What Stops You from Killing Yourself

[Rocketman]

I will admit that I am quite a suicidal person. I have been since I was young, and it is something that I consider frequently to this day. A lot of the times I think about it I try to come up with reasons not go through with it.

I'm interested in the perspectives of both those who are in a similar situation to myself, who have contemplated taking their own lives, as well as those who haven't. What reasons do you have for someone not to kill themselves.

[HeySeuss]

Because I've had to fight to stay alive. I could have let go and I didn't. I was delirious and in pain, starving to death because my digestive system shut down. I spent a month in a hospital and came out the other end stronger for it. There were times when I wanted to weep, but I didn't want to end it.

So no, I can't say I can even pretend that I've had suicidal moments. The best I can say is that everyone else has shit in their lives and while those lives may not be ideal, they're the only one you get. A religious person will disagree, but I'm giving my view on it.

Maybe toward the end of my life I'll want the Big Shot, the spike in my vein that lets me flat away in a sea of narcotic warmth, but I'm far from there right now.

Anyway, good luck with it, but don't think that your family and friends will be better off without you. Suicide causes pain for those left behind. I'm glad you're still here.

[Flagg]

Hey Rocket,

You ain't alone. As someone who struggles with depression and addiction, I can empathize. A few scattered thoughts:

I think it's important to realize the incredible travesty that the act of suicide always is (though psychological conditions can mitigate personal culpability, of course, and we shouldnt be quick to judge anyone). Suicide leaves behind a trail of devastated people, many of whom will never recover from the loss of someone they loved and were unable to help. I have seen this up close, and it is horrifying. Many people think others will be 'better off' when they are gone. The opposite is true. Suicide opens wounds in others that never heal.

I think suicide is almost always a failure of perspective, an inability to see that life will not always be like it is now, a failure to count the consequences that an irrevocable and traumatizing act would have on others, and a failure to understand that doubts about self-worth, etc, are a normal part of life, especially for younger people, and they are important to struggle through and face. When interviewed, one person who threw himself (or herself, not sure) off the Golden Gate bridge and happened to survive said that he realized as soon as he jumped that all of his seemingly unfixable problems were in fact fixable- except for the fact that he had just jumped.

On a more personal note, the most significant writer that helped me is the now (somewhat obscure) british author GK Chesterton, who himself was suicidal in his younger years. Chesterton was a poet, novelist and a deeply brilliant (if amateurish and unsystematic) philosopher and theologian, who learned to find a sort of exuberant joy and wonder from the world around him. He really fell in love with reality, and saw his whole life as an adventure. To boot, he ended up as an inspiration for authors like CS Lewis, Neil Gaiman, Tolkien, Borges and many other literary and philosophical giants. As someone who eventually went in to academic philosophy and explored the ah, other options in some depth, I still think Chesterton's attitude toward the world, God, and others is deeply right. The sort of dazed, incredulous wonder at the world that Chesterton describes is important to rediscover. CS Lewis also discusses it in his short book the Four Loves, and it is the root of much of (good) literary fantasy from Tolkien to the present. Gratitude for existence, for all the good things we take for granted, even with all the evil in the world and trials in our life, is a hard but worthwhile attitude to cultivate- and it is a different thing entirely from naivety, pan-glossianism or credulousness.

And just to echo HeySeuss- I'm glad you're still with us.

[ASTA]

Unless you have adolescent children or other pressing responsibilities that demand your immediate attention, I don't think offing yourself is necessarily selfish.

At the end of the day, it's your meat suit. In all but a sparse number of exceptional cases, you shouldn't be fated to breathe in and out for the sake of someone else when all you truly lust after is the sweet release that permanent existential termination can provide.

[Alfhedil]

Suicide is never usually the answer, but in the end, we all have our right to life. That does, unfortunately, mean that we also have that right to end it.

