ArkmageddonCat

The G3TTTENING

if there's one thread that eats a whole lot of ass

it's this one

not all those erotic 1x1 threads

@Mr Allen J

Mmm, ass...

The G3TTTENING

New Sparta, at the edge of the Detroit Abyss

Two Romano-Spartan soldiers, the ultimate breed of sexy fighters, patrolled along a path at the edge of the Detroit Abyss. It was their duty as New Spartanians to watch over this demonic pit, for the evil sweat of Detroit - also known as Hell 3 - forever stained the earth that remained, even as far down as the hole went. Which was, all things considered, pretty damn deep. But not, like, emotionally deep. No, in fact this hellish chasm was emotionally shallow! Oh, the horrors that have climbed up from down within! Their faces were often like those of a prune, shriveled and then pressed in on itself by a good smashing. Their eyes like white marbles with slightly offset black dots... y'know, for the seeing bits... the sight-seers... the... uhm... part that looks... you know what I mean.

I'm sure you also understand the gravity of the horrors abounding from this pit of despair, and that they are not to be trifled with! Remember kids; DON'T try this at home, leave this to the professionals.

And the half-naked-yet-fully-armored Romano-Spartans were the best professionals, and were in fact so professional, that some might even call them professional professionals at being professional. These guys were trained badasses, and could kill a man just by strangling them to death with a pinky-promise. I'm not even kidding. Like, I'm being totally legit. Look it up.

You're probably wondering why I bothered mentioning the two patrolling soldiers, so I - what? What you mean you looked it up and didn't find anything? Try again.

Now... where was I? Ah, yes, the two Romano-Spartan soldiers were walking along whe - what is it NOW?! You STILL can't find it? Are you serious? The device you are using IS connected to the Quatraquantumdomaindiniumalitynet, right? No? Well there's your fucking problem, now sit down and shut up so I can finish my story...

Gods, these insolent fools. Do they not know others are trying to read as well? Asshats.

Okay... so... the two Greco-Romano-Spartan bodybuilders warriors were on their normal patrol, when suddenly a sound echoed from deep within the Detroit Abyss.

An derpy mechanical noise...

The two soldiers stopped, one gesturing to the other to look over the edge as he himself readied his whistle, while the other complied and leaned over to see the most horrendous sight.

And army of giant, burning rabbit-bird monstrosities could be seen climbing the steep walls of the pit, chanting in their derpy malfunctioning tones. "W-WRR-WAA-UIIRRR-OOO-HHUUUU-ERRRR!" They sang as they climbed with their stumpy little feet... leg... things. They climbed.

The New Spartinian that had peered over the wall shrieked like a little girl at the horrific sight, frantically slapping at the other while screaming out that the city should be warned. The other slapped the little bitch square in the face, blowing on his whistle as hard as he could... and yet no sound came out. Tossing the whistle aside, the whistle-blower drew his balloon sword and nudged his fellow.

"Draw your sword, friend, and together we shall stand and face them... we shall hold back the Furrberealis hordes long enough for the city to prepare reinforcements, and we shall be heroes! They will sing of our sacrifice for centuries to come!" He roared, but 'twas in vain. His companion had run off faster than Sanic The Hedgehorg, throwing his sword made of bread to the ground behind him with a loud clank.

The remaining pretty boy swagster picked up his now unfriended companions swords and dual-wielded those bitches, waiting anxiously for the Furrberealis hordes to reach the top, letting loose a terrifying battlecry. "LEEEEDLELEEEEEDLELEEEEEEEE!" He roared, his arms wide as if prepared for a hug - but no, in his hands were two mighty weapons.

1 hour later...

The Furrberealis hordes still were yet to escape the pit, and the Romano-Greco-Spartan warrior was still continuing his mighty roar.

Meanwhile, in New Sparta, -51 minutes and 49 seconds

The city was abuzz with energy, and all of the dogs were going absolutely apeshit. It was as if somebody had blown into the world's most rage-inducing dog-whistle. "By the gods" Said one of the townsfolk. "It is as if someone had blown into the world's most rage-inducing dog-whistle!"

"No shit, Aristotle." Replied another. "Those such whistles were given to our patrols in case of monstrosities in the Detroit Abyss. Where the fuck have you been? Get ready for war!"

"Oh..." Replied the first, and so they prepared to be prepared.

Souls of Steel: A Giant Mecha RP

Alright... introduced.

Still rusty, but I think I'm getting the hang of things again...

