[IC] Journey to the East

[snelss0]

Elann was perhaps a bit more wild than Noah when it came to experimenting. After all, she was the cook between them. She was tempted to experiment with them herself, but knew that it was Noah's right. Still, she could help him certainly, but dared not to anger the God of storms. It was a test for her husband, much like the test for her marks were meant to show her faithfulness, goodness, and purity. Elann nodded with her husband to Aimee, they were special. Her hands traced down to his shoulders where she began to massage him.

"They are special, that is certain. I had never seen Zulrav before, but there I saw his power, likely just a small bit of it, and it was amazing. From what he did, these were made. I imagine they can be very dangerous, which is why he has been being so cautious about them. Wouldn't you say, love?"

She could sense the feeling within him, the want to discover what they were exactly, and by her actions through her hands, she attempted to calm him, to at least make his body at ease. He had a focus unlike any other she had met and a curiosity beyond that of a human, and these gifts were shiny. Like a raven to a piece of silver, he had grown attatched to them in intense study. It was hard at times to gather him back from the brink of his thoughts, often not seeing relief for hours on end and often with him disappearing to think recently.

Elann continued to stretch and press his muscles, ocassionally reaching up to brush through his hair and then downward to scratch his back as he sat on the floor of the bumping wagon. Heading to Zeltiva was going to be a long road, but already it was far more pleasant than her boatride from the desert regions of Eyktol to Syliras. The road was as smooth as could be, but was very rough compared to the rolling waves of the ocean.

Seeing that he was packing things up, Elann let out a deep breath and asked him, "I am thinking of walking along side the wagon for a bit- stretching my legs. Care to join me?"

She then planted a kiss upon the top of his head and carefully rose. At any point a bump could come along and throw her to the other side of the wagon if she wasn't balanced.

[Illumin0sity]

Elann’s hands smoothing down his back and shoulders were relaxing and easing to his mind, a mind that was heavy with the thoughts of what to do with his gifts from the gods. He was at his end for the moment with the gems, unsure of where to go next. It wasn’t often that he got stumped, usually able to find the ends for problems that often eluded others, but now, he was stuck with no clear direction to go. His focused eyes were strained and his muscles were tense, cramped in his position for most of the morning looking over his gems.

Noah nodded, humming in affirmation. The gems were dangerous, but that wasn’t the only reason for his carefulness. He didn’t want to offend his god by improperly tampering with the divine gifts either. The secrets held within were to be tapped by natural means, just as they were created in the same way. Atop of that, he had already been zapped by the charges within the gems. He was unsure what would happen if he tried anything more invasive.

“I would say so,” he said in reply as he packed up the gifts.

When they were packed, the bag tied loosely, Elann’s breath brought his attention to her. Noah peered up at her behind him, careening his head back to look at her in an upside down way. The offer came and he accepted, nodding.

He pushed himself to stand, the bag of gems in hand. He drifted towards the front of the wagon first, putting the sack with the rest of their things before heading towards the back to join his wife outside. A walk would be a nice escape from what he was toiling over, the heat of his constantly simmering thoughts allowed to relax in the cool breezes of early spring.

Once outside he observed that they weren’t the only ones who wanted to take a stroll with the wagons. A few others were out and about as well, walking alongside the wagons, some people talking to the drivers, others just enjoying the nature they were submerged in. He helped his wife out of the wagon then took up post walking by her side as he enjoyed the freshness of the air. Above, the birds sang in off again on again tunes that he understood, causing him to curiously look up to them.

There was a specific tune that caught his attention, and with a lick of his lips, he replayed it, calling back to the bird who originally sang it. He got a reply, to which he replied again, the tune perfect in its crafting as it left his lips. He preoccupied a little bit of his time with the same back and forth, a few other avian comrades joining in as they realized Noah was more than the man he appeared to be. Soon he disconnected himself from the conversation, whistling his goodbye, before setting his sights on the path ahead.

[snelss0]

Elann was sure her husband would figure out the gems eventually. They had all their lives to do so. She just wanted him to be careful. There was an entire destructive storm system contained within them and as such, it was possible that they could be released. He seemed to agree with her and she patiently watched him pack away the back with both of her hands on the seat.

She waited for him to finish before getting ready to leave, but him climbing out first worked for her better, and seeing his open arms for her, Elann was filled with love for him. She lowered herself happily into his arms, her own instantly wrapping about his neck, taking what warmth she found there and bringing it into her always cold body.

Her feet slid safely to the ground as the wagon moved forward - her remaining in his arms - and she moved with him off to the side to walk with him, using his arm to wrap about her shoulders in an embrace. The soft gentle breezes, cool as they were, were freezing to the desert-born Benshira, but having Noah at her side let her withstand their bite.

Syna above warmed her also, the sun's rays shining brightly down on the meadow path they traversed. The forest was on either side of the road, giving cover from the nearby sounds of the river. Her attention was on the people around them, seemingly also enjoying the time outside of their wagons. Those around them seemed to talk to the wagon drivers and the wagon guards who escorted them through the unsafe reaches to their ultimate destination, but Elann just had her husband there. In the past week, she had not spoken much to anyone but their driver. There were a few people she had helped set up tents and assisted in various ways, but no-one she knew well yet.

Noah seemed - like many times - to be off in his own little world. The Kelvic man, a native of the town they were going to seemed to be focused on the sounds of birds. His non-human nature, able to transform into the form of a great eagle, seemed to allow him to understand the animals of avian nature around them. Elann looked to his lips as he made the perfect pitched tunes. It caused a bright smile to remain upon her face despite her cold.

"I knew you could speak to eagles, but you can speak to them too?" she asked, referencing the many birds flying about, thinking there was no predator in their region at the moment. "What did they say? Are they smart?"

[Illumin0sity]

Walking with his arm around Elann brought him a certain warmth as well. It wasn’t physical, but mental and emotional. Noah was perfectly content walking in the moodless breezes with his bondmate at his side, arm draped around her to form some sort of physical connection. The touch, alongside with being outside the wagon, was freshening up his mind where it had once been bogged down because of the puzzling gems. He was becoming feather-light and wondrously minded once more, the birds singing above helping him realize that he was somewhere he loved being: in the forest. Having his bondmate out there with him in a place he loved was all the more comforting.

