Arrayah

A Journey for Peace

Kiara barely noticed the glares and the looks the servants were giving her. It was nothing compared to what they did to her when she was alone. What she did notice was that Lamont gradually came closer to her as the tour continued. Little touches here and there, something most people wouldn't even pay attention to, but this was someone who had not even wanted to eat with her just hours before.

All this was forgotten, though, as they reached the gardens. In a place that was literally made of stone, Kiara had not felt more away from home. She appreciated that Lamont had grown up in the castle and he obviously loved it, but she doubted it would ever feel like home to her. This garden, however, this place that was full of green... this comforted her. Immediately, she found herself walking to each and every plant, touching them softly - as if they were delicate things- even bending down to smell a few of them. Many she did not recognize, but there were some that they had in their own gardens.

When he spoke to her, Kiara turned a sad smile on her lips. "What you mean to say is that they are likely to start a mob in which I will be killed. It's alright. If you would like to go tomorrow, I am actually very skilled in the art of disguise." She gave him a grin before turning back to the plants. "Now that we are talking, I have a favor to ask you. I suppose you could think of it as a wedding gift."

She was quiet, a bit embarrassed again. With each thing she asked for she was sharing a little more of herself and that was hard for Kiara. After years of hiding it from everyone around her, it was if she was sharing some sort of secret. "My horse. I would really like my horse. We left her in a town just past the mountains in Astora. I... miss her." She took a deep breath before offering something to him as well. "If you can do this for me I will teach you what I can of combat. It will be harder for me than for you, but I'll try."

A Journey for Peace

Kiara reached for Lamont with her good arm and wondered if he would notice that she never used her left the more time he spent with her. She only hoped that his parents would not. When she was finally on her feet, she was shaking her head and spoke quietly. "I don't think its possible that a healer could help me. It's been weeks. The wound is healed it just... there is a large scar and what I suspect is permanant damage. I'm only hoping that one day it will recover, though it probably will not."

And then she was thinking of Ostus and the way he had looked at her back in the throne room. She'd hurt him. Hurt him more than she had ever imagined she could. In all likelihood he didn't want to see her now or ever again. Honestly, Kiara wasn't sure she could face him. He had seen her, the real her, and now she was being forced to hide behind that fake smile again. Would he be disappointed in her? Not only that, but if he in fact had felt what she had, there was no way that Ostus would want to see her with her betrothed.

"I... would like to see him, but I don't think he feels the same. It's a long story. I would, however, appreciate some help. I have no idea where I am or where I should be going."

A Journey for Peace

Kiara smiled a bit as she looked off and thought about her guard. "You won't like him. He's harsh and rude and he will almost certainly make fun of you, but I think it would do you well. I could teach you, but I'm a lot less capable right now than him. Besides, he has much more hands on experience than I. Besides, you're a prince. It might be a favor if he treated you as if you were not. It's not often that we get put in our places is it?"

When she turned her thoughts back to Lamont, she tilted her head a bit curiously. "If my arm ever returns to normal, I would love to spar with you. If you are truly skilled at avoiding attacks, I would like to see it."

She stared at him for awhile and realized that surprisingly, Lamont actually reminded her of home. All this time, she'd thought that being in Berinike and meeting her husband would be a terrible thing because of what he would be like, act like, but honestly, the prince did not belong here. It was true that she was not yet used to his dark features, but his structure, body type, and speech were very familiar. It was almost... comforting.

When she began to speak again, a light blush colored Kiara's cheeks. Her words were a bit embarrassing, but she felt that she should say them anyways. "I would like to be friends with you. I don't know if we can ever be the way a husband and wife should, but at the very least I would like to get along with you. I do not want to live my life miserable. I will, for my people, but I would much prefer to be happy. Wouldn't you?"

A Journey for Peace

At his questions, Kiara too felt like a failure. It was obvious that he had wanted her to be able to fight, though she could did not know his reasons. Admitting her weakness to him made her feel small and fragile. "Ostus was my guard on the trip here. He was supposed to go back home, but your mother wants him to stay and train you. If... that's what you want he would be good for it. He's more skilled than I and he can actually fight still. As for the way I move... we were ambushed and one of Callum's assassins did something to my shoulder. I couldn't move my arm for a week, and even now I can not lift high enough to be skilled in any version of combat. I'm sorry. I know... that no one was expecting me to be able to fight, but I feel like I've failed somehow. People are after me and I can't even fight them off..."

She shook her head, thinking for a moment about his earlier statement: how people thought he was less of a man.

