@MMGiru Just wanna let you know that I have seen your sheet and I do plan to review it once my migraine goes away.
@MMGiru Your description of him as muscly doesn't add up to the weight and height. Add a few kg->muscle mass=kg. Also if you would like, add another 1 or 2 chakra natures. It doesn't affect you in anyway but it gives you more of a variety to choose from.
Actually, he doesn't describe him as "muscly", but as "with more muscle than academics" which just means that he actually does have some muscle, since he does something with his body rather than sit around and read all day ... I think..? As for the advice of adding several chakra natures... You do realize that we're aiming for very lowly skilled ninja here, right? Because using several types of chakra is definately not lowly skilled. Mastering two chakra natures is at least chuunin level and three is at least Jounin. Mastering, or even using, chakra types of a different nature than the one that comes, well, naturally to someone is not something that is easily done, after all.
@The Mad Hatter I didn't say "master" but *add* as in he can have more chakra natures even if he can only wield one. And I didn't ask, would our characters progress in skill as they adventure, like reaching Jounin level for example? And...hmmmm, do you plan on making us encounter the almighty M.?
@The Mad Hatter I didn't say "master" but *add* as in he can have more chakra natures even if he can only wield one.
Ah, well. That is certainly a possibility, but I would advice against it. I believe it is at one point stated that learning to use evne the element that a person has an affinity towards takes years of training - unless you've got five billion Kage Bunshin or are a genius (as is the case(s) with "our" main characters in the manga/anime). If you (the plural word) want to add some future techniques or something of the like, make sure it is very obviously clear in the CS, so that Halvtand and I can properly judge your character(s) as they are at the beginning - and you are free to make all the changes you want to your future techniques.
And I didn't ask, would our characters progress in skill as they adventure, like reaching Jounin level for example? And...hmmmm, do you plan on making us encounter the almighty M.?
Yes, of course you/we get to grow better and stronger over the course of our travels. It mostly depends on what you guys do and want how far you/we develop our skills and to what level. To really become strong, you would, after all, need to train as well as adventure and the experiences we gain will make us smarter and therefore one step closer to stronger. We do have some plans for who we will encounter, but it all depends on the choices made. I cannot say for sure that we will, but I cannot say for sure that we won't.
From another village/country. I won't go into detail about this as I'm sure you gave this a fair amount of consideration. Basically I look at the reason behind this. I get that any player would like to hail from another country, those are cool and stuff and shit... But this game starts in Gobi because we want to have our characters "sheltered" from the world. You've managed to make this believable by having the character moved to Gobi while fairly young (which cuts out any formal ninja training or insight in world politics and stuff like that), which is exactly why I question this part. Does it really add anything to the character? Is there really any reason why this character could not have been born in Gobi, maybe in the family that Shikawa used to trade with? I'm not telling you that you need to change anything, I'd just like some insight into you thought process behind this to make a better review.
Chuunin exam at 14. This is more our fault than yours, so please take this as additional info, rather than criticism. Gobi is not connected to the ninja world, it has no allies, no kage, no real "structure" in the sense that we're used to. The way we (me and hatter) sees it is that there are no real chuunin exams here. It basically comes down to Hyuuga Hiroshi's judgement of what chuunin-level means. One day he might approach someone and simply say "Great work, you're a chuunin now." If you still want some kind of test I wholeheartedly encourage you to develop this idea and describe it to us in greater detail. I would very much like to see what you can come up with.
Ignition Technique This is a good technique, I just don't agree with the rank. While it is weak enough to be among bunshin, kawarimi, henge and other pure basic techniques it is also dependent on a chakra element. The lowest (canon) techniques with nature manipulation are rank C. This is because nature is a pretty hard thing to control and it needs a certain amount or skill to handle. Remember when Naruto was learning how to bring out his wind chakra? Because of the technique's usage and over all description I could agree to call it D-rank. Don't worry, we're not counting chakra points or anything like that in this game, so it won't have any real impact on the game, it's just that we like to keep the ranks pretty consistent and because nature manipulation doesn't really come into play until two ranks above what you wrote... Yeah, I think you get what I'm going on about.
Remote Origami Technique Does this mean that you're aiming for a Konan-type of character?
Fuuinjutsu Basically I like the ideas you have, and I would like some more detailed info about them.
The rest of your character seems fine to me, and with a bit more work I see no problems with having it in the game.
@The Mad Hatter I didn't say "master" but *add* as in he can have more chakra natures even if he can only wield one. And I didn't ask, would our characters progress in skill as they adventure, like reaching Jounin level for example? And...hmmmm, do you plan on making us encounter the almighty M.?
Here's my take on the chakra natures. To start out with I agree with the hatter on this one, adding a second element would be unwise at this point. Starting out with two elements too early in the characters progress would only dilute the effectiveness of both I fear. Or as Ron Swanson would say "Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing." Why do people discover their elements? I see two possibilities. The first one is discovered by accident or by automation (You're an Uchiha = your element is fire). The second one would be by searching for it, doing some kind of test to figure it out. Learning a new technique or inserting nature chakra in an old technique takes time. Remember the kind of work it took to create wind rasengan? So if you have one element to work with already, and are learning/developing techniques for that element (which takes time and effort) you really have no interest in adding to your burden by figuring out your secondary element.