Noah looked down at Elann as she spoke, questioning him about his communication with the birds. He nodded at the first question, confirming it.

“All birds,” he said. “When I first moved to Syliras I met a Parrot Kelvic. Her name was Altaira. She was the bondmate of another Benshira, Oriah. We talked as birds before we talked as people.”

She asked him what they said, to which hummed in thought. Translating the simple tweets, whistles, and calls could be tricky sometimes.

“They were talking about the caravan,” he finally said. “They don’t see people often, so when they do it’s exciting. It’s why they’re following the caravan. Haven’t you noticed?”

“They’re curious, and I told them about you because they wondered why I was walking with you like this. I said it was because you were my person. Basically saying that I’m walking with you like this because you’re special to me,” he expressed, looking back up into the overhead branches.

“Some of them are smarter than others, like people,” he joked. “Ravens and crows, they are smart. Owls, falcons, and hawks are smart too. These birds are a little stupid, but they’re funny too. They’re like… the fool equivalent of people, because some fool people are funny. They’re like that.”

He kind of smiled, liking that he was able to talk about this part of his life. Comparing people to the different species of birds had helped him understand some people better. Living in Syliras was kind of dulling in that regard because there wasn’t a large variety of birds, and the birds that were there weren’t as lively as they ones outside of the castle city. It seemed the grey walls drug everything down with them, depressing not only the people but the animals who were caught in there by either accident or time. Out here, like him, they were wild, happy, and free; it showed.

“How is your sewing project going?” he asked.

Noah reached his other hand over to Elann, brushing the hair on the side of her face behind her ear so that he could see her better. While they hadn’t been talking much throughout the trip in the last few days since their last fight, he had been paying close attention to her, quietly watching as she put herself through the movements of stitching and weaving.

[snelss0]

There were times when her husband could seem more the animal, but then there were times that he seemed like the man she loved all the more. As he explained about the birds, mainly about Altaira and the Benshira Oriah, she seemed very interested to learn more. He continued on, speaking about how they thought. She thought it was cute how they seemed to be following the caravan, and given her secluded nature the past few days in the back of the covered wagon, she had not noticed that they had been following them.

"No...really?" she asked with surprise, looking over toward the forest edge, yet was unable to see the many birds he likely saw.

She never assumed that birds would wonder about why one person was walking with another and admiration for her husband began to blossom greatly in her heart. A little laugh came from her as he joked and the eyes that had seemed so dim in comparison inside the dim light of the wagon once again met his with their brilliance of green and ocean blue.

"I never would have thought birds talked like that."

She almost buzzed with excitement, nearly springing in her step with him. With her turned face toward him, the wind blew her thick strands of hair into obstructing her face and she tossed her hair to look forward into the wind as she looked down to the ground they were walking on. It was such a contrast how verdant everything was. For miles and miles stretching toward the mountains far far in the distance all she could see was beautiful green.

Her husband's question about her sewing project, as well as his reaching touch to brush her windswept hair away from her cheek, snapped her attention back to him. In a loving tone she hummed thoughtfully for a moment and then spoke.

"It's going fine. I think I'll be done by tomorrow. I am just finishing up the embroidery. Do you like how it looks so far? Did you see it?"

She wasn't sure how attentive he had been given his intent focus on the stormgems. It was a sign to her that she wouldn't likely get much out of him until he had settled to put them away. Yet her husband had uncanny focus, and while the gems were fascinating, she knew she was all the more to him.

[Illumin0sity]

Elann hadn’t noticed the birds following them. It wasn’t exactly surprising. At this point Noah felt as if he was the more attentive of the two at certain points. This was one of those points. He nodded a few times to affirm that the birds had indeed been following the caravan, and that they indeed inquired about him and Elann’s relationship. It wasn’t all too surprising to hear them ask of such things. He thought of the birds as another race of people, more his kin than the humans he often associated himself with. Bird calls, songs, and coos were just another language he knew fluently.

She looked at him, the wind sweeping at her hair. “That’s like saying I had no idea Benshira talked like Sylirans,” he said, hoping the analogy would help. “We… they… have their lives too, and this is their language.”

Answering him on her sewing project, she said she thought she would be done by tomorrow. He nodded, humming that he did like how it looked. “It’s pretty,” he said, speaking honestly. “I’ve seen a lot of it. I didn’t want to interrupt you though; you looked like you were really concentrating on it.”

Noah had snuck looks at her whenever his mind grew tired of the gems. One of the only things he could focus on constantly without waning interest was hunting. Even then, he often had small breaks to focus on something else entirely, something like his deity and His words.

Noah walked on, wondering if the moment would wane on a little longer in quiet or if Elann would interrupt it again. A breeze came at them once more. It sent the birds overhead in the green branches out to the other side of the road, their calls sounding in the frantic and quick relocation. Today the winds were very quiet, Zulrav’s words not on them this day. It didn’t appear as if the deity was in the sky either, His clouds there and white but lacking the mysteriousness that often came when He was there looking down.

“Do you like it out here?” Noah asked curiously.

Elann was a Benshira from the deserts of Ekytol, and then she came to Syliras, a stone city of grey that was barren of rich, lush life such as what they were immersed in right now. In the eight days they had been traveling with the caravan they had left the territory that Noah had called his, yet these parts were familiar in that they were something he was used to seeing, or had missed seeing immensely. This was probably the most green Elann had witness, and with spring present, the green was only getting more verdant and floral every day.

[snelss0]

Elann was in a far better mood now than she had been in the back of the wagon. Sitting there endlessly, brushing Aimee's hair could only entertain her so much. While Elann was often more comfortable than some when it came to sitting quietly, due to her being a rugmaker all her life, she still enjoyed Noah's attentions toward her. His helping her out of the wagon, walking with her, the gentle brushing and attentiveness of her person all went to filling her up with love for him. As they walked and talked about the birds, she didn't have the experience he did with them. Birds were not common where she lived, let alone any animal in abundance.

"Oh..." she said shyly. She had at the most seen vultures in a group before and only had seen smaller birds a few times at oases, but had never really paid attention to them. Her mind was preoccupied with bathing, gathering water, and not getting attacked by something. To Noah, it seemed very common knowledge to know that birds talked and had their own language. "...I had no idea. There aren't really many birds that live where I am from. And I don't recall seeing any birds in Syliras. I remember hearing them though when we were hunting with your mother and sister. They do seem to have a language, don't they. Hmm."

