[OOC] The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

[MacabreFox]

Inspired by @MacabreFox's portraits, I ended up doodling Sadri as a youth (well, age 30), and as he is now. Hopefully y'all like it.

The Horror!

@Peik

My goodness! I didn't realize how many scars he has! But mhmm! Quite a looker back in the day.

Damn, you and Fox make me want to get back into drawing

@Leidenschaft

DO IT! Didn't you draw the picture for Solveig?

[POOHEAD189]

I've recently gotten back into drawing (used to be good and am trying to regain that) but I lack a scanner. Best y'all will get from me is a pic from my phone.

@Peik Awesome!

[Frizan]

Hoo boy, it's been a LONG time since I've drawn anything. Closest thing I've done recently is graphic art, banner designs and such, but actual pencil and paper stuff? I think I've long since thrown away all of my past work out of pure seething hatred for my own lack of skill(I'm self-critical to the point of insanity).

I think that time's long gone, I make art with words now, lol. Oh, and code. I like to code, even if I am still mega-newbie-tier

[RolePlayerGuilt]

Meanwhile, my attempt at drawing a straight line.

Picasso 2.0

[Leidenschaft]

<Snipped quote by Peik>

My goodness! I didn't realize how many scars he has! But mhmm! Quite a looker back in the day.

<Snipped quote by Leidenschaft>

DO IT! Didn't you draw the picture for Solveig?

@MacabreFox

Sadly, no. I remember being asked that when I first posted Solveig, and I did not draw her. I got it off of a drawthread. I might start drawing portraits with the original in front of me to warm myself up before taking the next step.

[Dervish]

Inspired by @MacabreFox's portraits, I ended up doodling Sadri as a youth (well, age 30), and as he is now. Hopefully y'all like it.

The Horror!

@Peik

Meth, not even once! :'D

[MacabreFox]

<Snipped quote by MacabreFox>

Sadly, no. I remember being asked that when I first posted Solveig, and I did not draw her. I got it off of a drawthread. I might start drawing portraits with the original in front of me to warm myself up before taking the next step.

@Leidenschaft

Oh yeah, I remember you saying that! Whoops. Anywho, yes! Get back into it, I haven't picked up the pencil in over a year, that's why I started off with Portraits, normally I do full-length drawings, but seeing as how I'm just drawing the characters and their faces, I see no point yet to draw full-length. It would take me longer anyways.

@POOHEAD189 I'm starting Dax now, if I have any questions, I'll PM you (:

[Scout]

@gcold Mine looks more like that "mysterious mermaid" sound you see in documentaries on The History channel (conspiracy ftw) about the bottom of the ocean.

[POOHEAD189]

@ScoutThe bloops?

[Mortarion]

Hey guys, bits of a heads up, having trouble with my laptop -screen stays pitch black when I turn it on- so I might have a bit of trouble getting up replies. Sorry for the inconvenience.

[Scout]

@POOHEAD189 that's the one.

@Mortarion Have you tried turning it off and on again? If it's an Apple, is the screen brightness turned down too low by accident?

[Mortarion]

@Scout Yeah tried it turning on and off, several times in fact, and it's an HPnotebook, not an apple one

[POOHEAD189]

Markus 'Renegade' Valerius

Markus 'Renegade' Valerius

Male Imperial| 24 | The Thief

Basic Information

Birthplace:Anvil, Cyrodiil

Appearance: Some might consider him having a dangerous look, and others might think him handsome. His reputation has bred such tales of either to their extremes. In simple terms, Markus is a lean and trim younger man, with olive skin from both his heritage, and the sun that beats upon the city of Anvil. His hair is dark, and his eyes are a curious mixture of blue that can almost change to iron grey in the right lighting. He has a fine chin, with a few lines under his eyes due to the late nights he often endures. His knuckles and palms are callused and rough.