Souls of Steel: A Giant Mecha RP

Standing in front of the door to her assigned quarters, Alyssa sighed. Her blonde hair wavered gently as she dropped her head and stepped back out into the hall, idly strolling off to who knows where. She certainly didn't care where her feet took her, as she absorbed herself deep in thought. It hadn't been very long since she had arrived here, and the anxiety of that experience was still coursing through her even now, a good hour or so later. She needed something to do, something to occupy her mind. For now, that something was pacing the halls of Solaire and trying to drive out the fear that was creeping its way into her mind.

Images of the explosion that erupted in her home city flashed through her mind, and were quickly expunged. Alyssa's brow furrowed, and she slowed to a halt in the hall before sighing again. She'd not let that memory overtake her again, not like it did on the shuttle over here. She couldn't allow herself to continue being ruled by fear, as that would only pose a greater threat to herself and the comrades she would no doubt have to fight alongside. Speaking of which... she'd have to get to know these comrades... where might they be? Was she told this? Perhaps she vaguely remembered being told, but the memory of her arrival was little more than a blur. It all seemed to be happening so fast...

Alyssa had already started walking again, her eyes blank as if entranced, yet somehow aware of where she was and when she needed to turn to avoid colliding with a wall. It seemed she was moving almost entirely on autopilot as she proceeded to get lost further and further in her thoughts.

The G3TTTENING

Upon seeing the aliens disappear, the knightly knights rejoiced with a jolly cheer, embracing one another with the greatest of fervor. From afar they looked like a bunch of gleeful highschool girls, but no, they were all manly individuals (Seriously, can somebody tell me if there's any women? I seriously can't tell through the armor...).

However, there was one who did not rejoice, for he had seen what no other had. He swears he saw it, the one, the only, the man, the Beyonder even they are meaningless...

What did this mean? The knight wondered, but not before he started screaming and waving his arms about wildly, as if to alert his jolly troupe. And then, as if he had meant to alert them, his cheerful comrades turned to face him with inquisitive looks upon their face-plates.

"Wait! This victory was not our own! I saw it! I saw him! The Pillar of Scale hath revealed themselves! It is as foretold in the scrolls of old! The Old Get Kidstament was right! He was here! I saw what he did! The B e y o nd e r was here! I saw him with my own two eyes! It was he who vanquished the alien invaders! Not our mad-ass breakdancing skillz, yo!"

For a moment, his armored companions seemed to believe the speaker, but then they broke out into uproarious laughter, some of them slapping their knees, some rolling on the floor, some of them laughing so hard their ass-plates fell off - how embarrassing. It was not until one man spoke that the laughter stopped. "Enough!" He yelled, and the crusading knights parted to reveal his figure. It was none other than the mighty Leonidas, king of (Old) Sparta. Not to be confused with Leonidas, king of (New) Sparta, though the two looked remarkably similar. Sounded similar too. In fact... they were kind of hard to tell apart... were they the same person? Maybe... they weren't twins, at least... that much is common knowledge...

Anyways, the mighty king stepped forth, wearing little more than what appeared to be briefs, his built A F body exposed for all to see. "Why you always lyin' Phil? We won this shit hard A F, and you wanna take that away from us? All of the Pillars are supposed to be asleep for at least another thirty minutes or so, Phil, are you stupid A F or something?" The godly warrior king spoke, totally dissing and pissing all over Phil, that ass-hat of a knight mentioned earlier by the Knight Leader, let's call him "Leader", who called him out rightfully so.

Phil lowered his helmet and his head, as the helmet was still on his head, and kicked the dirt. "I swear I saw it..." He mumbled, poking his index fingers together as he looked away.

"That's enough, Phil! I've had enough of your shit and I LEGITERALLY just met you! You there! Leader!" The majestically merciful king Leonidas spoke as he scratched his mighty ass. "Teach this lowly knight a lesson about the weight of his heresy, in the Way of Memerae." The king of sexy warrior men commanded.

"Aye, sir." Leader said, marching his way up to Phil, who dropped to his knees and hung his head low, pleading for mercy.

"No! No, no, please! Anything but that! I swear I saw him! You must believe me! I saw him, I swear! Don't do this to me! Please! I BEG YOU SIR! PLEASE DON'T -!" Before Phil could finish his hysterical and heretical cries for help traitorous assistance, Leader had promptly unscrewed his pommel and thrown it at Phil's head, ending him rightly. No, no, he wasn't dead. What are you? Bloodthirsty angsty teenagers or something? Gawd...