When do you want to figure out your next element? Basically, when you're stuck. When you've reached a level where you just can't go any further with your current tools (elements, jutsus, training techniques etc) and needs to find new tools to work with to change your perspective, create a more varied arsenal... When you really gain something. Naruto didn't work on his wind element because he thought it would be cool to have a new technique. He was pretty much told that in order for him to move on and grow stronger he had to learn nature manipulation. He was stuck in his development and nature would get him unstuck.
As I cannot see such a stuckness in this character I would advice to keep the second element for in-game development. This is based on my own work/training with martial arts. You don't learn new things until you've learned the old things. If you've learned the old things, learn new things. Can't learn the things? Change your perspective and try again.
About the progression in the game: Yes, the plan is that we're going to gain skills, knowledge, power, coolness, money, bubblegum and bitches (perhaps not in that order). However we cannot say for certain exactly what we/you will face as it is VERY dependant on what we as players want to do and how our characters reacts to it. At the start of the game we will be severely under-powered and almost all ninjas we face will have some form of structural advantage over us (fighting in/as a team, being connected to a village, having real training and a metric ton of practice behind them etc) and so the best thing is to stick together. As we grow stronger and understand the world better we might split up to go after personal goals. We can't really decide. The game is as much about exploration as personal growth.
I want to post my character as a WIP to let you guys know what's going on. I will rework the genjutsus a bit as I'm not quite satisfied with how they turned out. I'm after techniques that uses the victims mind against themselves if someone has any suggestions.
General Info
Name: Chimotou, Kai.
Nickname/Alias: Kai no shiroi kiri. (Kai of the white fog)
Gender: Male.
Age: 28.
Age Appearance: mid-20s.
Sexuality: Heterosexual.
-====-
Loyalty
Village: Gobigakure no sato. Village by the End.
Birthplace: Gobigakure no sato. Village by the End.
Organization: Gobigakure no sato. Village by the End.
-====-
Ninja Information
Clan/Bloodline: Chimotou/White chakra.
Rank: Chuunin.
Chakra Nature: None.
-====-
Appearance
Body Type and Shape: Mesomorph, Pretty much rectangular shape.
Height: 5’7”, 170 cm.
Weight: 121p, 55kg.
Hair Color: White.
Hair Style: Spiky (this is anime), short, but a bit longer in the front.
Eye Color: Green.
Clothing: A short-sleeved dark blue jumpsuit with white stripes on the ends of the sleeves. A white belt that also holds up his belt pouch. Leg wraps from his special ninja-sandals to his knees. The look is completes with a short white scarf around his neck.
-====-
Biography
Background:
The Chimotou clan is one of the oldest in the Land of Lightning, for as long as the country has existed there has been a Chimotou-family within it, and for as long as they have existed they have been genjutsu specialists. Each generation teaching their best self-made Jutsu’s to the next so the clan grew stronger with each generation, they were so proud of their skills that they became extremely strict. A member of the Chimotou clan either had to marry another member of the clan, or a non-ninja so as not to dilute the next generations talent.
A few hundred years ago the first member of the clan was born that was physically incapable of performing Ninjutsu, it was also found that he had no natural chakra affinity. At first he was written off as a genetic mistake, but it was soon discovered that he could perform Genjutsu. So skilled in this area was the boy that he performed an A-rank genjutsu flawlessly at the age of 10. The clan studied the boy intently throughout his life, It was concluded that this boy’s chakra was only capable of being shaped into genjutsu. Naturally the clan was thrilled and married him off to the most talented female genjutsu artist in the clan hoping for his gift to transfer to his children, which it did. Skip forward multiple generations, roughly 150 years before the start of this game. The Chimotou clan wasn’t exactly thriving. In a skirmish with Konoha they had suddenly lost the only two members of the clan who could wield the white chakra (The “pure” chakra), both without heirs. The incest program was kicked into overdrive to conserve the precious bloodline. No longer were the head family allowed to marry outside the clan.
Generations of “blood purity” has left a taint on the clan, a process that was meant to strengthen the clan actually ended up weakening it. The practise of inbreeding has been made illegal by the clan leader in an effort to stop the decline of its members but it’s still much more likely that you’ll be born with no ninja talent at all than with it. The strict controlling nature of the clan has also driven members away, defection has been increasing over the last few generations and the official clan stands at only thirty members (in the Land of Lightning), only five are able to manipulate chakra.
