True Name: Muramasa Senji
Class: Berserker
Ah yes, I remember that time he went crazy in battle. Or all those times he made swords without reason.
What do you mean "shape the metal"? I just pound it into random shapes while screaming unintelligibly.
Truly a genius among geniuses.
Gender: Male
Absolutely disgusting.
Appearance:
Muramasa Senji [+]
So um, I could say a lot about the image you put here, but I won't.
Instead, I'll just include
this link.
Reverse image search is neat.
I hope you can think about your actions and make an attempt to repent.
Multiple swords
Right. I remember how a swordsmith carries multiple swords on his person.
Do you even know how unwieldy that is? This isn't Final Fantasy, or that one Satanic Chinese cartoon with the dude with the belts.
This is the Age of Man, you know. The laws of physics have been solidified.
Birth and Death Dates: Unknown, sometime in the 14th to 16th centuries.
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
This fucking alignment.
Not only is it
that alignment, but it's on a Berserker. Do you know what Berserkers are?
Personality: He is odd in more ways than one. He can suffer violent mood swings, but for the most part, he is a selfish, grouchy, ill-tempered, ill-mannered, sarcastic, sadistic, wise-ass that hates pretty much everyone and everything.
How is he able to-
Okay, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
OKAY. YEAH.
It appears that you don't know what Berserkers are.
Bio: History remembers him as "a most skillful smith but with a violent and ill-balanced mind verging on madness." That is but part of the truth. However, little else is known about him, but a great many legends and stories live on. The difficulty is in separating fact from fiction.
...
...th-that's...
...that's it?
You know the bio is supposed to be a bio, right? You're either supposed to explain the history of your Servant if you're adding particular nuances into it, or just link to Wikipedia or something if you're staying orthodox.
If you're going to say he can do any of the bullshit below (which I will be addressing,
trust me) then at least mention it here.
"Oh, he was born to a magus family" or "He was part demon all along :OOOOOOOOOO" or something. Granted, that'd be every bit as nonsensical as the rest of the sheet, but at least then there's something.
At least then the bio isn't "no1 nows".
Weapon: Infinite number of katana
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I remember when Muramasa created infinite katanas.
That was the beeeeeest paaaaaaart.
Parameters:
Strength: A
Swordsmithing for a living would give him a lot of strength.
...alright, pal, I'm going to level with you.
D rank STR is about equivalent to a tank shell. A modern day tank shell.
A rank STR? That's where you can punch a house lazily and it will be destroyed. I don't mean collapse because you destroyed the supports, I mean destroyed.
Let's look at Servants who have A rank STR at base. I'm disregarding GO because info on Servants is incomplete and it will be until we get Grand Order Materials, just for the record. The Servants who have A rank STR are:
Arturia, on account of having a dragon crammed inside of her.
...
...
...
And that's it.
There is one canon Servant with A rank STR at base, and it is a Saber class Servant who is a dragon.
"But Heracles has A+"
No he doesn't.
He has B+, and Mad Enhancement raises it by one rank to A+.
Heracles has a STR of B that he has the ability to increase for a single moment. That means that most of the time, his STR is functionally B. Ranks are constant, modifiers are instantaneous and temporary.
So, I'll try and put this in terms you can hopefully understand.
You are saying a guy who did nothing except make swords is strong enough to out-arm-wrestle Heracles.Clear enough?
Endurance: B
As a smith, he must be able to work and endure long periods of hard and often painful work.
Alright. So.
Endurance isn't Endurance.
Endurance is CON. It's HP. It is your HP stat. They translated END wrong. If you look at True Assassin's status page on the VN END is actually "CON," which is HP.
You are saying he has B rank Endurance. Heracles also has B rank Endurance.
Cu Chulainn has C rank.
How does a guy who did nothing relevant to fighting, ever, have HP that high?
Agility: A
A smith has to have absolute control and be precise with his movements and coordination.
...what?
This is the most incomprehensible bit yet.
What?
Herc doesn't have A rank AGI.
Super Saiyan Arturia doesn't have it.
You know what sort of Servants have it? The fastest class of Servants. Examples include "fastest Heroic Spirit of all time" Cu Chulainn, "swordsmanship that enters the realm of the gods" Not!Kojiro, and "literally fucking Achilles" Achilles.
Why
Does
A
Swordsmith
Have
That
Level
Of
Reaction
Time
Tell me.
TELL ME.
Mana: C
Due to his instabilities, he can have trouble focusing.
???
What does focus have to do with the MAN stat? MAN is just how much prana the Servant can store.
I don't have any more words for this. I'm just confused.
Luck: A+
He must have a lot of luck, due to his cursed blades he has often forged.