ANYWAYS, Leader gestured for two other knights to come flip Phil onto his back and to keep him restrained should his dignity reawaken, while he himself crouched down beside Phil's body and reached into his dagger sheath. From within he drew his mightiest weapon, a permanent pink marker, and removed the cap. "You brought this upon yourself, child. For the weight of your heresy, I hereby sentence you to the lowest of punishments... weebification." Leader spoke, and began drawing on Phil's helmet.

A few moments later, Leader stood, and swiftly turned his back on the prone Phil, walking away into the crowd of knights shaking his head in disappointment. Upon Phil's face-plate could now be seen anime-styled blush marks, and a soft crying sound could be heard as the crowd of knights around him slowly dissipated.

What a crybaby. At least HE has a body, unlike me. Bitch has the nerve...

Just... let it go Narry... let it go... You're the narrator. You da best. Yeah... I'm the best! Let's get on to the fun to be had! (Except for Phil who shall have to sit in time-out and miss out on all the fun)

---

It wasn't but a few hours later that the army of knightly crusaders returned to their jolly state, with DJ pumping out some more sick beats from his ol' boombox.


Many of the knights were dancing wildly, their armor clanking to the groove, creaking to the beat, and reverberating with the righteous melodies that echoed through the city streets. Some knights stood in a line to get some food from the knightly cooks, serving knightly barbecue, such as your average fare BBQ and the heavenly Peanut-Butter-And-Tuna-Cat-Jelly-Bologna sandwich, and many flavors of knightly drinks, such as Sunny-D and 100% Recycled Pickle Juice Concentrate, at this knightly rave. After all, only the lowest of knaves wouldn't know that a knightly rave required knightly barbecue, knightly melodies, and knightly drinks like Sunny-D.

On the dance floor, Leonidas, king of (old) Sparta was getting down, his abs glistening with the sweat of a godly workout, a workout only achievable through intense celebratory dancing. With the hunk of a king was Leader, who was clearing the dance floor with his legendary "Robot" and "Sprinkler" dance moves, all of his fellow knights cheering him on.

In the line at the concession stand was a knight who appeared to be ablaze, but was completely unaware of the fact that they were on fire, and while everyone else just stared awkwardly with their eye-slits this knight carried on. They hummed along to the heavenly melody assaulting the eardrums of all in the City of Walls upon Walls upon Walls upon Walls upon Walls upon etc. Until it was finally their turn to order.

"I'll have... hmm... what'll I have... the Rackh of Crib Ribs with some Soil Sauce, and some Recycled Pickle Juice Concentrate? Nah... I've probably had enough fatty foods this week, need to cut back a little... ohh, but this is supposed to be a celebration, should I splurge? Maybe... but what if I bust a bolt in my armor? Then I'll not get to crusade... what about the Tuna-Cat sandwich and some Sunny-D? How many calories are in those?" The knight asked, as the armored cook seemed to just blankly stare back.

"Uh... I'm pretty sure you can burn the calories off." The knightly cook replied, prompting a second cook to chuckle and a third to elbow the first in the back. "Uh, right. Larry, you know you're on fire right?" The cook said blankly.

"Oh, you're probably right" The knight, or Larry, as we just learned, replied. They seemed to ignore the bit about the fire though, as they looked back at the menu. "In that case, I think I'll have the Rackh of Crib Ribs with some Soil Sauce... a Peanut-Butter-and-Tuna-Cat-Jelly-Bologna sandwich with some Soil Sauce... a Side of Silent Lamb, with... ooh, some of that limited time Begotten Relish... aaaand... some Rainbow Cookies for dessert, I guess I may as well splurge a little." They said, as all three of the crusader cooks stopped to stare as Larry's armor began to turn black.

"Uh... what would you like to drink?" The first cook asked, as the third elbowed the first in the back again. "Oh, right! Larry you're on fire! Your armor is turning black!"

"What would I like to drink? Hmm..." Larry began, as the other knights in line began growing impatient. "Can I get a Kamikaze?" Larry requested, and the first cookly knight gave a sigh before doing as they were asked. Just as they finished filling up the drinking cup, the third cookly crusader gave them a soft but swift smack on the back of the first's helmet. "Oh! Right!" He declared, hurrying over and tossing the liquid on Larry to douse out the fire. The third cook facepalmed, and Larry looked down at their soaked metal everything.