Kai’s family has lived in Gobi for many generations. So many that the naturally darker skin tone that is common in the Land of Lightning has been replaced by the more wide-spread pale skin. Kai was born in the summer at the small village clinic. He was a happy child with few concerns in life who loved to explore the rocky areas inside the wall. As he became old enough he was tested for chakra manipulation, and was found competent enough. In school, however, he was a disaster. Held back several years, he was still unable to pull off anything above the E-rank techniques that some children could pick up in a matter of days. He was tested and retested, even by Hiroshi himself, and was always found to be able to move his chakra around inside his body, for some reason he just couldn’t form it into complex techniques. Assuming that the child would never be a ninja, or perhaps a late bloomer, Hiroshi pulled him out of school and suggested that he should train on his own, in his own pace, for a while and come back when something happened.
Train he did. He found a quiet spot near the wall and got to work. He could spend hours at a time there, which is no mean feat for such a small child, he was dedicated. Weeks passed, but no progress. He knew the facts behind the techniques, he knew what it should feel like and how chakra could be turned into techniques, but whenever he tried it just didn’t.
Near Kai’s training spot was another clearing, and sometimes an adult would use that place to meditate and practice. They never talked or anything, they had simply noticed each other and accepted that fact. One day the adult, a man about 20 or so, called him over. A bit hesitant, Kai went to him. He had no real reason to fear the man, Gobi was a calm and peaceful place (Ninja villages has a surprisingly low crime rate), but he was still a stranger. The man introduced himself as Shou, and said that he was a ninja. He was working on a new technique and needed someone to try it out on. “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you. It is a genjutsu-technique, it’s only an illusion. You’ll learn about those in the school later. Just sit down here, and if you feel uncomfortable or scared just say the word and I’ll release the technique.” Kai sat down, still a little bit unsure. Shou sat down in front of him and made a few handsigns. “What do you see?” He asked. Kai looked around, but the clearing hadn’t changed at all, he told Shou. “How about now.” Shou disappeared, at first he flickered, blinking in and out of existence, but then he was gone. Kai told him. “Now tell me everything that happens.” Kai told the man about hearing footsteps around the clearing, shadows in the trees, the sun suddenly starting to move faster, and then backwards. “That’s great, I’ll release you now.” A slight tingling went through Kai’s body, and when he opened his eyes again Shou was still sitting in front of him.
“When you are under the influence of a genjutsu” Shout explained “Your eyes, ears, mouth… All the senses are still in the real world, only your mind is affected. When you were in there, your senses tried to tell you that it was wrong. The footsteps were mine as I walked around you, the shadow was mine as well, and the sun was partially obscured by a cloud halfway through. Most people doesn’t even get one warning, you got three. When I go back to town I’m going to talk to Hiroshi-sama about letting you into the genjutsu-classes. Said and done, Kai was back in school the next day, learning how to create illusions.
A few years later, when the art of genjutsu was had become Kai’s main focus, he was assigned a special trainer for weekend practice. Her name was Hachi, a somewhat skilled genjutsu artist and summoner who had just recently volunteered to become a teacher. Her lessons were always a bit chaotic, and even though she had good stuff to teach, only about half of it actually stuck. One of the things that did stick was a C-rank jutsu that allowed the user to call forth a powerful animal companion to fight.
“Because genjutsu artists needs to work so hard with our minds, we don’t have time to train our bodies and ninjutsu techniques like most ninjas. We are weaker in body, but stronger in spirit. Therefore we need to make sure that our bodies are always well protected. In a team the rest of the party will often defend the genjutsu artist, because as strategy goes, that’s a good one. But we can’t always rely on our team, sometimes we’re all alone. We might even have to defend ourselves against other genjutsu artists that knows our tricks and can counter them. There are many things that a genjutsu artist can do, but one of the most powerful is to sign a summoning contract with a sentient animal. That way this animal and all of its friends are bound to aid you in battle. On the other hand, you are also bound to come to their aid immediately if they call. I have a contract with the rams of the mountains, but I’m not important enough to them to allow anyone else to sign their contract. If you want a contract you must leave the village, live outside, in the mountains and forests, offer your help to whatever animal you come across and maybe, just maybe, they’ll let you sign their contract.”
Kai went out in the wilderness. At first he hesitated to interact with anyone or anything. He wondered what would happen if he ended up with a really lame animal summon, like a slug. He was only fifteen at the time, and the immense and awesome power of sentient animals was beyond him. After a few weeks he gave up on meeting a “cool” animal to bond with, but with little luck. At that time the forest knew what he was after, as he’d been honest enough to admit it to the animals he’d refused to help. Once a week he went back to the village to get food and supplies. After two months he’d started to give up and was honestly starting to consider other options. He noticed a tiger stalking a prey and got curious. He followed the tiger for a while, and noticed that it was a fluffy bunny. He felt a bit bad for the little thing, but he’d been told that there was a big difference between helping and interfering with nature. Just before the tiger pounced an eagle swooped down from nowhere, caught the unsuspecting rodent in its claws and was gone before the huge feline could react. Obviously angered by the bird, the tiger roared in rage and the eagle, though it was in the air and safe, promptly dropped the carcass and flew away, leaving the tiger to eat in peace. Intrigued by this display of unnatural behaviour Kai decided to follow the eagle. The journey was not easy in any sense of the word. Eagles are swift and capable flyers. It it had known about Kai it could’ve gotten away quite easily. Finally, they arrived at the bird’s nest, and Kai started to climb. The eagle had chosen a hole in one of the cliffs as a nest, so getting close without looking suspicious was extremely hard. Kai had to climb a short distance at a time, then stop and make sure that the eagle wasn’t looking, then climb again. After hours of climbing (luckily Kai could use chakra to get a better grip) he reached a small plateau where he could rest safely. The nest was in view, but still far away.