Luck isn't Luck. Luck is "capacity to resist fate".
When did he do anything that can be indicative of resisting his fate?
He made some swords and then he died. Unless his fate was to "live forever and conquer Mercury while waifu-ing ORT-tan", in which case he did a great job of resisting it.
Class Skills:
Various sword techniques
...
Alright, have you read FSN?
Have you watched the anime, at least?
The anime isn't this bad.
The fucking Type-Moon wiki isn't this bad.
THIS ISN'T A CLASS SKILL.
BERSERKERS HAVE ONE CLASS SKILL.
MAD. ENHANCEMENT.
THAT IS THE CLASS SKILL ALL BERSERKERS GET BECAUSE IT IS A COMPONENT OF THE CLASS CONTAINER THEY ARE STUFFED INTO AFTER THE GRAIL MAKES THEIR SHITTY HALF-RATE DATA COPY AND SHOVES IT INTO A SPIRITUAL CORE BEFORE THE BODY BECOMES A THING.
AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE MAD ENHANCEMENT.
I'd make a joke about me having Mad Enhancement thanks to this trash, but I have more class than that.
You know, class?
Like the thing that you completely disregarded?
Bladecreator: He can summon swords (katanas) in nearly any size or shape (A)
Muramasa was a renowned swordsmith.
Not a class skill.
Why does forging swords make you able to summon them?
Where are you summoning them from? Summoning requires a location, unless he's making them, in which case he's just a shittier EMIYA who makes infinitely less sense. I legitimately cannot make sense of this.
Also, I like how you say they're katanas, but then say that they can be any shape. Good job, pal.
Fire magic(B): He can produce, control and has a high immunity to fire and heat.
A smith always works with fire, and must be able to withstand high tempatures.
First of all, it's temperatures. You've made other mistakes, but that one really nagged at me.
Anyway, you should also know that practicing fire magecraft doesn't give you Protection from Flames. Protection from Flames is a different skill entirely. If you wanted to give him a minor Protection from Flames, say E rank, that'd actually be fine. If you tried to make it A rank or something, I'd be asking you to provide a source on all those times he tanked Dragon Breath.
Um, I feel like I'm forgetting somethi-
Oh, right.
Silly me.
When the fuck did he learn magecraft?How the fuck is he using magecraft as a Berserker?Berserkers do not use Thaumaturgy. You need to be an exception among exceptions to manage that, and sword guy with no mention of fire magecraft ever and nothing to even hint at that outside "he was around fire lots"? Not happening.
By that logic, Michael Phelps should be a master of Water Magecraft. He's not.
...
or is he?
Brutal slayer (passive)(C): He drains small amounts of mana from those he cut with his swords.
His swords were said to drain the will of those around them.
You don't seem to know what mana is.
People don't have mana. You can't drain mana from them.
I'm not explaining this one, nor will I bother addressing other aspects. Try and figure out. We can play a game of twenty questions. It'll be great.
Personal Skills:
Cursed Demon Blades(A): His swords are supernaturally sharp and unbreakable, as such, they can only be blocked by armor or weapons of a similar rank, if a lower rank tries, then the sword with cut right through it. However each sword causes him to slowly descend into a mindless rage the more of them he uses this gradually increases his overall stats except for luck in exchange for madness. The effect is reversible. It also deceases his luck by a small amount.
It has also been told that once drawn, a Muramasa blade has to draw blood before it can be returned to its scabbard, even to the point of forcing its wielder to wound himself or commit suicide. Thus, it is thought of as a demonic cursed blade that creates bloodlust in those who wield it.
This isn't a skill. This is an attribute of the swords. You could make it a variant of the Caster Class's Item Creation, sure, but you need to put it in that format, rather than his swords being a skill.
But, you know, it's kind of hard to make swords when you don't have rationality.
Also swords take a long time to make.
That said, I don't think his swords are unbreakable, on account of them existing and being broken.
You're also saying that the swords basically give him a Mad Enhancement between C and B (no, that doesn't mean C+. I already explained what modifiers do, look up). That's actually not horrible, considering that they're cursed. The fact that it's reversible? Yeah no. Also Mad Enhancement at that level makes thinking coherently impossible. You can figure out what that means, right?
God Speed(B+): He has god-like speed and reflexes, allowing him the chance to evade any physical skill of that rank or lower, and a smaller chance of skills one rank above.
Any smith needs to be quick and precise to forge a weapon.
Oh, right. I remember the time that taking woodshop in high school made me able to casually dodge Heracles and Cu Chulainn's attacks without even trying. That was a great time.
No, seriously, what the fuck? "He's able to dodge anything B+ or below, and can maybe dodge things higher"? What the
fuck is this?