"As for you, if you do not find me less of a woman because I do have scars and muscles and know how to fight, how could I find you less of a man because you don't. But I agree with your father... More than anyone else, he and I know the danger you are in. People will try to kill you, and trust me they will be able to get to you wherever you are. You need to at least know how to get away from an assassin."

Kiara was quiet for a bit as she tried to think of how to phrase her next statement.

"I don't know if you've ever had someone try to take your life but it is terrifying. Not knowing how to fight back only makes it more so. In the days to come... Callum will be desperately trying to get to us both, so it's important. Aren't you afraid for your safety?" Her voice was barely a whisper as she added, "I am."

A Journey for Peace

At his terrible attempt to make her feel better, Kiara found herself laughing. It wasn't necessarily because she was happy, but it was better than the guilt she had been feeling for not even thinking of anyone but herself.

"The last thing I want is for them to hate me and send me away.." She said quietly, voicing her worries, "But I couldn't just sit there and not say anything. How will we end the war if no one can accept anyone else for who they are? My people and yours.. they're different. If your parents can't accept mine the way I am willing to accept the Berinike then the war will start again. The first step would be to stop treating you the way they do." She sighed, turning her head so she was facing him. "I know you don't like me or want to get to know me. I understand that, and I'm sorry. I know you think I'm loud and rude and you'd be right. But just... know that I really do... better than anyone I can understand how you feel right now. So maybe it's not a terrible idea for us to talk."

It was stupid to think that his opinion of her would change, and it was pointless to want it to, but she did. It was not a good feeling to know that the one you'd be marrying wanted nothing to do with you. Kiara truly did understand what he felt, but it was not him that she thought of as an enemy especially now that she knew he was more like her than he probably cared to admit.

For her, it was his father, his mother that were her enemies. Being around them put her on edge more than anything else and was part of the reason she had left the lunch. So at least, unlike Lamont, she was not marrying someone she felt that way towards. Kiara wanted to ease his worries, but it wouldn't sound right coming from her.

So instead she said the one thing that had been weighing on her mind for weeks, "I can't fight anymore. We were attacked in the mountains, and I was injured. I can't use my bow. I can barely use my blade. What am I going to do now that Ostus is gone, and I can't defend myself?"

A Journey for Peace

Meanwhile, in the middle of the hallway, a woman was hyperventilating. Badly. Reasonably she knew that speaking like that wasn't likely to do anything but cause Lamont's parents to dislike her, but Kiara could not think rationally. Two countries rested on her shoulders, well hers and the prince's, and she could have just blown it. Because she had decided to talk back to the king and queen, everything could have been ruined.

And yet, she could not find it in herself to apologize because everything she had said had been the truth. Kiara was tired of anyone who was different being told to change. How on earth were their two countries to ever live in peace if they could not accept their differences, their uniqueness? She had chosen to do that long ago when she'd picked up her bow, and Lamont had chosen the same when he'd chosen to read. But two people did not make a country, regardless of how powerful they happened to be.

Even so, Kiara did understand the king's worries for his son. She supposed he knew better than anyone the dangers of being a royal during the war. Not only because of who he'd sent for her, but also because of the sons who had died to assassins that Callum had sent. It was true that Lamont needed to at least know how to defend himself. The basics would be better than nothing. Mostly, she thought he needed to learn how to think under pressure. As a prince, he probably already knew that and so half of his training was done.

Thinking about this had caused her breathing to slow slightly, but she was still leaning against a wall to steady herself. Ah, what would her mother say if she found out how she was treating the people here.

You must always be respectful, Kiara. To everyone. And be quiet. If you have nothing of value to say, and you know exactly what I mean by that, do not say anything at all. No one wants to hear the vulgarity that comes out of your mouth.

Yes, her mother would have had a heart attack if she'd been in that room. Kiara smiled sadly realizing for the first time that despite their differences, she missed the woman. She knew that even though she had wanted different things, her mother had loved her more than anyone in the world. And Kiara too felt the same way about her mother, which was why it hit her so hard that she was always disappointing her.

Kiara slid down the wall and placed in her head in her hands. What on earth was she doing in this place that she did not belong? Where no one wanted her?

She was just thinking how embarrassing it was that she could not even handle one day when the one person she wanted to see the least called her name.