Personality: Markus is both sides of the coin. On the one hand, the young vigilante sees the world in a black and white, idealistic sort of way. He firmly believes that what makes a hero different from a normal person isn't the strength of their arm, but the fact they are willing to make action on behalf of good where others would simply turn their heads and leave the wicked to their machinations. He fancies himself akin to a Knight of the common people.

Of course, on the other hand, he has a mischievous independent streak. Markus is a risk taker, and he has a love of thievery. He spent so much time trying to catch thieves and ne'er-do-wells, that he seemed to learn their ways a bit too thoroughly. He had to survive on thievery every now and then, and does his best to make sure he only does it to live if he runs out of funds. He's an unapologetic risk taker and trouble maker. He often goes to bed at night in a more sombre mood, remember how crazy he acted mere hours earlier and scolding himself.

Much of his personality on either side is due to his past pain and anger. He seeks to exact the justice that is due to those who deserve it, knowing that if there had been someone like him all those years ago, perhaps his family would be alive. He also tends to find solace in stunts, jokes, and merry making to numb the pain of his dreams that haunt him to this day.

Markus also has a great desire to learn the art of magic someday. He's just simply never had the time to pursue the interest.

Background: Markus was the son of a Steward, growing up in Anvil beside the Abecean sea. His father, Cyrdic Valerius, married to Isolde Valerius, was a former Imperial soldier and had fought in the Great War between the Aldmeri Dominion and the Mete Empire as a Quartermaster. Known for his tactful and responsible nature, as well as being personal friends with the Count of Anvil, he was granted the position of Steward to watch over Umbranox's affairs once he had returned home.

Markus was raised to follow in his father's footsteps as Steward, but the eccentric little fellow was always most curious on his father's 'northern adventures' and the trip home. He'd always want to touch Cyrdic's twin steel swords that were mounted above the hearth in their moderately sized home. He had a penchant for playing around the docks with his friends and question sailors of various races on who they were and what their destinations were to.

When Markus was 12 years old, he and his mother received news from a courier that his father had been slain by Marauders as Cyrdic had been overseeing a shipment of prized goods heading towards the capital. Isolde couldn't find her son in his room, and found him within the central quarters of their home, clutching his father's two swords with tears staining his cheeks.

Unable to afford their home any longer, Count Umbranox allowed them to stay in their Palace as honored guests for the rest of their days to honor their loss and to prove friendship. Due to his father's untimely death and his sudden move, Markus began to feel lost in the world, finding solace in an independence streak that worried his mother. Upon his insistence, he learned swordplay from the master-at-arms and developed a light footed quickness from his forays to the docks at night. He'd regret giving his mother something to fret about, for it seemed like his life was one bad incident after another. His mother had fallen ill after dinner and passed away 10 nights after his 18th birthday. It seemed after inspection, her goblet had been poisoned, and the authorities suspected the assassination attempt had actually been aimed at the count.

Markus had had enough, and made it his personal goal to find out who would try to assassinate his patron and who was responsible for his mother's death. He went to work, reaching out to his less than savory friends at the docks, particularly a Khajit informant named Ji'Dar. He got the name 'Renegade' during that time, a fun little nickname the lower class had dubbed this high class ne'er-do-well. It took them almost 2 years to track down the culprit, and it wasn't an Altmer assassin from the Dominion. It was a disgruntled businessman who had felt like he'd been taken advantage of from the Count's taxes. With surety of his search and contact information, but unable to give hard evidence that this was the culprit, Markus couldn't help himself.

He killed the man himself, and fled Anvil. He only left a note behind, confessing his guilt but relaying that he wasn't evil at heart. He traveled northward, making his way past Kvatch (and thieving a few bandits there at nightfall). While this was a risky but relatively minor event, it struck a chord in him that would reverberate through his life. Not a week had passed since he had taken his first life. The life of the one who had taken his mother away from him. And now he was stealing from those whom were most akin to what had killed his father, and he had dealt them justice outside of the law. Feelings of purpose flooded into his thoughts, and he realized this was what he was meant to do.

