@Turboshitter
Today I'll be looking over everything and making note. Yesterday was hectic so please understand I didn't get time to read your background in, which I will take care of now. In regards to your Character Sheet:
Phew, I know it seems like a lot but I really like the character and see a place for her.
Today I'll be looking over everything and making note. Yesterday was hectic so please understand I didn't get time to read your background in, which I will take care of now. In regards to your Character Sheet:
-You mentioned asking how you can tidy up your CS. To answer that:
A. Be sure to hit 'enter' at the end of each subject. For example Your height and weight are directly beneath each other. Just put a space between the two so that it appears more concise.
EX. Height Height
Weight VS
Weight
B. Please remove all emoticons and parenthesis. I would like for this to be 'resume-esque' as it were. For example, in your weapon description you put Revenge (subtitle: The Queen Annes). I already see the title of the weapon and it's subtitle at the top, making the point in parenthesis a bit much.
C. You may have ONE theme song. It's difficult to encompass a character in a novelty song, I understand that. I don't have an issue if you use one of those but it may be beneficial to try other music. Think about it: Ruby's theme is Red like Roses and Yang's is I BURN!. Do you want 'You are a pirate' playing while your character is kicking ass? That's fine if it is, in fact that's more than fine but you can only pick one, so make sure you love it.
D. This is just a personal preference since I grew up in the mockery that is the American education system, but please convert your weight to pounds and your height to feet and inches. I am shame.
E. MmmmmmmmmmNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEUUGUHHHH Alright. Mako for blue-grey is fine. After all, Qrow and Raven fit in for theirs being black so.... it passes.
F. It's good you know your inspiration but you need to go over exactly why and how your character is like your inspiration. Mine is a good example to follow; are there physical similarities to the pirate Anne Bonny? Are there similarities in backstory? Did Anne get killed by being fed to sharks because if she did that would be a super cool similarity that possibly inspired you and I want to see that in your description.
-Alright, that about covers the clean up for the CS. Now, I really like your abilities. I think they're fair and balanced and could be used in a creative manner. The dust canonballs also fit for a pirate character. THAT BEING SAID, are you sure you will be always pleased with your weapon? Having it said that it can just be used for melee up close isn't much. Can it turn to anything else? If you're pleased with it, just say so. I just want to make sure that it won't later become regretful at all.
-I would like the image you have replaced, as stated before
-Would you mind elaborating what you mean by 'drawing fire' under your combat skill set? Just through here, not on the CS
-Hidden Shame in personality causes it to be six words. Perhaps Guilty or Regretful would be best to sum it up?
-Now that I've finally had the chance to read your character's backstory, I like it a lot. But, there is one issue. Her father really seemed to love her and the fact that it was him personally that was shooting at her doesn't really line up. Sure he was angry; but it makes more sense for a subordinate or crewmate of his to be firing at her that ultimately caused her to lose her fin.
A. Be sure to hit 'enter' at the end of each subject. For example Your height and weight are directly beneath each other. Just put a space between the two so that it appears more concise.
EX. Height Height
Weight VS
Weight
B. Please remove all emoticons and parenthesis. I would like for this to be 'resume-esque' as it were. For example, in your weapon description you put Revenge (subtitle: The Queen Annes). I already see the title of the weapon and it's subtitle at the top, making the point in parenthesis a bit much.
C. You may have ONE theme song. It's difficult to encompass a character in a novelty song, I understand that. I don't have an issue if you use one of those but it may be beneficial to try other music. Think about it: Ruby's theme is Red like Roses and Yang's is I BURN!. Do you want 'You are a pirate' playing while your character is kicking ass? That's fine if it is, in fact that's more than fine but you can only pick one, so make sure you love it.
D. This is just a personal preference since I grew up in the mockery that is the American education system, but please convert your weight to pounds and your height to feet and inches. I am shame.
E. MmmmmmmmmmNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEUUGUHHHH Alright. Mako for blue-grey is fine. After all, Qrow and Raven fit in for theirs being black so.... it passes.
F. It's good you know your inspiration but you need to go over exactly why and how your character is like your inspiration. Mine is a good example to follow; are there physical similarities to the pirate Anne Bonny? Are there similarities in backstory? Did Anne get killed by being fed to sharks because if she did that would be a super cool similarity that possibly inspired you and I want to see that in your description.
-Alright, that about covers the clean up for the CS. Now, I really like your abilities. I think they're fair and balanced and could be used in a creative manner. The dust canonballs also fit for a pirate character. THAT BEING SAID, are you sure you will be always pleased with your weapon? Having it said that it can just be used for melee up close isn't much. Can it turn to anything else? If you're pleased with it, just say so. I just want to make sure that it won't later become regretful at all.
-I would like the image you have replaced, as stated before
-Would you mind elaborating what you mean by 'drawing fire' under your combat skill set? Just through here, not on the CS
-Hidden Shame in personality causes it to be six words. Perhaps Guilty or Regretful would be best to sum it up?
-Now that I've finally had the chance to read your character's backstory, I like it a lot. But, there is one issue. Her father really seemed to love her and the fact that it was him personally that was shooting at her doesn't really line up. Sure he was angry; but it makes more sense for a subordinate or crewmate of his to be firing at her that ultimately caused her to lose her fin.
Phew, I know it seems like a lot but I really like the character and see a place for her.
