Sorry guys for being so inactive lately >.< I'll try and catch up with you guys as soon as I can. If it's possible, I'll try getting the plot moving a little faster since the great Izaka has been extremely busy with life this week.
[OOC] Naruto: King of the Dusk Page 8
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Hey @Ploxerdon, so I came across your CS just now. I'm not sure if the GM is accepting any more characters now, but since he's been extremely busy with the atrocity known as Life, I decided to review your OC (original character). Don't think I'm being a bitch while I review this, I just want you to look over any mistakes you seem to have placed into your work. If you don't agree with something, don't be afraid to tell me.
(Also, I am fully aware that there are some points in your CS that may have confused me, so I decided to make a few assumptions will Akashiya's past. Please point out any mistakes that I have made about it.)
(Anything in italics is also part of my review.)
(Also, I am fully aware that there are some points in your CS that may have confused me, so I decided to make a few assumptions will Akashiya's past. Please point out any mistakes that I have made about it.)
(Anything in italics is also part of my review.)
"For years I had to live in fear. Afraid of what happened if they found out I'm still alive. This ends now. The world is mine."
The Hatsune Miku vibes here are STROOOOONG
Name: Akashiya Uchiha (At the start of the rp, she will hide the fact that she is an Uchiha.)
Well, to be honest, Konohagakure is where the Uchiha clan resides… However, since this is an AU RP, I still have yet to know what sort of things are different, other than our large squad being the main focus. If the Uchiha clan had been slaughtered in this universe, I'm guessing it would make some sense for her to hide the fact she carries Uchiha blood.
Nickname/Alias: Akashiya Bloodmoon, Akasha, Aki
Hmm…
Hmmmmmm…
HMMMMMMMMMM…
My experience with certain OCs on Wattpad make me feel a bit iffy on these nicknames. Don't kill me yet, I still have some work to do xD
Gender: Female
Age and date of birth: 16, August 13th (on a friday)
Age Appearance: 18
Sexuality:Bisexual
Parents: Lilith Uchiha (mother, Dead), unknown rapist.
Fucking hell, shit just got dark.
Also, I have this small pet peeve with (not all) anime OCs not having Japanese names. Especially with an anime based around largely on Japanese culture, it gets me quite annoyed to see an anime character with a non Japanese name. If you were going for a name like Lilith, then how about trying the name Yuri instead? This name means lily, so I think it would be a suitable name for your character's mother.
Length and build: 1m75, Slim but strong, average length.
175cm… Pretty damn tall for a Japanese female teenager, but since we have a lot of tall people in this RP, why the fuck not? Us ladies can be triplet giraffes together.
Weight:65 KG
Favorite weather and season:
She appreciates both spring, as she loves seeing blossoms fall, but she is also a fan of snow.
HAS MAJOR TOKYO GHOUL ROOT A ENDING FLASHBACKS
I haven't watched the entire anime but c'mon HIDE
Village: Konohagakure
Birthplace: Konohagakure, grew up in an unknown village with samurai.
Are you perhaps talking about the Land of Iron? Their military is consisted entirely of samurai so…
Also, if she was raised there, how would she know if the Uchiha clan had been slaughtered to the point where she would have to conceal her identity? Just a question.
Organization: Shinobi Forces
Clan/Bloodline: Uchiha/Sharingan (hasn't truely appeared yet!)
Rank: Genin
Chakra Nature: Fire/Lightning
Appearance: Average length, she is quite lightweight.
Her black eyes resemble her Uchiha heritage, though she doesn't realize she is one herself.
She is really proud of her waist-length black hair, she thinks its her signature feature of her own body. She usually wears a black-white kimono combined with the usual ninja sandals and her shinobi headband from Konoha.
Personality: Due to her past, Akashiya is used to have no friends. She is quite the loner, but she is friendly. Really friendly. This is due to her clan's Curse of Hatred. If the person she likes dies or wounded however, she snaps. You could consider her the famous "Yandere" type of person, but she isn't as extreme as most Yanderes are. She has respect for her opponents, as she believes that she has the potentional to become the next hokage. She is a calm person, though she gets heated in battle. She quickly trusts strangers, which is a good and bad thing.
Yes, quickly trusting strangers can also be a bad thing…
Random Pedo: hey gurl come into mah truck and i give u da candy
Akashiya: lol ok
See the problem? xD

History:
Akashiya has had a cruel past. Her mother was a very weak person, and she was very weak. Once, during a dark night, Lilith was traveling to a local village owned by samurai.