A Journey for Peace

As always, I bid you adieu until morning

A Journey for Peace

There was an awkward silence in the room broken only by the deep breath Kiara took before she spoke. "It's strange to me that you compare weapons to trees. They are not even close to the same thing. If you were to actually compare fighting in Berinike to something in Astora, I would suppose that would be dressing up in pretty clothes or possibly the arts. Do you not see how this limits the people? You call your son a disgrace because he will not learn to fight, and my family calls me one because I preferred it. Have you never once thought that maybe the reason our countries are warring in the first place is because we cannot accept anyone who's different?

"Besides, does Prince Lamont not have a point? Just because you have done things for years on end does not mean you should continue to do so. Callum is a threat now, that's true, but soon it will not be and then what will be of your people, your country? Will you leave them to rot? They won't be able to make money through weaponsmithing or soldiering any longer. What then? How is a lifetime soldier supposed to return to a normal life? You've set them up for failure."

Kiara was crazy. She must be to be getting in the middle of Berinike politics and the drama between father and son, but she could not stand to see someone being treated that way. It wasn't right, to call Lamont a disgrace just because he preferred a book to a sword. Both had their merits.

"I completely understand why you would want him to learn to defend himself. It was this war that forced me to pick up a weapon, but that does not mean you also have to stifle who he is! Learning to defend himself and choosing a life of war are completely different things! You tell him to put away his passions to do something that you want. How can you possibly ask that of your son? You should be grateful that he is different because it means that this truce might actually have a chance!"

By now her voice was raised. It was not something that could help. For years, she had held these feelings inside as her mother and father expressed the same concerns towards her. All that time, she had just wanted to tell them who she was and what she wanted. It was the case, though, that when Kiara could not do something for herself she could always do it for someone else.

"It is wrong, the way you treat him as if his feelings and thoughts don't matter. If you want him to be safe then tell him so. If that's really want you want, and it should be, ask him to learn a few defense moves and be done with it. Do not tell him that he is a disappointment just because he will not bow to your will!" Her fist slammed on the table as she stood up, unable to stay any longer.

"I am very sorry, but I think I must excuse myself," was the last thing she said before she turned and walked out those large wooden doors.

A Journey for Peace

For a few seconds, Kiara just stared at the three wide eyed. She had let her fighting skills slip, but had not expected such a reaction from any of them except maybe Lamont. After all, his parents were obviously disappointed that he did know how to defend himself. She knew the feeling, though her mother had a different view on the matter. Kiara was disappointing because she did. Her mother wanted her to be the pretty little princess who hid away in her tower. She sighed as well.

"No, no I am quite unique in Astoran royalty. A constant disappointment to my mo-" She cut herself off abruptly, knowing that it was not something they would be interested in. "I only learned after an unfortunate incident." It took everything she had to contain the anger she felt just sitting at the table with the man who had caused that so called "incident."

Taking a deep breath, she continued. "I have trained with my guards as well as many soldiers who visited the castle and defended myself on the trip here. So I would say I am sufficient."

Here, she felt a bit embarrassed. "I do suggest you keep my guard if you are looking for a weapons master. I am only skilled with a bow and dagger. I do know how to fight hand to hand, but as I am smaller than most soldiers I prefer not to."

And then she internally cringed because Kiara knew what she was about to say would most likely cause a scene. "May I ask why it is necessary that Prince Lamont learn? Of course it was important when the war was going on, but now that we can focus on Callum perhaps he will have no need."

A Journey for Peace

Kiara only stared at the food that was once again in front of her. It was strange to watch the queen with her son. There was only word she could be described with and that was bitchy. Though with her son... she seemed almost caring and warm. It was another contradiction in a world of them and Kiara's head was starting to throb. She was also trying to ignore the looks that Alexis was giving her, but it was getting hard. It was as if this woman was all knowing and it was giving her the creeps.

And then, of course, there was the tension between Lamont and his father. It wasn't hard to see why they would not get along. The prince spent all day in a library when his father probably wanted nothing more than for him to spend it with a sword. It was strange even to Kiara that he had never fought. She was sheltered beyond belief, but still she had learned to use her bow and dagger. Hadn't someone ever threatened Lamont's life? Or had he never known the fear that followed forever after that?

While all these thoughts went through her head, Kiara put on a smile and tried to answer the question that was asked of her in an acceptable way. "It is ... different. Not as green, and yet it is still beautiful." Her eyes became distant as she accidentally let out her current thought: "I wonder if I could spar with the soldiers. Surely they must know some fighting techniques that mine do not. I would be eager to learn." In her head she continued, though they would probably rather see me dead than teach me a damn thing.