He made his way north into the Capital City and began his career as a thief, and a very picky Sellsword, going by the Alias he had been dubbed in Anvil, 'Renegade.' He also made a small living scouring the Ayleid ruins within the sewers for trinkets. It was age 22 when he met Elenwyl, a lovely Altmer woman who had made her way into the Capital to become an acrobat and performer. It took him less than 4 months for them to become lovers. While many of his contacts and drinking companions questioned him for falling for an "Aldermi Bitch," the fact that she was a forbidden fruit was what initially drove him to her. But soon he was entranced by her wit and charm, and she supported his crazy antics. While had did not begin training in such, it was there that he began his fascination with magic. He felt as if he could solve many of the problems he faced if he had ever learned to become a great mage, and put that on his to do list.

The next part of his life was the hardest he had ever experienced, for one day the woman he grew to love went missing. He had come home to his apartment, his window open and a note on his bed in flowing script that informed him Elenwyn had grown tired of him and his antics. She had fled the city, and over the next month he couldn't help himself and he had to find her. He had to question her on why she had left. When he wasn't on the trail for her, he was in the Arena, his already lacking self preservation having become near nonexistent. After a month of looking, his resources led him into a conclusion that shook him to his very core. It had been a lie, and she had been murdered for not paying back a loan to an unsavory sort of businessman. One whom Markus trusted...

He left the Capital city a month later, traveling northward once more with another kill under his belt. He couldn't take the Empire anymore, and ran as far and as fast as he could, as northward as he could. In his childhood, North had always meant 'foreign' and 'fantastical' to him from his father's stories. He would go further, and found himself in Whiterun at age 24, having settled down after a long journey and setting up a fledgling information network there, before he received word of a man called Ashav looking for recruits in Dawnstar...

Capabilities

Skills:

• Expert: Dual (one handed) Blades
• Adept: Acrobatics
• Adept: Athletics
• Apprentice: Sneak
• Apprentice: Mercantile
• Apprentice: Speechcraft
• Novice: Block
• Novice: Light armor
• Novice: Unarmed

Weaknesses:
Wanted Man: He's got a contract on his arrest in Anvil and the Imperial City.
Vigilante: When he sees a situation where he can exact street justice, he has a very hard time not doing it.
Risk Taker: When he sees a problem that can be solved by something risky....he has a very hard time not doing it.

Spells:

Relations and Affiliations:

Other Capabilities:

Inventory

Categories

Cash: 189 Septims

Keys and Lockpicks: 29 lock picks

Tools and Crafting Materials:

Clothing and Armor: Linen shirt, leather breeches, worn leather tunic over iron chain maul hauberk.

Weapon and Ammunition: Fine Imperial Sword (2). Iron Dagger

Potion and Arcane Supplies: Healing Potions (3)

Jewelry, Valuables and Personal Belongings: Amethyst (3), Diamonds (2).

Books and Documents: Bounty List, List of known thieves, journal.

Food, Drinks and Ingredients: Elk flank (2), 1 Water bottle

Load Bearing Equipment: Coin Pouch.

Other:

While I still have one or two things to do, I have a rough outline of my second character done if people want to check him out. I was reading over other character sheets for reference the other day (namely Rozes and Mortarions) so that's why I up and liked them lol.

Also, for contacts and affiliations, I'm wondering if I'd need to add specific names in my history (I will definitely add specific names in the list) because my guy had quite a few contacts and I don't think it would be...what's the word, needed(?) to add how he knows the baker who feeds him gossip, or what have you.

[RolePlayerGuilt]

@POOHEAD189, I'm gonna need you to develop Dax further before introducing Markus. There's nothing too problematic with the sheet, but I need to see you play Dax through the next mission in order to get his character established.

[POOHEAD189]

@gcoldI got no problems with that. Sounds good^^.
Just let me know what I need to change so I can get it over with though, when you can.

