Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Doc Doctor
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Gonad stood before the lake, staring gloomily down at the tasty fish darting to and fro before him. He had wandered out into the large expanse of vernal grass and trotted up to the water's edge, but dared to go no further. He was hungry but of all the luck, there was a large and very clear "NO FISHING" sign right there, complete with a picture of a fish crossed out in red. Even Gonad, with his immense ignorance of written and verbal languages, knew exactly what it meant. Sometimes life wasn't fair. The grisly barbarian glanced over his shoulder. It didn't seem like anyone was watching. He looked right and left. Perhaps nobody would notice...

Gonad squatted down and thrust a hand into the crystalline waters, seizing a large catfish and hauling it up to take a bite. As sure as bears shat in outhouses, no representative of law enforcement would probably, maybe, perhaps be there to stop this fiendish act.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by EmptyArmor
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A cold wind blew through Wotan's Forest, and Daniel of Columbia was there. He adjusted the straps of his armor, tugged his scarf into place. He checked his pack absentmindedly, soaking in his surroundings, pressing his hands to the ironwood of a nearby tree. For the first time, the world was green, and when his attention snapped to eye level, he saw the reason he was here.

A lake reflecting the sky was framed by towers of reflective glass, as if it were cloaked in sunlight. A figure glinted at the edge of the water, maybe not even a hundred meters from where Daniel was standing, sitting placidly yet radiating an edge of danger. Daniel strode forward from the forest, one hand at the hilt of his sword, the other holding his shield at front in case the target ahead proved to be the aggressive sort. As he made his way to the forest's edge, he noted that the figure ahead looked like some sort of supermutant, hulking and beastly, yet it appeared to be... fishing?

Before Daniel made his move, he adjusted his shield on his arm, pulled a sticky octanitrocubane charge from his belt and stuck it to the back of his shield, primed it, and placed the detonator in his shield hand. He looked behind him, noting that the branches above were more or less within jumping distance, if the barbaric looking figure were to charge. His preperations set, Daniel looked forward to address the other with the manners befitting a knight. That's when he noticed the sign-- it clearly said no fishing.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!! YOU VIOLATED THE LAW!!"
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Doc Doctor
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Gonad whirled about, on his feet in an instant with the half-eaten fish cradled protectively in his arms like precious contraband, a comical look of guilt and surprise on his mug.

"Hruh! Not fair it be for sea-meat not to be Gonad's when caught such Gonad did! Gonad share fishy with Fancy Shield Man if such Fancy Shield Man wish, gruh... But to Gonad now does such belong."

Despite the huge man's monstrous appearance, he didn't appear to be the sort of common brute that considered violence a first resort.
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Daniel paused at this, taken somewhat aback. A loud voice was standard operating procedure when he dealt with supermutants-- what usually came next was that it would foam at the mouth and charge in an enraged flail of limbs and concrete. This one seemed a bit more... receptive to law and order. Maybe it could be reasoned with. The knight strode forward confidently, until the barbarian's shadow loomed tall over him.

"Very well, warrior." Daniel intoned, "I will not warn thee further. Return Ye bounty of yon lake, lest thee suffer for thine boldness."

At this, he drew his sword, balancing the flat of his blade against the top of his shield. He braced himself against the grass, sliding his right foot behind his left and priming his muscles for movement. A cold wind blew through Wotan's Forest, it's trees ready to witness battle.
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"Hruh... Defend rights of fish eating then, Gonad will. But after fight, share fishy with greedy Shieldy Man will Gonad do, for hungry does Shield Man look!"

The barbarian dropped his fish and raised both hands up before his jaw, Peek A Boo style. Oddly enough, however, he didn't widen or change his stance. His single eye was stern and unblinking. The summer sun glinted off the bright blue metal of his large bracers, each one probably heavy enough to lend the force of a mace to his strikes. Chances are they were as light as paperweights to him as well. Gonad would advance upon the fellow, walking right up to him to get as close as possible. It was as if he didn't even notice that the knight had a shield! There was something off, something eerie about the big warrior. Something that suggested things weren't as they seemed...
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"Ah, then you have no intention of surrender? Very well, warrior! Have at thee!"

