind helping you clean."

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim smiled a bit, his tired eyes looking down again as he picked up a few papers from the floor. He was a little happy that she wanted to stay. He really liked having her around. She made him feel better about a lot of things, including these episodes he found himself having a little more frequently lately, much to his own dismay. He knew it wasn't his fault, especially with that weird portal thing, but still. He felt guilty for pulling Sophia into all of this.

He was slowly beginning to notice just how tired he was. He had slept for roughly twenty minutes that night. Usually he would be fine with that. Usually, he pulled all nighters without even realizing them, but this time? He felt himself slowly slipping away more and more as he cleaned up the living room. Maybe it was because Sophia was there? Her presence was incredibly calming to him, so it wouldn't surprise him if thats what it was.

He felt safe, so he felt like he could sleep.

But, he fought through it, trying his hardest to stay aware and get his living room cleaned.

He also really liked spending time with Sophia, and he didnt want to waste it.

[Rystelle]

Sophia noticed the way that Tim seemed to be slipping away. His eyes were glazed over, his movements slow and sluggish. There seemed to be times when he seemed to hesitate a bit too long at a task, or stumbled with what he was doing. He seemed utterly exhausted. She was sure that he probably hadn't slept last night.

"You should get some rest, Tim," Sophia finally said. "You look like you could really use some sleep."

[DELTED293y5gds]

Tim looked over at her slowly, a strange look frozen on his face, his eyes half open, his eyebrows raised. He shook his head a bit, a small smile, almost unnoticeable, spread across his face. He sighed quietly.

"No, I'm okay." he said, putting a pillow down on the couch again, his arms hanging limply in front of him for a few moments as he did it. He stared down at the couch for a few seconds before speaking again, words flowing out without filtering through his mind. "Because if I sleep, you'll leave."

He turned around, sluggish, looking down at the coffee table.

"I don't want you to leave."

He didn't even perceive what he was saying, he was just letting the words fall out. He wasn't doing that Tim thing he did when he realized what he said and got really nervous. He was just talking, smiling, saying what he thought. It was different.