[Dervish]

@POOHEAD189

Alrighty, Dervs’ review time. Clench dem cheeks.

Review

First paragraph in the bio has a small, but significant typo; it’d the Mede Empire, not Mete. Just might be something that comes up later.

His appearance is alright, the text works well enough with the picture, nothing really to say there.

Personality should work out pretty well with the game itself, having a character who can be both brash and idealistic and willing to do risky stuff in the course of the game. Of course, the whole “knight of the people” mentality kind of contradicts his thieving, since it would likely be common people he would be stealing from for time to time. Unless he’s a hypocrite who doesn’t see his criminal actions as anything but a necessity and that preying on the occasional person for several others and contributing to the common good (how very Lemon Knight from Game of Thrones of him), it kind of works against his whole man of the people personality you seem to be trying to establish.

I don’t know if the Umbranox family would still be the counts of Anvil 200 years on (especially after Anvil endured the Oblivion Crisis, was besieged and occupied by the Aldmeri Dominion in the Great War, and the whole collapse of the Septim dynasty), but since noble dynasties can last for hundreds of years and there’s no information stating otherwise, I don’t really see it as a big issue, just something I personally would have considered doing a new noble family for.

Quick question, why wouldn’t Markus’ father have brought his twin swords with him on his deployments? The swords don’t have any family sentimental value, like being passed down from generation to generation that I’m aware of, so they just seem like they’re wall hanging pieces. Given that swords are kind of expensive and typically you can buy better equipment than a medieval-style army would provide, you’d think the swords would have served his father better by being on his person instead of making due with an issued Imperial sword. I get wanting to have the swords be something sentimental for Markus, so maybe something like the legion recovered the swords from his body and sent them back home with his family? Right now, it just doesn't seem like there's that emotional connection to the swords that you're trying to establish. They're growing dust on a mantle and the father presumably had never touched them in years and just told Markus that he wasn't to touch them because they were dangerous.

I’m a bit wary of the whole both parents are dead in the space of two paragraphs thing because it seems like that’s kind of the go-to for a lot of roleplayers who think that being orphaned tragically is the best way to go to establishing a character who sets out on adventures. If there was poison targeted at the count, how would the killer know what goblet was going to be provided to whom? It would make more sense if the server was paid off, or the killer themselves hired a hitman to sneak and do the deed, or if they wanted to ensure there was a minimal chance of failure, poison the wine or whatever that would kill everyone, hide the motive (who were they targeting? Probably the count, but it might have been one of his or her guests), and ensure the best chance of the count drinking the poison instead of someone random like what happened.

Your khajiit friend’s name is also nothing but a prefix and suffix. Ji means young, dar means thief (usually given to those born under the sign of the Shadow). I don’t know if that’s intentional, but his name literally is just Young Thief, which would be an unfortunate thing to name your child or yourself. Kind of like Nord battle names, khajiit prefixes are given to them by others. In Do’Karth’s case, he got his title from being a city guard in Torval as his disguise, and in extension, the city guards are protectors of the Mane as that city is his residence, and the only known khajiit with Do as a prefix are honoured warriors or guardians of the Mane. Anyways, just an aside, but I thought I’d point out how silly it is to have a character whose name is literally the equivalent of some guy being named Sir Duke/Lord/Baron, or Honourable Reverent, or whatever, only more… disreputable.

I expect you have an explanation of how they found out who the murderer was after 2 years, which is a plausible length of time, but you’d think after that long, the trail would have gone long cold. My first time skimming through this, I thought I read two weeks later they found the killer and that would have been a solid no no.