Wait, why was she travelling there in the first place? Unless she was going on a mission, I wouldn't have expected her to travel all the way to the Land of Iron all by herself.
While traveling there, she was assaulted from behind, and raped.
So, she got raped in the snowy mountains. Youch.
Also, going back to my previous question, why had she travelled to the Land of Iron in the first place? If she was on a mission, she would've been fully equipped and ready to fight off any threats. However, looking back, Lilith was a very weak woman, so I honestly have no idea why she would want to go out into a snow covered country where she could die of frostbite without the right clothing and/or anybody accompanying her.
She actually passed out from the attack. When she woke up, she was in the village of Samurai.
I'm guessing there must be some sort of village in the Land of Iron. It is a country, after all.
She soon realized what happened, and due to her injuries she was unable to walk. The samurai took care of her, but soon after she gave birth to Akashiya, she passed away.
I'm guessing there's a possibility the samurai would've taken her in, but I'm still a bit iffy on this one. Just because the Land of Iron has remained neutral for the past three ninja wars, doesn't mean they would just take in some random stranger into their walls, whether they are injured or not. This goes for all Hidden villages too.
The samurai decided to threat Akashiya like one of them, not knowing what clan she was from.
This is also a danger to their village. What if Akashiya had a completely different kekkei genkai that could blow up an entire mountain at will and the people had no knowledge of it whatsoever?
Akashiya learned the way of the samurai, becoming an apprentice in Kenjutsu. The samurai were quite impressed by her talent in sword-fighting, she had a lot of talent for a shinobi. Around the age of 14, Akashiya was dueling one of the other samurai, when she suddenly used some kind of genjutsu. Her eyes turned red, almost like a sharingan, as she created some kind of mirror image of her sword, making it close to impossible to block the attacks.
The only way to possibly unlock the Sharingan is for her to experience extreme emotions, such as rage, depression, or even intense life or death situations. Since she was only sparring, I don't see how she could've unlocked the Sharingan in any sort of state. Also, if it wasn't the Sharingan, I doubt she would be able to perform any type of jutsu, especially since she had no knowledge of basic genjutsu and ninjutsu. The Samurai in the Land of Iron use a different technique where they cloak their swords with chakra to increase their length and lethality, so I don't think they would have taught Akashiya the basics of genjutsu, let alone how to wield it.
That night, during a meeting, the samurai came together. They had no idea what kind of jutsu that was, but they knew for sure that she could be a great shinobi.
'They had no idea what kind of jutsu that was, but they knew for sure she had to be thrown out into the mountains for good as she posed a risk to the village.'
After a week or so, they decided to tell Akashiya the news: She was unique, and she was better off as a shinobi. At first she refused, but she later on realized that it was better. They brought Akashiya to the village of Konoha, who hesitated at first, but when they explained that she had already shown talent in genjutsu, they decided to take her in.
There are quite a few things wrong with this, but, going back to my previous comments, you might know where I'm going with this one.
Her first year at the academy in Konoha was hard, as she never used any jutsu as far as she was aware.
Then how was she able to use that wacky genjutsu technique in the first place if she had never used any jutsu before? Genjutsu requires hand signs too, you know. Also, children actually tend to enter the Academy at around age 6. Akashiya would have missed out on a lot.
Her second year however was quite easy, as she ended up being a genius. She was one of the best in her class in most areas besides Kenjutsu, where she was the absolute best.
The Mary Sue vibes are strong here. If she had entered when she was fourteen, how could she have risen up to the top of the class in only a year? Other students in her class would have attended the Academy way longer than Akashiya, and would have been way more knowledgeable. Even if she is an Uchiha prodidgy, I don't see that as an excuse for someone who hasn't practised the art of ninjutsu and genjutsu before. Attending the Academy is basically school but with sparring sessions to display simple techniques during Physical Education lessons. There's a lot of stuff to learn about the ninja world, which is why young kids start off at six and graduate many years later after going through many tests and trials.
Akashiya later on heard that the Samurai village she lived in got attacked, nobody survived.
Nah, the Samurai village would have been left unscathed. Remember, this is the Land of Iron we're talking about. It's covered in snow and ice and surrounded by big ass mountains. Their forces are very strong too, so I doubt anyone would have died if some random village decided to attack a village full of well equipped samurai.