She thought on it some more, listening more attentively now to them and looking around to see them, yet failing to. Noah commented on her work in progress, stating that she looked quite focused on it. A small chuckle came from her.

"I suppose I was. Rugmaking is what I am comfortable with, but sewing I am still learning. Especially embroidery. With the wagon bumping and everything, I'm surprised I haven't stained the outfit red with blood from jerking the needle. I would normally not be so focused on it, but I think it will be pretty to wear when I'm done. I have a lot more fabric. When I'm done, do you want me to replace that shirt that got ruined?"

He asked of her whether she liked it outside on the path, walking with him. Looking up with a cute little grin, she nodded.

"I do. It's very pretty. If it was safe, I'd love to live out here. The more I see of trees and grass, your bushes and rivers, the more I want to spend time among them. "

She perhaps had that desire in her all along, but while Elann may have been more strongwilled in many aspects than Noah was, she had definitely folded to their bond when it came to loving nature. From the moment they were bonded it seemed like she had been given a new appreciation for everything nature related. Perhaps it was just her experience with him and how they had come together after their hunt, but she adored every moment of it.

"I think if I wasn't so cold all the time, I would. You said it gets very hot in Zeltiva, right?" her voice almost pleadingly hoping it was so.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah listened as she told him about her project. The road was bumpy, and they were always tolling back and forth as the wheels and horses carried them on. At times it was lulling and very calming, the rocking back and forth something like a mother’s. At other times it wasn’t so comforting. In fact, it could be quite jarring, especially when he was trying to focus on the gems. They would roll around the floor sometimes because of the wagon’s sweeping movements. That, when it happened, was quite annoying. He was getting over it though; they had a long way to go still before they reached his hometown.

Elann was a cold person temperature-wise. He supposed being from where the heat was often dry and oppressive near constantly would condition her to that. Syliras was drab in comparison, and while the coolness of spring and autumn were welcomed by Noah, they were trying for Elann. She had arrived during a sweltering Syliran summer, yet it was still probably dull compared to the year-round heat of the Ekytol desert. Noah did not know; he was from a coastal city where summers were hot and humid, only occasionally graced with cool breezes. The winters weren’t as cold as they were in Syliras either. Both of them suffered through the last harsh winter within the castle city. Now they were going to Zeltiva in the spring, a time where the air was crisp was salty air.

“It can get really hot,” he answered. “Not for a little while more though.”

The coolness of winter still held the area, and it was taking the region a while to warm up, a while longer than it did last year. Syna was trying her best to warm the world after Morwen’s wintry reign, that much was apparent by how brightly the sun could shine during the days the clouds weren’t oppressively hanging overhead.

“I’ll keep you warm until then,” he said almost charmingly with a small smile, his hand rubbing her shoulder.

He was going to be true to his word until summer came. Then he probably wouldn’t even want her touching him with how humid the Zeltivan city could be during hot summer days when breezes were little. Usually he was comfortable in the city though because of the openness and lack of walls on one front, the other front being made of natural defenses seen within the mountains and the thin pass that served as the road into the city.

Noah hummed idly after that, a quiet hum that carried a freestyled tune with no clear intention or melody. He was thoroughly enjoying the outside air, the ground beneath his feet, his bondmate, and the birds chirping in the background.

[snelss0]

Elann nearly warmed at the thought. The idea of Zeltiva being really hot filled their connected bond with thoughts of comfort and coziness; even if it was for a while yet. By the time they arrived there in a couple to a few weeks, she would be that much closer to warm weather. Then her husband said something that made her look up to him and fill with passionate love for him. She then nestled in at his side looking forward with a happy sigh, embracing him with both of her hands in a sideways hug about his torso.

It seemed whatever he said had worked charmingly to bring her happiness, whether it was his intent or not. Elann liked to believe Noah was much more romantic at times than he actually was, and his defense of her was not just his predatory instinct of his eagle form, but rather a deep rooted love for her. In reality she was part right, he did love her, but he was far more animal than she knew.

"I can't wait until we get there. I have been thinking about it non-stop. I dream about it all the time and I hope it is as wonderful as you have said it would be. Even if not though, I know I'll love it there."

Her hand moved from the hug to reach up to the one wrapped around her and held it still while she turned her head to gently place a kiss there on his forearm. She settled back in at his side more and let out a happy sigh. They had been on a rocky road, that was for sure, and it was nice to just relax for a little with each other. It was for that reason she had not pushed to bring up what was on her heart. It kept nagging at her though and pushing her to tell the truth.

"Noah?" she awaited his hum, loving that she could predict him. "I have been feeling something in my heart that I have to confess. I know I have failed to understand you in many ways. Your world has been so different from mine. How can I better understand you more? We haven't talked about this since our fight. I want to know you better, but inside, in my heart, I feel like you are this amazing animal, a Kelvic eagle, but at the same time, you are a Kelvic man. You've told me before you wanted to be more human, but recently I've seen you embrace more of the opposite. It sometimes makes me feel like you just want to go off and be an eagle, but I married you, you are bonded to me, and I don't want you to fall too far into that side of you. Am I wrong to feel that way? What...what can I do to better know you?" she asked nervously and then pleaded, "I love you so much and I just feel afraid that if since your family has come you have been being more focused on that animal side of you, how much more when you are among your whole family. Is this a dumb fear to have?"

He could perceive through her bond a sense of relief, but also a feeling of honesty in her words. It was how she was feeling; even if she didn't want to feel it. She had trusted that she could speak what was on her heart to him, but each time recently it had ended up painful to speak of what was there; them ending in large fights. She hoped with all her being that he wouldn't leave her there, that he would comfort her fears and not turn from her like he had before- she didn't know how much more she could handle of him leaving her. If he had to leave, she hoped he would at least pay her love before doing so. After all, he hadn't liked it when she left the tent suddenly the previous day, perhaps he could now understand her.

[Illumin0sity]

It seemed Elann appreciated his gesture, giving him a face to indicate her liking of what he said and his rubbing of her shoulder. It warmed his heart to hear her say she thought about his hometown a lot, dreaming about it even. It was a place that was dear to Noah’s heart, and so to see Elann was anxiously anticipating their arrival with good vibes made him feel good about it as well. The touch of her lips against his forearm, her hand holding his arm steady, all of it was just as welcome, especially after hearing her say what she did.