I also don’t see how he’d connect bandits as being the same sort of filth as the disgruntled business man who poisoned his mother, and I don’t really know how he’d have located, infiltrated, and stole from a den of people whose entire existence is based around robbing or killing travellers. I get that Markus has had a few years under his belt sneaking around, but I kind of got the impression his life was never in danger for the duration of that. It also brings to mind how he found evidence of the poisoner’s identity if he didn’t have any skill with lockpicking; you’d think that stuff would have been locked away tightly, or he was just riding on Ji’Dar’s coat tails the entire time. Just something that I’d like clarification on, or at least fleshing out a bit more. You’ve made a thief-like character without pick pocketing or lockpicking skills, which is kind of counterproductive; anything that isn’t just lying out in the open is more or less inaccessible to him.

Here’s where we kind of veer off into the whole realm of utter disbelief; Markus’ entire life is defined by people he’s close to being murdered. His father by raiders, his mother by a shifty business man who was targeting someone else, and now his paramour getting murdered by the equivalent of a mob boss for not paying her loans back in time. We don’t know anything about this businessman (what is with guys earning a living selling stuff that turns them into comic book villains, I wonder), or why Markus apparently trusted him, just that the guy exists for literally a sentence in the bio before Markus gets his vengeance… it’s just, it’s turning cartoony. If everything’s tragic, nothing is. It’s impossible to feel sympathy for a character that has nothing but tragedy after tragedy befall him because it doesn’t feel genuine or believable. Imagine in your real life that your dad’s killed in a car accident, a few years later, your mom is killed in a convenience store robbery gone wrong, and so you meet a girl who you move in with and then she’s stabbed to death by a jealous ex. It’s just one of those things that just doesn’t really happen, and if it does, it would end up in an internet article of people who have extraordinarily horrible luck.

First business guy wanting to assassinate the count for screwing him for taxes makes sense in a fashion, it’s believable. This guy, it doesn’t really make sense that he’d be giving out loans and then murdering people who can’t pay him back. This practice would have gotten him locked up a long time ago, because the very first place any guardsman would look into a murder investigation is if the victim had any enemies or anyone close to them who’d have a reason to harm them. They find out she’d been paying off this loan shark, and doubtless she’d be keeping receipts, and that guy would have been arrested on suspicion of murder until more conclusive evidence was found… although just as likely to be accused of the murder right away because medieval societies weren’t known for their crack CSI squads.

But anyways, point is, if the guy was getting screwed for payments, he’d simply stop giving Elenwyn money and likely tell his associates that she’s an unreliable client. It puts her in a bad situation, he protects his investments, and it’s not the highest form of crime in the land. If the guy was a really bad apple, he’d probably just as likely to hire a few thugs to beat her up and steal some of her valuables. If you suddenly have a pile of bodies show up from people who were discovered to default on their loans, the net kind of starts to close. It’s extremely terrible of an idea for anyone to do this.

You’re also going to have to explain to the GMs exactly what this whole fledging information network entails. Something like that may have serious gameplay implications and give Markus an unfair advantage over other characters if suddenly he has random NPCs track him down to pass on information to him of in game events that nobody else can possibly know, for instance.

As for his skills, if he’s a thief, you should really throw in at least one thieving skill in there. I also want to know exactly where the whole mercantile thing comes in; he’s never shown having business savvy in his bio, just that every time he runs into a businessman, something fatal happens.

As for his weaknesses, I just want to point out that there’s a very real chance that the Risk Taker trait will get him seriously killed or wounded, and in some situations, it may even prove suicidal. You might want to change the wording a bit, because say there’s a situation like there being an obvious Kamal officer commanding his troops, he would be obligated to try to kill him, even if it meant certain death.

His inventory looks alright, although I assume by “bounty list” that’s a list of wanted felons, so he’s a bounty hunter or wants to be? Why would he join with a mercenary company if he had that aspiration? As well, probably not a great idea keeping a list of known thieves if they are his associates; if that list goes missing or someone discovers it, he’s incriminated every single person on that piece of paper.

Basically, it’s a good start, but there’s some glaring concerns I think should either be altered, changed, or just expanded upon.

[POOHEAD189]

To Dervs

I didn't expect to get a reply so quick, so thank you! I'd like to point out that I had not even really proofread it yet so I expected there to be many problems. I think you might have read it a teeny bit quickly though, so I'll clarify on a few things.