He approached the nest after a few hours rest. He moved slowly, carefully, but with great determination. The eagle saw him and let him come close, silent, patient. When Kai was almost at the nest the bird spoke to him in human language. A small part of Kai was thrilled. “If you’ve come for my eggs you’re twofold a fool.” Said she, for it was a female voice. “How so?” Asked Kai, genuinely curious. “For one you chose the wrong way, if you had approached from the south I wouldn’t have seen you until you were very close, there is also a path that makes climbing a lot easier than the almost vertical climb you’ve done.” “And the second reason?” The eagle didn’t answer, but flapped her wings once and unleashed an impossibly powerful, yet tiny gust of wind that struck Kai like a miniature typhoon. He lost his grip and began to fall. A desperate clawing at the rocks slowed his fall enough for him to get a hold on reality and focus more chakra to his hands. He stopped falling, and without looking down to see how close to death he’d come, started to climb once more.
“Stubborn human, why can’t you leave me alone?” “I have a question.” “Ask then, and promise to leave.” “I saw you in the forest earlier, you caught a rabbit, then you dropped it when the tiger roared, why? You were in no danger.” The eagle turned and looked Kai straight in the eyes, the mere look suggested that she thought him thrice a fool for asking. “But I was.” Said she “Now leave me! I must guard my eggs.”
For a few days Kai witnessed the strange pair, and he saw that as soon as the tiger roared the eagle did its bidding. To call it unnatural would be a grave understatement. Why this was so did not become apparent until he took a walk early in the morning by the cliffs and saw the tiger leaving just south of the eagle’s nest. He did the math, the tiger had found the path up to the nest and threatened the eagle’s eggs. The eagle had chosen a poor site for her nest. He climbed up to the nest again.
“I know why you do as the tiger says.” “Stubborn human, can’t you leave things alone” Said she, and Kai could see that she was thinner than before. “I can make sure that the tiger never comes back.” The eagle laughed. “You are nothing but a new meal to the tiger.” “Perhaps, will you let me try?” “You do what you want, stubborn human, it is your way.” “If I succeed I want something of you.” “Naturally, humans always want something.” “I want to sign a summoning contract with you, and the eagles of these mountains.” The eagle turned and looked Kai right in the eye again. “Then you better be prepared to kill the tiger. Only then will I consider it.”
Thinking it unwise to upset a tiger without making sure it couldn’t come for him later, Kai made a plan. He locked a genjutsu to his white fog technique and climbed the easy path, leaving a thin trail behind as he went. Such a trail was almost invisible, but it would also take some time to do its work. Then he waited. Early the next morning, the tiger appeared, and started to climb up to the nest to make sure that the eagle was scared enough for the day. It inhaled the thin white fog, got it in the eyes, nose, stuck in the fur and paws. As it reached the nest it looked straight at the eagle with a surprised expression on its face. It didn’t roar, it didn’t make a sound. It simply turned and walked right off the edge. On its way down it hit a couple of rocks, cried out, and then fell silent. With a thud it struck the ground and remained motionless.
“What did you do?” The eagle asked with great suspicion. “I used a genjutsu” Kai explained “I made the tiger think that this platform was suddenly empty and very close to the ground.” “But the tiger knew… it has been here hundreds of times” “It trusted its senses more than its memory. It must’ve thought that it took the wrong way somewhere and jumped down to find the right one. No matter what went through the tiger’s mind, it won’t bother you again.”
Later that day the eagle came to kai’s campsite together with a great eagle, easily big enough to carry Kai and all of his possessions without trouble. The great eagle carried a huge scroll, and explained that his signature on it would bind him to the eagles, and the eagles to him.
Today: As a chuunin of Gobi, and one of very few genjutsu artists in the village, Kai helps out with the academy as much as he can. He has a few students that have some talent in genjutsu, but ultimately he feels unsure about teaching as he still haven’t mastered genjutsu himself. Kai knows all the other genjutsu artists in the village and wants to count himself among the most powerful, and then feels like a fool, because the stories talk about people with a lot more power. Kai’s natural curiosity makes him a regular sight by the travelling merchants, hungry for news about the world outside the rocks.
Personality: Like most people that have been brought up in a small society Kai is trusting and genuinely believes himself to be happy. He knows almost everyone in Gobi by face of not by name and gets along with most people he meets in a day. Being a rare genjutsu artist Kai has a tendency to feel a bit superior towards the brutish taijutsu specialists, but he won’t admit it to their faces.