Akashiya realized at that time that Konoha was her home. It took her a while, but at her age of 16, she finally managed to become a proud genin!
(Poor Akashiya, she doesn't even know what her future of being an Uchiha will bring her...)
Theme Song:
Battle:youtube.com/watch?v=4Ka9qDAII-c
General:youtube.com/watch?v=5e_cbtp4Yo0
Weapons/Items:
Katana
Name of Weapon or Item: Katana
Description: Famous weapon used by japanese warriors in history.
Appearance:
Skills/Abilities: (Things they are good at also include things they are poor at. Helps with training)
Her skill of Kenjutsu is way above that of others her age, even among samurai. She has a natural talent for Genjutsu. Her ninjutsu skill is quite low, due to never practicing it. She never uses Taijutsu. She relies on her katana a lot.
No, she would most definitely have to use Taijutsu, one way or another. Actually, she would probably be more skilled in it than any other form of offense (excluding Kenjutsu, of course), since she wields her sword so well.

Special Traits: High chakra levels, has a natural talent for Genjutsu, she is talented at Kenjutsu. She hasn't awaken the Sharingan yet.
Then what was that thing she did when she was sparring with Mr. Samurai? Even if there's only one tomoe visible, it still counts as awakening the Sharingan.
Kekkei Genkai: Sharingan
Traits/Abilities of Kekkei Genkai: The Uchiha clan are most feared for their dōjutsu kekkei genkai, the Sharingan. They can use their Sharingan to see chakra, cast various genjutsu, and, most infamously, copy opponents' jutsu. The Sharingan is such a versatile ability that many ninja consider it wiser to flee than to face an Uchiha in one-on-one combat.[14] Sharingan can be evolved into Mangekyō Sharingan by experiencing loss of a loved one, granting the user new and more powerful jutsu. Overuse of the Mangekyō eventually robs the Mangekyō of its sight, something that can only be restored by receiving another's eyes, preferably a sibling's, to create "eternal" Mangekyō. The Mangekyō's mechanics were long poorly misunderstood by the Uchiha, causing many to personally kill their loved ones to gain power.
Jutsu:
Canon Jutsu:
Academy Basics
Custom Jutsu:
Name of Technique: Sword Flicker Technique
Type of Jutsu: Genjutsu
Rank: B
Range: Long Range
Nature Type: None
Handseals: None
Description: Her eyes turn slightly red as she focuses on her sword, making the one she faces in battle think her sword is at another place than it actually is, faking the position of the sword. This causes strain on her eyes, and if she uses it too much in one day, she slowly starts losing sight and eventually becoming blind, aswell as causing physical pain to her eyes. This is easily recovered by taking a rest in the early stages, however the higher stages require medical attention (its cureable though).
Wait, so if her sword was in her hand, would she be able to cast an illusion that made the enemy believe it was an inch close to being shoved up their ass? That's pretty frightening, if you ask me.
Weakness: It requires the user to focus on his/her blade, the opponent to look at the caster, and it causes strain to the eyes besides costing chakra.
I can't really see a 'strain to the eyes' weakness to this jutsu. All in all, it seems like a basic genjutsu that anyone can perform to me. Genjutsu doesn't typically make your eyes feel like they're about to blow up. It also isn't necessary to use the Sharingan if all it's going to do is deplete your chakra and strain your eyes. It can just be classified as a simple D or C rank technique, really.
"For years I had to live in fear. Afraid of what happened if they found out I'm still alive. This ends now. The world is mine."
The Hatsune Miku vibes here are STROOOOONG
Name: Akashiya Uchiha (At the start of the rp, she will hide the fact that she is an Uchiha.)
Well, to be honest, Konohagakure is where the Uchiha clan resides… However, since this is an AU RP, I still have yet to know what sort of things are different, other than our large squad being the main focus. If the Uchiha clan had been slaughtered in this universe, I'm guessing it would make some sense for her to hide the fact she carries Uchiha blood.
Nickname/Alias: Akashiya Bloodmoon, Akasha, Aki
Hmm…
Hmmmmmm…
HMMMMMMMMMM…
My experience with certain OCs on Wattpad make me feel a bit iffy on these nicknames. Don't kill me yet, I still have some work to do xD
Gender: Female
Age and date of birth: 16, August 13th (on a friday)
Age Appearance: 18
Sexuality:Bisexual
Parents: Lilith Uchiha (mother, Dead), unknown rapist.