That being said, anyone who feels such thoughts and expresses them should be given the help they need. Whether it be serious psychiatric/medical help, or just a shoulder to lean on, as the people who are in the life of one with suicidal thoughts/tendencies, it is our responsibility to do whatever we can to assist them and help find a better way.

Depression is hard, and it does lead to such a path, I know it personally and to the point where depression is more than just a mental anguish. For a good few years, it was a physical pain, and even now after everything has mostly been dealt with, I still go through periods where I either feel extremes in emotion, or feel completely emotionless. Sometimes I think the only thing that has allowed me to drive through that depression is that I have nearly crossed the threshold by my own hand. @Flagg, as much as I want to say your points have some validity, it is never okay to put the blame on someone struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. As much as it may seem selfish to remove yourself from the lives of so many, you should instead seek to use those connections to show that person that there is still a life worth living. Using those connections to guilt someone into stopping what they feel to be the only way out can have drastically worse results, in that you can either drive them deeper into their despair, or force their hand and give them that last push to commit the act.

It's something that really only someone who has actually nearly gone through with it would know, but the most terrifying part about it, and what should really drive you to help people feeling these thoughts, is that suicide is terribly easy if someone is left to their own. All it takes is enough time with their own thoughts and the need to make everything stop for good, and it can drive you to commit to an action that you may not truly want. This is why you should always be there for someone who seems to be acting unlike themselves, and think first to help, not condemn. Sometimes all it really takes for someone on the verge is to know that someone cares enough to say something.

[Rage Lonethorn]

i have a journal, and everyday I have to write three things I'm grateful for as well as one reason why I love myself. Sometimes I don't believe the stuff that I write, but when I'm feeling down, all of these things become reasons to keep pushing forward.

[ham]

Life may not always be great and there will be a lot of people out there who will put you down.

But there's just too much to learn, explore, and try in life to let the negatives bog you down. I am constantly trying something new and working on the skills I do enjoy into mastery. From writing to photography, I crawl at my own pace to get a tiny bit better than I was yesterday. These small increments mark my existence in this world because I am the one doing them.

Sure, I get yelled at for botching things up (on a professional level). I get bad anxiety when I have to deal with certain situations that I know I am not good at. People will say the worse things to you sometimes out of frustration. And times do get tough because life happens and life comes with no precautionary signs.

But all of that to me is part of the experience of living. All these experiences good or bad have taught me to be better. That for me is enough for me not to consider suicide. I feel that at the end of the day I will be a better me and more prepared to handle whatever life decides to send my way.

I'm glad you're able to reach out to any of the users on this forum and I hope someone will write a response that will relate to your experience.

[Pripovednik]

In this world there is this strange thing called love.

That is all

[Ellri]

We have never had suicidal thoughts, but we can still understand why some think that way. What we have done, however, is been out to search for people who have had such thoughts and have had the intention of taking their lives. One one such Search And Rescue (SAR) op, we who searched got there too late and the person had successfully committed suicide.

It is always unfortunate when someone does achieve such, but for some, it may feel like the right decision. In some cases, it might also be better (say if they live in constant pain and there is no cure for whatever causes that pain), but going out to commit suicide is generally not the best option.
Firstly: if you leave home with such an intent, you will eventually be reported missing. When that happens, it will trigger a SAR operation. the SAR teams will then proceed to search until they, or someone else, finds you, dead or alive. While it may seem like you're not costing anyone anything, a SAR Op is not a cheap affair. It is very expensive for society and the authorities.
Secondly: How would you feel if the one to find you after you committed suicide was a child or someone else not trained (Or prepared) to handle such (if you can say that anyone is trained to handle it)? Would that make you feel good prior to death? (we're not going into the philosophical bits on feelings post-mortem)

[Foster]

I will admit that I am quite a suicidal person. I have been since I was young, and it is something that I consider frequently to this day. A lot of the times I think about it I try to come up with reasons not go through with it.

I'm interested in the perspectives of both those who are in a similar situation to myself, who have contemplated taking their own lives, as well as those who haven't. What reasons do you have for someone not to kill themselves.