-====-
Special Traits
Genjutsu artist - Kai’s mind works differently. He sees details, shapes and colours clearly that most people wouldn’t bother with. In order to create great illusions, you need to notice those things.
Ninjutsu retard - Kai is cursed. While he is a capable genjutsu artist, ninjutsu is a form of chakra manipulation that will never come easy for him.
Excellent chakra control - A trademark of great genjutsu artists.
-====-
Equipment
Make a bullet-point list of Equipment for your character. -====-
Jutsu:
Ninjutsu:
Name: Kushiyose no jutsu /Summoning technique. Classification Summon. Rank: C-Rank. Effect: Summons an eagle to help Kai, the size and type of eagle is determined by the amount of chakra Kai pours into the technique. Drawback: Kai must use his own blood and a few handsigns to get the summoning to work. Given Kai’s lack of talent for ninjutsu it might not work if he’s stressed.
Name: Shiroi kiri no jutsu / White fog technique. Classification Rank: D-Rank. Effect: The user lets her chakra pour out of tenketsu (chakra holes) all over her body. Upon contact with air the chakra forms a mist around the ninja. Much like a Nara clansman can control the dimensions of her shadow or an Aburame clansman can control her bugs a wielder of white fog can control the dimensions of her fog. All the way from “almost invisible” to “completely obscuring”. The fog itself is simply another genjutsu trigger, and the density of the fog determines both the strength of the genjutsu and the time it will take for it to work. Drawback: Executing a strong genjutsu with a fog that is almost invisible will take a considerable amount of time and is best done from a safe place. Once the fog is placed it cannot be moved or manipulated any more.
Taijutsu: Hand-to-hand combat techniques.
Genjutsu:
Name: Kokoni arazu no Jutsu / False Place Technique Classification Rank: C-Rank. Effect: This genjutsu simply changes the appearance of an object, such as a sign. Drawback: What, if anything, is the drawback of the jutsu?
Name: Kokoni yutori no Jutsu / False Room Technique Classification Rank: B-Rank. Effect: This genjutsu changes the appearance of a room or smaller area in some way. Drawback: What, if anything, is the drawback of the jutsu?
Name: Narakumi no Jutsu / Hell Viewing Technique Classification Hiden, medical, doujutsu, kinjutsu, etc. Rank: D-Rank. Effect: a Genjutsu technique that causes its target to see a horrifying vision. Once cast the world will appear normal to the target until they see the illusion. Drawback: This technique works in the same way as nightmares sometimes does. It picks the most recent, or first “bad” thought in the mind of the victim and displays it as reality. As such the illusion may be incredibly easy to see through.
@Halvtand That is a very helpful critique. Stress in the real world, but until I work on the sheet:
- Regarding Kumo origins, I realize you're correct. It was sort of like an artifact from an earlier version of his history, that I tried to fit into the new idea. It could potentially add some intrigue when I don't have anything going on with him, but really, a mercantile family does that anyway, plus the interest in his dad.
Instead, I like your idea for a Gobi family who traded with Kumo before those relations died out. I'll keep the Shikawa name and darker skin.
- You also make a convincing argument for a C-Rank jutsu; especially since it might have grander uses. I'll adjust the data.
- I got the impression Konan's jutsu morphed the actual paper, rather than just bending it. Still, Masakazu having this does seem potentially unnecessary in retrospect. I'll get back to you on this.
- As for the (lack of) testing, I will think about a suitable way Masakazu might've demonstrated himself to Hyuuga.
I'll probably add some small amount of weight, but he doesn't need another chakra nature. I imagine he only has a basic grasp of fire anyway.
- Regarding Kumo origins, I realize you're correct. It was sort of like an artifact from an earlier version of his history, that I tried to fit into the new idea. It could potentially add some intrigue when I don't have anything going on with him, but really, a mercantile family does that anyway, plus the interest in his dad.
Instead, I like your idea for a Gobi family who traded with Kumo before those relations died out. I'll keep the Shikawa name and darker skin.
That sounds like a great idea. They might technically be the same family that have branched off at some point, half lives in Kumo and half in Gobi.
Konan's jutsus. Morphing or folding paper... Whatever the technical term may be I saw your technique as kind of a first step in that direction. I don't know if that was your intention or not, but that's where my mind went.
I look forward to seeing what you come up with for the other stuff.
@Bishop We're really curious about how your dude will look once he's finished, have you thought about the questions we proposed earlier? I'm asking because we have some more material to work with now, and I wouldn't want to leave you behind.
Today I post a video of something from the series and we can have a chat about it. Something to do while we fill in our character sheets, and we'll get to know each other a bit better as well. Here we go: Sasuke vs Gaara
@Bishop You can't just jump right to the stuff, you need to work your way up to it :P Also, I wanted to start early in the series to avoid spoiler, everyone might not have finished the series because of the flood of filler.