Fucking hell, shit just got dark.
Also, I have this small pet peeve with (not all) anime OCs not having Japanese names. Especially with an anime based around largely on Japanese culture, it gets me quite annoyed to see an anime character with a non Japanese name. If you were going for a name like Lilith, then how about trying the name Yuri instead? This name means lily, so I think it would be a suitable name for your character's mother.
Length and build: 1m75, Slim but strong, average length.
175cm… Pretty damn tall for a Japanese female teenager, but since we have a lot of tall people in this RP, why the fuck not? Us ladies can be triplet giraffes together.
Weight:65 KG
Favorite weather and season:
She appreciates both spring, as she loves seeing blossoms fall, but she is also a fan of snow.
HAS MAJOR TOKYO GHOUL ROOT A ENDING FLASHBACKS
I haven't watched the entire anime but c'mon HIDE

Village: Konohagakure
Birthplace: Konohagakure, grew up in an unknown village with samurai.
Are you perhaps talking about the Land of Iron? Their military is consisted entirely of samurai so…
Also, if she was raised there, how would she know if the Uchiha clan had been slaughtered to the point where she would have to conceal her identity? Just a question.
Organization: Shinobi Forces
Clan/Bloodline: Uchiha/Sharingan (hasn't truely appeared yet!)
Rank: Genin
Chakra Nature: Fire/Lightning

Appearance: Average length, she is quite lightweight.
Her black eyes resemble her Uchiha heritage, though she doesn't realize she is one herself.
She is really proud of her waist-length black hair, she thinks its her signature feature of her own body. She usually wears a black-white kimono combined with the usual ninja sandals and her shinobi headband from Konoha.
Personality: Due to her past, Akashiya is used to have no friends. She is quite the loner, but she is friendly. Really friendly. This is due to her clan's Curse of Hatred. If the person she likes dies or wounded however, she snaps. You could consider her the famous "Yandere" type of person, but she isn't as extreme as most Yanderes are. She has respect for her opponents, as she believes that she has the potentional to become the next hokage. She is a calm person, though she gets heated in battle. She quickly trusts strangers, which is a good and bad thing.
Yes, quickly trusting strangers can also be a bad thing…
Random Pedo: hey gurl come into mah truck and i give u da candy
Akashiya: lol ok
See the problem? xD

History:
Akashiya has had a cruel past. Her mother was a very weak person, and she was very weak. Once, during a dark night, Lilith was traveling to a local village owned by samurai.
Wait, why was she travelling there in the first place? Unless she was going on a mission, I wouldn't have expected her to travel all the way to the Land of Iron all by herself.
While traveling there, she was assaulted from behind, and raped.
So, she got raped in the snowy mountains. Youch.
Also, going back to my previous question, why had she travelled to the Land of Iron in the first place? If she was on a mission, she would've been fully equipped and ready to fight off any threats. However, looking back, Lilith was a very weak woman, so I honestly have no idea why she would want to go out into a snow covered country where she could die of frostbite without the right clothing and/or anybody accompanying her.
She actually passed out from the attack. When she woke up, she was in the village of Samurai.
I'm guessing there must be some sort of village in the Land of Iron. It is a country, after all.
She soon realized what happened, and due to her injuries she was unable to walk. The samurai took care of her, but soon after she gave birth to Akashiya, she passed away.
I'm guessing there's a possibility the samurai would've taken her in, but I'm still a bit iffy on this one. Just because the Land of Iron has remained neutral for the past three ninja wars, doesn't mean they would just take in some random stranger into their walls, whether they are injured or not. This goes for all Hidden villages too.
The samurai decided to threat Akashiya like one of them, not knowing what clan she was from.
This is also a danger to their village. What if Akashiya had a completely different kekkei genkai that could blow up an entire mountain at will and the people had no knowledge of it whatsoever?
Akashiya learned the way of the samurai, becoming an apprentice in Kenjutsu. The samurai were quite impressed by her talent in sword-fighting, she had a lot of talent for a shinobi. Around the age of 14, Akashiya was dueling one of the other samurai, when she suddenly used some kind of genjutsu. Her eyes turned red, almost like a sharingan, as she created some kind of mirror image of her sword, making it close to impossible to block the attacks.