@Rocketman

Simplest reason: dying is painful, and messy. Especially when you are more or less forced to watch as they suddenly realize for themselves that instant-kills, aren't. Good times.

Last thing I've seen with half their brain-matter spilled on the pavement still kept flapping their jaws for a good 15 minutes. Think about that, while watching the clock, for 15 minutes. Unable to talk, unable to cry, unable to stop yourself from dying because the one thing that could've saved you, lies at your feet and not inside your head.

I've had a petty bad skull fracture myself, and survived. So believe me that such is not a road you want to go down willingly.

[RBYDark]

Yeah, uh, the whole "imagine how it'll make others feel" is probably why those people leave home in the first place - to avoid having anyone find their body.

Seriously, can we stop mentioning reasons for people to feel guilty about killing themselves? It's frequently a tough decision as it is (because often there's despair of staying alive and simultaneously fear of dying), and feeling like you're a drain on society alive AND dead and can only make everyone else miserable no matter the outcome sure doesn't help. At that point, suicide may seem even better because at least then any drain and misery inflicted is more short-term as opposed to dragging it out for years.

Me personally, it's pure ineptitude that keeps me alive. Can't swallow pills, inaccessibility to certain quick/relatively painless methods, and just concerned about leaving a mess for someone else to clean up for the slower ones. When I'm not actively contemplating ways I could die, then usually fear of a cessation of existence keeps me going a bit longer. Most recently, have gotten a job and the feeling that I'm not entirely a waste of resources and can give back helps overall.

Not the most inspirational, I suppose, compared to some of the others here. And it's probably coming from a slightly-warped perspective. But it's as honest as I can be, and it has kept me alive.

[Foster]

Oh, right, it's also the sense of purpose, hopes, dreams... the things you can and are doing in society and the desire to continue those actions insofar as humanly possible.

In a way, it's why Americans are so fond of 'small talk' and idle-chatter in random places with random people, or on internet forums.

Because ALL social interactions, contribute. Some may mean more to some people than others, but for an equal amount, even those superficial interactions are enough incentive to do more.

At one point I had to write an essay, essentially justifying my existence, define my life-purpose, and outline my ambitions... caused such an emotional breakdown when my brain decided it couldn't remember anything eventful.
-This prompted an intervention. Turns out I've done quite a bit even before I was merely 16 years old, and even then, people looked-up to me as their role-model.

"Do your best to be prepared to be unprepared. I'm not dead yet, so try to keep up."
-That work ethic is pretty infectious.

If you're brave enough to take your life without flinching, you're brave enough to take it on.

[TheMusketMan]

How about this, if you think you're gonna kill yourself and there is no hope. Do whatever you can to make the world a better place before you go. I'm not gonna tell you that it's selfish or you're leaving people who love you in the dust, because you've heard it before, we all have. I'm just saying, before you die, do something that'll change a life. Whether that's donating to charity or pulling a person out of a fire or inventing something that'll improve people's lives. Something. Because I know, when you their see smiles or receive hugs of gratitude or just silent happy tears, I know you'll find a reason to keep living.

For people, man.

[Vilageidiotx]

I have never been suicidal, but I have it worked out that if things get dire enough for me to reach that point, i'd make some radical change instead of ending my life. I mean, like, joining the peacecorp or starting from scratch in an unknown place. I figure that, if my life is so awful that I can't bear having it any longer, it'd be better to get a new life than to forfeit it altogether.

[Ellri]

Unless you somehow manage to destroy your corpse completely in dying, leaving nothing behind (not even bones), it will eventually be found by someone. It might take anything from minutes to hours to days, weeks or years, but it will be found. To imagine otherwise would be to lie. Nobody can say for sure who will find it, but someone will. It is best if those who do are trained for such, or at least prepared for it. In addition to being better prepared for it, those will typically have a system in place to deal with any psychological side effects of finding a corpse. At least it is that way in the Norwegian Red Cross.