There was a quiet moment between them before she piped up with his name in question. He hummed in acknowledgement, waiting for her to continue. Elann continued but did so with words that made Noah’s insides squirm. She needed to ‘confess’ something held in her heart. Nervously, he listened as she voiced her worries: understanding how she failed to understand a lot about him, wanting to understand it more, going back on how he had once told her he sought to be more human, but recently he was acting more like the animal he was. She didn’t want him to fall ‘far’ into that side because she was his wife and bondmate. She asked if it was wrong of her to feel that way. Her voice was nervous, and the hold he had on her felt uneasy. She saw that the changes were happening since his mother and sister had arrived in Syliras, then wondered if it was all a dumb fear to have.

Noah licked his lips, taking a breath, thinking. Her truthful words didn’t add to the sense of comfort within him, telling him that she truly had the concerns. There were so many of them and it sounded like she had been harboring them until now. The reason being because of their fights on the matter of his changing behavior.

“I remember telling you that,” he said, “when we first met. I guess, now, it’s different. I decided before we bonded that I couldn’t really change who I was completely. Before you came I had tried for two years to be more like them, but couldn’t succeed. I’m just not good with people, and most of them thought me strange… weird… bizarre. The people that I liked the most were the hunters, but that was because they didn’t know I was a man. To them, I was an eagle, another hunter, a comrade.”

He exhaled. “I just stayed like that. I really don’t like Syliras. Before I met you I was considering leaving. Actually, I was waiting for Matilda to tell her that I was giving my room up because I was going to come back to Zeltiva. That’s when I met you, and you said we could see one another again, so I didn’t tell Matilda that I was giving up my room because you said we would see one another,” he said. “That’s off-topic though.”

“I guess, I felt like I couldn’t be… free in Syliras. The Knights were everywhere, the walls were high and sad. I could only be free when I was outside of the walls. I was really, really sad because of it. I was kind of acting human because I didn’t want you to not like me. When you found out that I was a Kelvic, I was scared you wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore. It was why I panicked in the Stallion the first time. You know, when you got angry because I wasn’t talking a lot?”

“I felt really confined in Syliras. When my family came I felt as if I belonged a little more, and now that I’m out here, I feel free again. It’s like someone saying you can only fly when they want you to, then suddenly you can fly whenever you want. It’s like that,” he said, taking a breath.

“I love my family, Elann. With them, I was the freest I’ve ever been. I guess, when they came around I wanted to be with them again. I missed that feeling. It felt nice to hunt with them again, and to see my sister and be with her again.” He shrugged. “That’s all.”

“I don’t want to say your worry is dumb, but I’m not sure how to feel about it,” he confessed nervously.

[snelss0]

It was sort of news to her that he had been planning to leave before she had come. It warmed her heart, filling her with a great love for him at it. While he likely became fascinated with her, it was really sweet to hear that he had stayed simply because she had asked him to.

"It's a good off topic," she commented with a kiss to his cheek in love, but then nodded that he should continue with what he was feeling.

It seemed he had a desire to be free, and by her befriending him, she had kept him in that cage of a city. He forced himself to be human because of her. Thoughts of the afternoon that she yelled at him came streaming back at his mention of it. She nodded in response, saddened slightly that he had thought she didn't want to be friends because he was Kelvic. He then revealed that when his family came and she wanted them to leave to Zeltiva, he changed because he was free. Free to be himself, something that Syliras held him back from. He had decided without her that he couldn't change, that he was going to keep being the animal despite what he had said to her. He encouraged her not to put down herself and her feelings, to which she nodded.

"Moon, I have seen such a change in you over the past year. You might not realize it, but think back how shy you were when you met me. To tell the truth, you were kind of quiet and awkward. I saw you meeting that vendor just recently and you weren't nearly as shy. You hugged your best friend goodbye and you felt emotion, sad emotions at leaving him. I have seen your care for me just increase ten fold."

"Look, even here in this conversation. Before, you would have said a few words, but now you've told me how you feel, how it affects you, your thoughts- all of it is such a human-like improvement. I don't know much about our bond, but I share feelings with you, and sometimes I feel like...running naked through the woods with you all," she stated nervously, confessing only her deepest fears to her husband. "It makes sense that you would have felt how to seem human. Your mother, your sister...if you hadn't told me they were Kelvic, I'd never have known. They have learned to both be human and free. I am sure it wasn't easy, but you can't give up. Please don't give up on that. I fell in love with that human side of you just as much as I did in your animal side. You giving up on it is not okay to me. I encourage you to go fly, I encourage you to be your eagle self, but there are times when I want you to understand me better, and that can only come through trying to be more human. Just as I can only understand you sometimes by being more animal...right?"

She knew what she was saying. She had a long line of warriors in her family, and that animalistic urge to hunt, survive, and thrive was there even within the quiet tentmaker. All the more common it was for her to want it, to get excited at it because of their bond. She wouldn't tell him the thoughts, desires, and passions she had about hunting and being wild with him. He could feel passions and desires feel the bond briefly as he mind trailed that way, but was quieted by a deep breath and a bright look to him.

"I hope you don't think I am trying to cage you like Syliras did. I don't want to cage you...ever. I want you to feel free. Right now, you can go and be free on the winds if you want, to think of what I've said and I won't care. But you know...you can feel free with me, here, walking beside me as a human because you want to. Both are free, both are who you are, right?"

She hoped she made sense. Despite her stubbornness, Elann was not a good arguer, but she had confessed her feelings and awaited to see what he would say about them. Whatever he seemed to say, she wasn't sad or angry with him, but still seemed to have a gentle tone and a soft pleading smile on her face. It felt good to get all of it out and to hear his feelings on the matter.

[Illumin0sity]

Noah snaked his hand from behind her back and shook his head at her question. “Both are not free,” he stated. “You guys have these rules. You have to be nice to the people you see, you’re not allowed to be mean even when the other person deserves it. If someone offends you, you should tell them. You shouldn’t have to grin and bear it. That’s… stupid.”