@HalvtandSeriously, I stopped watching Naruto some months ago. I was one of those guys:"Stop whining about the fillers, more fillers=more naruto". But, the fillers were complete shit with useless information. +You had many other great anime to watch beside this filleruto. Infinite filleryomi.
@BishopI though like that about the first filler season (the one that ended Naruto, before Shippuuden). Some of those fillers were really good, some were bad... I stopped watching the series some time into shippuuden when they started to get too friendly with the filler again and picked up the manga instead. For all it is and isn't, there is very little filler. Anyway, now that the show is finished (is the anime finished as well?) I have heard that in the end they started spreading the flashback-fillers on really thick, someone claimed that it was kind of like watching the whole series a second time. That's why I thought it best to keep the spoilers to a minimum.
I have, in agreement with Halvtand, decided to scrap my Haruka character in favor of something fresh. So... Just ignore the character I posted in the Character tab
@Halvtand I think the only really impressive parts of the fight happened before it. Sasuke and Gaara were so used to being prodigies that they didn't really think at all. Kakashi training Sasuke to utilize Lee's taijutsu and to use Chidori were the cool parts.
It's not done, but with recent adjustments I'm basically comfortable enough with my sheet now to put it on the Characters tab. Also, I feel like at one point there was a 'favorite place' portion of the sheet, but I can't seem to find it now.
@The Mad Hatter Ah, damn: she was adorable. Well, I'm curious about the new one now.
Also, I feel like at one point there was a 'favorite place' portion of the sheet, but I can't seem to find it now.
There never was. It's just a tab in the OP, under Places of Notice (I know because I wrote it). Feel free to write something for it, though, and Halvtand will add it to the OP.
@The Mad Hatter Ah, damn: she was adorable. Well, I'm curious about the new one now.
I know. I love her to bits, but I've been playing her for 10+ years, so sometimes I need something fresh. I may just keep her as an NPC type character, though.
The new one's gonna be a traditional style ninja who comes from a family that doesn't believe in the use of chakra. It sounds crappy, but I can do it.
I know the Background is awful, but my writing is pure shit today. I'll probably redo it is I get the energy to do so.
What do you think?
General Info
Name: Hisokana, Sawaru ひそかな, 触る
Nickname/Alias: Waru 悪 (Evil)
Gender: Female ♀
Age: Nineteen year of age (19)
Age Appearance: Twenty-one (21)
Sexuality: Bisexual
-====-
Loyalty
Village: Gobigakure no Sato – Village Hidden at the End
Birthplace: Gobigakure no Sato – Village Hidden at the End
Organization: The Hisokana Clan
-====-
Ninja Information
Clan/Bloodline: To be added
Rank: Genin
Chakra Nature: N/A
-====-
Appearance
Body Type and Shape: With her narrow joins and basically fat-free frame, it is no tough task to guess that Sawaru has and ectomorphic body type. She can eat like a grown man and still not gain a pound. It also means she has next to no feminine curves and leaves her body in a quite rectangular shape, which she is less than thrilled about.
Height: 5'6” / 168cm
Weight: 115lbs / 52kg
Hair Color: Magenta.
Hair Style: The majority of her hair is long, with the bangs cut short just above her eyes. It is usually styled in either a high ponytail or a bun with a strand of long hair hanging loose on either side of her face.
Eye Color: Golden yellow.
Clothing: Light brown, bandage-like fabric is wrapped around her form from her breast and down to just above her knee on each leg. She wears a black wrap for a skirt and a tall- and broad-necked, loose-fitting top with an oval hole at the front. Her shoes are standard ninja boots, in black. She wears a black fishnet wrap around each knee and a black sweatband around each elbow.
-====-
Biography
Background: The tale of Sawaru's life, began on a late afternoon in the early fall. The sun was just beginning its descend towards the horizon and the Hisokana clan was on the move. Some sat on the strong backs of tired steeds or on wagons dragged by such, while others walked on their own, sore legs. Hitomi, the woman that was soon to be the mother of a small girl, sat in a wagon with her partner guiding the horse. The huge bump on her belly made it very obvious that she was to give birth at any moment. She had no idea that by the time the sun would rise again, she would be a mother. Sawaru was bornin the middle of the night, in a hastily raised tent some distance away from the clan camp, so that neither her mother's, nor her own screams would bother their clansmen. Her mother had lost a lot of blood and needed rest, so she spent the first couple of hours of her life with her father. She was fed with a protein-rich plant juice mixed with goat milk.
The first few years of her life were boring and nothing worth mentioning happened. They merely traveled from one place to another and every time they stopped somewhere, they left just as it had begun feeling like home. Sawaru never made a single friend her own age, but Even her most distant relative was like an uncle to her; the bond between clansmen were tight and there was no need for formalities. Everyone was called by first name. Even her own parents were no closer to her than the lady that she had no actual relation to, but sharing a last name.