Back when we were taught about people who are all out of hope (i.e. seriously considering suicide), they do not go far from others to not be found. They do it to be alone when they make the decision to end it, if they will make it. Our instructors were veteran police officers with extra training in the field of suicidal folks, so they knew what they spoke of.

If you absolutely feel you have to end your life, we think it would be best to do it in a facility specializing in medical euthanasia. It is not as cheap as cutting your wrist or jumping off a cliff or somesuch, but it will not fail and you can be sure that your remains will not be simply found laying about somewhere. In addition, it will not cost society massive amounts of money in the form of Search And Rescue Operations to find your body.

[mdk]

Depression isn't my style. I get it -- it's not as easy as 'look at the bright side.' But me? I've been through some pretty major shit. My conclusion is 'what doesn't kill you shows you who you are.' I look back at things I've overcome and I'm convinced there's nothing in the world that can stop me, except me. And I don't want to stop.

Love life and love yourself, and if you can help it, love other people too. Love God if you haven't tried that. Problems don't happen to me -- I happen to problems, and I'm racking up a really impressive killcount on those.

[Loud Angry Dead]

My perspective on suicide is rather simple.

I don't care for it.

If the world wants me dead, then it can get off its fat arse and off me personally. I ain't gonna do its dirty work for it, and it can huff and wheeze at me all it likes for all I care. By the way, for future reference my care = zero.

So that's it. Either I die of disease, natural causes, natural disaster, supernatural disaster, or some other more plausible and less fantastical manner OR no deal.

Sounds pretty aggressive but that's just about how I feel about all that.

[Revans Exile]

I am an extremely stubborn asshole that refuses to give up.

[Keyguyperson]

This is an oldishkindasorta topic. But I'll go ahead and say what I have to say.

I've contemplated suicide. I've been moments away from attempting it, but I've never gone through with it. Usually my justification was that I was simply a waste, that there wasn't a reason for me to be here so it would be fine if I offed myself. The fact that nobody tried to stop me really didn't make that justification any flimsier. At this point, I've actually decided that my life truly does have no meaning. That I'm just going to be here, breath some air and consume some matter, then be thrown into the ground with a few people watching (half of them probably random kids sitting there wondering who the hell "Uncle Keyguy" was). One reason I haven't killed myself is mainly because I've learned to really immerse myself into fiction. Sure, I'll never even leave the atmosphere, but I can read, write, and watch stories about people going to other stars and meeting alien lifeforms. Aside from extreme escapism (Not always a bad thing, mind you), there's one other reason:


(Dude, I didn't even make that. That's from google images. It's even exactly what I had in mind. This is amazing.)

So, not flat-out, Yes I Can Be Perfectly Described By This One Label Existentialism, but more or less close to it kindasortaish. Basically, I think that there's no meaning to my life, so I get to come up with my own meaning. Or meanings. Doesn't have to be just one if you ask me. I chose my writing, among other things. And it was surprisingly helpful. If there's nothing you can come up with, then there's no problem. I'm just really good at inflating the potential values of things and making a post-apoc dieselpunk story seem like the difference between the survival of the human species and it's extinction.

Combined with all of this is my idea that no matter what you do, it has incredible meaning. Basically the butterfly effect, to be honest. The way I see it, there might be someone who shows a tiny act of kindness towards someone. Maybe they just stopped for a moment to help clean up a mess, or maybe they just complimented their hair. That person they helped out? Maybe they were feeling like nobody really felt their existence, and maybe that one thing made them decide to go on living for just one day. And maybe, that next day, they'll give some money to someone else in a similar situation. Maybe the "Thank you" makes them decide to go on, and that tiny donation makes that someone else realize that someone else out there cares about them. Perhaps the two become friends, and they both decide that they should go on. I don't know if this helps anyone here, but just remember that there's always a reason you can find to go on living.