“I am not giving up trying to be more human because I know that it’s what you want, and I guess I still want that too. You said you wouldn’t have known my mother or sister were Kelvics if I didn’t tell you, but you would not have known if I was a Kelvic if I didn’t tell you either, right?” he questioned in reply. “I look just like a normal man, don’t I? They look just like normal, human women. My mother acts more human because of Lanna, because she had to if she wanted to avoid suspicion. Sometimes they were in places where she wasn’t allowed to be who she was so she had to hide it in order to survive.”

“Aimee probably learned because she likes having fun and likes going to school, and no one wants to attend parties with weird Kelvics. No one wants us in their classes either,” he said, looking at Elann. “When you yelled at me in the Stallion asking why I wasn’t behaving like a human, you really hurt my feelings. I didn’t want to upset you anymore, and I didn’t want you yelling at me anymore, so I try to talk more, even if I don’t want to. It takes a lot to understand you and your people, and I don’t know how I can get you to understand me.”

“This is me,” he said, raising his hand to gesture to the trees on their flank. “This is you.” Noah used the same hand to gesture to the caravan. “I care for you because you were the first person to treat me like I wasn’t a freak, and I love you for that. I gave you my bond because I felt safe with you. I don’t feel caged, but it is a lot to deal with all this change. It is really, really overwhelming sometimes, Elann.” He understood that the caravan wasn’t her Benshiran culture, but he believed the gesture told of the same humanness between her and the others with them on the caravan.

“I had to learn to talk to a vendor if I wanted to get what I wanted. I learned to do that in Zeltiva. I was sad to leave Liam because he was like you; he was very nice to me, and took a long time to understand me. We met two years ago, and I had considered giving him my bond, but I bonded with Caesarion before I could. Then, I bonded with you,” he explained. All the Fratava speak over the past few days made his words slur on the border between Common and the exotic language, atop of that he was started to get flustered.

“We’ve only been hunting together a few times,” he said. “Love’s a strong word, right? I don’t know if you’ve seen enough of me in the wild to be in love with that side of me.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “You’ve seen me like this more than any person I’ve met. I’ve been with you and those ways more than any person. They are special to me to because I feel safe enough to be that way with you.”

Noah exhaled, dropping his shoulders. “You said you didn’t like me leaving, so I’m not leaving right now even though I don’t like this conversation,” he said. “It’s a lot to change in less than a year, Elann. We met on the 25th of Summer and bonded on the 25th of Winter. That’s not really a long time, right? A year’s not long to you, is it? We haven’t even known one another a year.”

Noah inhaled and brought a hand to course through his hair, coming down the back of his head, the nape of his neck, to rest on his shoulder. He looked ahead, not really wanting to meet her eyes right now. He had said a lot, and it was exhausting to think it all up. He was a quiet person, and much would’ve preferred to stay that way. Yet, as he said, he didn’t want to upset Elann anymore than he had in the past week by either leaving or not saying much at all.

[snelss0]

Elann didn't have any issue with Noah telling people off if they were offending him. She had a problem with him being rude unnecessarily for no reason if anything. It seemed he thought she did. She muttered a simple, "I agree", in short before he continued.

He explained in a nervous tone, all her points, dissecting everything she said and showing her how she was wrong. In truth, she could tell something was strange about Noah, but Elann also was around an entirely new type of people. It was only later, when she began to talk to him, did she notice his odd behavior, his silence and a few other things. They didn't bother her, but to someone else, they likely could and they would easily tell he was a Kelvic man. He expressed how his mother and sister both had experience around people and then seemed to almost rebuke her for her impatience with him.

The whole point of her bringing it up was to call attention to the fact she felt he was slipping into his animal side, which he admitted he was- not a call to make him change faster. She didn't care that he wasn't all the man she would have liked him to be. That didn't matter to her. She just didn't want him giving up, which he also agreed he had to a point.

"I know..." she voiced softly, "...I don't expect change overnight and I hope you don't think I'm pushing you to. I...I just felt like you had almost given up on working to be human-like when last I knew you were trying. I just hadn't seen you bother in a long time...so I just wanted to tell you how I felt. I like you trying, even if it can be stupid at times."

She had tried to be open, requesting help in understanding him better but it was kind of turned back on her. It didn't make her feel good, nor did his emphasis on the fact he didn't like the conversation. That hurt worst of all. He had asked her to bear her feelings out to him, to be open, and now was being told in his cautious flighty way that he essentially wanted to leave the conversation. It was likely the last time she would bear her heart to him.

His eyes looked ahead in steady defiance to look at her own and she instead gave up, looking ahead herself and leaning into him. There was no pain in her or hurt, no racing or raging emotion. It seemed to be quiet in their bond except for a steady flow of love from her to him. She had bottled it all up and sealed away her feelings, then distracted herself with thoughts of the road ahead.

[Illumin0sity]

It slightly annoyed him that she didn’t answer any of his posed questions, only saying that she knew that they hadn’t known each other that long. She said she didn’t expect change overnight, and he understood her. He understood that he often saved the questions for later, but Elann was not him in that regard, he believed. He didn't think she would bring the questions up later to be discussed with a sounder mind. He thought she would hide them away again to bring up in a barrage like this. Noah had, and still was, speaking from his heart to her, telling her what was really bothering him, and it didn't seem she liked it, growing quiet like that.

“It does sometimes,” he said earnestly. “Things that are common sense to you aren’t to me. I’ve had less time than you to learn these things, even if you are from Ekytol.” He sighed from his nose, going on to say, “It’s exhausting to keep trying to impress people that probably don’t care, or I won’t see again. The most I’ve really ever gone to vendors in Syliras is to get gifts for you. Otherwise I would hardly see them, nor would I want to.”

In those instances, he looked like an ordinary man, a quiet, lanky, awkward man. To nearly every human that wasn’t an auramancer Kelvics looked human when they appeared as such. People would be none the wiser lest they were informed by the Kelvic that they were actually a different race. Even Kelvics had not sense of if there was another Kelvic in the vicinity unless obvious tells came like the unabashed nudeness, the sparkling transformation, or the very acute scent of an animal. There were more quiet, and awkward men in the world than there were Kelvics, he was nearly sure of that.