The only way to possibly unlock the Sharingan is for her to experience extreme emotions, such as rage, depression, or even intense life or death situations. Since she was only sparring, I don't see how she could've unlocked the Sharingan in any sort of state. Also, if it wasn't the Sharingan, I doubt she would be able to perform any type of jutsu, especially since she had no knowledge of basic genjutsu and ninjutsu. The Samurai in the Land of Iron use a different technique where they cloak their swords with chakra to increase their length and lethality, so I don't think they would have taught Akashiya the basics of genjutsu, let alone how to wield it.
That night, during a meeting, the samurai came together. They had no idea what kind of jutsu that was, but they knew for sure that she could be a great shinobi.
'They had no idea what kind of jutsu that was, but they knew for sure she had to be thrown out into the mountains for good as she posed a risk to the village.'
After a week or so, they decided to tell Akashiya the news: She was unique, and she was better off as a shinobi. At first she refused, but she later on realized that it was better. They brought Akashiya to the village of Konoha, who hesitated at first, but when they explained that she had already shown talent in genjutsu, they decided to take her in.
There are quite a few things wrong with this, but, going back to my previous comments, you might know where I'm going with this one.
Her first year at the academy in Konoha was hard, as she never used any jutsu as far as she was aware.
Then how was she able to use that wacky genjutsu technique in the first place if she had never used any jutsu before? Genjutsu requires hand signs too, you know. Also, children actually tend to enter the Academy at around age 6. Akashiya would have missed out on a lot.
Her second year however was quite easy, as she ended up being a genius. She was one of the best in her class in most areas besides Kenjutsu, where she was the absolute best.
The Mary Sue vibes are strong here. If she had entered when she was fourteen, how could she have risen up to the top of the class in only a year? Other students in her class would have attended the Academy way longer than Akashiya, and would have been way more knowledgeable. Even if she is an Uchiha prodidgy, I don't see that as an excuse for someone who hasn't practised the art of ninjutsu and genjutsu before. Attending the Academy is basically school but with sparring sessions to display simple techniques during Physical Education lessons. There's a lot of stuff to learn about the ninja world, which is why young kids start off at six and graduate many years later after going through many tests and trials.
Akashiya later on heard that the Samurai village she lived in got attacked, nobody survived.
Nah, the Samurai village would have been left unscathed. Remember, this is the Land of Iron we're talking about. It's covered in snow and ice and surrounded by big ass mountains. Their forces are very strong too, so I doubt anyone would have died if some random village decided to attack a village full of well equipped samurai.
Akashiya realized at that time that Konoha was her home. It took her a while, but at her age of 16, she finally managed to become a proud genin!
(Poor Akashiya, she doesn't even know what her future of being an Uchiha will bring her...)
Theme Song:
Battle:youtube.com/watch?v=4Ka9qDAII-c
General:youtube.com/watch?v=5e_cbtp4Yo0

Weapons/Items:
Katana
Name of Weapon or Item: Katana
Description: Famous weapon used by japanese warriors in history.
Appearance:
Skills/Abilities: (Things they are good at also include things they are poor at. Helps with training)
Her skill of Kenjutsu is way above that of others her age, even among samurai. She has a natural talent for Genjutsu. Her ninjutsu skill is quite low, due to never practicing it. She never uses Taijutsu. She relies on her katana a lot.
No, she would most definitely have to use Taijutsu, one way or another. Actually, she would probably be more skilled in it than any other form of offense (excluding Kenjutsu, of course), since she wields her sword so well.

Special Traits: High chakra levels, has a natural talent for Genjutsu, she is talented at Kenjutsu. She hasn't awaken the Sharingan yet.
Then what was that thing she did when she was sparring with Mr. Samurai? Even if there's only one tomoe visible, it still counts as awakening the Sharingan.
Kekkei Genkai: Sharingan
Traits/Abilities of Kekkei Genkai: The Uchiha clan are most feared for their dōjutsu kekkei genkai, the Sharingan. They can use their Sharingan to see chakra, cast various genjutsu, and, most infamously, copy opponents' jutsu. The Sharingan is such a versatile ability that many ninja consider it wiser to flee than to face an Uchiha in one-on-one combat.[14] Sharingan can be evolved into Mangekyō Sharingan by experiencing loss of a loved one, granting the user new and more powerful jutsu. Overuse of the Mangekyō eventually robs the Mangekyō of its sight, something that can only be restored by receiving another's eyes, preferably a sibling's, to create "eternal" Mangekyō. The Mangekyō's mechanics were long poorly misunderstood by the Uchiha, causing many to personally kill their loved ones to gain power.
