I CAN'T FACE THE DARK WITHOUT YOU
It was heartbreaking, seeing James, their best friend, their essential leader, lying there in the hospital bed the way he was, and it felt foreign. He was the strongest person Ryan had ever met, even stronger than Blake who wasn't far from her leaning against the wall. His hands were so cold too, and all Ryan could do was try to pull herself together long enough ao no one could see how badly she just wanted to shut off. Because she wanted to, desperately, right then. She didn't want to face the reality of the situation, but it was deafening her now.
Hailey's question hadn't fallen on deaf ears, Joshua's voice coming through. "There is plenty they could do."He said, but his voice sounded different, and Ryan looked up, James turning his head to look at Joshua. "There are tests they could run, there are medicines-"
"Joshua," James said, and Ryan looked to him before tightening her grip on his hand slightly. Joshua might have been the brain, but right now his logical thinking wasn't helping, and once James had said his name, the room fell eerily quiet. The beeping of the machines was a grim symphony, but finally Ryan found it in herself to speak.
"James?" Her voice was soft, very oddly soft in fact. Her eyes traveled to her hands that were clasped firmly around one of his. "How long?"
Joshua looked up to her, completely confused. It was an odd question, but the look on James's face had said it all. How he hadn't picked up on it, Joshua was now baffled. There was no way that... he would have... but then... Everything started spinning a little more as James remained silent and looked to Ryan. It didn't surprise him that Ryan caught on, but now he felt deeply hurt. James didn't tell them, any of them it seemed... and why?
"About a month now." His voice was hoarse, but he cleared his throat, and Joshua felt strange. He wasn't used to James keeping secrets like that, he was probably the most open of the group.
"Why?" Joshua felt the need to ask it because it seemed like no one else would. Whether or not it was an understanding thing, or if it was just sheer shock... Joshua had to know.
"Because, I didn't want you to worry about me. I was taking my medicine correctly, but..." he paused, and hiseyes rolled back a moment, and Ryan held on to his hand, but she felt him not holding back. It wasn't at all like him, but then she looked up and the loud beep that came after told her why. Everything else happened so fast it was all a blur. They were being rushed out of the room and the door slammed behind them. The curtains were pulled shut and a nurse brought them back to the waiting area.
But they already knew, her words falling on deaf ears, and Ryan stood there beside Hailey, and brought her arms around her. It was the only comfort she had, and it kept her from crying solely because she was trying to stay strong for her. She owed them, and James, that much. He had been so strong for her, saved her life really, and now she felt the deep ring of it in her soul, so much so she visibly shook for a second.
Joshua was still in shock, and he looked to Blake. He didn't know what to do, and he was starting to feel lost... a feeling he had been used to before, but now it was foreign, and he just couldn't justify it. James didn't deserve this, none of them did really, but soon the doctor came out, and the world paused, at least that was how it felt.
"I'm sorry... we did everything we could." He apologized.
I WILL NOT BOW, I WILL NOT BREAK, I WILL SHUT THE WORLD AWAY.