“I don’t know how to help you understand me because my people do not have a culture. We do not have cities and we do not gather like humans do,” he informed her. “If we meet it is by accident, and I’ve only ever met one other Kelvic in my three years of Syliras that I know of. I only knew she was a Kelvic because I talked to her before and after she shifted. All I can show you is what I love, and that is this,” he gestured up into the sky, a moodless breeze gently coming over them, “and you,” he said, reaching for her hand to hold.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been out here like this, and it’s been a long time since I saw my sister and mother. I want to enjoy it before I’m put back into another city. I would like you to enjoy it with me, too,” he expressed, looking to her again.

[snelss0]

Elann hadn't meant to ignore his questions. He had chosen to dissect her words and unfurl how wrong she was back at her, even if in a civil way. The result was that she was so intent on listening to the main points of what he had to say that she hadn't had much opportunity to answer said questions. Now that he had finished his disposition toward her, she was more quiet and far too injured from what he had said to actually want to bring up the subject of his questions. After all, last time in the wagon, she tried to argue her points with him and he had left. The result of that was her near timid answer. It was designed to not offend him in any way and to keep him there despite his disdain in staying.

She knew he was flighty, but he stayed, continued talking about his problems, and even though she had resigned herself to silence, he nudged her back to say some things. She nodded in understanding, knowing that some things were not common sense for him. In fact, many things were not. She had shown great patience in that with him, and encouraged him in the learning of such ways. It seemed that everytime she did, she was either met with opposition or he seemed hesitant to learn such things; such as the other day with them trying new things. It was hard for her to get the point across, and when she finally had, it was as though she was awkward for even bringing up such thoughts. It had been a tough marriage so far for her, but there were times when he would soothe her and it would all just go away.

He finally looked to her and she nodded, feeling the glare on the top of her head. She nudged into his chest with her nose and then looked up at him from his shirt.

"I do. I love everything you've showed me of your world and all of this," she said with a similar gesture upward to the sky. "But as much as I would try, I will not likely ever fully understand it like you do. It would take years and years for me to even come close- even with the bond. So be patient with me too," she stated in a higher pitch voice, almost whining. She definitely felt he was extremely frustrated with her, far more than she with him over her lack of understanding, and she really could use his patience. "I'm trying desperately to learn your world- any way I can so I can understand you better because I love you too. All I want is for you to do the same for me, not to give up, you know? I know your world is hard to understand..." she explained as if it was far beyond her grasping, "...and so is mine, but let's work together on it, hmm?"

"I love our family, and I have not felt jealousy toward them in taking you out, coming, or anything like that. I just felt like you've been much more snippy with me lately, and you've seemed to be so quick to anger at times that I actually felt afraid sometimes. I wasn't sure if it was because you were mad at me, or because since your family got here you've kind of settled back into your old ways with them. It made me feel...while you were still here with me...like you were somewhere else. Like you wanted to be somewhere else, flying free. Like I was your cage."

Tears filled her eyes at the thought, though she still hid her face from him.

"I don't want to be that to you. I want you to find freedom in me, and I want to find it in you. Through our hunting, our bond, sharing your ways of thinking sometimes, I do feel free...unrestrained, wanting to run with you like part of some...wolf pack or something. It's refreshing to think of, but I just haven't done it yet...I want you to feel free in me, that when you are with me, you delight in the things I delight in- taking care of people, loving them, helping them and loving me all the while."

[Illumin0sity]

It relieved him more than she probably knew to hear her say that she would likely not fully understand his world, even with years and years of experience. It showed that he wasn’t the only one hopelessly lost in the transition as he felt he had been. Noah felt as if he had been giving up a lot of himself to better fit in the mold set for him by Elann, and willfully put there by himself. It was a mold that he thought would better their relationship, and he thought she would grow fonder of him if he was more human-like, more like her. Even though she constantly told him she loved him as he was, it was hard to believe her all the time, even if he did trust her.

It their trust was measured by the length and love of their relationship alone, his friend Liam would far surpass her. Years he had been with Liam, and in those years he had managed to expose the young man to what snippets of what Kelvic life was like. Liam was just as curious as Noah to a point, constantly questioning the Kelvic on what was outside the walls, how he saw the world from the sky, and more. Noah’s bond with Elann was a great strengthener to the trust between them, but his man’s mind questioned the sense behind some of her words at times.

Her near whining put him off. Noah was truthfully growing increasingly frustrated with her, and her display was more discomforting than its opposite. He believed he was patient with her as well. It was when she pushed his own boundaries did he feel he could lash out. He felt he was easy to get along with; no one else had run into this much conflict with him ever before, but then again no one had spent this much time in his company as Elann had. She said she was desperately trying to learn his world but had spent few times with him outside the walls of Syliras, only going hunting with him the first time because he asked it off her despite her knowing it was one of his favorite things to do. As he had said, he felt he was more immersed in her world than her his. It didn’t matter to him if his world was a minority, or if it was too dangerous, it was the world he lived in.

Elann including herself in his family wasn’t all too comforting either. She was not officially a part of his family dynamic, regardless of their marriage or not. Noah’s family, his pack, was not bound to the rules of gods or the legality of marriage. It would be determined when they arrived in Zeltiva, when his father, brother, and sister would examine her. For the longest time Noah had been without an alpha – he had been solo. Now that he was returning to Zeltiva that would change and he would be subordinate underneath his father again, and by association Elann would be as well. So far as his father was concerned, Zeltiva and the surrounding woods belonged to him, the dire wolf.

She didn’t want to be a cage to him, wanting him to find freedom in her, and wanting to find it in him. Her looking away, her tears, made him click his tongue in some annoyance. He looked ahead again, keeping a loose hold of her hand.

“Stop it,” he said unsmilingly. “You’re not a cage. You’re just frustrating sometimes, and very, very confusing, and kind of annoying. You haven’t felt any jealousy because they haven’t asked anything of me. I didn’t go hunting with them without you, and they were almost always over your house when they would come. They did everything without me.” He looked over to her then, briefly. “I think it will be different when we get to Zeltiva. You like to stay inside, and sometimes that is nice, but I want to go to the parties with my sisters, and I want to go to the taverns with my brother, and I’ll want to go hunting with my entire family again.”

Noah took a breath, filling his chest. “I don’t know how my brothers, my father, or Jocelyn are going to feel about you. I hope that they like you, but I do not know.”