Jutsu:
Canon Jutsu:
Academy Basics
Custom Jutsu:
Name of Technique: Sword Flicker Technique
Type of Jutsu: Genjutsu
Rank: B
Range: Long Range
Nature Type: None
Handseals: None
Description: Her eyes turn slightly red as she focuses on her sword, making the one she faces in battle think her sword is at another place than it actually is, faking the position of the sword. This causes strain on her eyes, and if she uses it too much in one day, she slowly starts losing sight and eventually becoming blind, aswell as causing physical pain to her eyes. This is easily recovered by taking a rest in the early stages, however the higher stages require medical attention (its cureable though).
Wait, so if her sword was in her hand, would she be able to cast an illusion that made the enemy believe it was an inch close to being shoved up their ass? That's pretty frightening, if you ask me.
Weakness: It requires the user to focus on his/her blade, the opponent to look at the caster, and it causes strain to the eyes besides costing chakra.
I can't really see a 'strain to the eyes' weakness to this jutsu. All in all, it seems like a basic genjutsu that anyone can perform to me. Genjutsu doesn't typically make your eyes feel like they're about to blow up. It also isn't necessary to use the Sharingan if all it's going to do is deplete your chakra and strain your eyes. It can just be classified as a simple D or C rank technique, really.
Ploxerdon Of The Shadows
Member
Seen
9 yrs ago
@Jay Kalton
If the GM didn't accept anymore characters, the Join Status shouldn't be apply :P
And if it ends up being full, I'll just use this character for another Naruto roleplay I think.
Thanks for the criticism, I don't see you as a bitch for doing this at all.
When writing this, I wasn't too sure on some things either to be honest, so discussing a few points might indeed be a good idea.
For the quote... haha, I kinda forgot that was a song by Hatsune Miku, I actually did think of it myself. It was meant in both a its my time to shine type of thinking, which could later change into a you will be my bitches (Madara style) later on if the curse of hatred gets it grip on her.
I'm not sure yet if She knows she is an Uchiha or not for story reasons. Having to hide it could be an interesting aspect, but not knowing it herself could also be interesting, so I still had to decide between those two. I think not knowing it would be the best option, so I think I will go with that for this character.
Konoha is indeed where the Uchiha decides, but this is indeed an alternative universe (I think?) but I think the Uchiha clan being slaughtered is still a keypoint. Some mistakes in writing this character were due to me seeking an excuse for her to be still alive at this point, and not be killed by Itachi/whoever did it in this universe.
As for those nicknames.. Akashiya Bloodmoon does sound kinda... edgy or something, thought the bloodmoon was kinda hinting at the konoha slaughter and the red of the sharingan. The other 2 were just shortcuts of her name.
As for her age.. Maybe it would be better to make her like 21, so that we could change the later plotpoint (her learning everything about ninjas in 2 years so she can be a genin for this story) to something more logical, being that she has been studying since 16 to become a genin.
As for her mother's name... yeah, I can see your point, but Yuri Uchiha just sounds weird.. Kiyomi Uchiha could work perhaps?
As for her length.. being 21, this could work now :P
Tbh I haven't ever watched Tokyo Ghoul, so I have no idea what you are talking about... XD
As for the Land of Iron thing, I know that the entire military is based on samurai, but did they ever state that its the only place samurai reside? I mean, for her past to work, Akashiya had to be grown up with samurai, and Kiyomi can't just go to Land of Iron or something, so theres still a plothole were we need to find a proper solution.
As for the Uchiha slaughter thing... Her not knowing she is an Uchiha would be the right solution I think?
For the quickly trusting thing.. Yeah I see the problem, thus why its a fun element for her. She is pure, and she has yet to experience the feeling of betrayal.
Well, she has some friends in a local village owned by samurai I would think. I agree that her going to the Land of Iron alone isn't likely, thus why I thought it was a good idea to have some kind of village owned by samurai.
And yeah, the village thing.. its exactly why I thought having a samurai village close to Konoha (which got slaughtered anyway) was a good idea.
As for the taking her in part... good point. A possibility is that she met some of the samurai in Konoha that recognized her or something?
As for the kekkei genkai point... good point.. I have no answer for that to be honest.