I don’t know if the Umbranox family would still be the counts of Anvil 200 years on (especially after Anvil endured the Oblivion Crisis, was besieged and occupied by the Aldmeri Dominion in the Great War, and the whole collapse of the Septim dynasty), but since noble dynasties can last for hundreds of years and there’s no information stating otherwise, I don’t really see it as a big issue, just something I personally would have considered doing a new noble family for.

I decided it was best to adhere to the lore instead of making one up on my own.

Quick question, why wouldn’t Markus’ father have brought his twin swords with him on his deployments?

Because he had a small retinue of guards and had given up soldiery. The land he was in was 'relatively' safe, but as everyone knows who's played an ES game, sometimes bandits appear.

I’m a bit wary of the whole both parents are dead in the space of two paragraphs thing because it seems like that’s kind of the go-to for a lot of roleplayers who think that being orphaned tragically is the best way to go to establishing a character who sets out on adventures. If there was poison targeted at the count, how would the killer know what goblet was going to be provided to whom? It would make more sense if the server was paid off, or the killer themselves hired a hitman to sneak and do the deed, or if they wanted to ensure there was a minimal chance of failure, poison the wine or whatever that would kill everyone, hide the motive (who were they targeting? Probably the count, but it might have been one of his or her guests), and ensure the best chance of the count drinking the poison instead of someone random like what happened.

To be honest I felt a bit cliche' with that as well, but I also feel like it used to be so common that now it's kind of uncommon. Kind of like the ideal knightly character, that used to be so prevalent, has now given way to the anti-hero or the gritty immoral protagonist that everyone now loves. I could change it though.

Here’s where we kind of veer off into the whole realm of utter disbelief; Markus’ entire life is defined by people he’s close to being murdered. His father by raiders, his mother by a shifty business man who was targeting someone else, and now his paramour getting murdered by the equivalent of a mob boss for not paying her loans back in time. We don’t know anything about this businessman (what is with guys earning a living selling stuff that turns them into comic book villains, I wonder), or why Markus apparently trusted him, just that the guy exists for literally a sentence in the bio before Markus gets his vengeance… it’s just, it’s turning cartoony. If everything’s tragic, nothing is. It’s impossible to feel sympathy for a character that has nothing but tragedy after tragedy befall him because it doesn’t feel genuine or believable. Imagine in your real life that your dad’s killed in a car accident, a few years later, your mom is killed in a convenience store robbery gone wrong, and so you meet a girl who you move in with and then she’s stabbed to death by a jealous ex. It’s just one of those things that just doesn’t really happen, and if it does, it would end up in an internet article of people who have extraordinarily horrible luck.

No offense (and I mean it, just speaking my mind) but I feel like this is more 'not to your tastes' than 'unbelievable' or 'cartoony.' I'd call riding a dragon cartoony, and dead parents bad luck. You seem to be very wary of certain tropes because you might or might not have had bad experiences with people who used them in the past. And while learning from the past is certainly the smart thing to do, it's also kind of odd to have a 'no dead parents' policy for all, especially those who've shown they don't go overboard with things as I'd like to think I have.

I have a few friends who've had luck similar to this, and as a military historian I've seen many cases of things like this. Plus Markus would have plenty of friends alive and well, but I didn't think I'd need to list all of the guys he meets at a pub every friday night, or cousins he visits. I was under the impression that history was about twists and plot points. Though I am playing with the idea that his mother is ok and the Count could have been poisoned instead. I might do that.
Edit: Now that I think on it though, I will do that. Whether or not it's cliche, it seems like an overused trope I have here and just doesn't seem tasteful. Though I'll need to think of a justified reason he'd leave his single mother. Maybe give him a sibling that's more dutiful.