The interesting part of her life began when she was around five years old. They had made camp somewhere outside of one of the greater villages. She had dared to venture away from the campsite to find some fresh water to bathe in and followed a small stream into a thick forest. She ducked down low when she heard gleeful laughter coming from the direction she was heading. Sneaking along the forest floor like a cat stalking her prey, Sawaru observed the children that were playing in the lake she had reached. They appeared to be a few years older than her, but what they were doing baffled her beyond her widest imaginations. One of the boys was walking on the surface of the water. The others just cheered him on as he wobbled uncertainly across the liquid's wavy surface, as if it was completely normal to do such a thing. They all howled in laughter when he suddenly broke through and a loud splash marked his failure in staying on his feet. Sawaru forgot all about her bath and hurried back to tell her mother of what she had seen. “What you saw was bad,” her mother told her with a serious tone and she never did elaborate on why it was bad.
Everywhere they went, Sawaru began searching for these remarkable feats that people were able to do. Some breathed great balls of fire while others raised walls of stone out of the ground. She was astounded with the skills that these people possessed, but she was also terrified. “Those people who do those things call themselves ninja,” her grandfather told her one day, “They use chakra, the life force that flows through us, and manipulate it into inhuman things. We were never supposed to use our life force like that. Others are even worse, using the life force of the nature around them.”
By the time Sawaru was 12 years old, the world was raging war. She and her clan did their best to stay away from the fighting, but nowhere was ever completely safe. Other children her age were being sent to the battlefront, while she and the rest of her clan fled like cowards.
When Sawaru was 14, there was a scuffle between the elders of the clan and some of the younger members. The younger members believed it was time to put the old ways behind them and realize that the clan would not be able to keep on resisting the use of chakra, while the elders stood their ground. It eventually resulted in the youngsters breaking off from the clan and Sawaru made the tough decision of going with them. The small group traveled for a while, searching for a place to call home and eventually came upon Gobigakure.
Today: Sawaru never made it past the simple rank of genin, as she refuses to learn anything more than the basic techniques. She is proud of herself for standing by the Hisokana way of life, but feels like the isolated nature of Gobigakure is just as stifling as the rules of her clan were before.
Personality: To be added
-====-
Special Traits
”Traditional Ninja”
All members of the Hisokana clan are brought up to believe that the use of chakra is unnatural and wrong. They are taught a more traditional skill-set that gives them what they need to call themselves ninja, without tainting their purity with the manipulation of heir life forces.
”Diplomat”
One should never underestimate the power of the tongue and Sawaru knows just how to twist hers. She knows when to talk, she knows when to walk and she knows when to flirt her ass off.
Stealthy
Trained in the skills of “traditional ninja arts” from a very young age, Sawaru knows how to move without making a sound. Stealth is the main skill of a “true” ninja; especially when facing the impure.
Herbalist
Those of the Hisokana clan are taught the properties of the plants they find along their travels. They excel in the brewing of poisons, but are just as good at making antidotes. They know which plants you can eat to heal faster and which you can use to put someone down.
Easily Impressed
Having lived a rather sheltered life, Sawaru tends to get easily impressed by things other people find natural and/or ordinary. Every time she sees a new technique, she will fawn at the greatness of it. TVs still baffle her, even after four years in Gobi.
Animal Lover
Anything from cute and fluffy to gross and slimy; if it's an animal that will allow her near it, Sawaru will cuddle it.
Basics Expert
Although she is nowhere near an expert at anything, Sawaru does aim to perfect the few techniques she already knows. She does not plan to learn any more techniques, but simply get better at the ones she does know.
-====-
Equipment
Ninja Pouch
All ninja should wear one. Sawaru has hers strapped to the back of her skirt. Inside, she carries a small vial of a very potent antidote that cures most types of natural states of poisoning, a roll of bandage, a bottle of rubbing alcohol as well as a flask of water, a couple of nutrition bars, a travel set of ink and pen and a small notebook in format A6.
Weapon Holster
Even more so than the Ninja Pouch, every ninja should have one of these. Sawaru has her strapped to her right thigh, beneath her wrap-skirt. The holster is made to carry five kunai, eight shuriken, six senbon and four makibishi. Sawaru usually keeps it fully stocked before leaving home.
-====-
Jutsu:
Ninjutsu:
Name: Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique) Classification General Skill Rank: E-rank Effect: The user can change their appearance to match that of another person, an animal or even an object to confuse and/or lead their opponent astray. Drawback: This technique is considered the hardest E-rank technique, as it takes constant concentration and chakra use.
Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Replacement Technique) Classification General Skill Rank: E-Rank. Effect: With this technique, users replace their own body with some other object, generally with a block of wood, the moment an attack lands. This creates an optical illusion, making the enemy think the attack was successful. Drawback: ---
Name: Ki Nobori no Shugyou (Tree Climbing Practice) Suimen Hokou no Gyou (Water Walking Practice) Classification General Skill Rank: D-rank Effect: These two exercises are meant to enhance the users chakra concentration and control. The Tree Climbing Practice allows the user to “glue” themselves to even surfaces in order to walk up vertical walls or stand upside-down on ceilings. The Water Walking Practice allows the user to walk on the surface of water by constantly changing the flow of chakra to fit the movement of the water. Drawback: Both techniques take concentration and control; use too much chakra and you will break the surface, too little and you won't stick.