It made him squeamish at the thought of his brothers, Jocelyn, and his father not liking Elann. If they didn’t there was nothing he could do about it, nor would he really want to. Their opinions were theirs, but they wouldn’t influence how he felt about his bondmate. He allowed himself to be bonded to her for a reason, and still saw those reasons in her despite her presentable confusion and untimeable blindsiding with sudden issues. Still, he was unsure if his kin would see the same light he saw in Elann’s brilliant eyes.

“If I gave up on you, or myself, you would know,” he said, facing front again.

Noah was speaking quietly, yet was being blunt at the same time. He knew it, but he was speaking how his father and eldest sister would speak to any other human. He was speaking from the heart and it held a hard truth with it. There was no intent to deceive Elann, nor would he want to. She did not want him to fly away, wanted him to stay there and talk to her. Now he was, and he wasn’t folding beneath her crying. He was hearing her points, but had many of his own to rebut with. The Kelvic wasn’t going to hold them back either. If his wife wanted to engage in this conversation with him, then he would do so in spite of the ache in his legs and arms to be rid of it.

[snelss0]

Even though he looked at her and she rested in his chest, almost hiding her face from him, somehow he knew she was crying. His bond told Elann that he was annoyed, confused, and frustrated greatly at the moment with her, growing more and moreso as their communication continued. His command for her to stop crying only filled her eyes all the more with tears, though she didn't sob. Did he think she was faking for the sake of the argument? She really felt the need to be comforted and it would prevail in their bond over her love for him. She needed comfort for compassion's sake, but he had none left for her. Though her bond had been filled with love and admiration for him just moments ago, now it filled with pain at his words.

At times he could be so comforting, him having the ability like no other to calm her and care for her, but at times, like now, he had the ability like no other to destroy her and tear her down. He voiced his thoughts on her, openly and truthfully telling her how annoying, confusing, and frustrating she was at times. No voice came from her then, but the pain that filled their bond definitely originated there. As she wiped her eyes and looked away from him toward the forest, all she could think about was how courteous and nice she was trying to be with him, yet it didn't matter to him. Like he had said, sometimes humans say or do stupid things and all this being nice is worthless. It was what he thought of her tears, what he thought of her reactions to his words, and she was at a loss how to change that in him. She really wished Aimee had been listening and would come out and smack him at that point. He had basically just stated that she wasn't a cage, but he wanted to leave her because she annoyed him. It cut deep inside and every blink rolled big tears down her eyes.

The Benshira listened as he related about their family and she could only feel like a third wheel as he explained. He wanted to go do more, which didn't bother her at all, but the reason why he explained it then was in relation to her being annoying and that her positions, while not a cage, seemed to hold him back, and he just wanted to be free sometimes. Then he spoke something that she cut her even deeper. His doubt that his family would even enjoy her presence. It was at that moment, despite her knowing he didn't mean the things in the way he said them, she couldn't help but sent even thicker tears down. Still, she avoided him to hide her tears from his face. She kept herself from sobbing like she wished, but sadness filled her all the more at the comment.

Eventually he spoke so harshly to her, that it almost seemed like a threat that if he had given up on her, she'd know it. It was said quietly but with emotion. It was as if he said it to make her whole point invalid, as if she thought that he had given up on her and that she was being stupid for even bringing up the feelings she had. He had even admitted to having such feelings of abandonment to being human, and yet he had reversed his position so strongly it made her feel like what she had voiced was worthless and stupid for coming out. She sniffled then, unable to control herself from how she felt and she pulled very slowly and almost lovingly from him.

"I am sure you would. I will leave you alone now, just go lay down," she said calmly and tried to settle the emotions that were giving rise within her. She knew somehow he couldn't mean what he said in the way he said it, but it was just too hard to hear. The emotions that she felt: the flares of sadness, pain, and hurt, all were just that- flares. They came up brightly in the moment's of his words, but at her calming, they settled. They seemed to flare so strongly at the certain points in his words, that there was no doubt he could know what had offended her so greatly in what he said. She didn't seem to be pulling away from him out of spite though, as there was no anger in their bond, but merely because he had finished his points. Before going too far from him, she took the arm that was around her and kissed it with her soft warm lips. It was a sign of her devotion to him, but if he didn't stop her, she would head to the wagon.

[Illumin0sity]

The edges of Noah’s words were apparently razor sharp; each point he said seemingly jabbed at Elann. There was a pang in his chest each time he drove a point home, and it wasn’t of his own bad feeling but of Elann’s communicated through the spiritual bond they shared. He had not cut himself off from her, didn’t dull what he was feeling, and though she was sending him calm and loving emotions, he was retaliating with angst and annoyance. He was unapologetic in his speech, and perhaps it was too blunt of a blow for Elann to take, but it was what came when he spoke exactly what was on his mind. Elann, instead of continuing their engagement, shrunk underneath his verbal battering.

It was not his intention to tear her down, to bombard her with his words, and he didn’t realize the gravity of them until her feelings of hurt managed to ebb over his torrent of frustration. Still, he spoke truthfully. At times she did annoy him, at times she was extremely confusing, and she could be frustrating. Apologizing for the words he meant would dull their meaning and so he didn’t apologize for them. He was only sorry for the way they made her feel.

There were reasons he didn’t speak often or spoke little. Noah’s words often held the frank truth of the wild world he reveled in. One could not sugarcoat the death of a hare by his talons or an elk’s broken leg that would lead to their abandonment by their herd because they couldn’t keep up. Tact was for the humans of Elann’s world, and while he understood the delicacy in words, he didn’t practice it because he didn’t feel they were true. If someone made another person angry then they should be told that they’re angry and why. He didn’t feel he should have to delicately trace around why he was angry only to apologize for it in the end. His words were voided then, or their meanings softened to the point where the other person wouldn’t honor the boundaries being put up and maintained.

Noah wasn’t a stranger to receiving the same verbal treatment he dished out, often receiving such bluntness from his father and the other members of his family. Elann was delicate in her words, but there were still frank people out there. Noah had encountered many of them.

In the end, he wasn’t attempting to put up boundaries with his words, and he wasn’t trying to wall her out. Noah wasn’t trying to assault her either, so when her soft words came basically conceding the conversation and allowing him to be rid of it, and her presence altogether, he felt a glimmer of guilt. He sighed from the nose, seeking to quell the frustration within him targeted at her. While it didn’t falter away, it did lessen enough for him to speak.