The fish was dropped, but the bulwark of muscle had prepared himself for combat. Daniel reacted accordingly. At the first sign that his opponent raised his gauntlets, Daniel moved like a rifle shot, darting to his opponent's blind side and lashing out with a sniper's precision. He slashed as he dashed past, slinging his blade outward to rake the last couple of inches underneath the towering warrior's ribs, before he landed, pounced, pivoted to get behind his opponent. Daniel of Columbia had met enough supermutants in his time to know that enemies with this body type could move faster than could realistically be expected, and so he pounced just far enough that the beast of a man would have to commit to an assault to punish Daniel's flanking maneuvers. That first strike was just a test-- as soon as the knight of D.C. made it around this wall of a man, he jumped up and thrust forward to bash the back of the barbarian's skull with his riot shield. Well meant or not, this brute had broken the law, and if he would not desist peacefully, than more than that could end up broken by the end of the afternoon!
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Doc Doctor
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Though his left eye was indeed missing, Gonad made up for it in countless ways. Perfect spatial awareness, heightened hearing, decades of experience, the ability to transmit senses other than sight through his visual cortex...
Ah but, he could also just turn his head. Gonad allowed Daniel to draw near to his left flank, but little else. He'd shift his weight to his left foot, bend his knees slightly, and take a rapid step in the knight's direction right before he slashed. Mayhaps Daniel had his shield in place, expecting the barbarian to block the sword with a bracer and retaliate with a strike. Nothing so crude.

It would be as Gonad twisted his upper body towards Daniel, left hand flashing out not to block the blade but grab the outer side of the shield (on the knight's left) that the thing which had been off would become apparent. Yes, the hulking man had immense strength and weight. Such that he would attempt to jerk the shield with overwhelming vehemence into the path of the slash, possibly turning Daniel's entire body off course like how a model figurine's entire body is turned when you pull an arm. Yes, he had speed, but no more than Daniel had at the moment.

No, the problem with the situation was that Gonad was also devilishly, deviously, terrifyingly smart. At the same time he tried to use the knight's own shield against him, Gonad would have also been quite particular (and subtle) about precisely where his size 24 left boot landed. Which would be upon Daniel's own left foot, intended to pin him in place and throw off his forward momentum, ruining balance and limiting defensive options. It might be easy to miss this trick, given how the knight had also the barbarian's upper body to watch.

And even if the monstrous warrior missed that, he had yet another ulterior motive. Whilst twisting to wrench the passing man's shield into the path of his blade, Gonad's gnarly right hand, easily larger than a catcher's mitt, would shortly after dart forth like a viper to slap a lightning underhanded grip upon the knight's left bicep.
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Faster than he expected, more brutal than he realized, the giant reacted like the rise of a tempest. Before Daniel had time to fully execute his assault, his opponent moved with supreme coordination, manipulating his tremendous bulk like a deadly artist to halt the knight's advance. Daniel planted himself at the speed of superhuman reflex to block the barbarian's strike, but the telling glint in the warrior's single eye threatened far more than the directionless flailing of a beast. In that space between seconds, Daniel understood that even coming out as far as this open field had been a mistake-- Daniel had been baited forward, and the man before him was truly a fisherman.

No time to breathe, only space to react. Objects and force.

Daniel's well honed senses enabled him to take in the barbarian's attack in full, maintaining the slim window of opportunity he'd opened by making the first move. As his opponent closed in, Daniel shifted his left foot behind him and brought his shield to bear, exactly where it was expected to be. Though he caught the grapple on his shield as intended, shifting his left foot back enabled him to avoid being stomped on by fractions. A followup from the towering warrior came in the form of a snake-like catch to the left tricep, and in that moment when the viper reared it's head, Daniel pressed forward.

The knight shifted his weight forward again and twisted his body as the barbarian's clutch darted into his space, positioning his stance at a profile behind his sword such that he could place the tip of the blade just under the warrior's chin, balancing the edge of the blade at the collarbone. Daniel allowed the grapple purchase, and he found his left arm thoroughly bound to allow his sword within his opponent's guard. This was the turning point. Should the hulking warrior attempt to make good on a throw, a lock, a break, Daniel was fully prepared to pull the trigger on the explosive he had primed and attached to the back of his shield before the engagement. As things stood, the explosive charge was all but resting against the barbarian's right forearm. It would be a blast to leave craters in concrete-- even with the proper preparations, an explosion like that could snap Daniel's arm like a twig. Like this, at point blank range, the target basically hugging the bomb? It might mean that the knight would have to trade one arm for two.

Daniel gripped the detonator tightly as he exhaled. If the barbarian meant to pull away, somehow sensing the danger of the situation, Daniel could thrust his blade true and end the warrior's life; no matter how muscled he may have been, it would prove difficult to continue fighting through a severed jugular. If the warrior pressed forward in his assault, then Daniel need only press the button, and both the duel and their arms would be left up in the air. Finally, the strongest deterrent-- if this warrior gave Daniel room for words, then the battle may end peacefully. What was more, if there would be even a brief pause in the combat, locked in struggle as they were, the warrior may have been able to detect the knight's stomach growling.