I also don’t see how he’d connect bandits as being the same sort of filth as the disgruntled business man who poisoned his mother

He was thinking of them as being the same kind of people that killed his father, more like. Though to a young vigilante, most criminals seem cut from the same cloth I'd imagine.

Your khajiit friend’s name is also nothing but a prefix and suffix. Ji means young, dar means thief (usually given to those born under the sign of the Shadow). I don’t know if that’s intentional, but his name literally is just Young Thief, which would be an unfortunate thing to name your child or yourself.

It was intentional. I kinda did it to hit home on the kind of people Markus would now be dealing with, and I was thinking it would be a name given to an unwanted child. I wasn't planning on making a thorough backstory for him though.

This guy, it doesn’t really make sense that he’d be giving out loans and then murdering people who can’t pay him back.

I don't quite understand the sentence. I'm not sure which guy you refer to, unless you mean the one who killed Elenwyn.

First business guy wanting to assassinate the count for screwing him for taxes makes sense in a fashion, it’s believable. This guy, it doesn’t really make sense that he’d be giving out loans and then murdering people who can’t pay him back. This practice would have gotten him locked up a long time ago, because the very first place any guardsman would look into a murder investigation is if the victim had any enemies or anyone close to them who’d have a reason to harm them. They find out she’d been paying off this loan shark, and doubtless she’d be keeping receipts, and that guy would have been arrested on suspicion of murder until more conclusive evidence was found… although just as likely to be accused of the murder right away because medieval societies weren’t known for their crack CSI squads.

But anyways, point is, if the guy was getting screwed for payments, he’d simply stop giving Elenwyn money and likely tell his associates that she’s an unreliable client. It puts her in a bad situation, he protects his investments, and it’s not the highest form of crime in the land. If the guy was a really bad apple, he’d probably just as likely to hire a few thugs to beat her up and steal some of her valuables. If you suddenly have a pile of bodies show up from people who were discovered to default on their loans, the net kind of starts to close. It’s extremely terrible of an idea for anyone to do this.

I was thinking the fact that 1) medieval societies arent known for their crack CSI squads to mean that he might not think too much on killing her, and 2) the fact that the general consensus of an Alter living in the capital city is a bad one and many wouldn't care if a body was found somewhere, and 3) there is such a thing as bribing city guards.

You’re also going to have to explain to the GMs exactly what this whole fledging information network entails. Something like that may have serious gameplay implications and give Markus an unfair advantage over other characters if suddenly he has random NPCs track him down to pass on information to him of in game events that nobody else can possibly know, for instance.

I'll word this better but it was only him knowing a few merchants in the Imperial city, which is what I meant by fledgling. It would have no impact on anything in Skyrim as a whole, or even most of Cyrodiil.

Also, assume the stuff I didn't comment on will be changed as well.

Ok so, other than problems with history, my list of things to do is

• Reword his weaknesses. I was more thinking of him maybe taking a leap across a crevice without using rope, more than him giving away his team when they are trying to evade enemies.
• Switch mercantile with theif. I was looking up Oblivion skills earlier, my bad.
• Reword on personality.
• Switch Mede to Mete
• Flesh out more on his experiences as a thief

Also speaking of Dax, he is now walking into the Inn with Raelyn if anyone wants to collab or say hi.

[Leidenschaft]

To Dervs

I didn't expect to get a reply so quick, so thank you! I'd like to point out that I had not even really proofread it yet so I expected there to be many problems. I think you might have read it a teeny bit quickly though, so I'll clarify on a few things.

<Snipped quote> I decided it was best to adhere to the lore instead of making one up on my own.

<Snipped quote> Because he had a small retinue of guards and had given up soldiery. The land he was in was 'relatively' safe, but as everyone knows who's played an ES game, sometimes bandits appear.

<Snipped quote>

To be honest I felt a bit cliche' with that as well, but I also feel like it used to be so common that now it's kind of uncommon. Kind of like the ideal knightly character, that used to be so prevalent, has now given way to the anti-hero or the gritty immoral protagonist that everyone now loves. I could change it though.

