barkmeat2

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

>inb4 WildHost gets himself absolutely fucked by the Red Orcs

OOC bets, any takers? Loss of 1/3 of army? 1/4? 2/5? 2/3? Complete and utter success? Who knows?

5 Internets on 1/3 loss. -Yours truly
70 Internets on 1/1 (100%) loss -@KaiserAuto
5 Interents on 1/1 (REKT%) -@solamelike

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

-deleted-

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

F) Improve resources/technology

This Ain't Minecraft

"-And then I wrestled the beast with my bare hands, it was a hard battle but..."

"Okay thank you Rye for the weekly livestock census. I swear all of our council meeting seem to start this way." Elder Wheat, pinched his nose thinking of what else had to be discussed.

"BUT IM THE HERO OF THE BOVINE CRISIS! WITHOUT ME THIS VILLAGE WOULD HAVE CRUMBLED. THE PEOPLE SLAVES TO THEIR INFLUENCE. NOW WEEEEEE RULE THEM." Rye coughed to clear his throat, "Now we pen them up, giving them out scraps or to be led around by the young ones in hopes of finding fresh grass. Their childrens' milk are taken to feed our families. In stews, cereals, dough, and even aged to the delightful yellow block. Their meat is-"

"Yes, we get it Rye, a hero. Get on with it."

"Aheem. I say we take this mastery to a new level. As we speak I am leading a crack team of expert CATTLEMEN!" This point punctuated up close to Wheat's face.

"We shall train them, the less rowdy ones will be roped up to be used to pull our plows and carts. The angry one's will be isolated and breed out of the group. The females will be merited solely on their ability to produce more of the milk and bare children. Yes...yesss complete subjugation. Additionally the younger men have taken to riding the backs of those used to our touch with nary but grass rope for support. Clearly these beasts will be great war beasts in some time. Soon we can create beast-human hyb-"

"OKAY, thank you Rye. (Sick freak). You...you just keep on with those experiments of yours, as they do seem... viable, but I think, I speak for the council when I say the last bit would be too much for us mere mortals. (Psst, Elder Peach, have some of your family oversee him and his.) Anybody else?"

"Wheat! Yes, Elder Baker speaking. Some of the young herdsmen tell tale of smoke and the light of fires on the horizon of the night as they move upriver closer to Citrus Mountain. It could just be kids tales or hallucinations of tired youth, but I feel I should bring this to your attention."

Summary

Utilization of cattle as mounts and pack animals as well as breeding them to be more docile, delicious, and milky. Also, reports of light and smoke of fires seen in the night as the cattle herds are moved along the river for new pastures. Could be nothing if the All Father Chenzor or spirits of other peoples deem them to be nothing.

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

When my turn comes and I choose improve infrastructure...
THINGS WILL GO DOWWWNNNN.

@KaiserAuto

U wot m8.

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

<Snipped quote by barkmeat2>

Too late...

@Voltus_Ventus

Whoa, my bad. Didn't mean it like that. I wrote that for fun, I wasn't criticizing your choices. I'll tone down on the jokes that mention other civs.

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

@KaiserAuto@Voltus_Ventus

A werewolf tossed me against a giant packing crate while I was trying to rescue a frightened young girl who'd been kidnapped by an evil witch and a drug lord.

Hmm? 'What does that have to do with the food thing'?

Oh I thought we were listing examples of bad excuses.

(On the real though, I hope you don't take any of these jokes to heart as some sort of subtle and malicious quip, I'm not that intelligent.)

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

Now if you think about it food is a vital and important to any culture...

However if you jags think you can out food the food civ you are foolishly deluding yourselves. Legends tell that Citrus children are born with a wooden spoon in hand. By the age of 10 they have mastered several martial tarts. Crumbled empire cakes. Led daring gorilla raids into the heart of the Communist Pantryia. You're fed kiddo.

You believe that taking 2 turns into fooding will sway the tides of war? Do you think fooding is your ally? You merely adopted the food. We was born in it, molded by it. We didn't see the bottom of the plate until we were already men, by then it was nothing to us but blinding(due to it being licked clean.)

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

@Chenzor

LOL. Tags: Small Group. Okay. Sure. Yeah. We believe you. All 10+ of us.

Toppest of keks.

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

A) Improve Food

WHEAT'S BACK ON THE MENU BOYS

"And I says to him, 'WHEAT! MEN CANNOT SURVIVE ON BREAD AND WATER ALONE!' and he says..."

"Yes, thanks Elder Rye, we...we just went over that; And we don't just have bread, we got a fair bit of veggies and frui-"

"LET THEM EAT CAKE!" Elder Rye shouted to the heavens. The other elders where sure poor rye had finally hit the deep end. Also what in the spirit's name was a cake? The lucid Elders feared that the 2nd Small Council would be a wasted effort when Elder Lime came screaming into the room.

"DANGER! DANGER! HORRIBLE HORNED BEASTS! THEY ARE RAMPAGING ABOUT THE TOWN. THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN, THEY- THEY-" A pair of hands clamped down on his shoulders and shook vigorously.

"CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN." A slap came across Lime's face. "Now, what exactly is happening."

Still panicked but less now, Lime managed to rasp out "It-it'd be better if you saw for yourself..."

He led to procession out and what they saw was truly horrific! A group of 3 beasts were tromping upon Lime's vegetable garden and the women and children...they...they were petting them.

"WHAT HORRORS! MY CABBAGES! LIME'S WIFE AND GRANDCHILD FORCED TO SUBMIT TO THEM! AND HARK, IN THE HORIZON SCOUTS REPORT MORE! SOME LARGER THAN THESE, WITH GRAYER HAIRS! SOME SPORTING GROTESQUE MOCKERIES OF OUR WOMEN'S TEETS! AND YET SOME OTHERS ARE WALKING SPEAR CARTS!"

Elder Rye looked around and pointed to a nearby teen that was on the cusp of the beasts' psychic influences, tempting him closer, to touch it "YOU BOY, TAKE SOME OF THE OTHERS! ATTEMPT TO APPEASE THESE CREATURES. SHOW THEM SOME WHEAT, (yeh they'd like that)." He grew calmer as an idea struck him,

"Yes, gain their trust, bring them in, lull them into a false sense of security. Take their children, indoctrinate them to see us as friends...and soon... masters. In a some time we might dine on them like they dine on our cabbages!"

The teen looked to the elder, a look of worry, 'surely he knew his death would come soon' Rye thought, 'but this was for the greater good. Sacrifices must be made.'

"(Geez, Elder, they don't seem too bad. They're like cats...but tall. Catt-tal. Cattle. Hmm?)"

SUMMARY

AND THUS CATTLE (or World equivalent of dumb lumbering beast) WERE DOMESTICATED

Civilization - New Lands, New Glory

@Chenzor
Best GM northamerica (or Europe I guess if you're into that)

You really portray our civs well in your posts.