"Thou art a brave fighter. Prithee warrior, thine name?" Daniel intoned, his breaths measured for movement, "Further violence need not solve our quarrel. If thou wouldst desist in fishing, together we might sate our hunger."
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Doc Doctor
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Gonad had expected the knight to bring up his blade. After all, there were only so many options one could execute from such a position and the Lord of the Rising Sun had seen them all (except the explosive shield bit). Unlike the gun-toting, spell-flinging combatants from most universes, Gonad had come from a realm where shields and swords were not only common, but used by virtually every able-bodied humanoid in the country. Yes, even children. It wasn't a very safe or sane place. Regardless, he was pleasantly surprised to see that his opponent more than matched up to the elite Spartan-like warriors of Gielinor. Gonad duly noted that Daniel's small body contained much more power in it than most.

Gonad would release his grip upon the shield the moment he had seized the knight's bicep, snapping his left forearm up to smack away the blade as it darted towards his chin before attempting to roughly jerk the knight closer whilst slipping behind him (maintaining that grip on the shield arm), the general idea being to get at the fellow's back. Even if Daniel's strength could match Gonad's, his lesser body weight wouldn't allow him to easily resist. If Gonad were able to reach this position, then he himself would pause so as to allow conversation. Gonad too had a secret weapon that he preferred not to use. A remorseless technique, mocked and parodied by many but rarely understood for the true lethal impetus it possessed. The German Suplex. Often deadly if used by a common man. Mortal transience incarnate when used by Gonad. Whether or not he succeeded in his positioning, Gonad would still bellow out a boisterous answer to the man's words. He really didn't seem to have an indoor voice.


"Gonad Yaksplitter be name of such. Many times tricked by smarties has Gonad been, but never twice in row! But trusting be heart of Gonad and first always will brotherhood come before doubt! HRAH!!

Upon concluding this reply the large man would release Daniel and step back. If the knight spoke the truth, then chances are the match would end in a draw due to both warriors being so damned friendly.
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Both warriors made their decision. Within mere instants of completing his grapple, the barbarian's arm flashed out to deflect Daniel's blade. A Cold War second passed-- enough time for the knight to press the button, cause an explosion, mutually assure destruction.

And yet.

Though the positioning of his strike had been upset, Daniel's resolve remained stalwart, and he brought his own strength to bear. As soon as Gonad released the lip of his shield, Daniel was moving to extriate himself from the steely grasp of the seasoned veteran before him. The knight whipped his shield arm down and out, fully intending to shock his opponent with ferocious strength. While his lack of bulk would mean that he couldn't upset his opponent's grasp completely, it would allow him escape on his own terms. Daniel was jerked forward as the barbarian moved to flank; all Daniel had to do was follow through. At any rate, it would be a poor showing if any opponent could get behind the Shield of Columbia.

The exchange between minds occurred in miliseconds, the movement of bodies was, to untrained eyes, simultaneous. Just as the warrior moved to flank, the knight would make a superhuman leap forward, breaking free of the hold and landing in a roll some four or five meters away, to come to a stop crouched with the shining tower of his riot shield facing his opponent. If there be quiet now, Daniel's voice would pierce the wind grazing the iron trees of Wotan's Forest.

"Thou art a brave fighter. Prithee warrior, thy name?" Daniel anounced, his voice clear from behind his shield, "Further violence need not solve our quarrel. If thou wouldst desist in fishing, together we might sate our hunger."

"Gonad Yaksplitter be name of such. Many times tricked by smarties has Gonad been, but never twice in row! But trusting be heart of Gonad and first always will brotherhood come before doubt! HRAH!!"

At this Daniel of Columbia put aside his shield, and stood proud to face as mighty a warrior as Gonad Yaksplitter. If it would be a wrong to see an enemy behind his shield, it would be doubly so to find a friend in front of it. With his shield arm Daniel patted his pack, looking for his store of rations.

He found none.

At this dilemma, the knight froze in indecision. It was a breach of character for any man to offer food without presenting the plate, as much a failing on Daniel's part had he forgotten his shield. He wracked his mind twice as fast as he had done in combat, faster, twice as desperate for an out as when he was willing to blow his own arm off, no, more desperate.

Daniel strode to the edge of the lake, paused before the "no fishing" sign, and cleaved it clean in two. He sheathed his sword at this, and nodded at Gonad, before attempting to immitate the barbarain's movements in snatching a fish with his hands.
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And so ended a fight both very short and anticlimactic. Hmm? Boring, you people say? Shut up, not every dispute between metahumans ends in bloodshed. As the knight went over to the water, Gonad crossed his arms and nodded with sagely approval at the defilation of the clearly offensive sign. Why, if any bloke could just plant a piece of board marking ownership over something, what sort of world would it be? Surely one of greed and people running about with signs and shit. Who needed 'em. Whilst Daniel fished, Gonad started making a barbarian style fire. That is to say, he didn't really know how to make a fire so he just picked up a pointy little stick to poke the poopy guts out with. Sushi tonight baby.
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