"ASSHOLE!" Larry shouted, abruptly slapping the first cook and sending him down on his ass. The second cook hurried over to take his place as the third cook dragged him away from the kitchen area, whispering to his helmet. "What the hell was that for? I was telling you to hurry them up, you tin-head! Why'd you go and throw a drink all over them? You should know how sensitive Larry is! Gods... you'd better not end up like Phil..."

Back at the concession stand stood a wet and sniffling Larry, who proceeded to order a couple of Honeyed Fig Muffins, a Spit-roasted Flibberwurst with extra Soil Sauce, and a Kidkin Got Pie with a side of Begotten Relish, along with another Kamikaze... uber-sized, with a massive and twisty bendy straw aimed at making all the other knights jealous.

And boy did Larry's twisty/bendy straw make all the other knights jealous, what with their plain-Jane, puny, peppermint-colored bendy straws.

Souls of Steel: A Giant Mecha RP

@Ariamis @ArkmageddonCat

A collab would be nice. I suppose Alyssa would have to be introduced first, though.

@SillyGoy

Yeah, sorry, that's entirely my bad. I'm gonna get a post up here soon.

Assuming it's okay to introduce Alyssa after her actual arrival at the base.

The G3TTTENING

Today, a full day after the battle of today had begun, the battle of today continued. Throughout the night, strobe lights bathed the streets and the walls of the buildings, as the jolly crusaders fought in their epic struggle against the alien invaders. The sound of the battle roared throughout the city of walls upon walls upon walls upon walls upon walls upon walls upon walls upon etc. It sounded something like this:


Terrifyingly gruesome, that. Sounds like a horde of angelic choirs being slapped lightly with a tuna-cat sandwich, one by one, until the very last to be slapped with the tuna-cat-bologna sandwich breaks out into a song and dance number, where there are words of rain and sunshine and happiness and sadness and anger and regret and love and murder and golf and so many other wondrous things. But then, before that last angelic choir can finish this majestic number, the peanut-butter-tuna-cat-bologna sandwich is crammed into their pants and they are left feeling really, really, awkward.

That's what it sounds like. I swear. You don't believe me? Have a listen. Go ahead. No no no, go on, I'll wait. You've wasted enough of my time already. Still don't believe me? Fine, I don't even care. Moving on!

If one looked to where the knights and aliens were engaged in epic battle of the gravest severity and seriousness, one could see that the knights were totally pwning the shit out of the illegally illegal (Isn't that a double negative?) space alien invaders in a classic Earth-style dance-off.

- What? You think they've got some sort of home-field advantage? Pfft, unlikely. This battle has been rigorously tested for bias multiple times already, all were negative. Now where was I, before I was so rudely interrupted...? Ah! Yes...

The jolly cooperating crusaders had cleared the floor as a large knight stepped forth from amidst many similarly sized knights. Wait... does that mean he's not large? Oh, no, wait - my bad - it was actually a knight among the midget brigade of crusading jolly-waggers. The little shining warrior waltzed out onto the floor, accompanied by two other knightly crusaders of similar stature, and gestured to the knight with their Blue battle standard depicting a triangle around a me gusta moon and to the knight holding the boombox, who were the same person after all. Bam, super-hero identity DISCOVERED!

Err... Anyways, the knightly DJ, let's call him "DJ", clicked a button on his boombox to switch songs to play the song that you've been hearing, and gave one hell of a badass two-eyed wink to the short-statured knights on the dance floor. Upon hearing the music change, the little bros of jolly knightingness broke out into the most masterful and amazing breakdance ever seen. So magnificent were their skills, that the eyes of all the aliens melted right out of their skulls, and down their scalp, and across their eyes, and over their toes, and then under their teeth. The battle of today would soon be won today, and if not today, then slightly after today when today is coming to and end at the end of this day, today.

The G3TTTENING

*Cheap Fish Fillets are thrown furiously on the table*
"DO YOU WANT ANY OTHER FOOD ITEMS?"

@Miki P Oten10

Your soul.

The G3TTTENING

Was it a victory though?

@yoshua171

It will be. For the glory of ex-Pope Pepe, and the prophet Harambe!

The G3TTTENING

"SO YOU WANT SOME DIRTY HAND BATTERED FISH AND CHIPS FROM THE LEFTOVERS IN THE DUMPSTER????"
alrighty

@Miki P Oten10

Looks like my knights are going to Applebees in celebration of their victory in the battle of today against the alien invaders.