B+ in a skill has a numerical value of eighty, and since you're not setting a condition, that means I assume it's off the concept of numbers.
That means he can dodge anything with a numerical value of eighty or below.
Here are the list of things that have a chance of hitting him:
Heracles with mad Enhancement
Lu Bu with Mad Enhancement
Kintoki with Mad Enhancement
Excalibur
Bellerophon
Via Expugnatio
Brahmaastra Kundala
Vasavi Shakti
Golden Wild Hunt
Hanging Gardens of Babylon
La Pucelle
These are the canon attacks that can hit him, and even then he has a chance at dodging. Why? Because he made swords.
If you cannot understand the problem with this, I have no words.
Master Swordsman(C): As it says, his power and defense is increased while wielding a blade.
He would have to have knowledge of swordsmanship to judged the quality of his weapons well.
So...no. Being a swordsmith doesn't mean you're a swordsman. That's not how crafting works.
Noble Phantasm(s):
Name: Amakakeru Ryū no Hirameki
Weeb.
Title: Flash of the Heavenly Soaring Dragon
Rank: A+ to EX
NP Type: Anti-fortress
Range: Within eyesight
Maximum Number of Targets: 1(But has an AoE)
Wait wait.
So, a range of "within line of sight" is actually fine, but it should be "Range: -"
My problem is twofold.
First, it's an Anti-Fortress with a Max Targets of 1. An Anti-Fortress is an Anti-Army maxed out. Max Targets of 1 doesn't make sense.
Second, it's a Max Targets of 1 "but has an AoE".
You know what "maximum" means, right?
as great, high, or intense as possible or permitted.
So, if it can theoretically hurt 2 people, then guess what? Its maximum wasn't one.
Wow.
Also "A+ to EX", but I'll get to that in a second.
Description: Weilding the most powerful sword he has ever forged, his namesake, the demon blade Muramasa, he preforms a powerful two-step draw, that takes place instantly with no warning, swung with beyond god-like speed and all the strength and skill of a master swordsman, wielding an incredibly sharp demon blade. The slice can cut anything, even the very fabric of reality and cut through dimensions. After the initial cut it then creates a blackhole-like vacuum that draws in and decimates everything, except the user. Unfortunately the user has to be in a certain state of mind to correctly perform this technique, if not, a flawed, less powerful form happens.
His swords were known for being able to cut anything, but true swordsmanship must come from the heart.
I don't think this was made for Fate. I think you came up with the idea and thought it would be cool and decided to try it here, like everything else in this app.
Well, let's go on the line-by-line.
What does "beyond god-like speed" even mean? That's just hyperbole for hyperbole's sake. Say that reacting to it in time requires an AGI check of some sort.
Also, I don't think you know how reality works. At its core, this is an NP that tears space. That doesn't make a black hole. It doesn't make a vacuum that sucks everything in but magically ignores the guy closest to it. This is literally just some dumbass thing you'd write down as an attack description in a video game.
Oh, yeah, also, cutting through dimensions? Yeah, that's a True Magic. You can't have that.
I also like how the class that lacks rationality needs to be in a certain state of mind to do this. Classic comedy.
I'm being brief because I feel a migraine coming on, and I need to stop this shit sooner rather than later because I have things to do.
The most important thing is what a Noble Phantasm is. It is a crystallization of the hero's legend, a crystallized mystery that symbolizes a feat.
Muramasa has one feat. "Make swords good".
He never cut reality and made a black hole. That's nowhere in his legend, so why should it be the crystallization of his legend?
You'll say that "I'm just taking liberties like Nasu". First of all, no. Type-Moon canon Servants do deviate from the myths slightly, but they don't make up completely random shit to empower people. Saber having an Anti-Fortress beam sword? King Arthur destroyed a fortress with Excalibur and "cut down 1000 men in one swing". Knight of Honor? It's the crystallization of a Knight not dying empty-handed, of innovation in combat being just as viable as preparation. And so on.
But more importantly, yes, the canon Servants have stuff made up in them. Gilgamesh in the Epic never shot out weapons from his treasury like arrows.
However.
You are not Nasu.
I am not Nasu.
The GM is not Nasu.
The creators of canon content have a right to declare the canon of the Nasuverse. You don't. You can't make up whatever the fuck you want like this, otherwise how is it any different from apping a completely original character?
This is trash. I've said that plenty of times here, so I hope you at least partially understand that.
Verdict: Nonsensical, ridiculous, and in blatant defiance of canon mechanics. There's no saving this, because it was ruined from the first premise. Denied with a disgusted sneer, an exasperated sigh, and a pouring of wine in the hope that I'll forget this sheet exists.