For the sharingan part, her eyes basically become sharingans without any of the tomoe's visible. Its a light version of the sharingan. Perhaps I could rewrite that part, maybe she was training outside of the village with some samurai, when they suddenly got attacked. Akashiya sees this, and becomes afraid that she would die too, thus this early version of sharingan triggering.
As for the jutsu scaring them.. yeah, thats why they want her to gtfo to konoha lol, they are afraid they can't contain her power.
Lets change it so they basically kidnapped her, and forced her to join Konoha, even if she doesn't want to?
As for the hand signs thing... Maybe this jutsu with her basic sharingan doesn't require handsigns? Almost none of the sharingan jutsu require handsigns anyway.
As for her mary sue vibes in school... changing her to be 21 years old so she actually has been to school for a while would make it more logical, no?
As for the attacked part.. yeah, thats exactly why I thought of it being a small samurai village near konoha..
And indeed.. her future will be bad, thats for sure...
As for the Taijutsu part... good point... Hmm.. she is skilled in it, but has only been training it since she is in Konoha, so she is still learning it? That would make sense?
As for the sharingan thing.. its basically a no tomoe clear red sharingan that showed, its a weak version of the sharingan. The true sharingan has yet to awaken.
As for the illusion part... yes, she could act like it would be shoved up their ass, or for example, she could make it look like she is about to cut their throat, while she is actually stabbing them in the stomach or something.
The reason I considered it to be such a high rank is that its actually a really, really weak version of Tsukuyomi. She changes reality by making you believe the sword is at x place, while it is at another. the strain to the eyes is to make up for not requiring any form of handsigns.
And if it ends up being full, I'll just use this character for another Naruto roleplay I think.
Thanks for the criticism, I don't see you as a bitch for doing this at all.
When writing this, I wasn't too sure on some things either to be honest, so discussing a few points might indeed be a good idea.
For the quote... haha, I kinda forgot that was a song by Hatsune Miku, I actually did think of it myself. It was meant in both a its my time to shine type of thinking, which could later change into a you will be my bitches (Madara style) later on if the curse of hatred gets it grip on her.
I'm not sure yet if She knows she is an Uchiha or not for story reasons. Having to hide it could be an interesting aspect, but not knowing it herself could also be interesting, so I still had to decide between those two. I think not knowing it would be the best option, so I think I will go with that for this character.
Konoha is indeed where the Uchiha decides, but this is indeed an alternative universe (I think?) but I think the Uchiha clan being slaughtered is still a keypoint. Some mistakes in writing this character were due to me seeking an excuse for her to be still alive at this point, and not be killed by Itachi/whoever did it in this universe.
As for those nicknames.. Akashiya Bloodmoon does sound kinda... edgy or something, thought the bloodmoon was kinda hinting at the konoha slaughter and the red of the sharingan. The other 2 were just shortcuts of her name.
As for her age.. Maybe it would be better to make her like 21, so that we could change the later plotpoint (her learning everything about ninjas in 2 years so she can be a genin for this story) to something more logical, being that she has been studying since 16 to become a genin.
As for her mother's name... yeah, I can see your point, but Yuri Uchiha just sounds weird.. Kiyomi Uchiha could work perhaps?
As for her length.. being 21, this could work now :P
Tbh I haven't ever watched Tokyo Ghoul, so I have no idea what you are talking about... XD
As for the Land of Iron thing, I know that the entire military is based on samurai, but did they ever state that its the only place samurai reside? I mean, for her past to work, Akashiya had to be grown up with samurai, and Kiyomi can't just go to Land of Iron or something, so theres still a plothole were we need to find a proper solution.
As for the Uchiha slaughter thing... Her not knowing she is an Uchiha would be the right solution I think?
For the quickly trusting thing.. Yeah I see the problem, thus why its a fun element for her. She is pure, and she has yet to experience the feeling of betrayal.
Well, she has some friends in a local village owned by samurai I would think. I agree that her going to the Land of Iron alone isn't likely, thus why I thought it was a good idea to have some kind of village owned by samurai.
And yeah, the village thing.. its exactly why I thought having a samurai village close to Konoha (which got slaughtered anyway) was a good idea.
As for the taking her in part... good point. A possibility is that she met some of the samurai in Konoha that recognized her or something?
As for the kekkei genkai point... good point.. I have no answer for that to be honest.