Noah turned, trailing slightly after her. His long reach tugged on the cloth of her top easily and he stood still, the weight of his body acting as the anchor for the act. “I didn’t mean to offend you,” he said quietly while she remained in his space. “It’s what’s in my heart and I’m sorry if they make you sad, but that wasn’t what I meant to do.”

He let her go after that. If she wanted to continue to leave him then she could, he had no more to say on the matter now that his apology was in the air. He had attempted to soften his words for the apology, and just as he meant the words that had apparently offended her, he meant the words which were to act as the reconciler. Should she continue on then he would assume on his own what she thought of it and him. Her sadness quietly ached along the silver cord than bound them, yet accompanying it was his annoyance and confusion with her, lingering.

[snelss0]

Elann was halted in her slow attempt to leave. The light tug on her garment was enough to stop her lateral movement toward the wagon as the two of them walked with the caravan. She turned to face him, walking sideways as she brushed her hair away from tear soaked cheeks. The brilliant eyes of hers trailed up to him to see what he had to say and she could feel that within him guilt had sprung up. It meant his apology was sincere.

"I know," she said sadly and turned to walk next to him so as not to obstruct the next wagon in line by her stopping. She was aware of his blunt attitude when speaking as well as his innocence. If it wasn't for those two traits, Yahal likely would have cursed him for his treatment of her, but as it was, it was not malicious, nor did Elann want Yahal to curse her husband. "To me, it's not stupid to treat you with kindness and love despite my disagreements sometimes with you. To me I don't demolish your points and make you feel horrible by stating what is wrong with you. I remember doing that that day in the Stallion and you didn't like it. I drove you to tears. I just wish sometimes you would do the same for me. What you said really hurt, even if it was what was in your heart. I know better than to think that you think I'm annoying, frustrating, and confusing, but now I feel like every word I say might make you feel that way...and I don't want to feel like that."

The confrontation of her feelings made the tears begin to return, and knowing his dislike for them, she looked away to the forest and tried to restrain them. The tears continued despite her fighting, and they cascaded down onto her dress as she looked toward the ground away from him. He thought it was moronic to be courteous and to coat his words to make others feel better, but this was the outcome of that- the result, and even if they made up after this, until she saw significant improvement in him, she would likely never bring another problem up to him ever again.

[Illumin0sity]

Elann stopped, surprisingly. Noah was sure she was going to continue walking. It was what he would’ve did. He wanted to calm her again, to have the walk that she had asked him on. He had thought the walk was innocent in nature, but it was a staging ground for her to confess a few concerns she had in her heart at the time. Now that they were out in the open, now that they had been confronted and rebutted against, she was in tears but still decided to return to his side talking more on the situation. Noah turned and listened.

He heard to her opinion with a growing disagreement already residing within him. It was doubtful Yahal would curse him because of what he said. They weren’t malicious responses, nor did they intend to harm Elann as they had. Aside from that, the harm was emotional, not a strike from Noah’s raised hand, but one of his tactless voice. Still, he quieted himself and listened, his arms retracted in on himself where he had once wanted to hold her in his warmth.

He was quiet for a moment as he considered his words of reply. Noah would reply, but it was a matter of if he would be tactful in this instance. He decided against it still, feeling as if he was still rightful with his words. He wasn’t demonizing Elann, even if she felt like he was. He looked to her as she was looking away towards the trees on their flank. She avoided his gaze for an obvious reason, her voice had already faltered somewhere during her speaking, and her behavior told of the tears coming down her face renewed.

“Me talking like that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you,” he said. “I don’t feel like there is anything wrong with you, nor did I say that. I said you could be annoying, frustrating, and confusing. That’s all. My sister is annoying, frustrating, and confusing. My mother can be annoying, frustrating, and confusing. Nothing is wrong with them, they just can annoy, frustrate, and confuse me sometimes.” Noah looked away from her, facing front with a shake of his head. This was ridiculous, he thought. A mirthless chuckle came from him all in the same motion.

“I did not mean to ‘demolish’ your points, but some of them were unfounded. I said you couldn’t be jealous of something that didn’t happen. If I wasn’t at the post office, I was with you or told you where I was going. I said you weren’t a cage to me, because that’s the truth. You aren’t a cage. You aren’t the Syliran Knights and you’re not Syliras. You’re Elann, the person I gave my bond. I would not have given it to you if I felt that you would trap me somewhere I didn’t want to be,” he said, “and you haven’t.”

“You want me to use ‘soft’ words because they don’t sound as bad, but they’re lying words to me. You told me you didn’t think I liked you because I was quiet in the Stallion that day. Because you spoke like that I started talking more,” he said, hoping she could see the point he was making. “I’m sorry if my words are too hard for you, but that’s how I talk. I’m not trying to be mean to you, Elann.”

He huffed a breath then drew another. “You said you know better than to think I think you’re annoying, frustrating, and confusing, but at the same time you’re going to assume that I do think that all the time?” he questioned with a creased brow aimed at nothing but the air in front of him. “Don’t make that assumption about me if you know better!” he stressed quietly.

“I said sometimes you confuse, annoy, or frustrate me. Not all of the time. Most of the time you are the best thing in the world to me, and just because I get irritated with you sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’m sorry if you don’t like me talking like this, but this is how I feel in my heart. We promised that we would say what was in our hearts, and this is what’s in mine,” he said, huffing. “I’m not asking you to change anything, just that you understand what I’m saying.”

Noah drew quiet, his arms crossed over his torso. He wasn’t doing it to seem as if he was set against, or angry with Elann. There was nothing else to hold onto but himself, he felt like. Still, he wasn’t angry with her. He was frustrated, a place between his calm and his extreme that he didn’t like to be. It made his skin itch and he was hot on the inside, his only vent being the fussing he was doing at Elann.

The Kelvic’s breath slowed, his head swiveling to look to Elann at his side. There was a guilt residing in him for her tears, but his words were there and they were what he felt. Cruelty or harshness didn’t come to his mind just because he was being blunt and tactless. He wasn’t wrathful, wasn’t attempting to tear her down. It didn’t appear she could take what he said in any case.

“I’m sorry if my words hurt you, but they are mine,” he finished a whisper.