Taijutsu: N/A
Name: Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique) Classification General Skill Rank: E-rank Effect: The user can create one or several illusions of themselves to confuse and/or lead their opponent astray Drawback: This technique can easily be discerned by any doujustu user and an experience ninja know that the illusions do not cast shadows or disrupt the environment.
@Halvtand I think the only really impressive parts of the fight happened before it. Sasuke and Gaara were so used to being prodigies that they didn't really think at all. Kakashi training Sasuke to utilize Lee's taijutsu and to use Chidori were the cool parts.
While I do agree with you on this point one must also consider that the training was simply a "build up" to this fight, which is why we se the training as a flashback. If we had seen the training before this fight I don't think it would've been nearly as spectacular. There are some interesting parts to this fight though. Like the almost stupid use of chidori from Sasuke. As well as how easy Gaara was pushed over the edge. Don't get me wrong, early, chaotic Gaara is one hell of a villain and he had potential to rival Zabuza as "coolest villain in the series", but in this fight it seems like he simply keels over as soon as Sasuke starts to push him. Also, Sasuke had gotten a taste of how it's like being the "bottom bitch" already from Lee, Kakashi and even Naruto in the forest of death. Instead of fighting to keep his superiority I'd say that he's fighting to regain it, and his thoughtlessness is mirrored in the fact that he's willing go give anything to be cool again.
I'll read all the updated characters later today and give feedback, as well as update my own. If you have more stuff to add, do it now! Also, just because me and hat are near godlike GMs with byakusharingan unlocked doesn't mean that our characters are above critique. We enjoy discussing our character concepts and would like to know what you guys think about them.
Nickname/Alias: Occasionally called ‘Masa’, primarily as a joke about how pretentious it is
Care to explain the joke to someone who doesn't speak Japanese?
Other than that I must say that you've done a great job. I think the character as a whole fits well with the setting, the background and equipment is fine and the techniques are all well though out. As I stated in my earlier feedback I would rather see the ignition technique as a D-rank, but if you want to list it as C I won't argue. As far as I'm concerned the character is approved, but the hat must have a say as well.
@The Mad Hatter As you've stated yourself, your writing is horrible so there is no need for me to point out any details of this. After reading through the character there was really only one thing that stood out. It is the split within the clan. While a young/old split is easy to explain and understand I feel that this kind of split perhaps should be dealt with with a little more care. We are talking about changing the core rules of how these people live. To say that all the old guys wanted thing to stay the same and only a few youngsters wanted stuff to change… Too simple. Perhaps you could go into greater detail about what happened right before the split? Was someone in the clan caught practising chakra manipulation? Did someone suddenly say “I don't get what's so bad about it” at dinner and everyone suddenly turned silent and serious?
Luckily we have historical events in our world where similar splits have been made, and let's just say that they didn't come from nothing, and they didn't end in nothing. As I know you are well versed in history I suggest you consider Catholicism/protestantism as well as protestantism/puritanism. Yes it's an exaggerated example, but in a way the change protestantism wanted was smaller than the one your clan/renegade faction of the clan wanted.
@Bishop I can't see any big changes done to your character sheet so I guess the earlier feedback still stands.
<Snipped quote by MMGiru> Care to explain the joke to someone who doesn't speak Japanese?
I can give it a try for you, since I do speak Japanese. Masa - 正 - means something along the lines of "precise" or "exactly".
@The Mad Hatter As you've stated yourself, your writing is horrible so there is no need for me to point out any details of this. After reading through the character there was really only one thing that stood out. It is the split within the clan. While a young/old split is easy to explain and understand I feel that this kind of split perhaps should be dealt with with a little more care. We are talking about changing the core rules of how these people live. To say that all the old guys wanted thing to stay the same and only a few youngsters wanted stuff to change… Too simple. Perhaps you could go into greater detail about what happened right before the split? Was someone in the clan caught practicing chakra manipulation? Did someone suddenly say “I don't get what's so bad about it” at dinner and everyone suddenly turned silent and serious?
Luckily we have historical events in our world where similar splits have been made, and let's just say that they didn't come from nothing, and they didn't end in nothing. As I know you are well versed in history I suggest you consider Catholicism/Protestantism as well as Protestantism/puritanism. Yes it's an exaggerated example, but in a way the change Protestantism wanted was smaller than the one your clan/renegade faction of the clan wanted.
Yeah. I know. I will redo and buff up the background once I get the time to do so. I should be able to get three hours a day to myself (showering and/or pooping included) starting the day after tomorrow and to and including Monday. I wanted to write something more about the break-off, but the things I actually did mange to write were worse than just leaving it blank. Trust me. It was awful. I puked a little when I read through it. I do have plans, though, so worry not about the simplicity.