For the sharingan part, her eyes basically become sharingans without any of the tomoe's visible. Its a light version of the sharingan. Perhaps I could rewrite that part, maybe she was training outside of the village with some samurai, when they suddenly got attacked. Akashiya sees this, and becomes afraid that she would die too, thus this early version of sharingan triggering.
As for the jutsu scaring them.. yeah, thats why they want her to gtfo to konoha lol, they are afraid they can't contain her power.
Lets change it so they basically kidnapped her, and forced her to join Konoha, even if she doesn't want to?
As for the hand signs thing... Maybe this jutsu with her basic sharingan doesn't require handsigns? Almost none of the sharingan jutsu require handsigns anyway.
As for her mary sue vibes in school... changing her to be 21 years old so she actually has been to school for a while would make it more logical, no?
As for the attacked part.. yeah, thats exactly why I thought of it being a small samurai village near konoha..
And indeed.. her future will be bad, thats for sure...
As for the Taijutsu part... good point... Hmm.. she is skilled in it, but has only been training it since she is in Konoha, so she is still learning it? That would make sense?
As for the sharingan thing.. its basically a no tomoe clear red sharingan that showed, its a weak version of the sharingan. The true sharingan has yet to awaken.
As for the illusion part... yes, she could act like it would be shoved up their ass, or for example, she could make it look like she is about to cut their throat, while she is actually stabbing them in the stomach or something.
The reason I considered it to be such a high rank is that its actually a really, really weak version of Tsukuyomi. She changes reality by making you believe the sword is at x place, while it is at another. the strain to the eyes is to make up for not requiring any form of handsigns.
coGM
Matsuri procrastination station
Member
Seen
10 mos ago
To all the RP-ers of Naruto: King of the Dusk:
So, it's come to my attention that this RP has become very inactive lately. We tried once but failed, and then at the second attempt we ended up failing again. I think the reason being is that (no offense intended) the GM, who is vital for the plot's movement, is frequently busy with life, and can't be online all the time to help move the plot forward. I don't want anyone to feel pressurized with having a need to be online frequently to move the plot forward, so I have decided to once again create a new RP with the future events and missions planned out. I will try to be as active as possible so that no one unfortunately loses interest, and so that the plot can move much quicker.
I'm deeply sorry @Izaka Sazaka for having to resort to this decision, but I think it's for the best. I'm not trying to imply that you're not suited to control an RP, I just think you're better suited for handling smaller roles since you're busy so often. Again, I don't want you stressing over something that's supposed to be a fun pass-time, and if you still want to be part of this new RP idea, of course you can.
As for all you lovelies, I'll be doing a rollcall to see who's still interested. If everyone's still into this RP, I'll get the new RP up and running as soon as I can.
@Izaka Sazaka
@SayZun
@Aegis1650
@Shard
@TheFourthIV
@geminironin
@Vongola_Hasayo
@Dawkins
So, it's come to my attention that this RP has become very inactive lately. We tried once but failed, and then at the second attempt we ended up failing again. I think the reason being is that (no offense intended) the GM, who is vital for the plot's movement, is frequently busy with life, and can't be online all the time to help move the plot forward. I don't want anyone to feel pressurized with having a need to be online frequently to move the plot forward, so I have decided to once again create a new RP with the future events and missions planned out. I will try to be as active as possible so that no one unfortunately loses interest, and so that the plot can move much quicker.
I'm deeply sorry @Izaka Sazaka for having to resort to this decision, but I think it's for the best. I'm not trying to imply that you're not suited to control an RP, I just think you're better suited for handling smaller roles since you're busy so often. Again, I don't want you stressing over something that's supposed to be a fun pass-time, and if you still want to be part of this new RP idea, of course you can.
As for all you lovelies, I'll be doing a rollcall to see who's still interested. If everyone's still into this RP, I'll get the new RP up and running as soon as I can.
@Izaka Sazaka
@SayZun
@Aegis1650
@Shard
@TheFourthIV
@geminironin
@Vongola_Hasayo
@Dawkins
TheFourthIV
Member
Seen
9 yrs ago
I'm still interested, make sure to post the link to the new Rp here or PM us! :) @Jay Kalton
SayZun A massive typo
Member
Seen
3 mos ago
I am also still interested
Vongola_Hasayo
Member
Seen
4 mos ago
Present!
coGM
Matsuri procrastination station
Member
Seen
10 mos ago
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