<Snipped quote>
No offense (and I mean it, just speaking my mind) but I feel like this is more 'not to your tastes' than 'unbelievable' or 'cartoony.' I'd call riding a dragon cartoony, and dead parents bad luck. You seem to be very wary of certain tropes because you might or might not have had bad experiences with people who used them in the past. And while learning from the past is certainly the smart thing to do, it's also kind of odd to have a 'no dead parents' policy for all, especially those who've shown they don't go overboard with things as I'd like to think I have.

I have a few friends who've had luck similar to this, and as a military historian I've seen many cases of things like this. Plus Markus would have plenty of friends alive and well, but I didn't think I'd need to list all of the guys he meets at a pub every friday night, or cousins he visits. I was under the impression that history was about twists and plot points. Though I am playing with the idea that his mother is ok and the Count could have been poisoned instead. I might do that.
Edit: Now that I think on it though, I will do that. Whether or not it's cliche, it seems like an overused trope I have here and just doesn't seem tasteful. Though I'll need to think of a justified reason he'd leave his single mother. Maybe give him a sibling that's more dutiful.

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He was thinking of them as being the same kind of people that killed his father, more like. Though to a young vigilante, most criminals seem cut from the same cloth I'd imagine.

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It was intentional. I kinda did it to hit home on the kind of people Markus would now be dealing with, and I was thinking it would be a name given to an unwanted child. I wasn't planning on making a thorough backstory for him though.

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I don't quite understand the sentence. I'm not sure which guy you refer to, unless you mean the one who killed Elenwyn.

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I was thinking the fact that 1) medieval societies arent known for their crack CSI squads to mean that he might not think too much on killing her, and 2) the fact that the general consensus of an Alter living in the capital city is a bad one and many wouldn't care if a body was found somewhere, and 3) there is such a thing as bribing city guards.

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I'll word this better but it was only him knowing a few merchants in the Imperial city, which is what I meant by fledgling. It would have no impact on anything in Skyrim as a whole, or even most of Cyrodiil.

Also, assume the stuff I didn't comment on will be changed as well.

Ok so, other than problems with history, my list of things to do is

• Reword his weaknesses. I was more thinking of him maybe taking a leap across a crevice without using rope, more than him giving away his team when they are trying to evade enemies.
• Switch mercantile with theif. I was looking up Oblivion skills earlier, my bad.
• Reword on personality.
• Switch Mede to Mete
• Flesh out more on his experiences as a thief

Also speaking of Dax, he is now walking into the Inn with Raelyn if anyone wants to collab or say hi.

@POOHEAD189

I still feel like the Guard would know of the loan shark that kills everyone who doesn't pay their loans and connect all the bodies to him. It's less CSI and more because in a place like Anvil or most towns outside of the Imperial City, it seems like everyone knows (of) everyone. Besides, loan sharks in this day and age, where forensics have gone far, don't kill their clientele. It's bad business. People would be too scared to even consider coming to you for loans if they know that's their fate if they don't pay.

[POOHEAD189]

@LeidenschaftWell I never mentioned that's what happened to all who didn't pay. I was thinking it was clear there was a bit of racism involved. But I can switch it to something different, regardless.

I don't mean to sound too argumentative to a co-GM. If ya'll want something different, I can brainstorm.

[Leidenschaft]

@LeidenschaftWell I never mentioned that's what happened to all who didn't pay. I was thinking it was clear there was a bit of racism involved. But I can switch it to something different, regardless.

I don't mean to sound too argumentative to a co-GM. If ya'll want something different, I can brainstorm.

@POOHEAD189

No, please, don't get it wrong. It's less a matter of what we want and more a matter of what we think would make sense in a literary sense. Want makes it sound like we're forcing all of you into a cookie cutter. This character isn't bad, we're just trying to work with you to make him the best version of him that he can be.

And you're not being argumentative at all.